we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "IT'S CHRISSSSTTMASSSSS!!!" next issue » « previous issue "IT'S CHRISSSSTTMASSSSS!!!" This Week: * PRINTER - made of Lego! * BORIS - Mayor of London bouncy dance track * PICS - In the creationist museum ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're writing the ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Other than showing on the doll where the nasty man touched them >> Lego printer << "Here's a Lego printer with added horses that I made," says squirrelfantasy. This is so clever it's scary, and the vid has circulated the interglobe twice in the few days since he made it. We reckon Lego should bung him a few quid and bring this product to market - it's awesome. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Lego_printer >> Corn starch + mr scruff << "Here are the wonders of non-Newtonian fluids on a bored Sunday!" brags an excited Fygget. Freaky, contorting gloop on a speaker. Good music though. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cornstarch_subwoofer_mr_... >> Unnatural worms << "Hi dudes," greets chief dude Joel Veitch. "Got a game this week in case it's any interest for the newsletter - the aim is to find all 16 creatures." Recreate the experience of being a child too poor for toys, by dragging worms all over the back yard to see what they do. http://www.rathergood.com/unnatural >> They are Watermelons << "This is the story of 2 Watermelons hanging out, and doing stuff," says Appox. "One of them is called Charles, the other is called Dan." Odd, wistful, talking watermelon-based animation. http://www.b3ta.com/links/They_are_Watermelons_Dre... >> Boris Johnson vs 2 Anonymous DJs << "It was a funny idea down the pub. Could we get Boris J to appear on a track? Strangely it came true," explains spike_tones. "Aardman loved it so made a video. Our mate involved in this unfortunately died of cancer, so we're giving profits to Macmillan." http://snurl.com/torybeats ------------------------------------------------- QUESTION OF THE WEEK Professions you hate Last week we asked you to say which professions you found the most irritating - personally we loath bank staff and, hmm, best keep our mouths shut here *mpmmphf* http://www.b3ta.com/questions/professions/ * AGENTS - "If the second part of your job title's "Agent" and the first part isn't "Secret", you're a cunt." (grandmasterfluffles) * "PROSTITUTES - and now police men. How the hell am I going to finish my PhD now? Bastards." (Zak McFlimby) * AND A SPECIAL MENTION to the Supreme Crow who writes, "Best advice I ever had? 'Don't answer the QotW a week late.'" >> This Week's Question: Getting caught << MJPerry asks: Masturbating, stealing, making the cat dance... when did someone catch you doing something you wanted to remain secret? http://www.b3ta.com/questions/caught/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> People I see on the 'street' << Charming photoblog of eccentrics sighted on the London street. Scroll back a few pages to see that it used to be people on the Tube, until Transport for London kicked up a stink and made them change the name. http://peopleiseeonthestreet.com >> Beardy beanie << Does your face get cold, but you don't want to look like a terrorist in a balaclava? Instantly enjoy both facial warmth and the many other perks that come with fine, luxuriant beard growth. http://www.etsy.com/listing/47868043/ >> Husband’s frozen sperm << A lady rather exuberantly celebrates winning the right to use her husband's frozen sperm. http://www.unionversity.com/husbands-frozen-sperm >> In the Creationist Museum << "The Genesis Creation Museum, where is that - the southern USA?" you inquire. Surprisingly, it's in the UK. Perhaps less surprisingly, it's in Portsmouth. And filled with all sorts of exhibits explaining how the tyrannosaur and the man once lived together harmoniously, and dined only on vegetables. Imagine if the T-rex ate the apple first. http://picasaweb.google.com/aorellana/CreationMuse... >> Lost 'retro-game' << Entertaining series of screenshots - what a Lost spin-off game would look like, if it was brought out circa. 1985. http://www.penneydesign.com/folio_IM_lostgame.html ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like Youtube but with our HTML round it >> Rock Out With Your Cock Out! << Most drummers are pretty dull to watch, whilst others, such as Keith Moon steal the show. Here is one such performance - all the better for being with a poor, gold-suited covers band. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Rock_Out_With_Your_Cock_... >> Re-uploading vids to youTube 1000 times << When we were young and had our heads filled with silly, arty ideas we once faxed a document backwards and forwards about 40 times to see what it looked like. Then covered our bedroom wall with the prints and the pretentious title, "The Darkness Encroaches". And on a similar theme: http://snurl.com/pixelmanofdeath >> Mark Kermode reviews and impersonates Danny Dyer << For forrens - Mark Kermode is a movie critic and Danny Dyer is an actor, best-known for suggesting in a teen agony aunt column that the best way to get over a broken heart is to cut the girl's face so nobody else would want her. There appears to be some animosity between the two. http://snurl.com/fightfightfight >> Brodyquest << Acclaimed actor Adrien Brody walks the wide world on the best day of his life. This is absolutely the most awesome thing ever, improving as it goes along. http://www.b3ta.com/links/BRODYQUEST >> Star Wars iPad briefing << Steve Jobs briefs the Rebel Alliance on the latest Apple product. Nice bit of redubbing from a Mr Adam Buxton. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Star_wars_Ipad_briefing >> Just like the original? << Girl does a Lady Gaga for video production class. It's so awful that we can't quite tell if it's deliberately bad. Surely... but then, she just won't give the game away. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Just_like_the_original ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER We tried to kill it but it's still here Andy writes, "I know you like people with funny names, and 'Sheila Dikshit' had me snorting out my coffee. She's chief minister of Delhi, and also has a PhD. I don't know if Dr Dikshit has a better ring to it than Sheila, but you can read more about her here. Pip pip!" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheila_Dikshit ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Animated Albums Challenge Last week we wanted you to animate the sleeves of classic albums Your favourites included: * ZEBRA - the world's most iconic walk, repeated ad nauseam (elvisweathercock) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10068074 * WOBBLE - sometimes, our instructions are taken way too literally (monkeon) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10068661 * FROG - and the camera pulls back to reveal... (drboon) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10067657 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/animatedalbums/ >> New challenge: Medical Posters << 2 Can Chunder writes: "I am a GP registrar. Please design educational posters for me to display in the waiting room." Consider it your public duty to do so, and to educate a nation about its health. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/doctors/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * UGLY PERSON CONFESSION BLOG - Last week we brought you news that Stan Cattermole was giving up pretending to be ugly and fessing up - if you missed the actual confession then read it here. Stan aka Karl writes, "Hey Rob, I think it's gone OK on the whole. There's a small minority of haters, although some of them really mean it. I'm going to write something today to put up tomorrow morning, sifting through the reactions and whatnot and then that's it. Fresh start on Monday." http://karlwebster.com/2010/06/the-ugly-truth-out-... * BRIAN BLESSED SAT NAV PROTOTYPE - We brought you news of this Facebook campaign a while back and now they've produced a demo video. The 'Brian Blessed is good at shouting' meme never dies. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Brian_Blessed_Sat_Nav_pr... * DAN BULL VS ISRAEL - fearless Mr Bull uses his powers of melodic rap to tackle the issues of the day - and this time writes a chorus about how much he really likes Jewish people really, and ties himself up in knots and reminds us of why it's best to have no opinion on Israel ever. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Who_likes_Jews * DANGEROUS TOP TIPS? - Noel writes, "Re: foot-sanding top tip: using a belt or rotating-disc sander will burn your feet and make you walk like a mutant. A good orbital sander and some 120 grit paper will do wonders for your feet. Use progressively higher grit paper and buff with wax to give them a nice shiny finish /ex-joiner blog." * A NEW FACT - Barticus points out, "The proper name of 'draw and fold over' is exquisite corpse." We did know this, but reckoned it sounded too rotten.com for anybody to want to click it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exquisite_corpse * TIME WASTED ON TYPING WWW. - Chad replies, "www.internetworldstats.com lists a total of 1,802,330,457 distinct web users in its latest figures. Allowing an average typing speed of 31.5 Words Per Minute (based on wikipedia listing it at between 23 and 40WPM), and an average of 10 sites per day requiring URLs to be typed, leads us to: ((1/31.5)*10)*1,802,330,457 = 572168399.05s. Or, 6622.32 days." * CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE - "Hi! I'm @tomfarrington and I wrote that 'Breakfast Viennetta' tip...not fussed about the credit, just wanted you to know, because you're my heroes. Hope all is good, Tom." ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * KEEPMELOGGEDOUTOF.COM/facebook/5weeks - we were feeling a bit annoyed with Facebook the other day and would like to put a lid on it for a few days without doing a big huffy attention seeking disable profile thing and figured a great site idea would be a service that changes your password for time period to something unguessable and then resets it back. This should also work with twitter, b3ta, the daily mail and other sites that suck our time and make us annoyed. * KIDS TV STYLE THEME SONGS FOR NORMAL TELLY - Mike Trinder asks,"it is the law that all children's shows must have a theme song that introduces all the characters and explains the plot. We'd like to see this principle applied to adult TV like The Wire." Christ! You'd need a 2 week long opera to describe the plot of The Wire. * A GUIDE TO FOOTBALL-FREE PUBS - Rob Leese Jones pleads, "My once-lovely local has now installed a massive screen and is showing football in 3D. With the World Cup almost upon us can you ask in the newsletter if someone could build a site or google maps thingy listing the pubs that *aren't* showing matches? I'd like to avoid the entire tournament if possible." Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Darklord, Tedium, freeallbadgers, Lightguy, AFish, Lesbian Ham, Philip_newzealand, applehead and The Great Architect. Top Tippery by blaireau69. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Sicki 'lols' via Buttnugget. Subjline via benito vasselini. *mpmmphf* = lawyers ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Whenever baking bread (or whatever) NEVER measure the volume of water in a jug. Measuring jugs, even those pricey Pyrex ones are wildly inaccurate. For much-improved accuracy (and, thusly, better bread) weigh it instead. 350ml of water weighs 350g. (A controversial tip that's already generating debate on our site) http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/post742981 ------------------------------------------------- Stephen Hawking seems to have a chip on his shoulder. Whoops! Typo. I meant chin. http://www.sickipedia.org/ next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive