we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "B3TA UNACCOUNTABLY SILENT WHILE BEACH VOLLEYBALL IN PROGRESS" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * READ - Best editorial ever * AMAZON TAT - Print of woman rejecting food * VIDEO - Dancing walrus ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving biscuits ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK >> Best editorial ever << Chris Shaw (known in B3tan lore for his crank letters to his local paper) edits a B2B magazine. He recently asked, "writing an uninspiring Comment for the August issue. Help me spice it up by giving me some 'words'." Suggestions included, "Flibbertigibbet, skulduggery, shenanigans, erstwhile, solitude, protagonist, equine, duplicity, meretricious, louche, preposterous, haptic, schlep, splendiferous, mendacious, acquiescent, rotund, constant, henceforth and time machine." Chris replied, "Done it. It reads like the ramblings of an egotistic maniac – but they're all in there!" Extraordinary laugh out loud stuff. http://tinyurl.com/bmq5a43 >> Cat Face : Sports Day << "Nothing to do with some other sporting event or anything like that I swear," hastens a worried Weebl. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cat_Face_Sports_Day >> Lovely summer's tune << "An old friend & I spent yesterday afternoon writing & recording this song," explains Tab Hunter. "We only used acoustic instruments, recorded in one take. And drank a lot of wine. I was so pissed by the time we finished I couldn't remember actually playing the bass." http://bit.ly/MhBMrG ------------------------------------------------- : AMAZON TAT Photographic Print of Woman rejecting a plate of food from Science Photo Library Best review? "I bought two of these and set them facing each other. When I sit in between them my head spins as the two women simultaneously reject the food, each other and, ultimately, the concept of reality itself. " http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B001NJE6L... ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Tantrums We wanted your stories of proper toddler-style foot-stomping tantrums. Everyone got so upset we had to give you a week off to calm down: http://b3ta.com/questions/tantrums/ * STICK - "When I was younger I was a very angry kid. One day I was playing Skooldaze 2 on my spectrum, using an old Atari joystick (the square one with one red button on the side). I was further in the game than I had ever been, when the joystick started to fuck up. Eric was firing his catapult randomly and sitting down etc. so I was getting told off and ended up getting too many lines and losing the game. I was livid. Absolutely fuming. I ripped the joystick out and started smashing it on the floor. It was however, unyielding as it had a rather thick plastic case. So I took the fucker outside onto the patio and tried to release all my rage by swinging it over my head as hard as I could and hopefully smashing it to tiny pieces. It hit the patio and bounced straight back and hit me square in the forehead. I nearly passed out. So did my brothers who were watching, but that was with laughter." (DumbMonkey) * MIRROR - "Like most 2 year-olds, my daughter was learning the standard tantrum positions quite well. The foot stomp. The exaggerated frown. The tears, the hysteria and the snotty nose. Her best move was lying on her back and kicking both legs up and down. An oldie but a goody. For maximum effect, best done in Mum & Dad's room in front of the mirrored wardrobe doors. We lost all sympathy when we busted her pausing in mid strop, to check out her own tantrum technique in the reflection." (Simian Typewriter Supplies Pty. Ltd) * EYE - "While working in a school for children with severe learning disabilities, I saw one angry kid take out his glass eye and throw it at the kid who'd upset him. Apparently it was something he did regularly." (gypsy turnips) >> This Week - Screwed over by the man << Your own Ginger Fuhrer once made a flash animation for a record company that was taken down by the same company for copyright infringement. How have you been screwed over by the man? http://b3ta.com/questions/screwedover/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Short but accurate Salvia comic << Dr Strange writes, "Did b3ta readers buy that Salvia I pointed out was available on Amazon? I've got some 40x strength and it was almost exactly like this. Except without the eye." http://www.treecomics.com/salvia/ >> Occupy Disneyland << ‏@qwghlm writes, "This hypothetical military invasion of the castle in Disneyland was fascinating." Also maybe not so theoretical considering the week of police / public disorder a few blocks away in Anaheim. http://b.qr.ae/LA2qAd >> Mental animation << Made us a bit nostalgic for the early 2000s when the formular for a web hit was 1. make it mucky 2. Make it baffling (possibly foreign) and 3. fit it to the beat. Extremely NFSW. http://ss.hakd.org/10r.swf ------------------------------------------------- : SPONSORED LINK New fighting fantasy book! Really! Ben Broomfield writes, "If you haven't got a sponsored link this week can I suggest the NEW fighting fantasy book that's just come out, 'Blood Of The Zombies'. Just like being 15 again." http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/184831405... ------------------------------------------------- : FOLLOW FRIDAY _WashingMachine Example tweets include: "FUCKING HATE BEDLINEN DAY. 90° WASH? PISS RIGHT OFF. MIGHT SNEAK A RED TOWEL INTO THE WHITES WASH TO FUCK ABOUT FOR A BIT." "THEY LEFT THE BLOODY KITCHEN LIGHT ON AGAIN AND THE CAT IS LICKING ITS BOLLOCKS WHILST SITTING ON MY HEAD. FUCKING BRILLIANT." "SHIT ME, 1,000 FOLLOWERS?! WAIT 'TIL THE DICKHEAD TOASTER HEARS ABOUT THAT. THANK YOU HUMANS." https://twitter.com/_WashingMachine ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like TV and Ceefax combined in one magic combo >> Creepy story about a guy attracted to his sister << Bloke shares a reddit-style confession about lusting after his smoking-hot sister. http://bit.ly/PKcraL >> Man talking to Turkeys << Things are always funnier when there's someone in the video, killing themselves with laughter. We may head to a turkey farm and try this ourselves; may be the closest you can get to being a Hitler at a Nuremberg Rally. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Man_talking_to_Turkeys >> Fake your own terror alert << Snickering nerds set up a Technicolour bomb hoax. Before you get alarmed, yes, it's very much a fake vid. The bomb squad tends to check before just detonating things willy-nilly. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Dancing walrus << If you wonder whether reincarnation is real and, simultaneously, are worried about Michael Jackson's karmic fate... Both questions answered here. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Local business viral vid << Is this deliberately bad, to make us click it more? Poor old Trev just wants to look trustworthy and sell some carpets, but the director clearly has other ambitions. http://youtu.be/ljApTKJfYqg ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME ASCIIvania Meepmeep writes, "Use letters to make words. Open areas to collect new letters. Try and complete the alphabet. Cracking little Friday game." http://www.kongregate.com/games/gharding3/asciivan... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * A SOLUTION TO THE WORLD'S CLIMATE PROBLEMS THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE KILLING ABOUT 6.9 BILLION PEOPLE * A REPLACEMENT FOR CAPITALISM THAT DOESN'T DEMAND MOST OF THE PEOPLE LIVE IN POVERTY * BUTTERY TOAST THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU FAT Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Loyalists: [email protected] Traitors: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Stashie, ‏@zappdos, @tjpocock, ‏@JonMorter Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via Enzyme. ------------------------------------------------- TIP #1 Clean the crap off your windscreen wiper blades with paper towels and vinegar. Makes them clear the windscreen much better. And makes your car smell like chips. (‏@PaulHartshorne) TIP #2 Dried-on food stuck inside microwave following an exploding stew? Put a half-filled bowl of water in. Full power 4 mins. It steam-cleans it and you can then wipe off any gunk with ease. (JudgeDewie) next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive