Tryin'

[Tryin'](https://inv.nadeko.net/watch?v=RXiLCsAT7Oo)

The really fun thing about being a stargazer **and** a morning person is that nobody can quite figure out when I sleep. My secret? I don't.

A couple nights ago we had the *only clear night there has been all summer*. Even then, there was still so much smoke in the atmosphere that very few stars were visible, and it was almost impossible to see planets. We got some good views of the moon, at least. It kind of hit me: what the hell am I operating on stargazing hours for when I don't even stargaze? So I decided to begin my extreme morning person era. I know those "wake up at 4am" super productive gorillionaire grindset morning routines are kind of silly, but for some reason I find that I'm a lot more focused and emotionally centered when I'm awake before the world (that might be the same reason I stay up late!), so I'm getting back into the routine of going to sleep early and waking early.

My body does *not* agree. I have slept 4 or less hours for two nights in a row now. I can fall asleep at 8, but I'm up again around midnight, unable to fall back asleep. I kind of expected this - my circadian rhythm isn't adapted to these hours - but I have also found that if I do this the *correct* way - **slowly** - that I just won't do it at all. So I'm currently operating on minimal sleep.

"Hey Mathpunk, how's that "getting your shit together" thing going?" Bad. I am too tired to actually do anything but vaguely exist. And I'm excited! [The dips create the peaks](https://inv.nadeko.net/watch?v=toDShI8QCRI), as a [wise man](https://inv.nadeko.net/watch?v=6mzTWKr7i88) once said.

I'm trying to apply something that was part of the seed that became this blog in the first place: takin' 'er easy. Whatever shit happens is whatever shit happens. I do not intend to spiral, but I do intend to [spiral](https://inv.nadeko.net/watch?v=WWukSpFySz4).

Row, row, fight the power!

tags: equanimity