we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "THAT'S RIGHT - ANOTHER WEEK HAS FLOWN BY AND YOU'VE ACHIEVED NOTHING" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * REAL WORLD CHALLENGE - Rearrange stuff in shops * COOKING - a guide to making black pudding * NOT FEATURING - pleaserobme.com coz it's everywhere ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're looking for the ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Please buy some advertising as it means we can afford to to take time off from client work and actually do some newsletter stuff. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Blood, Sales, Music, Brucie and YouTube Roulette >> Home-made black pudding << "Hi dude!" croons a gore-spattered Joel Veitch. "Just made some black pudding! Yeah! Blood and fat!" Yes, dear reader, this is one of the most disturbing things you will see this week - Joel cheerily singing to a bucket of congealing pigs' blood before cooking and eating it. http://www.rathergood.com/black_pudding >> Sally Sells You Stuff << "Here's a new project by my neighbour and me," explains Philipp. Not a bad money-spinning scheme this - whimsical weekly web comic about a lady trying to sell gadgets, followed by the chance to buy said quality item on eBay. http://sallysellsyoustuff.com/ >> Charming retro vid << "Just finished this silly video for a tune I put together last year," breathes mozza. Its endearingly retro style nods to both The Good Life and Bod. http://snurl.com/hornmaster5 >> Brucie! << An overheated Bruce Forsyth breaks loose from the home, in an unstoppable tap-dance rampage. "Finally, 5 months after I made it for them, the BBC have uploaded it to their website," sighs Cyriak. "I was beginning to think this video would be forever locked away in Brucie's dungeon." http://cyriak.co.uk/blog/ >> Swap a youTube video with stranger << If you're the kind of brave soul who enjoys chatroulette, perhaps you might like to try exchanging a youTube video with a random stranger. "Not Safe For Work," warns creator Bobsworth. "Because you don't know what you'll get!" http://www.py.bobsworthindustries.com/youtubeswap/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Mums A cavalcade of mothers, each madder than the last (except perhaps thatblokeoverthere's solid gold brick of a mum): http://b3ta.com/questions/mums/ * CARDS - "I'm the youngest of three. To make us play together, my parents held family game sessions every week or so. As this was the 80s, this was a board game or some cards. All five of us were round the kitchen table playing cards when a 6 and a 9 appeared side by side. "69!" My sister giggled to our older brother, pointing at the cards. "Gahfaw," he chuckled... and I just looked scared, as I had only learned recently what a 69 was. "Whah?" My mum seemed confused... "What is it?" "Sixty-nine, mom! You know... look at the numbers. One up, one down, curvy bits" My sister made gestures with her hands, and gave a 'say no more' wink. And then my mum grabbed my father's shoulder with a big grin and let fly with a comment that will leave me scarred for life, "Oh honey! The kids have a name for it!" (macdumpy) * CAKE - "My mum made a cake once. Fuck knows how she managed it. All afternoon there had been much clanging and banging and whirring, and that weird rustley sifting noise you get from paper bags filled with sugar and flour. And then the final solid thump of the oven door closing, she emerged from the kitchen, beaming like a pixie. Later that day, when the main course had been eaten and the plates carried away, she brought in her construction on a big round plate, and us three hungry sons sat round it, licking lips. It was a fruit loaf. My oldest brother was given the honour of cutting it. He steadied himself at the table, and tentatively poked at the crust. It crumbled slightly, but didn't yield. So he pressed harder. And harder. Then he started to worm and twist the knife but it wouldn't budge; the cake was absolutely solid. Beads of sweat broke out. Eventually there was a snap, the blade pinged off and the handle of the knife came away in his hand. I laughed, my brother swore, my mum's bottom lip trembled and the dog looked on, hungry and bemused. So we took the cake outside to destroy it. The family car happily rolled over it, a hammer knocked a corner of it and the dog could do little more than making it reek of dog drool. It now sits on my brother's garage workbench, 18 years later, with a series of precise holes drilled in. It's a home-made oven-baked screwdriver-holder, just like Mum used to make." (Grrrmachine) * CUBA - "I went to Cuba a few years ago, to Guantanamo. Not the US base, but the area around it. My mum's words of wisdom? "Be careful if you go near that American base. You do go a bit middle-eastern looking in the sun and you know how stupid Americans are." (inflateable) >> This Week's Question << Do you flirt with check-out girls just for the heck of it? Are you a check-out girl and flirt with sad-looking middle-aged men for fun? Are you Vernon Kay? Tell us about flirting triumphs and disasters: http://b3ta.com/questions/flirting/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Lady Gaga cookies << Mixed feelings about Gaga at B3ta towers - her clothes are extraordinary and we enjoyed her monosyllabic-refuse-to-play-the-game interview on Jonathan Ross but we can't find much joy in her songs. In fact, we think they're a bit crummy: http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/431... >> Crackhead pancakes << We recently watched Withnail & I and amused ourselves imagining it remade as Withcakes & I with a big fatty delivering lines like, "I MUST HAVE SOME CAKE, I DEMAND TO HAVE SOME CAKE!" and "MY THUMBS HAVE GONE WEIRD, I"M IN THE MIDDLE OF A DIABETIC OVERDOSE". You know, the kind of crap French & Saunders used to do. Anyway, this is a similar mix of addiction imagery and sugar. http://snurl.com/crackpancakes >> OK Cupid's latest data analysis << OKCupid was started by the guys behind TheSpark - a site from yesteryear that was big on quizzes. The popularity of this prompted them to use it to start a dating site based on, you guessed it, quizzes. But the really interesting bit is that they're maths nerds and have been running a great blog pulling apart what they've learned. We've linked it before but this week we're loving their analysis that women are past their dating prime by 31 and for men it's 36. Really fascinating stuff, and also anyone in marketing could do a lot worse than picking up a few tips here - this is how to engage with an audience. http://snurl.com/itslaterthanyouthink >> Loving shadyurl.com. Turn links shady! << With the rise of Twitter we've seen the mainstreaming of URL-shortening services, but what about one that makes links to your mum's photos look as dodgy as fuck? http://www.shadyurl.com/ >> She left me and I am a sad internet << Imagine our question of the week stuff if it didn't have any jokes, took itself very seriously and had some rather gorgeous photography. Ladies and Gentlmens, this is Pictory. http://www.pictorymag.com/showcases/one-who-got-aw... ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Where do the little men go when my computer is asleep? >> Russian strap-on tank << Yes, we weren't expecting the title to take quite that turn either. Anyway here's a fully caterpillar-tracked chassis you can mount your commuter car onto, then advance across the tundra to Moscow. http://tinyurl.com/yged6b8 >> Lacklustre tiger escape << News reporter just can't get excited about Tokyo Zoo's 'escaped tiger' drill. And as for the tiger... that's special. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Dogman eats dinner << Simple pleasures for simple minds, so we loled out loud at this bit of basic dog-based foolery. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Making_a_dogs_dinner_of_... >> Hexacopter << Unconventional, high-speed model flying machine with six whirling blades. Inventors spend a minute and a half demonstrating awesome aerobatic coolness, then a further ten showing how it can automatically hover in one location. http://www.wimp.com/thehexacopter/ >> A brief history of everything << Spectacular lo-fi animation of the entire history of the universe (best bits). http://snurl.com/everythingflipbook >> Trolling the principal << Smartarse teenagers Logan and Brandon deadpan rings round their earnest highschool principal, on some reality channel you've never heard of. Like Ant & Dec when they were still young and beautiful. http://snurl.com/havefunatdinner ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Not available as a book * KUM AND GO - babelglyph writes, "Friend of mine on a business trip spotted this conveniently-named convenience store." Take two bottles into the shower? Not me, I just want to... http://www.kumandgo.com/ * MR PROPER WANG - Matt Gardner writes, "Gentlemen, you're not going to BELIEVE the name of the guy in charge of manufacturing technology at Enics. Seriously, it has to be seen to be believed." http://snurl.com/mrproperwang ------------------------------------------------- : BONUS REAL WORLD CHALLENGE Naughty shops We noticed a handful of you had been sneaking into shops and rearranging stuff to make rude messages. We feel it's our moral duty to encourage this sort of behaviour and have opened a special challenge. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/naughtyshop/popular/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Greenwash Challenge Last week we wanted you to sell us some unlikely eco-friendly businesses Your favourites included: * FAGS - no matter how green you think you are, the cigarette manufacturers are doing a better job than you are (pete l'oaf) http://www.b3ta.com/board/9913788 * SLICK - every oil spill has a silver lining (Snappyuk) http://www.b3ta.com/board/9915417 * LEIA - even the Death Star succumbed to pressure from the environmental lobby (Barbarossa) http://www.b3ta.com/board/9913971 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/greenwash/ >> New challenge: Sci-Fi Advertising << Advertising is oddly absent in our favourite space-based stories. Rectify this anomaly to show us what Luke, Darth, Obi Wan, Jean-Luc, Kirk, Spock, Riker, et al have sold to them through the medium of advertising. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/scifiadvertising/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * HISTORY-SPECIFIC EATING - Amos E Wolfe writes, "How about the 1970s - 'Poppins', which has several branches in the South East of England has a menu (and colour scheme) virtually unchanged since 1976, as can be seen on their menus." http://www.poppinsrestaurants.co.uk/menu.htm * GOSH IS IT FUNNY, REALLY? Bernard writes, "I've been reading your newsletter for a few years now, and really enjoy it. I just wanted to point out something about one of your video posts in the latest (415) newsletter, specifically the 20th Century Fox flute video. It's actually a piece by a group called 'Jostiband', which happens to be composed out of mentally-disabled people in the Netherlands. I found it hilarious at first, but it became slightly less funny when I realized who had made it! I'm not sure this will change many of your regular readers' opinions, but I just wanted to make sure that you guys were aware." http://www.jostiband.nl/opencms/en/theorchestra/mu... ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Cyclomaniacs "A silly but fun cycling game", writes @edwardrussia, "I played it all week." And if you like games with unlockable achievements then gosh, is this the one for you. http://www.kongregate.com/games/LongAnimals/cyclom... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * STAR AS AN EXTRA IN AS MANY FILMS AS POSSIBLE FOR 1 YEAR AND WRITE A BOOK - prompted by Fraser Lewry mentioning his cameo appearance 19 seconds into this trailer of East is East. He's the long-haired gingery guy dancing. http://www.youtube.com/watch * THE EUROVISION HATE CONTEST - Noeaven Noel asks, "Using the awesome power of babelfish and google, can a script-wizard tell us which country hates which international celebrity the most in their own language? Apparently, Greece thinks Bono is a cunt more than anywhere else." * PEOPLE OF ASDA - Holly Would suggests, "Following on from the success of People of Wal-Mart, I believe a UK-based cousin is required to showcase the weirdos seen enjoying the rollbacks. Though it may be boring by comparison." Send cash contributions via the mail form. Sorry, we mean links. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by john, Almar, Paul Curry, Balloonhead, Martin P, @danielbevis, Michelle Obama's Stalker, [usernamegoeshere], @Pussstein, Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Subjectline negging via Griffy Savalas. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Sickilols via rock hard. ------------------------------------------------- I'm testing a new font that only paedophiles can read. How's it working so far? We also filmed our Sickipedia 3.1 comedy night which actually went really well, but we've had a few snotty comments about the videos. Oh well. http://www.robmanuel.com/2010/02/15/sickipedia-3-1... next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive