Back to the void

My cat sleeps
eats, stretches
and cuddles
with me
I'm a cat
for a few days

Pu ehr, matcha, Happe, a few of
the tools I use to center myself
back. I nap a lot, dream a lot.

I have a lot to process.

When I was dissolved into the
light during my trip on the
mountain, it felt peaceful.
It felt like my life was so
complex and gross. I want to
dissolve back into the light.

I don't feel the grossness of my
life at the moment, but I do have
waves of ick and meh about it.
I also still have random
hallucination popping here and
there. It's amusing, I'm glad I
have enough experiences to
dismiss such side effect.

I'm abstaining from my sexual
practices at the moment. I have
enough energy to go through my
days and I feel I might not have
much control. Tai Chi and Chi
Kung will be enough for now.

I'm developing a 5 breath
practice.

1 - Deep breath in and out
2 - Repeat So (in) Ham (out)
3 - Smile (in) Relax (out)
4 - In filling with light, hold
5 - Slow in, Suns meditation

With #4 I think of integrating
bandhas as well. I'm still
working out the details, but I
find that 5 breath meditation is
short enough to do anytime, and
long enough to completely
disconnect for a moment. Or
re-connect, dissolving back into
the light. I'll write a more
detail description soon.

Spending a lot of time in front of
the tv. Re-watching Electric
State, not a great movie, but
it's linked to some of my past,
some intense phase of my life
that I wanted to relive.
Watching the new Ghost in the
Shell, really entertaining.
Laying down, my leg up, draining
the swelling. Snorting Happe.
Falling asleep for half the time.
The cat napping on me. It's
strangely healing. Falling asleep
in the bath, going to bed early.
Fasting, getting back into push
up, sit up and pull up.

Two men kept in contact with me
after the workshop I offered on
men sexuality. They want to know
more. They want to cultivate
their energy, they want power.
I like that. I exchanged a few
tricks and idea by text.