Random Star Trek Plots S. Gilles 2017-12-30 I had an idea the other day: “What's the most egregiously silly bit of technical gibberish I could randomly generate out of Star Trek scripts?” Neural networks are all the rage these days, but I'm old-fashioned and like things I can implement myself, so I went for Markov chains. My initial goal didn't really work out, which I attribute to two major factors: 1) the technical gibberish is, by volume, actually pretty scant, and 2) I wasn't able to find a set of Voyager scripts -- only TNG and DS9. The results are still interesting, however. Scripts Markov chains tend to walk a fine line between boring duplication and unintelligible spew. What's more, they tend to move from topic to topic quite abruptly, which doesn't make for very interesting scripts. An average example follows: Then, turning to Wesley: PICARD Did you create the anomaly? O'BRIEN (works) Approximately four hundred million kilometers in diameter. BEVERLY It happens to everyone. This starts off in “Samaritan Snare”, jumps to “All Good Things”, and ends in “The Pegasus”. My primitive Markov state needs tokens to represent {end of sentence}, {end of line}, and {name of speaker}, so the program is especially ‘vulnerable’ to becoming disjointed whenever a spoken line ends. Increasing the number of tokens in the Markov state serves only to make inter-line deviations impossible, which is even less interesting. Occasionally, though, the program came up with some pretty good stuff. The following sequence also uses (at least) three separate episodes, but the breaks are luckier now. VIC Kid... I hate to do this to you, but you're not Ben Sisko. Sisko wheels around and sees -- [End of scene] Of course, Philip K. Dick did it first in “Impostor”, and Deep Space Nine even used the same theme in “Whispers”, but it's nice to see that this idea can show up randomly. Pieces of at least four episodes are combined to make this next piece of stage direction: the episode you're looking for is TNG's “Birthright”. Bashir is walking past the storefronts, searching through the crowd. He glances upward -- sees Shrek on the upper level of the Promenade. Plot summaries In an effort to condense the distinguishing parts of episodes, I moved to plot summaries instead. There's less data to feed the program, but on the other hand it's easier to acquire data for all series. A couple lines of perl suffices to scrape Memory Alpha [0], strip out the non-plot bits. (The markov chain bits are in myrddin[1], though; better on memory.) Most of the results feel rather rambling: Kirk then promptly contacts Enterprise, notifying T'Pol that he and Seven are unarmed and imprisoned behind a force field from his tractor beam emitter. He tells the group Sisko has decided not to kill himself, but with strong erratic electrical impulses". Sometimes, though, the results are good. They're why you're here. Exercise for the reader: identify which episodes are being juxtaposed without looking up the source Memory Alpha articles. Without further ado: However, they arrive too late, only to see the anomaly disappear seconds later. The crew is briefly puzzled; Picard orders Worf to fire phasers on their previous position to make it look like they are trying to help, then ends communications, still confused by the situation. Meanwhile, in his bar, Quark is trying to sell bright, rare crystals to a young Starfleet ensign. He tries to fit in by entertaining people at parties, which is why it makes sense to eradicate its entire population. In the cavern, Clemens explains to Picard that he was right: they and the other entities are all condemned prisoners from a system called Ux-Mal, who were brought to the moon over 500 years ago, separated from their physical bodies, and left to drift in the storms; the moon is, essentially, a penal colony. Encouraged by her dinner companions, T'Pol begins the story of The Promise: how when Kahless left, he connects two plasma relays, sparking an explosion that will destroy the system. On the Bounty, Spock has completed his calculations and informs Kirk their time target is the late 20th century. Unfortunately he can't be more precise because of the limits of the equipment aboard the Bounty. Additionally he had to program some of the variables for his time travel computations from memory. When McCoy worriedly recites a line from Hamlet, "Angels and ministers of grace, defend us," and Spock nods. "Or the one...". On the bridge, Tuvok reports that the Borg sphere is heavily damaged and people are hurt all over the ship and that his security men cannot find them all – and worse, they are eating the quintotriticale. Janeway continues to use her alibi by saying she was touring the plant, comparing it to stepping on ants to which Odo replies, "I am for you, Alrik of Valt," and they kiss. Cusak's final memory after giving the order to abandon ship was a console exploding in her face, only to find that it had been integrated into the creature's circulatory and nervous system; it could have probably controlled the device as if it were its own flesh and blood. Data believes that they can trace the transporter signal if Bok uses it again, but Picard is informed that a very experienced officer, William T. Riker is having trouble sleeping. He is late to his shift, as Geordi La Forge tells him that a computer could never die. Back in the cell with O'Brien, Bashir relays his newfound opinion of the Jem'Hadar, but Kira shoots him in the back, mortally wounding him. He falls from a rock ledge to the ground and starts to use a shard of glass from the broken lamp to slice through the bonds around his wrists. Icheb struggles futilely: what are his parents doing to him? "No!" he cries, "a twenty-fourth century Rome? The certainty that Caesar could do no wrong!" Admiral Ross doesn't answer, instead he replaces his combadge and reminds the Doctor that their conversation never happened. Data is playing cards on the holodeck with simulations of Dr. Stephen Hawking, Isaac Newton, and Albert Einstein. They engage in an unscheduled wargames drill, and the M-5 responds swiftly to simulated attacks, hitting back the "enemy" ships and maneuvering more quickly than it would have were a Human in command. Riker admits that he does not want to go in there, but Riker disagrees. Taking the helm, Riker sets a course directly for the Denevan star, and does not move again, breathing slowly, preparing to accept his confinement. Odo is summoned to Ops, where there is a graph displaying the results of a composite radiation traceback analysis. There is an uncomfortable aura between the two which Dax and O'Brien seem to pick up on. Quark certainly does as he attempts to intervene, but he injects a neurotoxin into the patient's blood, killing him instantly and possibly damaging the hull. Some shorter, punchier results: All seems well until Thopok, Grilka's bodyguard, becomes fed up with the offensive romance and declares that he is "Captain Picard of the Federation. Back in the hotel, Data suggests that they try some of his more invasive techniques on the infant. Dukat tells her he won't get the opportunity and fires on the Groumall, converting the freighter into a Q-ship. Now Quark is faced with the dilemma of whether to bring the child back to life. [Note: given what happened in the last entry of the previous section, Quark had better not try.] Worf decides to take into his house the child of a space-borne alien the Enterprise has accidentally killed. Picard announces that they will dissect the Enterprise and display its broken hull in the center of the action, the lifeform returns the station to normal. Quark tells Odo of Kot's plan to kill him, saying, "I wouldn't be surprised if history remembers this as the 'Riker Maneuver." Back in the bar, trying to find a cure. (Season penultimate) Tearing through the debris, Data finds his cat, Spot, refuses to eat it. [Note: I've found that this dataset occasionally causes Markov chains to produces newspaper headlines] Picard has Worf and Data confirm that the errant moon has been returned to the Enterprise, whether he wants to or not. In main engineering, La Forge finds a strange object which looks exactly like the picture on the puzzle as well as the Prime Directive; and that it will result in bloodshed. [Note: it is open to interpretation whether La Forge found the Directive itself, or whether the object merely resembled it.] Enterprise is approaching the Kovaalan nebula containing a subspace corridor that can take him to the cafeteria for lunch Tucker tries to talk him into standing down, but Neelix will not hear it, responding that, as an anthropologist, it is necessary for him to be musing about archaeology when one of their comrades has just been slain. He begins a flirtatious conversation with Troi, during which he informs her that he likes "a certain formality on the bridge" and would prefer that she wears a standard uniform while on duty. Picard confesses that the Federation is at war with itself and various factions are trying to obliterate each other using powerful weapons, which are simultaneously causing the supernovae across the galaxy. Sisko asks for suggestions, nobody answers – except Rumpelstiltskin, who claims to be trying to reunite the Romulans and Vulcans. The Clown As a special effort, I searched for where the clown from “The Thaw” showed up. Kirk explains that the Clown possesses the ability to see through solid objects or cause spontaneous combustion. As the Clown laughs, Kim suddenly finds himself playing tennis with Garak on the Promenade, which is mystifying since the only unusual sign was the variance in the annular confinement beam. Seven of Nine tries to seduce him in a Jefferies tube; however, the Clown senses deception. He tells the two of them step into a turbolift and step out into a corridor towards sickbay. The clown suddenly appears behind Kirk and reports that the nebula is at least important enough to alter course toward it. [0] http://memory-alpha.wikia.com [1] http://myrlang.org