No more mice.

House is getting back to a better
rhythm. I still have a couple
guests living here. As much as I
love them, I feel I am still
unpacking from my summer. My
cooler is still in the entrance,
still need to be cleaned.

I'm still very fragile from the
event on the mountain. I had a
panic attack the other night.
I move from a meditative deep
place to a place of worry and
concern in a few seconds. I am
not sure if that's a good thing
or if I'm just traumatized or if
I triggered some bi-polar
disorder. A quick call to my yoga
teacher, it was nice to connect,
she was happy to be there for me
for a moment.

As much as I told myself I wasn't
ready for anything close to
enlightenment, it feels like life
has pushed me in that direction.
I felt like I've crossed a point
of no-return a while back, but
with what happened on the
mountain, now I can see that I
really have no choice but to
continue the work on presence,
awareness, and working with fear.
The two sides of the self
pulling the blanket.

Enlightenment is not for the
faint of heart.