we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 181: "BARBIE ON THE BLOB" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * ANIM - Return of Burnt Face Man * GAME - Click the colour * CONTROVERSY - was Lion King a rip-off? ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > The Lab << Are you bored? We have the solution. Get The Lab on your mobile. Polls, quizzes, True or False, image quizzes, profile tests, U-Decide adventures. Text JOY to 61190 to subscribe. 75p per week, first week free. http://www.thelab.tv/ >> New flashness from Kerb << Again we've been plundering the old skool games library and this time built something that was influenced by the C64 classic "Little Computer People". http://snipurl.com/euvq >> Advertise in B3ta << Want to buy this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Stroop effect, Shit ringtones, Fatpie & Ghosts >> Burnt Face Man III << "Hello B3ta," greets Dave Firth of Fatpie fame, "I was just wondering if you can mention my brand new Burnt Face animation like you did with the original cartoon a few months ago." Not a problem Dave. Burnt Face Man is our hero, and we know you're going to be a big, big star - so want some reflected glory. BTW: Dave also goes on to mention, "It actually ended up on the BBC website thanks to you (I could tell because they nicked what you said about it instead of writing their own synopsis.)" http://www.burntfaceman.com/3.htm >> Click the colour, not the word << According to wikipedia, "The Stroop effect in psychology is a demonstration of interference. When colour words such as blue, green, red, etc. are printed in various colours and someone is asked to say the colour the words are printed in rather than reading the words." Blimey. But according to your Ginger Fuhrer, "It's a good idea for a game with a lovely little sing-song." http://www2.b3ta.com/clickthecolour/ >> Ringtones can fuck off! << We can't turn on the TV recently without seeing an advert for crappy ringtones. From Crazy Frog to that little birdy-cunt tweeting away like a twat. We hate them all. Reckless_Rik has made a tribute to "make you want to turn your anus inside out with a rusty screwdriver." Presumably Jamster will be in touch, and Rik is going to make millions. http://www.headstaggers.com/ >> MP3: Fucked by a ghost << "I have made something cool", claims john_venables, "a song about being fucked by a ghost." Now, we try and avoid linking to MP3s in the newsletter, but we did like this. I reminds us of the old Underworld track that went "lager lager lager", except with ghost-fucking. http://snipurl.com/ev0g ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Sabotage Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes and lies into one handy place on the interweb. Last week we asked for your stories of sabotage: http://b3ta.com/questions/pettysabotage/ #1 Kumbaya m'Lord "Not me - a schoolfriend of my dad's whose father worked the quarries. With access to a stash of small blasting caps, what can he blow up? The toilets? The tuck shop? Nah... He only goes and wires a small blasting cap to the middle C on the piano in the hall... Word gets out and thus approaches the most anticipated assembly in the history of the school. All proceeds as normal, then the music teacher sits down for the usual hymn. Kumbaya m'lord, Kumbay *BANG* One destroyed piano, a music teacher with brown pants and 250 hysterical kids." (TooMuch2AM) #2 Post-natal bladder weakness "Whilst pregnant my wife was evil. Nothing was ever right, everything was uncomfortable and I had to do everything for her or else. Like every doting husband should, I complied fully and put up with it all. Until after the birth, whereupon she developed a sudden 'bladder weakness' which meant that she wet the bed nearly every night for about three weeks...well, until I started to feel for bad for pissing on her and making her think she was incontinent..." (downhill_without_brakes) #3 Testicles "Got a bloke drunk and bet him that he couldn't get both his bollocks into a standard Marmite jar. This is an easy feat: one simply pops them in, one at a time. Unfortunately there isn't room for both a plum and a digit, negating the chances of removing said testicles. Nothing makes Lord Manley happier than watching a grown man's face as he holds a claw hammer and contemplates smashing the glass jar which houses his gonads." (Lord Manley) >> This Week's Question << We'd like you to tell us about the petty jobsworths you've encountered. Talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/jobsworths/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Where the broadbandits get their lo-rez kicks >> Lucy in the Sky with Shatner << Big Bill Shatner's singing career has been long and unvaried. This video goes to much, much more effort than the Shat ever put in to his singing lessons. http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/29841/ >> Laughing yoga << Can this be real? Watch the tiny, wizened yoga master practice his ancient Indian art of cackling like a loon whilst wearing robes. Very mystical, in a Yoda-style way. http://snipurl.com/laughingyoga ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Menstrual Barbie mod << Words fail us when trying to figure something like this out. Why would a seemingly normal German chappie go to the trouble of extensively modifying a normal Barbie with drills and elaborate piping systems so he can pretend she's on the blob. Oh, and he makes teeny tiny tampons for her too. Which is cute. Kind of. http://www.darmon.homeip.net/fun/barbie/barbie.htm... >> Sexy French AIDS poster << Ah those Frenchies eh? Even their AIDS campaigns have that certain je ne sais what. It's worth taking a look at these hard-hitting posters featuring beautiful men and ladies making love to spiders and scorpions. http://lev.kcgeek.com/images/French_AIDS_posters.j... >> Eating moles << Yep. But not the kind of mole that lives in your garden. Oh no. That would be unhygienic. Cutting off, cooking and eating the horrid little nodules from some bloke's back. We suppose if he's a good friend you wouldn't want to cannibalise him all at one sitting. http://www.livejournal.com/users/coelacanthm/38246... >> Poochy scooters << A scooter with a little hoop to strap your dog into. We suspect it's so your canine chum can share your exercise fun. But it probably comes in handy getting you up hills. All you'd need is a stick with a bone on a string. http://hometown.aol.com/mschue5938/dogpoweredscoot... >> Star Wars Bollux << Anything Star Wars from after 1983 is smeared in our minds as maybe being just a little bit crap. Looks like one of the franchise's writers felt the same and sneaked in a new character whose name reflects the truth. http://www.starwars.com/databank/droid/bollux/eu.h... >> Great statistics << Genuinely interesting page that gives a running counter on all the important world statistics: births, deaths, lightning strikes to the earth and tonnes of poo produced so far this year. Very handy. Especially the poo. http://www.worldometers.info/ >> Enigmatic information signs << Signposts are odd things really - they're supposed to tell you stuff, but you can only understand them if you already know what they're trying to say. Here's a wide-ranging collection from around the world, apparently warning of things like cows falling off cliffs and the perils of Gestapo fish. http://www.swanksigns.org/gallery2.asp >> "Lion King was a rip-off" << Did Disney steal the story for its animated smash from a 1960s Japanese TV show? Craig Andersen certainly thinks so, and his shot-by-shot analysis comparing Lion King to animated classic Kimba The White Lion makes it look like barefaced corporate plagiarism too. Huzzah. http://www.kimbawlion.com/rant2.htm ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from 18 Certificate Films Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted you to remake 18 certificate films for children. http://b3ta.com/challenge/18toU/ We asked b3ta boarder 'The Duke of Prunes' to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. The Duke writes - #1 "Watch With Mother - when I saw this it made Ribena come out my nose, I think the look on Barney's face as he falls down the steps is beezer! (Mantrid) http://www.b3ta.com/board/4613048 #2 "Your mother folds socks in the hall - it's very nicely done, you can't go wrong with Pob, it's swell!. (Zak McFlimby) http://www.b3ta.com/board/4611848 #3 "Hitchcock's The Birdies - I like its simplicity and it made me make a laughing noise. (zedd) http://www.b3ta.com/board/4601316 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, the Challenge Dictator wants us to blow the whistle on conspiracies everywhere. http://b3ta.com/challenge/conspiracy/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * HOOK-WANKING - Alabaster Codify reminisces, "The website with the 'hooked' gentleman made me shudder a little as it reminded me of a kid in my school who had a similar hooked hand, which was battery operated. One day he closed the hook around a railing, and his battery died. This left him fixed to the fence. He was stuck there crying, being mocked by his peers for a good 10 minutes before someone went to get a teacher. The way old Hooky in the website squeezes his cock made me wonder- what happens if HIS battery dies?" * CHOCOLATE POLISHES METAL - Carl informs us, "Being hung over as sin this morning, I reversed my hire car into a lamp post at Sainsbury's. So I thought I'd try out the chocolate polishing as advocated in the recent B3TA firelighting tip - and it worked! Soft rag, warm chocolate and a bit of elbow grease removed all visible trace of the scratching. Right result." * JAPANESE ERRATA - only about 30,000 people have pointed this out, but they were Korean babies. Like we fucking care. * WANK TO THE MOON - jacockshaw writes - "Regarding the wankometer chappie, I do believe that he has failed to take into account the fact that he needs to overcome the gravity of earth first to get to the moon surely? In the simplest way, by using the laws of conservation of energy, he would have to put in 1150 wanks a second just to get up to speed for take off." * MAD SQUIRREL LADY - GregorLenko points out, "in the Squirrel Nutter story, you don't make enough of the fact that Kelly Foxton 'rescued' that poor little critter 'from a tree'." * NERD FLASH - similar to the predictive text stuff we've mentioned recently, jon l writes, "There's an odd thing in Microsoft Word: "jesus" is not automatically corrected to a capital J whereas "hitler" is." Woo. This makes us as happy as when we learnt that searching for "monkeys" in a Microsoft clip-art application it produced photos of affluent black people. ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Crappy Nappies It's not often you'll get pissed on by a flying alien in nappies, but this short little game's got that and lots more frankly bonkers Japanese animation. When the whistle blows it's up to you to drag things around to get to the next bit. http://www.page.sannet.ne.jp/akira-iga/survivoo/in... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * iPOD BOMBS - apparent the battery will explode when stabbed with a screw driver. Can anyone sneak one onto a passenger jet? * ADVERTISING ENQUIRIES - that don't expect the advertising to be free. Er.. the dictionary definition is, "The activity of attracting public attention to a product or business, as by paid announcements in the print, broadcast, or electronic media." * TAMPONS FOR SQUIRRELS - we've just noticed that a Swan cigarette filter-tip would make a perfect jam-rag for a tree-rat. Maybe the mad squirrel lady should take note. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by Dobsky, Mykeyboy, Parrot of doom, trench, Barnaclese Top Tippery by filthy_gringo. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Image challenge handled by Mystery Bob. Proofing by rather nice people at b4ta. (102078-25560) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: De-stalk your iceberg lettuce by bashing it (stalk-down) on the table. Your stalk will fall out in one piece, leaving handfuls of lovely lettuce for a nice salad. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive