we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "CUT OUT MY EYES, I'VE BOUGHT A GUIDE DOG!" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * MAPS - Rude place names 2.0 * AMAZON - Richard Littlejohn vandalism challenge * GRAFITTI - Bestest QOTW evah!!!1111 ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Rude places, Doctor Who and Mr Biffo >> Rude place names << Possibly one of the classic internet ideas: digging up locations with naughty names and plotting them on a map. Waynster has brought it up to date web-mash-up-stylee by combining this with Google-maps. As he says, "did you know there is an Anus in France? Or a Spanker in the US? A homo in Norway? It's all here." http://snipurl.com/1jfq0 >> Doctor Who nasties << Thanks to Black Moon who's glued together some clips of Doctor Who, with David Tennant starring in another drama to create something that would make Russell T Davies spluff. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Doctor_Rude >> Mr Biffo results << Last weeks we asked you for suggestions for ideas that Mr Biffo could draw. Over three hundred of you replied, the Bifster has picked his favourite five and we've stuck them up here. http://www.robmanuel.com/2007/05/04/mr-biffo-compo... ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Graffiti Last week we wanted graffiti that makes you laugh. http://b3ta.com/questions/graffiti/ We've picked out our favourite answers that had photos in, because we like to look at the pretty pictures. Anyway, these made us giggle: * THE CLAW http://www.b3ta.com/questions/graffiti/post77970/ * PARKING FOR ALL http://www.b3ta.com/questions/graffiti/post79037/ * NEW OLYMPIC SPORT? http://www.b3ta.com/questions/graffiti/post79168/ * MOST UNNEEDED GRAFFITI EVER http://www.b3ta.com/questions/graffiti/post79297/ * IT WORKED FOR JULIA ROBERTS http://www.b3ta.com/questions/graffiti/post79314/ * ANIMAL ABUSE IS BAD M'KAY http://www.b3ta.com/questions/graffiti/post78507/ >> This Week's Question << We'd like your tales of work experience placements. Our one is currently in the server room watching the network lights flash. What were you made to do? http://b3ta.com/questions/workexperience/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Richard Littlejohn << For our slitty-eyed foreign readers: Littlejohn is a tabloid columnist of the "send them back" variety. He inspires loathing and yet his witterings are (sadly) some of the most widely read in the UK. The good news is that his Amazon reviews are 'going the way of the Hoff(tm)'. Three cheers to anyone else who joins in. http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/009179568... >> Bulldog ear-glue << We've recently learnt that sheep have long tails and farmers dock them, but did you know about the secret cult of bulldog ear-gluing? Made us raise an eyebrow anyway, which is more than these dogs could do. http://www.bulldogsworld.com/glue.html >> Send Paris Hilton to Jail << The most emailed-in link this week is the petition to jail Paris Hilton. Frankly we don't give a flying sausage, but as Kblackford writes, "for the love of god, post it in this weeks newsletter! I am an American and will be horribly pissed off/embarrassed if Paris Hilton doesn't go to jail. Please urge all of your readers to sign the petition." Who are we to refuse? http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/jailparishilton... >> NSFW linky of the week << An anonymous reader writes, "this site is chock full of perversions and goatse video goodness! It's been my sole wanking material for a week now." You'll be looking at it from the gaps between your fingers. http://populationpaste.com/blog/category/bizarre-i... >> Laser cut cake << When geeks enter the kitchen, there's sure to be fireworks. What next? Custard in a particle accelerator? Marshmallows toasted with potassium? Er, our science training is so sloppy that we can't think of a third. http://www.instructables.com/id/EL3L03V8OGEP286PNI... >> Russian film posters << Loving this collection of outsider art billboards to promote Hollywood films in the former Soviet Union. Fun is to be had in attempting to guess the badly drawn actors before reading the captions. http://englishrussia.com/#more-897 ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Sublines are for word-cripples >> Nudie Vid << How to get people to watch your band's internet video clip? Substitute all of the musical instruments for naked girls. Not safe for work, if you're not into gratuitous nudity. The drum kit is particularly worthy of note. http://www.metacafe.com/watch/532399/original_cast... >> Harrowing Hasselhoff << A world away from his suave Knight Rider persona, here's a clip by the guy's daughter. He's drunk (again) in front of his kids and sunk in self-pity. It's actually quite hard to watch. http://snipurl.com/hoff_drunk_video >> Turkish Superman << It's difficult to see quite where the budget went on this Kunt Films' Turkish remake of the super-hero blockbuster. It's certainly not the special effects, nor is it the wooden acting. Perhaps it's the plot, which seems entirely to involve Superman slowly walking towards people with guns. http://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Is this the lowest form of comedy? * MIKE HUNT'S CARS - Australian motor dealership or exhibitionist vaginal surgery gallery? You decide. http://www.mikehuntscars.com.au/ * GHEY TRANSPORT - Delivery direct to your door in fabulous style. http://www.gheys.com/ * MANLOVE FORENSICS - "From the Google-ads on my site," chortles B3tard Jangle, "Honestly, it's not what you think." http://www.manloveforensics.co.uk/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Cockney Challenge Last week we wanted to see visualisations of Cockney Rhyming Slang. Your favourites included: * ANATOMY - A veritable feast of delicious cockney slang (dbroon) * WANK - Quick! Hide! The Nazis are coming! (Mighty Nibus) * BONE - Deeply unpleasant rendering of the classic Cockney phone call (Donkey Gums) All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/giraffe/ >> New challenge: Top Trumps << We all played Top Trumps as kids, whiling away the hours comparing the top speeds of sports cars and the weight of mammals. But it's time the game was brought into the 21st Century, so design some new cards... Challenge suggested by Scaryduck. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/toptrumps/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * WANKING ON PLANES - our brief mention last week brought a flood of confessions including blue_ewe who writes, 'When I was 16 and on my first ever plane journey I decided to pop into the toilet for a little stress relief. This came in handy a few years later when I was at a job interview and we were doing the "go round the group, tell us an interesting fact about yourself" thing. Made everyone crack up with laughter. Didn't get the job though.' Also in the interests of naming and shaming, here's a list of other aerowankers: Tony Redclaws, mattcox303, Nostrilsack, and Joanna Hubris. * PHONE CAMERA REMOTE CONTROL TIP - last week we suggested that you could test whether your TV remote was working by pointing it at your camera phone. Afinkawan mentions, "Another way of checking is to activate them near the pickups of a electric guitar. Each remote makes a slightly different sound through the amp. If I had the time, motivation or the slightest talent, I would probably try to make an entire track of remote-control-through-guitar-amp bleeps." Sounds like a fun project for someone. * TIN TIN NOT GEORDIE - Hundreds of you wrote in to point out that, "it's made by someone from Middlesbrough so he's a Teessider." Fucking Northerners, always complaining. ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Merge the ladybirds Perhaps the most peculiar games concept we've featured here. Stop the ladybirds from falling off the stump. Try to merge them into one. http://www.donpixel.com/play/en/060413201807/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * INFINITE LIVES POKE FOR OYSTER CARD - we demand the secret upload codes to use the Tube for free. * DADS-WHO-KRUMP.COM - the advertising execs are telling us that 'krumping' is a new form of black urban dance that's sweeping the nation. We reckon it's an ideal dance for middle-aged men to demonstrate that they're down with the kids. * MEATLOAFS' BAT OUT OF HELL, THE PC GAME - guide a pixelly bat out from, well, hell. Rendered 1980s bleepy Spectrum style. * POO-FACE FLICKR GROUP - Hundreds of photos of people straining for a shit. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Ledger, siobhan.mcsorley, seekew, CrispyDolphin, teh_catt, pansowa, jbsauns, Mr. Johnson, simbosan & Art101 Top Tippery by Piehands. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Yays to b4ta. Zander suggested the subjectline. His fault. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: How to stop getting points on your licence for speeding. If you get a fine for speeding for say £60, send them a cheque for £61. They will send you a cheque back for £1. Tear that cheque up, never cash it. They cannot legally put the points on your licence until all financial transactions have cleared. This means that you will have paid the fine, but you won't get the points on your licence. Apparently. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive