Meeting my schizophrenic friend
who lives in Thailand. He knows some
rich investor he met a while ago
and was invited to pitch some
ideas to get investment. He wants
me to help him with his project,
some sort of decentralized
startup incubator to solve all
human problems. I'm not convinced
yet, but I like the idea of
starting something crazy like
that.

I'm half way back into my
training, push up, chin up,
mantra... I leave home to pick up
my daughter. I write on the
ferry, I chant some mantra. I'm
excited, I laugh and sing to myself.

I remind myself that often
her energy is quite low. It takes
a while for our energy to
rebalance. It's pretty bad this
time around. She realizes it,
doesn't know why she is so out of
it. It sucks the life out of me.

I wonder sometime if I'm
developing a similar relationship
than with her mom. I over
compensate since I feel
inadequate as a human being, and
the other simply loose respect
for me. Wow I don't think I've
ever put that so simply in a
sentence.

How do I stop that? It's hard not
to spoil her. Once I separated,
my daughter became pretty much
the only thing that kept me
going. Which had it's good and
bad side. On one side, I kept
working and kept a house and
stayed socially afloat. But on
the other side, it also kept me
from letting go of the past me
and embracing becoming what I
want to be. How can I develop a
balanced relationship with her
that is not tainted by my
relationship with my ex, or by
the relationship with my mom?

We will separate in the next
few years. We won't see each
other much. She'll have a job, a
life, a car. Kids grow up and
leave the house. I see my parents
a few times a year, it will be
the same with her. Part of me
want to just to keep like this
for a bit longer. 

This makes me overly emotional
this morning. I wasn't expecting
this. 

Picking up my friend Lee this
morning, she staying here for a
few days. Aliah, who I saw this
weekend also wanted to come and
hang out. Julie-Ann the medium
will also be joining on Thursday.
And I might be planning on a
mushroom journey this weekend.
The new moon coming up, a solar
eclipse on Wednesday, I'm looking
forward for a new cycle and what
it will bring.