we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "GIRL! I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU TO A SPACE BAR!" « previous issue * EGG CHALLENGE - jokes, yolks, image results * IS THERE GOOD AI? Occasionally, maybe * FUND CHRIS BARKER'S BOOK - Oh go on ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web ___/ _ |/_ > Ooh, let's do a challenge about space << The Artemis II mission has been a good distraction from earth-bound anxieties, so let's keep that going by seeing what would happen if everything was relocated off-earth. https://b3ta.com/challenge/seteverythinginspace/po... ------------------------------------------------- : BEST ANON OPINs, FEATURING REPLIES It's the opinion bin, 'Binpinion', if you will Our currently theory is the internet/politics/media nexus has enforced a monomania onto discourse where the only subject is whatever the orange man brain farts into reality, however we are a small pocket of resistance, helping the the human collective to think of other, often more trivial things, so join us, in discussing absolute bollocks. * SPORTS OPINION - "Ski jumping looks easy. You bend down while you slide down what is basically a flat rail, then jump and hold a weird position while gravity brings you down, then just stick the skis down at the same time and glide down. Where's the skill?" Best reply? "Getting to have more than one go at it" (thx kylie4Bob) * PORN OPINION - "Porn actors should have transparent hands so you can better see their bits when they're masturbating." Best reply? "I can see where they're coming from." (thx Stewart Ness) * SUPERMARKET OPINION - "The hierarchy of supermarkets in the UK is as follows - M&S Food Waitrose Tesco Sainsbury's Morrisons Aldi/Lidl Co-Op Asda Iceland" Best reply? "This person shops at Tesco and is trying to elevate themselves." (thx Catsmeat) Follow the account that would be more popular if we hadn't given it such a rotten name. Learn from us, young readers, name your projects well, because you will be stuck with those names. Like calling this website B3ta was a good idea. Pfft. https://bsky.app/profile/anonopin.bsky.social Oh and a bonus reply, because it's self-serving for your own editor to stick his own replies in, but this one did happen to be the second most faved one in two weeks. Try harder, everyone else, you can beat the artist formerly known as the Ginger Fuhrer. (Hmm, that looks bad with hindsight, best get a new, safe moniker, maybe Prince Andrew? No one is using that.) BOOK OPINOIN - "Martin Amis's books are revolting. He was a good writer, and I know it's all satirical, but there are still only so many times I can read about an irredeemably awful man being racist and sexist whilst contemplating his own tiny flaccid dick before I want to scream." Best reply? "It's good but could we have a shorter quote for the back cover please?" (thx B3ta) ------------------------------------------------- : FOLLOW UPS What happened next on old stories * BACK TO THE EGG (POD) - Chris Shaw is returning to his podcast roots with a sequel podcast to the much missed Eggpod. We know exactly what it's all about, and no spoilers, we're not allowed to tell you, but we can tell you, all will be revealed on the 3rd of May. * OH FUCK GOATSE IS BACK - Jez Bray writes, "Newsletter 983 resurrected goatse at exactly the right time, please see my Bluesky post here. I know you're probably ambivalent at best about the whole goatse thing, but simply telling someone about this lifts a weight." Please, we beg you, stop tell us about art which looks like a man tearing his anus apart with his own fingers, our mental health is struggling. https://bsky.app/profile/jezbray.bsky.social/post/... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Some ideas to inspire you to greatness * GUESS WHO - Anon Opin writes, "I've invented a game called Seven Degrees of Doctor Who. Pick a British actor, male or female, any age, working from 1950 onwards. Then count how quickly you can find a connection with Doctor Who. I have never ever got beyond three degrees of separation. Mostly it's two." A few people thought this should get a newsletter mention too, in the hope it makes someone make a game. But ignore the Doctor Who obsessives who say it's too easy, they've never had sex. * EMOJI MIKE - our old QOTW bloke Mr Trinder recently said, "There's an emoji called 'person biking with no skin tone' and I feel seen" which made us think that "Mike acts out very specific emojis" is a project that has our full support. However Mike is never going to do this, so you, you be our Mike dear reader. * ASWAD - THE COMPUTER GAME. The ASWAD keys on your keyboard control each limb of the dub reggae stars, in a QAOP style racer, where you have to get all three members, from the sofa to the fridge to get some snacks, after they feel a bit wobbly after too much strong weed. Right, it's a simple thing, you turn the thoughts in your head into reality and we supply a few people to look at your work via an itnernet newsletter. This is how art works, thougts to action to artifact to audience. Make stuff because the alternative is boring. https://b3ta.com/mailus BONUS PROJECT - In ideas we won't do as we don't fancy the hassle that might rain on us from lawyers, so just putting it out there, it would be entirely possible to write a bot that replied to any posting of say, a Telegraph URL, and reply with a paywall busting link. Just sayin' ------------------------------------------------- : PATREON THANKS We love all these people. Almost romantically. *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *MARK MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *STOOBERT* *DION ASHTON* *MARK* *24-7 DEATH* *DAVID GREEN* and *GUB~GUB*. MARK ADAMSON, IAN SHEEN, RICHARD BARCLAY, SPAZZCAPTAIN, CARL DENCH, MICHAEL TRINDER, MIKE STRINGER, MICHAEL KITT, AUSTIN HOFEMAN, and NATHANIEL TAPLEY. BevS, Tom Dolan, Chris Carline, lee burnett, Paul Cherry, Tom Wright, Matthew Wilkes, Kev Adams, Rich, DoHa, Dave Nattriss, Dan Stott, Konrad Petrusewicz, David Ault, '@mattdawhit, Adam Lloyd, Anna, Chris Evans, d@m0, Dave Tickle, David Catley, David Mills, Derek Law, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Iain Brassington, Iain Ruxton, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly, Jason Stewart, Jim Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jude Evans, Kate Devlin, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Morris, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross, Paul Smith, peter wouda, pookong, Ricardo Autobahn, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stuart Ashen, the wub, Tim Jokl, Tom Ryan, Wil Hadden, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Craig Turner, fourstar71, Jonty Wareing, Stevey Garland, Helen Gaskell, Ben Ward, Andy Tillett, Stafford Lawrence, Simon Balch, omnipiss, Claire Turner, James Heaver, Phil Lovell, Jon Morris Smith, Stuart, Mellyfish, Phillip Spowart, Roy Santos, Daniel Calvin, Rich Corcoran, John Daly, nevillebartos, Geoff Tidey, Ian Walker, Leighton Stevenson, Funny_Hat, Gillian Parrott, Phil Bennett, Matt, Benjamin Blundell, Katie Steckles, Luka Mikec, Stuart, Peter Henningsen, Simon Howard, Kier Fox, tom yeoldeforge, C Bond, lucas seven, mattcox303, Robert van Dijk, Gerry Spencer, Ian Walker, Paul Martyn, Richie Hindle, John Davies, Patrick Hudson, Harry Simpson, Paul Pod, Tom Loosemore, DrumGui76, Mark Arnold, and collin. Also thanks to the 78 lovely people who didn't opt to be thanked by name: NM, BB, JB, GT, SR, JF, CW, LA, CJ, ES, MC, SF, JB, CO, AD, AS, AR, CN, DM, DS, HA, IS, JM, NH, PR, SM, MC, MB, AC, CK, DG, DC, NK, CA, IB, BG, BS, CC, CZ, DH, DP, DE, EN, GS, GF, IO, JE, JL, JB, LB, LE, LJ, MM, MB, MF, NJ, OL, PB, PW, PB, RT, RA, RM, RS, SC, SR, SW, TB, TH, WI, AH, CW, RP, TK, VW, BC, SE, and BB. You are all lovely people. And also thanks to our newest benefactors: collin, Mark Arnold, DrumGui76, Patrick Hudson, John Davies, Paul Pod, Tom Loosemore, Gerry Spencer, Harry Simpson, and Paul Martyn. YOUR NAME COULD BE HERE - Remember you TOO can contribute to the Patreon, it means your editor can afford to write this newsletter thing as it takes time and effort. https://patreon.com/b3ta EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round additional links; Monkeon for image challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. And remember to subscribe, and tell your friends to subscribe. https://b3ta.com/subscribe/ ------------------------------------------------- : BONUS "REPLY" FESSHOLE "I assumed most guys masturbated to Miss Piggy growing up in the late 1970s and early 1980s; having mentioned this to friends down the pub; it turns out I was very very mortifyingly wrong." Best reply? "A bit of a hamfisted fess, if you ask me" (thx mike) « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * EGG CHALLENGE - JOKES, YOLKS, IMAGE RESULTS * IS THERE GOOD AI? OCCASIONALLY, MAYBE * FUND CHRIS BARKER'S BOOK - OH GO ON READ LATEST ISSUE archive