we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "'QUOTES OFF THE INTERNET MAY NOT BE GENUINE' - ABRAHAM LINCOLN" next issue » « previous issue "'Quotes off the internet may not be genuine' - Abraham Lincoln" This Week: * BABY HUMAN - sneezes * DEATH STAR - his idea * HARRY - meets new Sally ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Do you love us? Do you really? Then divert your company funds to our pockets. That's a love. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Bridges, Babies, Cyborgs and Death Stars >> Tower Bridge - HDR Interactive Panorama << Jansenmann writes, "I've been playing with panoramic HDR photography recently and am pretty pleased with the results of this one." We love things like this, as it's like being right there on the scene, with super-vision and a crippling inner-ear infection. Fullscreen it. http://www.vandok.co.uk/towerbridge/ >> Sneezing Baby Human << "I made this for the BBC's 'Funny in 15 Seconds' competition," claims MattSatOnTheCat. Classic. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Sneezing_Baby_Human >> Cyborg Wars Is Coming! << "We've been making Cyborg Warriors. Have a butcher's!" quips Joel Veitch, of his terrifying, meat-based Robot Wars. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cyborg_Wars_Is_Coming >> The Death Star was MY idea << "TK-421 use to hate walking door to door, trying to find the droids he was looking for," explains Newcott. "Then it hit him!" Lovely bit of Windows 7 parodyage. http://goo.gl/xBFm0 ------------------------------------------------- : ISPOT TOYS 30 bestest toys according to YOUR votes In the final of three recent I Spots your newsletter team has produced for E4 comes our silly opinions and jokes on the toys of our childhood. BTW: B3tans totally gamed the vote. http://www.e4.com/wtf/ispot-toys/index.html ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Irrational Hatred Ridiculous, petty hatred of ridiculously petty things? On the Interweb? You don't say: http://b3ta.com/questions/irrationalhatred/ * BACK DOOR KEYS - "Those big 'back door' style keys, with a metal bit at the end and bits cut out. My upper front teeth could slide into one of those gaps and get snapped off. Every time I see such a key I cringe and wrap my tongue around my teeth in case the key attacks them. I've even been known to place a hand over my mouth until the key is safely out of sight. Just a photo of one can set me off. Why? I dunno. I'm sitting here now anxiously checking my front teeth with my tongue and occasionally patting my lips to make sure no rogue back door keys can sneak in there. Urrgh." (Juan Quar) * DRAGONS DEN - "Dragons live in lairs for fuck's sake." (sittingduck) * SPERM - "Why can't I have some pleasurable private moments without making such such a mess, what the fuck is it for?" (Ring Of Fire) >> This Week's Question: Creepy stuff << What's the creepiest thing you've seen, heard or felt? What has sent shivers running up your spine and skidmarks up your undercrackers? Tell us, we'll make it all better: http://b3ta.com/questions/creepy/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> We're all prostitutes now << An unwritten rule of society is that men pay for lavish dates to get women into bed. Generally it's left unsaid, as it sort of makes dating into prostitution. So thankfully a website has come forward and er... created a dating marketplace where men list how much they are prepared to spend on a date, and women list how much they want. Wonderful. BTW: Our prices? Team newsletter is already married but I don't think we ever went above about £30 for a curry. Classy. http://www.whatsyourprice.com/ >> Weird psych test << One of those 'loads of questions then it supposedly analyses you' things - we found the questions troubling and thought-provoking but the analysis facile, in a generic horoscope kind of way. Basically we're saying, enjoy the crazy questions. http://bit.ly/fAeaXl >> Sad stuff on the street << Round our way we often spot a single stiletto shoe in the street and wonder if prostitutes are getting murdered again. We reckon photos of such would make a great tumblr blog, but have no intention of doing it, in case people did get murdered. And on a similar found-in-the-street theme: http://sadstuffonthestreet.com/ >> Old Cement Works Turned Workspace and Residence << With globalisation and the death of industry we're obviously all super-fucked, but there are abandoned factories to be turned into awesome workspaces by architect Ricardo Bofill. BTW: Ricardo Bofill designed the building 'Walden 7' which is worth a google if you've never seen it. http://goo.gl/5i0ux >> Beady eye << An easy method to determine which eye is your dominant eye, without ever having to go near an optician. It's nothing to do with handedness - you can be right-handed with a dominant left eye. http://www.archeryweb.com/archery/eyedom.htm >> We know where you live << If you use a smartphone to take a pic, then the photo will often include data that shows where it was taken. Point this clever bit of software at someone's flickr or twitter pics and an evil, stalkerish map of their movements will appear. http://bit.ly/fJJDcU ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH OMG! OMG! OMG! ITS A PUDDLE!!!! An adorable deer is overjoyed to find a puddle. Btw: Animals get up to this kind of hijinks all day, while you're stuck at a desk looking at a screen. It's no wonder some people like to shoot at them. http://goo.gl/qm9vz ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like a flicker book but with stickier pages >> Harry Met Sally Part Deux << This update of *that* scene from the classic 80s romcom had us chortling ourselves silly. Meg is gone and has been replaced by Helen Mirren - the two of them are now festering in an old folks' home. The gags keep on coming - genuinely excellent comedy. http://bit.ly/gUwBtY >> Dustin Hoffman loves stovies << As everyone knows, Hollywood actors never allow carbs to touch their lips, eschewing such peasant food products for protein shakes and wheatgrass juices. Not so Dustin Hoffman, who here professes his love for a type of stew favoured by poor people in Scotland. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dustin_Hoffman_loves_sto... >> Quoth the raven, "nevermore" << We've always been fans of talking birds and have often considered installing a parrot in b3ta HQ. But obviously a talking raven would be at least 1,000 times better. http://www.b3ta.com/links/quoth_the_raven_nevermor... >> How To Piss In Public << We think this piece of video only applies to half the population, but it definitely offers the chaps amongst us handy advice in an age when public toilets are in decline. We liked the 'coffee cup/shout into your phone loudly' combo and look forward to hearing from anyone who fancies giving it a go. If you fancy videoing yourself in full flow, then even better. http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_To_Piss_In_Public >> The Unrehearsed Voiceover Artist << We're bored of hearing Stephen Fry's plummy but camp tones cropping up as the voice of pretty much everything you could care to mention. We think this guy does a much better job and loved watching his collection of uniquely-voiced videos. http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Unrehearsed_Voicover... ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Unfunny every week since 1978 * AUTHORS WITH SILLY NAMES - Gerd Bohner and Michaela Wanke, it's like a marriage made in masturbation heaven. http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/086377779... * "BISHOPS AGREE SEX ABUSE RULES" - headline of the week, and we're glad the the Church is taking this stuff seriously. http://www.b3ta.com/links/lolwhat * PHALLIC ROYAL WEDDING SALT & PEPPER POTS - although we hope (for Kate's sake) that the royal member is more impressive. http://twitpic.com/4hpaxu ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Old-Time Advert Challenge Last week we wanted you to create imaginary adverts from the olden days. Your favourites included: * CROISSANTS - brimful of buttery smugness since 1879 (Snappyuk) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10378309 * NAG - it's Jeremy the annoying horse, and he’s just as annoying in sepia tint (Fresh Water Mole) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10378525 * COMPENDIUM - a stunning series of historically accurate sales messages (ropie) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10381804 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/oldadverts/ >> New challenge: Mythical Creatures << Dragons, unicorns, the Loch Ness Monster, Kelpies, whatever. What if they lived among us? Can you imagine? We reckon you can. Challenge suggested by The Hedgehog From Hell. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/mythicalcreatures/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * BBC LOLS - The Beeb investigate the origins of LOL, with the help of a couple of quotes from Ginger Fuhrer Rob Manuel. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12893416 ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * BAD ART TRASHING THE ROYAL WEDDING - A pathetic display of snacks and royal wedding mugs in the local Co-op has left us with the urge to make bad art trashing the Royal Wedding. So far our ideas have been pretty lame - we're sure you can do much, much better. * CAT CARBON DATING - We think the official b3ta cat is 13 this summer, but because we got him as an adult, this is very much an estimate. We would love to find a way of accurately gauging the age of a cat - the other option, of course, would be to cut him open and count the rings. * APP EXPLAINING CRAZY FOREIGN BRANDS - As members of the nouveau poor, we often enjoy a trip to the local branch of Lidl. But some of the brands in there can be a bit confusing - are they just unfamiliar but good quality or do they taste like rotting donkey spooge? What could be more useful than an app that lists which brands are a bargain and which are for barfing? Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Life: [email protected] Death: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @davidnield, @benjymous, Herb Alperts Taxi Driver, UltimateMonkey, miltonlives, WiL, Frightguy, John_Anon_Prince, @brokenscience, Jimmy Savlon, @codepo8 @StuartJRitchie, Peter Davison, @stevem2k, @mac_clare, Just Flange. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via betpet. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: If you're reading this on an iPhone then type 'tilt' into the Safari search now. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive