Here's my list of the top 10 Czech-made products. I must first provide a list of caveats, however: 1. I'm not sure anyone really knows what "Czech-made" means anymore. "Czech-made" . . . that special symbol a product supposedly receives for its exceptional quality . . . but, in reality, must be "purchased" for a minimum 100,000 crown "fee". "Czech-made" . . . manufactured using cheap Czech labor by a firm that's now at least 60% German or American owned. 2. This list does NOT contain any no-brainers. Of course, Czech beer is excellent. Of course, Czech glass/ceramics are excellent. Of course, Czech women are the country's best export. 3. The products on this list are limited to my buying experience. I don't own a car, so I can't comment on Skoda, etc. 4. I DO NOT beat my wife. Still, my wife is the "typical" Czech consumer whom I know the best, so I'm compelled to use her for some negative examples in this message. Sorry, dear. 5. As usual, this list is NOT in any particular order (as usual, David Letterman is more clever than I). THE TOP 10 CZECH-MADE PRODUCTS 1. Floura90 toothpaste I've been using Floura90 for three years, and I still have all of my teeth. It produces a perfect amount of foam, which allows me to think that something is actually getting cleaned. The taste of Floura90 is slightly tangy and very refreshing. My wife, by contrast, is a "typical" Czech consumer who believes, "If it's Western, it must be better." Therefore, she uses Crest or Colgate or Pepsident (sp?). On one or two occasions, when I've run out of Floura90 and didn't have a new tube, I was forced to use her Crest. Compared to Floura90, Crest is horrible. It has minimal foam; I feel like peppermint-flavored milk is slushing around in my mouth. Moreover, Crest's taste is merely a hint. 2. Czech shoe polish The type of Czech shoe polish that I prefer comes in a tube and has a creamy consistency. It is SO easy to work Czech shoe polish into the leather of my shoes. Wait a few minutes for it to dry, then buff to a not-TOO-bright shine. I wish I had Czech shoe polish during the six years that I spent (wasted) as an officer in the U.S. military. Instead, I suffered under Kiwi shoe polish/candle wax in a tin that needed to be warmed before it attained the proper consistency for applying with a cotton ball every f__king morning for SIX YEARS. This past weekend, my wife and I had to shop for shoes for our son. I happened to notice the brand of shoe polish that both Bata and K-Mart are selling now . . . Kiwi. (By the way, given my [limited] experience in the military, I feel somewhat qualified to comment on the question previously posed on this newsgroup, "Would I feel safer if the Czech Republic joined NATO as an ally?" My answer: "Only while our side was winning.") 3. Listove testo Listove testo is a dough that's sold in the refrigerated section of most Czech grocery stores. When it's cooked, listove testo has a perfectly flakey texture, and the taste is EXCELLENT! In addition, it's very versatile. My wife and I use listove testo for a pizza crust second only to Pizza Hut's. We make meat turnovers from listove testo. We make apple streudel (my spelling is horrible today) from listove testo. Why doesn't EVERY American grocery store stock listove testo? (Stupid question . . . it's probably not microwave-able.) Americans: If you're going to make yourselves fAt, why don't you at least do it by eating something good? 4. Czech "Lego" blocks One of the Czech chemo-plastic firms produces a large variety of snap-together plastic toys under the brand name of "Vega". The quality is excellent. The packaging is excellent--either a colorful, sturdy small cardboard box for single toys or a brightly colored plastic bucket WITH lid for the larger assortment. Best of all . . . the price is 25% !!! of a comparable Lego toy. Why would anyone in their right mind buy a Lego toy? (Because it's Western, Jeff.) 5. Czech hand tools Here are my choices: I can buy a perfectly made Czech screwdriver for under 20 crowns or I can buy a Stanley (helps you screw things right) screwdriver for over 150 crowns. It's a f__king screwdriver! Why would anyone in their right mind buy a Stanley screwdriver? (Because it's Western, Jeff.) Other excellent Czech-made hand tools: hammers wrenches pliers kitchen mallets garlic presses wooden spoons etc. etc. etc. 6. Czech baby carriages My wife. My silly, "typical" Czech consumer wife. OK. Lukas is our first child, so I figured I shouldn't give my wife too much hassle about which baby carriage she bought. I simply told her, "Get one with strong wheels," and she looked at me with that expression I've seen so often, "You dumbs__t". Like most Czech consumers, my wife has a streak of snob in her (though, thank God, less than most). First, she wanted a Hauck (German-made) baby carriage. Even after we went to their store THREE times on different weekdays during business hours to find it closed for the "typical" Czech reasons--(1) technical problems, (2) inventory, (3) sick--which all mean, "I'd rather not work today", my wife STILL wanted a Hauck. Finally, after our fourth visit, where we found the store closed for "sanitation work" and I bitched out the Hauck manager from Prague who happened to be sitting in his truck in front of the store, I kindly (alright, it wasn't so kindly) told my wife, "Dear, please pull your head out." My wife settled for a Marco (Austrian-made) baby carriage. In less than a year, the Marco carriage was gradually falling apart. Fine. I can lose a plastic ornament here and there; it doesn't bother me. However, when the ("f" word) cheap rubber tires start coming off of their rims and I'm running on plastic, I get very pissed. I look forward to the day when Lukas no longer needs his carriage and I can have the pleasure of throwing that foreign-made piece of s__t in the garbage. For our second baby, *I'M* buying a Czech-made baby carriage, which is built like a tank. (By the way . . . the Czech baby carriage firm is now at least 60% German owned. What a pity.) 7. Wooden toys Yeh, this product is a no-brainer that I probably should group with Czech beer and glass/ceramics. However, I don't remember seeing such fine wooden toys anywhere in the U.S. They are simple (aren't simple toys always the best?) . . . in the sense that a long train with 5 or 6 cars and a few removable pieces is simply a train. They are CHEAP, A BARGAIN . . . 120 crowns (a mere $4) for the long wooden train. Why do I only see Czech-made wooden toys sold on Charles Bridge and in Brno's sole tourist shop? 8. Czech shoes My chief (a nice guy . . . kiss, kiss, kiss . . . but another "typical" Czech consumer) recently told me that he bought a pair of shoes from the Denkstein store on Ceska Street (you know, the ["f" word] foreign store that killed one of the bookstores in Brno). According to my chief, those shoes were the most expensive that he had ever purchased in his life, but they fell apart within weeks. Czech people: Think!!! Westerners sit on their butts in their cars wherever they travel. Their goods (e.g. baby carriages and shoes) are designed for such a sedentary lifestyle. Do you *really* think these goods will endure the "rigors" of walking to places? Give me Snaha or Svit shoes ANY DAY! They are built to last, and they are cheap. [Here's a surprise for you: Bata may be the Czech Republic's only commercial success story, but his shoes are crap. Minimal selection (in Brno's store, anyway), lower quality than REAL Czech shoes, and slightly higher prices.] 9. Czech cookies and chocolates I'm not a fan of sweets, but about two+ years ago, I became very excited when I saw M&Ms sold in a store for the first time because I wanted my wife to try a "typically" American candy. I paid some god-awful price . . . 22 crowns, maybe . . . which I usually REFUSE to do--hey, it was a special occasion. My wife patiently ate a few; then, she led me back into the store and bought a small box of lentilky for maybe 2,50 crowns. That's probably when she first developed the "You dumbs__t" expression. Opavia, a Czech brand of cookies, is the first (and maybe the only) Czech firm to have mastered the art of marketing. Top quality. Huge variety of products. (Unfortunately, Nestle--you know, the firm that willingly kills babies in South America with its misleading guidance about usage of its baby formula--has already purchased a majority stake in the Czech Republic's largest chocolate firm. I'm sure they'll be a wonderful partner for "cooperation".) 10. Picture hangers for concrete walls Alright, this product could never be exported. Americans can easily drive nails through the flimsy sheetrock walls of their houses. Still, I think these Czech picture hangers are ingenious. If I need to hang a picture in my prefabricated concrete flat, I get one of the Czech-made, plastic, picture hangers. It has four small metal spikes at the top, which I simply rap once with a hammer to secure it to the wall. Don't ask me how, but the hanger holds! It could survive a California earthquake undoubtedly. FINAL COMMENTS 1. Czech people: PLEASE!!! If Czechs make a good quality product, buy it! Stop being such snobs with your lust for Western-made goods. You are fools if you think the profits will stay in the Czech Republic. (Someone actually told me that he drinks Coca Cola because "it's good for the Czech economy".) 2. If you ask me to purchase any of the above-listed products for you, I will only accept large orders, and I will make a profit. 3. If anyone is interested, I can also produce a list of the 10 worst Czech-made products. ( . . . but you know me, I'll probably do it anyway). 4. I think the Czech stock market is a joke (but I'm happy that my wife has purchased coupons during both rounds). However, for what it's worth, my pick: Vitana. Jeff