[8/17/2025]

I need to say this before I forget,
I will forget and I will learn nothing
from this experience if I don't write
it down. Part of the reason I can't
get out of bed in the morning, the reason
I can barely get through most days is because
I am not a whole person. I have repressed so much
information about who I am, the lessons that 
I have learned that I am only a fraction of
the person I should be. I think that
a part of me knows this, or at the very
least I try to remember throughout the
day about who I am and because I cannot
remember it confuses me, leading to
me getting overstimulated and barely
being able to complete tasks throughout
the day. Match that with my doomscrolling
problems and the fact that I am constantly
trying to make myself laugh with stupid
videos, and that makes me barely able to
function. 

I am bringing this up because for the first
time in a year or two years, I have finally
understood why I left my father, who I was
as a person before I left him. I didn't know
half of who I was, I didn't remember it.

Everything feels fake now, everything feels
manufactured, I genuinely do not know what
I am doing with my life.