we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "DEBT CEILING CAT IS WATCHING YOU DEFAULT" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * TRUTH - Obama vs Cassetteboy * PROTEST - I Threw It On The Ground * iPLAYER - On your Kindle ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Obama, Swearing and Winehouse >> Cassette Boy & Amnesty TV << Cassetteboy makes Obama tell the truth, no waterboarding required. Also lots of other stuff for Amnesty International. http://tv.amnesty.org.uk/episodes/episode-two/misc... >> Just the swearing << If you don't like excessive swearing in films, give thanks to ProperBo, who's compiled all the moments you'll want to avoid. "Edits of films/tv/music with *just* the swearing," he reveals. http://justtheswearing.com/ >> Kunt's tribute to Diana << "RIP Amy Winehouse," intones kunt. "This is our tribute." Kind of mean, but it made us laugh. http://www.kuntandthegang.co.uk/amy ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Losing it That we are all on a slippery slope to gaga-dom is without question. It's just that some of you are actively scooting down, going "Wheee!": http://b3ta.com/questions/losingit/ * LAND ROVER - "Drove off to work this morning. Couldn't remember if I'd locked the Land Rover. Shit. Some little scrote will be in there trying to prise the crappy Land Rover own-brand stereo out of the plastic dash. Thing was, I could definitely remember opening the Land Rover door that morning but not locking it after me. I turned round, drove home, pulled up in front of my house, saw my other car neatly parked there, realised I was IN the Land Rover. The million decibel engine and clouds of noxious exhaust should have been a clue." (mzungu) * CAR-JACK - "On a cold, dark rainy evening I nipped into the local Tesco for a bottle of wine to numb the pain of another evening of Eastenders and Corrie. I was knackered after a long day at work, and wandered back to the car in my usual slight daze. I hit the key fob for the central locking, and wandered round to the driver's side door and opened it whilst checking my receipt to make sure I had indeed gotten my two bottles of wine for a tenner. As I slipped into the driving seat, I realised that MY car seat doesn't have a cover on it. And my car does not have a pine tree air freshener. And my car is not a VW. And my car does not have three shit-scared children under the age of 10 in it. Their mum had pressed her key-fob at the same time as me. My car was three down. Tricky one to explain, that. Dunno who looked more scared, the kids, the mum or me." (Bappage) * CAT FOOD - "At least once a month. Cereal in the cat's bowl. Cat food in mine. She's now a big fan of Cornflakes and Rice Krispies. Cat food on the other hand is horrific and I can see why she gets more pleasure out of cleaning her own arse." (Milo Minderbinder) >> This Week - Conspicuous Consumption << Have you ever been photographed sat on a balcony eating a croissant; or wallowed in luxury just for the sake of it? What's the most ostentatious thing you ever seen or done? Brag here: http://b3ta.com/questions/consumption/ ------------------------------------------------- : PLEASE BUY THE SWEDE MASON SINGLE Get a B3tan into the charts! "Hope you aren't all as sick of this as I am," frets chart-threatening behemoth Swede Mason. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Just_a_reminder:3 ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Interviewing a celebrity. In GIFS. << We've seen the future of all online journalism. This is a format that could run and run. http://bit.ly/rf1UA4 >> Most ridiculous 80s computer mag cover ever << Or possibly a scene cut from the Tom Hanks movie Big. NSFW. http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmioz5dvD21qbtj0... >> iPlayer for Kindle << Kindles don't display video, so what to do? Why not write a script that turns episodes of East Enders into 80s-style photo stories? Genius? Stupid? Both. http://www.frisnit.com/ >> Oatmeal explain everything << It's like a primer on the internet circa now. All you need to know. http://theoatmeal.com/comics/state_web_summer >> You Are Not A Photographer << A rather spiteful blog that points out crap photography. Occasionally funny, but we reckon the writer feels their special talents of owning a camera are being undermined by iffy snappers. http://youarenotaphotographer.com/ >> Make your own Nyan cat << Using your printer and some scissors make your own memey cat. Actually, there's an idea for a site: lots of PDF diagrams that you can print out and make - all being hats and ruffs for your penis. We'd link to it anyway. http://goo.gl/1LSZD ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Cuteroulette Remember back to the heady days of 2010 and Chat Roulette was the website that made people go OMG PENISES ON THE INTERNET. Now imagine it again, but with cute animals, most of them not showing your their wank sticks. http://www.cuteroulette.com ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Animated GIFS with sound >> Limmy << Scottish waster Dee Dee takes advantage of a free bus ride to Yoker, in the most epic adventure of his life. Lovely. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> I Threw It On The Ground << The Lonely Island know the best use for a slow-motion camera - and that's to smash the motherfucking system! This was the last thing on Lulzsec's Twitter feed just before they got busted in The Shetlands, fact fans. http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_Threw_It_On_The_Ground... >> Commuter slidey thing << Dear Boris, please can we have one of these things to help get to the Underground platforms quicker? Would be a good stunt for the Olympics. Thanks. http://bit.ly/nfff91 >> Jumping the level crossing barriers << Harking back to the days when YouTube was like an uncensored You've Been Framed - numpty leaps the barriers without even looking. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Dancing zombie squid << What do you get when you cross sushi with performance art? Suddenly not very hungry. FYI: The twitching is most likely caused by the sodium in the sauce causing muscles to activate. If you cut off Ben Goldacre's penis and covered in soy it would be weirdly similar. http://goo.gl/1Hb3K ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER If you like this bit we hope you get AIDS * SPAMOUNT - blamesable writes, "I am what is known as a 'lurker' on this site, but am posting this because I think you will appreciate it. I live near a place called Spamount, which is bad enough as it is, but some enterprising person has with a mere stroke of a pen, made something...wonderful..." http://twitpic.com/5trdir * THE UNICODE CHARACTER FOR DOG SHIT - U+1F4A9 apparently. Rejoice geeks. http://goo.gl/0xdob ------------------------------------------------- : CLUB 27 Poor old Amy Club 27 is obvious hokum. Just pick a number and celebs will have died at that age. Club 32? Keith Moon. Mama Cass. Karen Carpenter. John Bonham. PLUS Brian Epstein, Bruce Lee. Club 33 - Jesus, Alexander the Great, Eva Peron, one of the guys from Milli Vanilli. Club 15: Anne Frank, er... stuck now. ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Owls Challenge Last week we thought it would be a hoot to photoshop owls. Your favourites included: * BOAT - classic Edward Lear poem bought to life in stunning detail (E_Dubya) http://b3ta.com/board/10484696 * TASSLES - saucy owl strips for your pleasure (rogan) http://b3ta.com/board/10483162 * ORNITHOLOGY - all species of owl, explained (Mantrid) http://b3ta.com/board/10487354 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://b3ta.com/challenge/owls/ >> New challenge: Fake Adverts << This week's challenge is to create fake adverts, for anything. http://b3ta.com/challenge/fakeads/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * ASK B3TA: IMPORTANT HORSE QUESTION - ChaRleyTroniC writes, 'My wife and I have always thought "I love horses / Best of all the animals" means that (a) I love horses, (b) horses are the best of all the animals. My little sister and her chap, though, think the song is saying "I love horses best of all the animals". That is, I love horses more than any other animals. But they might not be objectively the best." Hmm, we've always understood it as the second one. We think your first interpretation is weakened by it a missing couple of words to make sense, "they're the". Yes the songwriters might have missed them out, but when you have to add words to make sense of something that already makes sense without adding the words... Well, you're over complicating it. * REMEMBER 8-BIT WATERSLIDE? - teaandcheese writes, "It won us some dosh, which we spent making 'Isaac and Quincy - The TV Show?' Then we took it to Hollywood... and we were REJECTED by every major TV network in the USA!!!" http://goo.gl/9RTz2 ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * SHAZAM FOR PEOPLE - slocey asks, "Can someone develop an app or similar that will tell you whose voice you can hear on the radio, be it a guest or presenter. A bit like Shazam but for people rather than songs." We'd like this to work on TV too, we're like old men shouting at the telly, "Who the hell is this wazzock?" * A PATCH FOR TWITTER - you know like a nicotine patch for cigs, but for social networks. * NATIONALISE MURDOCH - can try and run him for the public good? Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @danoliver, @weblivz, @jamesecook, @estheraddley, @textfiles, @simon_alexander, @johnsto, concurrency, Dew & Stumplings, YourLocalGP, benjymous Top Tippery by SonoraAeroClub. And Mrs B3ta (who will fizz with anger at being called Mrs B3ta) Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Manic Street Preachers once named an album Everything Must Go ( ). According to Wikipedia ( ) is the emoticon for cyberhugs. Aww. Subjlols via the wart. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Normal-sized mobile phones make ideal '80s-style mobile phones for pixies, fairies, goblins and elves... REAL TOP TIP: Tea-stained mugs? Put some clothes washing powder in the cup, add hot water, leave standing for 1hr. The stains will simply rub off. This defo works; we just sorted out our official b3ta tea set with it. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive