I am done, and very happy about it.

It's such a strange feeling, I am
really excited. For a moment
there was only two options,
whether I see her again, or I win
her over or something, or I find
someone else. Then it came to me,
do I want anything? Can there be
a third option, where I just walk
away from it all. 

I don't really want anything
anymore. I've had it all, I'm
satisfied enough, enough to move
on and not look back. I mean I
will probably have sex in my life
again, but I am done looking for
it. It's really empowering, kind
of hard to believe. But it's
clear and simple, I'm not looking
for it anymore.

Liberation often happens like
that in my life. Something floats
away from my reality, and for a
moment I want to hold on to
it. What will other thinks? I can't
just let go of something that is
part of me? You can't decide out
of a sudden that you don't do
this anymore!

It came to me clearly, yesterday
I realized that I had been
liberated from some past
habits. I was grateful for that,
then I though, well maybe it's a
good time to go celibate for
another year, which resonated
well in my mind. But then my mind
as it often do, expanded the
idea, what about never needing to
look for sex anymore? I've had a
lot of experiences in all color
and shapes, I don't really need
it. The energy and time that is
needed to find a proper partner
seems quite overwhelming, and the
pleasure and or energy that I
take out of it doesn't seems it
will be that good.

Do I really want to spend my day
thinking and searching for a
partner? Not at all. And I really
don't have anyone that I've been
attracted to anywhere in my
reality anyway.

It's weird, something in me
shifted, hard to explain really.
But I am done, and it makes me
really happy. And it's not 'I
don't want to do it ever again'
or 'sex is bad for spiritual
growth' on the contrary. I just
don't care about it enough and
would rather use that time and
energy somewhere else.

I'm really excited for some
reason, and in last night dream,
I was motivating people, at a
festival, on a stage, talking
about how great this new festival
is! It was quite exhilarating.