we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "A GREAT DAY FOR DICTATOR SNUFF FANS" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * HOVERBOARDS - Quantum levitation * STONE ROSES - on University Challenge * TEENAGE MUTANT - Ninja Noses ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're selling your ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Porn, Stone Roses, Angry Birds >> Dan Bull's Thoughts on Porn << HappyToast has teamed up to make a vid with rapper and porn enthusiast Dan Bull. "It features bums, willies and boobs while discussing the pros and cons of stuff you touch yourself to," explains HappyToast. "Hope you like it." NSFW if you are a cartoon character. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dan_Bulls_Thoughts_on_Po... >> University Challenge: The Stone Roses << "Thought this would be worth a mish-mash," explains Pig Face Turnip, as seminal Manchester pop group The Stone Roses make their University Challenge debut. http://www.b3ta.com/links/University_Challenge_The... >> Discovering Angry Birds << "My boy has discovered the iPad, and with it, Angry Birds," writes Sacamacamojo II. "So I showed him how to play it; didn't expect this reaction though..." http://www.b3ta.com/links/Discovering_angry_birds ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK The B3TA Detective Agency Last week we asked about the little mysteries you'd finally solved, or that still have you scratching your head. http://b3ta.com/questions/wearedetective/ * MAGIC WALLET - "Driving my cousin home one Friday night we passed a group of boys walking into town. One of them drew our attention as he was dancing like a tit, with his pals laughing. Unbeknownst to him, as he was doing this, his wallet fell out his back pocket. My cousin suggested we turn around and see what was in it. By the time we got there, the boys were nowhere to be seen and the area was deserted. After some searching we found the wallet which contained just 20 pounds, cards and a ticket to a gig that night. We decided to find the boys and give it back, laughing at how surprised he would be to be approached and handed his own wallet. But then a much funnier idea came to us. First we drove around until we spotted them. Then, knowing they were heading in to town through a quiet industrial area, we drove about a quarter of a mile ahead. We then placed the wallet on the pavement right in their path and hid to watch them approach, say 'Hey! That's someone's wallet over there,' walk up to it, pick it up excitedly, open it looking for riches and inexplicably discover it was theirs. The absolute confusion and surprise was hilarious to watch. I like to think they still talk about how one of their wallets somehow jumped ahead of them." (craigix) * PFFFFT - "I'd long wondered why, as a human, Mrs Kite can produce loud, ripping botty burps, but dogs just produce a face-melting stink with minimal noise. Then one day it came to me; buttocks! Dogs have no buttocks to be parted and slapped back together when the gas escapes, whereas humans do! And they say I waste my time." (kitescreech) * STICKY - "Aha! The sticky strip on pantie liners is for sticking them to the panties! I'd been married several years before spotting a discarded pair and having this particular Damascene revelation. Previously I had wondered about the hair problem but simply figured that it was just one of those things that women put up with for the sake of a 'good seal'." (karnuvap) >> This Week's Question - Internet Meet-ups << Have you ever had a real-life meet with somebody you first knew from the internet? How did it go? How long until the Asbo expires? Talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/internetmeets/ ------------------------------------------------- : DINOHOODIE Hoodies with dinosaur hoods Old school b3tan @mothdust has started an awesome business selling the most fantastic clothing idea ever. Hoodies with spikes on so you look like a cute dinosaur. Who doesn't want to look like a cute dinosaur? http://www.dinohoodie.com ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> The future? << 3D printing is mind bending. As a consumer technology it's either a novelty or useful for those who need to prototype designs but imagine the future: no production, just magic boxes that make stuff when you pour in raw materials. This would truly be the post-industrial society. Or a new hell where the police shoot you for downloading the pirated plans of a fridge. http://www.everythingimakewithmymakerbot.com >> Teenage Mutant Ninja Noses << The logical conclusion of the entire internet. Until the next logical conclusion. http://teenagemutantninjanoses.tumblr.com >> Collaborate music thing << Only works in Chrome and all the music sounds the same but still, fun. Imagine how good this could be one day. When we're all jamming together on GarageBand 15, to a rocking version of We Are The World, sitting in our cages, alone. http://is.gd/ZjVYg0 >> Occupy the internet << Should you wish to do some occupying but can't face the whole tent thing then you need a cyber-occupation. Here's some animated gifs occupying the Barclays Bank website. Is this satire on the ineffectiveness of the occupy movement? Or a genuinely subversive idea? Arguments could be made that it's both. http://fffff.at/occupy/www.barclays.co.uk >> Someone fancies Jeremy Hunt << ... and is using Flickr to collect pics of him in groups called things like "Guys Butts in clothes". Takes all sorts. http://t.co/Ij3Ko39r >> Food mixer double dildo << @TheNatFantastic writes, "I gave a lot of thought to the... internal mechanics of the second one but I can't figure it out. Looks painful in a bad way." http://www.regretsy.com/2010/11/09/beat-off-nsfw/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like Vimeo but called Youtube >> Swearing Periodic Table << Respect to Modern Toss for building this - it's like Buffy's Swearing Keyboard but real and from a 1970s Soviet nuclear power station. http://goo.gl/uBpEq >> Steve Ballmer. Bill Gates. Night at the Roxbury << Minds blown. Have we broken through into an alternate timeline? http://bit.ly/qqVD3E >> Quantum levitation << The link we've been sent the most this week - some manner of sorcery locks the wee disc in position as it circulates the track. Can hoverboards be far off now? (As long as they're supercooled and all pavements are sheathed in metal) http://youtu.be/Ws6AAhTw7RA >> Shatner's Bohemian Rhapsody << RIP Bill Shatner, is all we can say. Presumably he's died and they've stuck his cold, dead face in the sky as a sort of unpleasant tribute. Worth a look as a missed opportunity. http://www.b3ta.com/links/694964 >> Motormouth Jones vs Led Zeppelin << The weird mouth-noise guy from Police Academy tackles Whole Lotta Love, with surprisingly thrilling results. http://youtu.be/QxcCC2g1Ke0 ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Consistently not funny since 1978 * CAN YOU DIG IT? Simple, but effective, smart-ass signage. http://ow.ly/73tu5 * DISTURBING WHOVIA - "Am I the only parent slightly concerned by the free gift in their child's Dr Who magazine this week?" asks meandmybigmouth. http://pic.twitter.com/gWNPf8yp ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from 'What would Jesus do?' Last week we wanted you to get shoppy with the big J. Your favourites included: * JESUS AT IKEA - apparently he'd have similar troubles to us mere mortals. (maiden) http://b3ta.com/board/10572646 * WALKING ON WATER - he's such a bastard. (Fresh Water Mole) http://b3ta.com/board/10574216 * LAST MCSUPPER - rather tragic really. (Fresh Water Mole) http://b3ta.com/board/10571584 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://b3ta.com/challenge/whatwouldjesusdo/ >> New challenge: News into Computer Games << Take any story from the news and turn it into a fun game. Thanks to Monkeon for the idea. http://b3ta.com/challenge/newsintocomputergames/po... ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * DON'T YOU WORRY SONG - a few weeks back we asked you to submit clips of you arsing around for a pop video. It has been made and Ash writes, "the whittled-down result is here to watch. Could you, if you have time and sufficient good will, mention it please?" And if you want a good reason to bother clicking then it does have a very pretty female singer. Which is how to make your project popular - get someone attractive to front it. David Cameron was picked for his sexy looks; Ed Miliband less so. The implications of that being worrying. http://www.youtube.com/watch * BYE BYE VALIN - a thread of love for the boarder who died recently. http://b3ta.com/board/10571833 * SETUP BEAT PUKE - for the last year or so our /talk board has been campaigning for this comic to be featured in the newsletter. On the basis that it might make some of them drop their pizza in surprise, here it is: http://alexcomex.tumblr.com ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Close your eyes and find your way Shut your eyes now. Do it. Think of a place to go, say the toilet and feel your way there. Points for not falling down the stairs - but this isn't a game you can win, it's just about the experience of navigating the world differently and exploring how your brain creates a map of 3D space with or without visual input. ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include, ah fuck it, this week have some random TV pitches off the top of our head: * REAL LIFESWAP - tv show where David Cameron has to live in a slum. Forever. Not just 2 weeks. Cameras visit every 7 years see his misery. No stunts. Cameron just has to live like many people do, desperately clinging on to some kind of existence with no escape but death. * PARIAH - celeb fake outs himself as something beyond the pale in contemporary society; a racist, a paedophile or saying the word "mong" a lot. Film the media hoohah from the inside. * ROYAL WEDDING - get Royal Cigarettes to sponsor a wedding every week. The participants could be crowned the Smo King and the Smo Queen. Oh I don't know. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Lovers: [email protected] Twatty haters: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by (or nicked from) lakey, @Neilmajor, Kellyszero, @Simon_Pegg, Blaketown_, @stavvers, @mattround, leonie.brown, @merlinharries, @editorialgirl, @Marwood Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via emvee. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Pretty ladies on the bus wearing low-cut blouses and short skirts Sit upstairs at the front right-hand side so that perverts* can sit behind you and use the driver's periscope mirror to look down your cleavage and at your thighs. (* sandettie light vessel automatic) next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive