I can hear my ear buzzing, it is
so quiet here. No sounds from the
outside. The lake is calm. No one
on the roads.

No one is calling either. There
is a complete social silence.
My mom, sister and daughter still
reach out once in a while.
I do see people at boxing, at
theater, at tai chi, at parties.
But no one reaches back in. Only
for work. Nothing else. Complete
radio silence.

I'm unsure if I like this. A part
of me enjoy that solitude. It
reminds me of Castaneda training
to become a shaman. Becoming
unknown, being forgotten, so you
can transform and become
anything. 

Not being on social media is also
a big part of this.

"Why didn't you come to my
birthday?" a friend asked.

"Oh, you're not on facebook"

Nha I'm not, nor instagram, not
snap chat. I assume that if I was
on some social media, I'd get a
hit of fake social life on there
that would probably fulfill some
of that lack. A little digital
dose of social life, getting
pissed at one person, falling in
love with the other.

Drinking fresh root of tumeric
this morning:

 - 2 small root of tumeric
 - Honey
 - Coconut oil
 - Freshly grounded black pepper
 - Cardamon seeds
 - Oat milk

I like roots tea. I'd like to
boil some more Reishi today to
mix it with the tumeric potion.

I went twice to boxing this
week. It felt so good. It takes
me out of this side of the lake
which feels so lonely. I'm really
starting to feel the desire to
move away from here. The theater
season just started, so I have a
commitment until January for the
show, but I could also travel
back here for the last few weeks
if I find somewhere to move
before then.

A friend of mine was really
excited to hear that I wanted to
move. She invited me to the house
where she lives, there is a room,
no two room available for you and
your daughter. It was so sweet
and inviting. The new friends I've
made in the last two years are
really sweet. I realize that most
of the people I've met prior to
that, in the last few years
weren't align with who I am.
They were friend with the man
that was with my ex-wife. A man
that I don't like anymore.

Slowly becoming myself. I guess
the radio silence is just a
transition into who I am supposed
to be. A moment of self
discovery, what do I really want?