we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 175: "ONE MORE REASON TO DO SOD ALL WORK" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * INTRODUCING - Tokyo Sexwale * JOEL - Winners song * BUNNY - Extreme Bugs Bunny ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Advertise in B3ta << Want to buy this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1 Rathergood, weird name song & guess the object >> Joel sings... << "It's spring time," writes Veitch. "Joy is flooding my soul, and so I've made the happiest thing in the world." Featuring his new band 7 Seconds Of Love, it certainly is energetic. http://www.7secondsoflove.com/winners/ >> Strange name worship << "My friend made this short Flash animation," boasts Craig, "based on my joyful mispronounciation-based South African leader song. I hope you like it!" We do Craig, we do. If we could afford to give you a special badge then we would. http://www.hootsmon.com/fergietron/tokyosexwale.sw... >> Guess the object << "I wonder could you help me", enquires Neil, "about two years ago I was out on the piss, and on the way home I found this box. It's a normal cigar box but inside it's full of these little pieces of paper, ranging from really thin to card thickness. I've not a clue what this could be for and I reckon it to be the product of a deranged mind or something." Readers! If you know then get in touch. http://www.identity.ie/whatsinthebox/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Useless Information Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes and lies into one handy place on the interweb. Last week we asked you for the rubbish facts that are clogging up your brains: http://b3ta.com/questions/uselessinformation/ * "There is such a thing as a scale for rating poo - it is called the Bristol Stool Scale and it rates poos from 1-7. Apparently, from a medical perspective, a 4 is ideal." (harryfreeze) * "Koala bears may spontaneously combust when isolated from their group due to a build up of eucylyptus oil on the tops of their heads. They cannot reach this area to clean it and rely on other koalas to groom them, hence when isolated for a long time the oil builds up and in extreme heat can ignite and explode the koala. This has been blamed for many bush fires." (Dill) * "The Norwegian for 'Do I dare to meet them?' is 'Tore jeg mote dem?' I know this because in 1987 I watched the Norway entry of the Eurovision Song Contest with Ceefax subtitles- and my mum took a photo of me watching it and that caption is on the screen (with the English underneath) It's so sad..." (knife_of_justice) >> This Week's Question << We'd like you to tell us about the flashbacks you experience with particular songs. Go on, talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/flashbacks/ ------------------------------------------------- : IS IT REAL? Don't email in - it's just for fun The Objective: Christian Ministries run a science fair that teaches kids to disprove evolutionism with such rigorous experiments as 'My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve And Not A Monkey' and through making a scale Noah's Ark full of gerbils. It's almost too idiotic to be true - or is it? http://objective.jesussave.us/creationsciencefair.... ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Hyped-up rabbit character << Kids today - they're all into "extreme". And it's the marketing men's mission to see they get extreme - whether they want it or not. This update of Bugs Bunny makes a good point, with a maximum of gratuitous swearing. http://www.csh.rit.edu/~rage/TLGmedia/anim_pages/a... >> David Blaine's morbid tricks << Ah, if only David Blaine wasn't such a master of the arts of illusion. We'd love to believe that he would actually pull out his own heart live on TV. But that didn't stop us from recoiling in fear and dismay when we saw this video clip. http://www.lookatentertainment.com/v/v-663.htm >> Microphone-nuzzling politico << Cheers to our Russian correspondent for sending us this brief clip of a Lithuanian right-wing politician caught off-guard by the camera. He seems to be seeking oral comfort from the mike, like the metal nipple of a robot mum. http://www.compromat.ru/main/ne_rossiya/litsustaus... >> Double-decker cat pram << Would you like to take your pets out for a walk, but are concerned they might get the benefit of exercise as well as fresh air? We can't, for the love of fuck, work out just who and what this weird collection of cages on wheels is for. Zoom in on the pic for a good close-up view of some unhappy cats. http://www.hammacher.com/publish/72079.asp# >> Left-brain/right-brain quickfire quiz << The questions come at you from both sides: One side maths, the other colour-matching. The object is to see both how clever you are and which side of your brain you favour. In practice though it made us panic and spack around the screen in ungainly panic. http://www.tetris1d.org/zigah/twinoo/twinoo.php >> That girl in my spam << Spam. Like an old friend it greets you from your inbox every day. Rob of Cockeyed.com noticed one rather lovely face (and dress) cropping up again and again and launched a one-man mission to find out her true identity. http://www.cockeyed.com/citizen/spam/alicia/alicia... >> "Fuck my sex foot" << Foot fetishists: Enjoy vaginal sex, but dislike women? The makers of 'Kaylani's Foot' are aiming right at you. It's a sexy prosthetic lady foot, with a handy fake vagina in the heel. Classy. http://www.extremerestraints.com/stat/ec322.html ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Gummy tiger and huggy tiger Aww. Look at this tiny feline yawning his little head off. Looks like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth - or indeed that he'd be able to chew it. http://www.animalyawns.com/Tigers/Cheyenne-4.jpg It's very cold on the icy steppes of Siberia, so hats off to this friendly tiger warming his human chum Michael Moore with a big matey hug. http://www.goyk.com/temp/potd/tiger_hug.jpg BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on the web recently? Tell us. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : GEEK OF THE WEEK Solar Death Ray Building a gigantic parabola of mirrors to focus the power of 112 suns onto hapless household objects sounds like a lot of fun. However, the site's owner sternly warns us, "The Solar Death Ray is dangerous. Don’t build one. I’m surprised I haven't burnt or blinded myself yet. The fumes from molten plastic can’t be good either." Click through to Target Gallery to witness the molten results of his own reckless experiments. http://www.solardeathray.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2 Preggers game, film quiz & solid Easter egg >> Spunk invaders << "After being subjected to my baby nephew's constant wails," hisses Naive Amoeba, "I decided to make a game which involves using a rubber diaphragm to bounce sperm away from an egg." Blimey, this amused us for a few minutes, although mainly because there's soon to be the skitter of tiny claws at B3ta Towers with a mini-Manuel on the way. http://www.naiveamoeba.co.uk/index.asp >> "Who's that extra?" film quiz << "Remember me?" enquires Scott, "You liked my other stupid stuff like the Evil Clown Generator. Well, I just made a rather pointless flash game that tests your knowledge of obscure Hollywood actors." Working on the "Shit, I've seen him somewhere but..." principle, this quiz is fucking tough. http://scottsmind.com/wherehave.php >> Solid Easter egg << As kids we were always disappointed with Easter Eggs being hollow. What a rip-off. J0nnyspence obviously feels the same. http://mysite.wanadoo-members.co.uk/j0nnyspence/eg... ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from Daily Sport Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted you to muck up pictures of David Sullivan because we felt vaugely annoyed that his newspaper was taking b3ta images and selling them on mobile phones. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/davidsullivan/ We asked b3ta legend Freddy Woo to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. Freddy Woo writes - #1 "Photo Booth - I'm not saying David has a face like an arse. But this is. (Darryn.R) http://www.b3ta.com/board/4386193 #2 "Graphic Design Dept - David is stealing our pics, so this steals err.. someone elses. (purpleonion) http://www.b3ta.com/board/4386132 #3 "Hair cut - trust monkeon to take the sideways approach. Nicely observed, yes David has got a crap hair cut." http://www.b3ta.com/board/4401199 Our challenge promted the Daily Sport to get in touch, they wrote: "At Daily Sport we love b3ta. Our publisher, David Sullivan, contacted us today to say how much he enjoyed your current Photoshop Challenge. "You may have noticed that in our Internutter column we have ceased to promote any images on mobile phones, and, in future, we will leave any tags your contributors put on their work in place. Keep up the good work!" Right. Hopefully this bit of silliness is resolved. Newspapers. Please take note: all most people want is credit for their work, and if you're planning to do t-shirts or other money making stuff. Just get in touch with the artist. It's not hard. >> This Week's Challenge << This week, b3ta challenge winner Darryn.R gave us the suggestion, "Tragic Roundabout" http://b3ta.com/challenge/tragicroundabout/ ------------------------------------------------- : STOP TELLING US * SEARCHING FOR CITROEN LOGO on google images produces an interestingly NSFW take on their double chevron. * WHOREPRESENTS.COM doesn't quite live up to its domain name. ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * MORE NOKIA FACTS - spiny informs us that "the 'dit dit dit dah dah dit dit dit' bleeps that Nokias make when you get an SMS is actually Morse code for 'SMS'." That makes a lot of sense - we'd always thought they were calling for help. * THE CHAIN REACTION GAME of last week's newsletter prompted a lot of readers to invoke super-brain nerd status because of their high scores. Comp_wizard11235 seems to have the best claim. "It's not that hard," writes this vast, disembodied brain in a jar. "After a chain reaction runs, it leaves areas of pieces pointed in the same direction. You can't start another reaction in such a region, but it's excellent for propagating reactions. "So just start a second reaction in untouched spaces right next to a region that has been aligned by previous reactions. Most likely, the reaction will run through several hundred tiles." ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA SALUTES Gay lion farm Sadly, not quite what the name might suggest, but we loved these 1930s publicity shots of Mr and Mrs Gay's Hollywood lion ranch. It's great seeing this fairly ordinary married couple nonchalantly arsing around with giant cats. http://www.alamedainfo.com/Gays_Lion_Farm.htm ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Stampy death There's not much depth to this deadly game of elephant and parrot. You simply have to avoid being crushed by the monstrous tusker's clumsy foot. But we enjoyed its cuteness combined with the constant, demented screeching in French. http://home.tiscali.be/dinodino/jeux/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * BIRMINGHAM EGG - Take 5 scotch eggs, cut in half and cover in masala sauce. Place in Balti dish and serve with naan and/or chips. We'll send a b3ta t-shirt to anyone who cooks this up, eats it and makes a lovely little photo log / write up of their adventure. * COFFEE ART WITH COCKS - loving this image of a lion made with coffee froth. Maybe you could get creative and do one with cocks. Or a minge. http://www.flickr.com/photos/tonx/1356415/in/set-4... * SOCIAL ENGINEERING - apparently you can get free pizza by walking into a takeaway behind some people, looking as if you're with them, noting their name and order and phoning back in 10 minutes saying "the ham was raw" and asking to pick up a fresh one. * METRO - create fake copies of the newspaper, with crazed stories, leave them on the Tube and observe people's reactions. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by ruski, 5700, whatsinaname212, mrtinybrain, Geordie Al, amazongirl, dr_fonz, James Hopkin, Rob T Firefly, C-Bean, whatsinaname212, fraggledrew and Geordie Al Top Tippery by Tim Sheridan Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Image challenge handled by Mystery Bob. Proofing by the IPO b4ta millionaires. (76547) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: If you're accidentally forced to take cocaine in a very hot and humid country, simply acquire a common slab of marble (small) and place it in the microwave for 4 mins. Presto! you now have a cutting surface that is extremely porous and absorbs all moisture from your precious gak, leaving it fluffy, dry and splendidly granular. The marble retains the heat internally too, for a good working timescale of 15-20 minutes. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive