The mind tv

Stopping watching the tv
created a desire to unplug
further. I though at first
it would be more of a digital
cleanse, but something else
happened.

The So-Hum practice came
back to me. It's a very
simple practice, you recite
'So' on the inhale and 'hum' on
the exhale. So simple that
you can practice that all
day. Instead of taking time
in the morning to do this
practice, I come back to
it at any time during the
day. Mostly during the in-
between, when someone leave,
when I am in the bathroom,
while writing in the morning.

Then I loose the focus,
and regain it again. The
next step after my tv detox
isn't less digital life, but
more presence in general.

The tv is the ultimate
escapism. It takes me to
other realities. It allows me
to live other's life without
leaving my couch. It allows
me to not have a life, but
still feel satisfied, if I
don't look for too long.

My mind is right next to
this machine. It's a lot
more potent though. If the
tv is the dream machine,
my mind would be the
ultimate reality machine.
By watching tv, I forget
to tame the mind. By letting
go of the tv, my mind comes
back to the forefront of
my processes.

I start the year
ridding this new current.
Uncovering,
yet again,
another layer,
a similar layer,
a crust, a scab,
ready to let go.
I've done that
before.
So many times,
over the course
of many life time. 

The process of liberation
isn't in a straight line.
It's a dance; two step
back, three step forward.
At one point you realized
that you've done it all
wrong, and the forward
was actually backward.
Until you realize that
you didn't have to move
at all. The direction
didn't matter, only the
motion, the wavering, the
constant in and out. The
inter-penetration of chaos
and order. 

You don't go about uncovering
new layers each time. You play
around the same layers, you
put the blanket back on top
of your head for a moment.
You wake up from a bad dream.
Almost get out of bed, before
you go back to sleep for another
round.

You have to get used to give
up something, then picking it
up again. Let go of a bad habit,
then get back to it. So many
times, that it doesn't make
sense anymore, that it doesn't
have any stickiness to it.

It's not a purification
process. You don't remove
the bad to only let the good.
It's a process of stepping
in and out of chaos. So that
the mind become unfettered,
limitless.

Not only the mind comes
to the surface, but the
body too. The sensations
in my body have becomes
a lot more present. I
eat a lot less, because
I'm more aware of my
hunger, or the lack of.
I'm more aware of my
posture, my back, my
neck, as if I hadn't
spent time with by body
for a while...  

Life has this strange habit
of repeating itself. I meet
similar people, I end up
in similar relationship, I
repeat the mistakes that my
parent made. Like an echo,
as if there is a hidden
message to be decoded, a
puzzle to uncover. Should
I change the way I behave?
Should I take a different
path? And is the answer,
the solution, within the
physicality of the world?
Or is it a core belief
within my self that needs
to be removed?