Problem with Mom.


1/21/2012======================================================

Something happened last night that I think you should know about.  We, [really Monica] insisted on 
doing something for Moms birthday and we decided to take mom and dad out to dinner last night at Ruby
Tuesdays.  Afterwards we went back to their place and we talked, played cards and I helped install a 
new lock on their front door.  We had received some letters and one of them was from a former
acquaintance; a doctor who lived in Taiwan at the time.  Monica was a language teacher of his and she 
became friends with his family.  They have kept in touch with us for these past 20 years.  I knew them
less, but have met them while in Taiwan and they visited us once in Missouri.

Well, to the story, Mom seemed to be curious about these friends of Monicas and commented that she was 
surprised we still have them as friends.  Other prodding amounted to asking how we know them, where
they live, and looked at their family Christmas photo.  These questions were sprinkled throughout the 
evening while we were there.  When we were packing up to go she asked again Are they good friends of
yours?   Monica replied, Yeah.  Mom continued, Do they have a son you can marry?

I was not personally present or was distracted when this comment was made, but Monica told me about it 
in the car as we were leaving.  I didnt know what to make of it and my reply to her was that I was
confused why she would say something like that.

I was thinking she was trying to be cheeky somehow, but that was a guess.  After some further thinking, 
we thought there could be some possibility that since Monica taught all of us in Taiwan that in moms
mind there was a possibility that Monica could have married into another family instead of ours.  

1/22/2012=======================================================
I called mom today, but they were out at the time.  About noon-ish she called back and I mentioned we 
bought her some ticket to Jessicas concert at Orchestra hall and this matter.  As I was leading my way
up to the particular statement she stopped me and admitted immediately that she remembered the comment 
and wishes that she could take it back.  I asked her why she would say something like that and she
commented that she was trying to be facetious.

What ever the reason, it was mean to say that and mom cannot slap Monica in the face again and again 
and think its fine because she says sorry.  


COMMENTS:
1] Monica is only polite to mom
2] We cannot change mom, all we can do is avoid her
3] Monica will not settle for 2nd rate within this family.
4] Monica could have married better and now she is stuck with this family

5] That night she never joked with Monica, she said the statement seriously, she did not smile or 
   otherwise indicate that she was joking before Monica left that night.

6] Mom insulted more than just Monica.  She basically said with her statement that Monica was not welcome 
   in this family, that I chose the wrong wife, and she didnt want mixed grandkids.  She wanted white
   kids.

7] What is a lie/white lie?  A lie is something where you change the truth.  As time
   passes the trick is to remember what the lie is.  Any lier will try to change as little of the
   truth as possible because the truth is what is remembered.  Consider what has already happened.
   Mom told me on the plane to Taiwan that I "was not going to marry a chinese".  Also remember I was
   cornered by mom and grandma back when I was still engaged and made to promise to break up with
   Monica or I couldn't drive back to Mankato for my class and where Monica and I lived at the time.
   Consider at Mark's wedding mom promised to help monica with jessica because jessica was just a 
   baby and things happen.  Mom ignored her and something happened.  There was a mess and she 
   was there by all by herself.  I think that was why we didn't come back to the TC for 5 years.
   How does all this fit into her comment "do they have a son you could marry" and the apology
   " I wasn't thinking and made an off the cuff joke".  Problem is I believe that was her 
   thinking and the lie was forgotten.  By the way, their son was like 7 years old back when
   Monica lived in Taiwan.  Yeah, right.  Would that even be legal?