On letting go

This morning I realize that the
process of letting go has to be
tainted in some sort of gentle
appreciation of what was.

It seems easier to let go of
something I hate. Or at least,
it feels like I'm letting go of
something if I dislike it.

But to put a judgment, to
attached an emotion to something
that happened in the past,
re-enforce the bond to that event
or that person.

At the same time, if I really
enjoyed the past, and I miss it,
I can't let go of that either.
When I would like to let go, I
then move from, 'Oh, but it was
so good' to 'Oh, but it was so
bad.' But I'm still charged with
the same amount of energy
connecting me to that past event.

In my last poem, I decided to
change the words 'letting go' with
the word enshrine. Instead of
letting go, lets create
something beautiful, but
somewhat out of the way. Lets
make a shrine for it, somewhere,
that will last forever, but that
will be neither useful, nor an
eye sore. A gentle reminder of
what that past was useful for, a
crystallization of all the
beauty, the power, the ups and
the downs, an epitaph to
commemorate the love, and to free
me to move forward.

A closing ceremony with oneself,
dipped in gentle tears of
appreciation. Knowing the past
sculpt the present. There is
nothing to change, simply to
invite the teachings, the growth,
the liberation. I loved, it was
beautiful, but it was only a
dream.

When I wake up from a dream, I
don't miss it, even if I enjoyed
it so much. It brings me back to
really enjoying the moment, the
presence, all the details of what
happens, it might never come
back. Intensely focusing on
appreciating what happens now. So
that there aren't any "I should
have" "I could have", no I
appreciated all of it, I lived it
all.

Bringing back presence to every
moment, being fully there,
without fear, without worries,
without envy of something more.
I feel I am developing that
skill, I was present, slowing
down time, quieting the mind to
simply live the experience.

Once I live my life fully and
partake in full presence in what
life is offering me, there might
be less of a desire to 'let go'.

It was, and now I am, and I can't
wait to see what life is
bringing me next!