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                                 November 7, 1992

                                      MAN.ASC
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         This file shared with KeelyNet courtesy of Mollie Carson-Vollath.
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                A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS OF A DIGITATED, MAMMALIAN BIPED

       ELEMENT           :  Male Human
       CHEMICAL SYMBOL   :  MA
       DISCOVERER        :  Eve
       ATOMIC WEIGHT     :  Accepted as 165 but is known to vary from 120
                            to 250 lbs
                             (mutations have been known to exceed 800 lbs.)
       OCCURRENCE        :  Quantities in all urban areas
       APPROVED FORMULA  :  15.5:32:40
       USES              :  I)   Useful when accompanying element WO,
                                 especially in sports cars
                           II)   Most powerful agent for allowing money to
                                 run through fingers
                          III)   Can be a great aid to relaxation or a
                                 continuous source of frustration
       PHYSICAL PROP.    :  I)   Surfaces hairy, sometimes bristly
                           II)   Boils at inappropriate times and freezes
                                 during highly competitive sporting
                                 activity
                          III)   Melts if given the proper treatment
                           IV)   Bitter if used incorrectly
                            V)   Found in various states, especially Alaska
                           VI)   Non-magnetic, some bordering on
                                 superconductivity
                          VII)   Yields to pressure applied by opposite
                                 elements
                         VIII)   In its natural state it varies
                                 considerably, but the shape is often
                                 artificially changed to conform to that of
                                 a perfect specimen. Such transformations
                                 can be seen at beaches and arenas
                           IX)   In some instances may start to gain weight
                                 and look like they have swallowed a keg of
                                 beer causing them to release noxious gases
                                 noisily
                            X)   Emits putrid fumes after vigorous activity
       CHEMICAL PROP.    :  I)   Possesses a great affinity for gold and
                                 silver in top layers while lower layers
                                 tend to be laden with lead
                           II)   Able to absorb great quantities of
                                 expensive substances
                          III)   May explode spontaneously if left alone
                                 with a female




                           IV)   Insoluble in liquids but activity is
                                 increased by saturation in alcohol
                            V)   Properties are vastly improved if specimen
                                 is placed in the dark and massaged
                           VI)   Most fusable with element WO
       TESTS             :  I)   Pure specimens turn leathery if found in
                                 the natural state
                           II)   Turns green if placed beside a better
                                 specimen
       CAUTIONS          :  I)   Highly dangerous except in experienced
                                 hands, must be used with great care and
                                 patience if experiments are to succeed
                           II)   It is illegal to possess more than one
                          III)   When detaching a permanent specimen get
                                 appropriate counsel because the SPECIMEN
                                 COULD DRAIN THE BLOOD FROM YOUR VEINS
                                 INDEFINITELY
                           IV)   Tendancy toward self-destruction when ego
                                 is burned
                            V)   Age of specimen is in direct proportion to
                                 the expense of having him around

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                             Vangard Sciences/KeelyNet

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