The integration is hard. I don't
feel good, and it's not even a
substance 'down' of any kind.
My soul, my mind my emotions are
re-balancing slowly. I'm glad my
body is doing well... 

Samadhi is a traumatic
experience. They don't tell you
that when you start meditation.
Samadhi is the goal, oh and by
the way, you'll be traumatized
for somewhere between a few
months to a lifetime, or maybe
multiple lifetimes.

The best part is that very few
people attain Samadhi, so you
can't really google about the
side effects.

As traumatic as it is, it's tempting
to come back to that state.
At first I didn't want to come
back to my life. I was disgusted
with myself, the choices, the
path I choose. But this faded
slowly. There are a few things I
want to change in my life, but I
feel like I fall right back into
the grove of my day to day life.

During the awakening moments, I
saw multiple futures, multiple
life, and some warning about paths
I shouldn't take. But the linear
trajectory of my life seems to be
fueled by not only my present
life but my past lifetime. I have
a hard time to see a different
path, to make different choices
for myself. I hope I can steer my
trajectory just outside the more
dramatic futures I saw.

I feel like there isn't much in
motion at the moment. There isn't
a lot of things happening or
people around me that are
affected by my actions. Which
feels good, my solitude give me
more potential to change the
direction of my life. I want to
be careful of whom I invite in
this reality. It's easy to act
and react by myself, but when
there are a lot of people
involved, it's a lot easier to
loose control, to create chaos.