As I am not desiring a new
partner, I feel liberated. It
release me from this continuous
seeking and wandering. It also
brings more attention to my last
relationship, more tenderness
towards it.

It's easy to fill my mind with
everything that was wrong with my
last relation. But this morning
as I was leading a meditation
online, some of the words brought
tears to my eyes. The memory of
me holding her, breathing her,
guiding her into relaxation. Our
breath connected many times, at
night, or during moments of
intensity, too high or too
freaked out. These connections,
so tender now, are still filled
with loved and compassion.

It feels good to be sad. To live
the emotions as they are coming
in. I can't let go of the past
without re-living the emotions,
the good and the bad. I was
previously annoyed with the
sadness, when will I be done with
that? She probably doesn't care
as much as I did, why am I still
crying for her? Today the tears
are like a gentle rain, cleansing
and needed to heal the ground.
I am not annoyed, nor attached,
just glad that it's coming out,
without holding.