[12/16/24 21:37:55]

Today was fun. The last sentence
contains a half truth. The last
two thirds of my day were fun.
Went to a little cafe to play
cards with my mom. I am a trash
talker when I play cards, it is
in my competitive nature. It's 
also funny. Talking to some people
online, I learnt a new card game.
Egyptian Ratscrew, it's a slap
card game, so there's a physical
element beyond drawing and placing
cards. What I experienced through
the first half of the day is the
same as every other log. It isn't
interesting after the third read
of repeated, self-inflicted dread.

No, I didn't name this log after
the new android VR headset thing
that's coming out. I named it 
after the iPhone Xr, the branding
that went along with that line of
phones will probably only leave
my mind when I leave it as well.
Shame that the phone was locked,
and placed in a plan that'd get
turned off every so often as a 
punishment, that phone would've
lasted me until 2026. My A54 is
a good phone, sure, nothing like
my iPhone Xr however, not my
biggest worry, but still a gripe,
the photos look like shit on this
phone, plus I don't like oneUI 
it looks like if you instructed
designers to create an interface
only off of pictures of KDE plasma
taken on an iPod Nano. It's a swamp
of generic menus with little to no
personality attached to them. I
prefer apple's interface, even if
it shares a lot of characteristics
in design philosophy with oneUI. 
I'll stop being pretentious now. 

Since I have little to no activities
to do over winter break, living in a 
bubble town and all, I'll start writing
in the HOWSMYDAY menu everyday. I will
not be writing how my year went as I 
feel that the logs listed do that 
well enough, plus I want to be in the
present moment, I share way too many
characteristics with Henry in that 
regard, I will not elaborate further.

How is being trans? Imagine you took
a bunch of rabid rats and placed them
in a phone booth. That's about how it
is to be trans for me. One day it's 
amazing, I get home from the gym feeling
great, nobody knows. The next day I 
realize that I don't like my form and
spend the next couple of hours dealing
with the confliction in many, adverse
ways. My friends support me, they call
me May instead of the other name. 

Names are funny things, I don't know
about other people, but a name is 
only an external projection of my
personality. A trigger, yes. I come
from a long lineage of uncreative 
people naming their children after
themselves. I'm starting to go off
my middlename now as I don't like
the sound of my first name. It 
puts me in a very bad mood, which
makes me unapproachable. When I 
eventually socially transition,
I'll go by May. It's one syllable,
names with more than one syllable 
annoy me to no end. 

After going to the cafe me and my 
mom's paths split. She went to 
Home Depot for weather stripping
and I walked home. Took a wrong
turn when walking home and took
the scenic route. The sidewalks
were cracked, it looked like a 
setpiece from the walking dead. 
The place had a bad stray cat
population, saw over 50 cats
wandering around on the 
streets. They went over to
visit me, probably thought I 
had food. 

It's getting pretty late,
this log doesn't seem all
that interesting either.

Goodnight SDF
-may