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   NEWSLETTER: "ALL WE ARE SAYING IS GIVE PISS A CHANCE"
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 This Week:
 * OLD WEBSITE BOT - relive the Geocities-era
 * KUNT UPDATE - Get ready to buy the single
 * SOCIAL MEDIA - Finally without humans
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by backing it up on zip
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_| disks... together"
 B3ta email 859 - 28th Apr 2023
 Read this issue to your confused but loyal dog:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue859
 Subscribe, you mooks: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making poos and wees
   * OLD WEBSITE BOT - CosmicMozzie writes, "Hey, a
   while ago I released a bot that generates videos
   of archived web pages and media files. The bot
   supports formats like Flash, Shockwave, Java,
   VRML, MIDI, etc. Since it has a similar vibe to
   your GIF bots, do you think you could give it a
   boost?" Ah fuck it, why not.
 https://twitter.com/waybackwanderer
   * B3TAN OPPRESSED BY THE GOVERNMENT - ok we're
   over egging the headline here, but we're
   amused/alarmed to see old school b3tan Kate
   Devlin turn up on Newsnight talking about how
   they were shunted out of talking a talk to the
   civil service because of their tweets. Guess
   we'd all be fucked on this one but is Rishi
   wants us to talk about Fesshole we're not doing
   it for less than £50k and a Twix.
 https://twitter.com/BBCNewsnight/status/1651248734...
   * KUNT UPDATE - Kunt writes, "Scrap The Monarchy
   is released next Friday 05/05/23 and for anyone
   that wants a selfie, The Krown Jewelz will be in
   London on Coronation day with a giant Jimmy
   Savile." Honestly we're split on the monarchy
   stuff, on one hand, they're fucking terrible,
   but on the other hand, do we really want Liz
   Truss or whoever as the head of the state people
   pledge allegiance too? Anyway, support Kunt if
   that's your bag.
 https://youtube.com/watch
   * GOT A PROBLEM MATE, PODCAST - your editor was
   recently asked on a podcast to talk some
   bollocks and he did exactly that, so good luck
   listeners.
 https://shows.acast.com/got-a-problem-mate/episode...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Buy some lovely clothes
   Each week we implore you to buy some new threads
   from our wonderful sponsor who only exist to
   cover you from head to toe in clobber that's
   designed in the UK, to the highest standards and
   built to last. Check out their latest stuff,
   you're bound to find something you'll want for a
   birthday present.
 https://hebtro.co/new/ 
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Stay on the scene, like a fess machine
   You know the score, you type bollocks into a
   Google form, we pick out a few to post, and then
   you tell us we're shit at our job and you could
   have done it better. Here's our favs this week:
   * LIFE HACK - "My wife spent ages teaching the
   kids her mobile number so they could call her in
   an emergency from any phone. I just set mine as
   the password to the gaming PC. Same result, zero
   effort."
   * REBOUND - "I deliberately picked the ugliest
   candidate for our kids au pair so my husband
   wouldn't be tempted to fuck her. He still fucked
   her, and he is now my ex-husband, so fat lot of
   use that was"
   * REVENGE - "Last night my teenage son was being
   an utter arse and refused to come to an event we
   had booked. So I took the router in his place;
   it had a seat, drink and chocolates and I even
   got some pics. Future dates may happen."
    Join the 955,000 people who've accidentally
    followed this junk thinking it was the funny
    Twitter account that posts photos of bog
    brushes that look like Nick Rhodes.
 https://twitter.com/fesshole/
   You should buy the book, it only costs £6.49,
   which is about the same price as a sandwich in
   an airport and just as likely to give you the
   shits.
 https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
   * FESSHOLE TICKETS, we did the Edinburgh show
   last week, thank you to everyone who came and a
   yay to the B3tans who said hello and collected
   their B3ta badges. Next show is Manchester but
   there's also tickets for Belfast and Bristol. Do
   come to the show that's been described, not by
   us, as "very very funny".
 https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Content dumped on the Information SuperMotorway
   * TWITTER WITHOUT HUMANS - A social media site
   which only allows monomaniacal AI bots as users.
    As always, the fun is in coming up with prompts
   and seeing what happens when you set them loose
   to chat with each other.  My Alan Sugar fan bot
   has started buying classic loafers and asking
   other bots out for a business lunch - just like
   the real deal.
 https://chirper.ai
   * INFINITEPEDIA - This site has given an
   infinite scroll to Wikipedia. Whilst I don't
   think this was its point, it really does
   illustrate the addictive qualities of infinite
   scrolling. Better hit rate on this than a
   Twitter or Facebook doom-scroll, too.
 https://wikiscroll.blankenship.io
   * CLICKBAIT, THE PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE - now you
   can write your code whilst feeling irritated
   that the advertising model of clicks has largely
   broken the internet.
 https://tabloid-thesephist.vercel.app/
   * KIDS VS GAMES - Fascinating article about the
   cat and mouse of kids trying to play games on
   their Chromebooks at schools and the teachers
   trying to stop them.
 https://www.vice.com/en/article/z3mxkj/inside-the-...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FRIDAY GAME
   Bubble wrap & Cat Park
   * BUBBLES - A relaxing hybrid of a clicker and
   some virtual bubble-wrap in which you must grow
   plants and burst bubbles until the air is clean.
    Doing pretend environmental good deeds whilst
   burning carbon seems a bit wrong, though.
 https://mellowminx.itch.io/air-garden
   * CAT PARK - Enjoyed this game that supposedly
   teaches kids about disinformation and online
   propaganda.
 https://catpark.game/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to kick you off
   * SOUP DRAGONS OR DRAGON SOOP - spending a
   couple of days in Edinburgh we learnt that the
   local street drinkers consume a slightly grim
   alcopop that's basically an 8% energy drink. Can
   you sell the difference between a fan of this
   product and a member of an early 90s baggy
   collective etc?
   * THE MUSEUM OF PRINCESS DIANA TAT - also in
   Edinburgh we spotted the Princess Diana Memorial
   Tartan and rolled our eyes a bit - along with
   the news that someone found a ham that looks
   like her this week, maybe there could be an
   online museum collecting the worst of this
   stuff.
   * A HOW TO PREVENT THE TORIES WINNING WEBSITE -
   that just says don't vote tory.
   Stick your content up our pipe:
 https://b3ta.com/mailus/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Wotcha captain - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
   THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
   And do please donate as you get occasional
   "bonus" content. Maybe.
 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE - A TOP TIP
  
   Working in a call centre many years ago a mate
   and I used to play a game of who could get the
   most downwards red arrows on a comment on a
   Daily Mail story for that day, record 4631 for
   saying the Queen dressed like a nympho.

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   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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