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#Post#: 39--------------------------------------------------
Outside Reading Assignment #3 - Biography
DIR By: MrLyon
Date: September 24, 2012, 7:09 am
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For this week's outside reading, please read both of the sample
biographical articles posted onto the Assignments & Agenda page.
The documents are entitled "Biography - Sample 1 - Halman" and
"Biography - Sample 2 - Jobs," and the two stories should serve
as well-written examples (albeit somewhat longer than what
you'll be writing) of creative and thoughtful nonfiction
biographical writing. (The two documents should also be openable
on this page, as well.)
After reading both biographies, please write post a response of
no fewer than 500 words in which you comment on the authors'
respective uses of chronology, creative writing techniques,
sentence structure, word choice, and voice to help illustrate
the personal histories of the people highlighted in the
articles. Your response should utilize multiple text quotations
to support your ideas.
DUE DATE: Thursday, September 27
#Post#: 40--------------------------------------------------
Re: Outside Reading Assignment #3 - Biography
DIR By: cblock07
Date: September 25, 2012, 5:15 pm
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Both of these biographies were written very well. In the one
called 17 days in November was a very tragic story. The author
of this story did a great job telling this story. The author
told a lot of background information that led up to the problem
that occured. The author also used good chronology. He started
with the first even then went on to the last one. Nothing was
confusing and it keeps you interseted in the story. One good
technique that the author usues is making the reader seem
curious on what will happen next. One good sentence structure
that the author uses is that he makes you feel like you are
actually there. Like when he says "Jason's refusal angered
Gregory, who made up an excuse for the organizers". With that
sentence it makes you feel like you can actually be there in
person. The author uses good words in this writing. He uses good
vocabulary and helps you understand the story better. In the
other writing about Steve Jobs was a very successful article to
read. The author did a great job telling this story. The author
told a lot about what happened to the main character. Then went
on telling how great the person was. The way the author started
the story was good. It gave background information about what
happened to the person. An example is all the products all
existed before the company got there. So after his death, things
got better then people had planned. Nothing was confusing to
follow in the story. One good technique was when they would make
the reader interested in what was going on. The author wrote all
the accomplishes the person did. That was cool to find out. The
sentence structures were good beacuse they weren't too long or
too short. Most sentences in the paragraphs got to the point.
The word choice was good because it was based on an adult
reading. The voice made it so that you were actually there. I
could really picture what was going on. I could hear the author
saying all of this. One thing that I liked the most was that
this story kept me interested on what was happening. Both of
these biographies did that to me while I was reading
#Post#: 41--------------------------------------------------
Re: Outside Reading Assignment #3 - Biography
DIR By: cblock04
Date: September 26, 2012, 6:24 pm
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The biography about Gregory Halman was an interesting one. He
played professional baseball for the Seattle Mariners, which
makes this story interesting to many people. Immediately what I
notice about this biography is that it is written very well and
descriptively, especially in this quote “The words poured out,
moving from subject to subject, disorganized and jumbled, as if
the speed and the force of the thoughts overwhelmed the ability
of his brain to organize them… Out of this first crack rushed a
torrent of once-secret pain, like he’d cut an emotional artery.”
Although I did not like how the author mentions that Gregory
killed his brother at random points in the story. It does add
suspense, but I think it ruins the surprise of it actually
occurring. This biography is organized like a journal; it
starts with the date, and says what happened on that day. I
like this method because it keeps the story organized and makes
the reader want to reach the final day so they can hear about
the murder. The story also flashes back to previous dates to
explain major parts, but I find this confusing at times and I
think it should have been written in chronological order. I do
not like the presentation of this biography at all. The font is
very small and hard to read, which is detrimental to any piece
of literature. I think the black font on the white background
is kind of depressing, which correlates to the way Jason is
portrayed throughout the story.
The second biography about Steve Jobs in my opinion is much
better written than the one about Gregory Halman. The sentences
are to the point and come together very well. I like how the
biography portrays Jobs as an everyday person with flaws and
problems which makes him relatable to the reader. As the author
describes in this quote “In his many public appearances as the
head of a large public corporation, he rarely sounded like one.”
I don’t like how the author mentioned when Steve Jobs died in
the first sentence, I think he should have saved that
information for the end when Jobs actually dies. I think the
author used some good words like in this quote “But with
astonishing regularity, Jobs did something that few people
accomplish once,” but was not as descriptive as the author of
the first biography. I like the font of this biography much
more than the previous one, it is standard and easy to read. I
do not like the presentation of this work though; the black
writing on the white background is kind of boring because it
doesn’t bring any emotion into the biography. I think this
biography could have been organized better, there should have
been titles splitting up groups of paragraphs, rather than seven
pages of continual paragraphs. The voice seems very monotone, I
don’t get the feeling that anyone is speaking in a particular
way, like I sometimes do with other stories, the author is just
stating fact after fact.
#Post#: 42--------------------------------------------------
Re: Outside Reading Assignment #3 - Biography
DIR By: Cblock08
Date: September 26, 2012, 6:52 pm
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In both biographies titles “Steve Jobs, 1955–2011: Mourning
Technology's Great Reinventor” and “17 days in November” both
authors do an excellent job with chronology, sentence structure,
word choice, and voice. In the biography about Steve Jobs,
McCracken starts by telling us when Steve Jobs died and from
there, he writes about Steve Jobs’ time from the day before he
died and than goes backwards and tells us about his early life
but than back to the day he heard about his pancreatic cancer in
2004. The order of events of Steve Jobs life is jumbled around
in the biography and it is hard to keep track of what happened
before he got his inevitable news. In one paragraph it says
“During a 2009 medical leave, he received a liver transplant.”
and than the next paragraph it lists 2005. I could also see it
being helpful because it lists the good things he did and tells
about how he always was creative. Even though the dates were not
in chronological order, it was still helpful to separate each
paragraph with different topics. The word choice in this
biography was very creative just like Steve Jobs. It also made
his products sound more revolutionary and high-tech. The voice
that McCracken uses, gives Steve Jobs a god like personality. In
the last paragraph, it sums up what Steve Jobs did for the
world. “Steve Jobs' heart and intuition knew what he wanted out
of life — and his ambitions took him, and us, to extraordinary
places. It's impossible to imagine what the past few decades of
technology, business and, yes, the liberal arts would have been
like without him.” This paragraph creates that god like
personality for Steve Jobs and makes the readers think that if
Steve Jobs never existed, than our worlds would never have
changed as dramatically as it did with his inventions in our
lives. In “17 days in November” the author separates each
paragraph for each day before the death of the brother and the
years that passed. In some paragraphs the voice of the author
gives the reader chills by suggesting events and actions that
would scare little kids. “The blade cut the left side of the
neck, near the carotid artery. The blood, bright red and rich
with oxygen, spurted out of the wound. Doctors call this
arterial spray.” After this, the rest of the biography leaves
the reader with a sad and frightened feeling. The sentence
structure successfully tells the story and lays out each event
so the reader can visually experience it. As the author writes
the story you can visually imagine the police cars, the
ambulance and the chaotic feeling that was rising through every
bystander watching. As the knife cut the brothers neck, I was
able to picture a moment in an imaginary movie where the brother
would stare at Jason as the blood sprays from his neck and he
slowly falls to the ground as his heart beats out his blood.
Both authors in these biographies successfully convey a visual
and emotional story that leaves the reader with mixed emotions.
#Post#: 43--------------------------------------------------
Re: Outside Reading Assignment #3 - Biography
DIR By: cblock11
Date: September 26, 2012, 6:56 pm
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The author’s word choice in this paragraph helped the reader
using imagery. This is sound imagery using the words “poured out
moving from subject to subject, disorganized and jumbled, as if
the speed and force of the thoughts overwhelmed the ability of
his brain to organize them… Out of this first crach rushed a
torrent of once-secret pain, like he’d cut an emotional artery.”
This quotation helps the reader sympathize with Jason. The
author uses word choice and carefully chooses his/her words to
help convey his message. This word choice also helps me as the
reader to hear Jason talk as he is in this particular moment as
written. Using words like “poured out…disorganized… as if the
speed and force of the thoughts overwhelmed the ability of his
brain to organize them… cut an emotional artery” those
particular words help enforce the reader to feel and hear Jason
talking. When cutting an artery the blood spills out that how
his thoughts and emotions are coming out at the moment. They are
overwhelming him so he is pouring out his emotions and can’t
seem to control it. Jason is left with the pain of never living
up to his expectations. He especially feels it when Gregory
walks into the room. Jason has dreamed with Gregory about
joining a MLB team in the United States. But feels hurt because
Gregory went to the states and never looked back at Jason, while
Jason continued to struggle. Gregory is also more “white” than
Jason. Meaning the Jason feels rejection and sees it everywhere
because “whites thought him black. Blacks, white.” Next, Jason’s
actions seem to show better than words. The author added in the
fact that Jason got tattoos. Every tattoo had a meaning to him
and a reason behind it all so it helped intensify the emotions
at that particular time. Jason has been going through pain and
me as the reader doesn’t know personally because I can’t think
like him. But Jason’s tattoo constantly told people how he was
actually feeling. “The art on Jason's body hinted at unknown
pain. An hourglass with the sand slipping away. Feel The Pain.”
Steve Jobs can only be described in so many words because not
many knew him personally. But he did what he did to get where he
was when he died. “Jobs may have been inspiring, but he was also
a high-maintenance co-worker. He dismissed people who didn't
impress him — and they were legion, inside and outside of Apple
— as bozos.” Which tells us the readers that Steve Jobs was
harsh but he was “inspiring”. Now Steve Jobs can probably be
called so many things but the question is why inspiring? Did he
do something that his other co-workers didn’t do? Did he have
more ideas than others? Or did he just see more to the future
than other people should? All of these questions go through the
readers mind when the author wrote that Steve was “inspiring”.
Word choice is very powerful especially when writing
biographies. In my opinion the first one about Gregory and Jason
was harder to read. I only believe this because I had to keep
rereading it and it kept confusing me. The organized wasn't the
best at some points. It felt like going back in time then
getting confused about where which events came where. But I also
believe that the Steve Jobs one was not the best. It mostly just
listed his achievements in chronological order. It was very
informative when learning about him and how the Apple company
flourished but otherwise it was all just a bunch of facts being
listed.
#Post#: 44--------------------------------------------------
Re: Outside Reading Assignment #3 - Biography
DIR By: cblock06
Date: September 26, 2012, 7:29 pm
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Both of these biographies were very interesting.” Seventeen Days
in November” was about two brothers, Jason and Gregory, who did
a lot together. They had a background with baseball. The
brother’s grew far apart and that led up to Jason killing his
brother, Gregory. The chronology of the story was out of order.
It started with the day he killed his brother. It went from
November 4, 2011 to June 2008 and the date jumped around and was
out of order for most of the story. The sentence structure was
very good and the author used strong words to show their
emotions towards each other. Such as when Jason said “My dream
was stolen,” it showed how sad and upset he was about how he was
getting kicked off the team. The vocabulary the author uses
helps show the brother’s emotions and the vocabulary makes the
story stronger. The sentences are stronger with more details and
a word choice such as explaining how certain things happened in
the story and what exactly happened such as when the girl was
getting beaten by her friend and when she got hit by him. “The
second punch landed in her eye and her head exploded with
light.” The quotes in “Seventeen Days in November” show Jason’s
emotions and his pain right before he killed his brother. In the
biography about Steve Jobs, it shows how Steve Jobs was so
successful with technology and how he changed technology
forever. The author gives a lot of background about how Apple
became the world’s most valuable company. An example of that is
when the author says “Apple’s market capitalization passed the
power of Exxon mobile, making it the planet’s most valuable
company.” The chronology of the biography was not confusing at
all. The events went in order to everything that happened. The
author’s writing technique kept the reader very interested in
what happened to Steve Jobs because the author said all that he
accomplished and how great they were. The sentence structure
was very good and the word choices kept the story interesting.
The story never got boring and it was easy to follow. Steve Jobs
didn’t let his health affect Apple’s progress and sales. After
Steve Jobs death, Apple stayed really strong and did very well.
It was different than they planned. The sentence structure and
word choices of describing Apple after his death were very
strong and they explained how Apple would go on without Steve
Jobs. The authors showed how Jobs thought about what to do in
life and how he thought it should be spent and what not to do.
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it lining someone else’s
life.” The author’s voice was friendly and caring towards Steve
Jobs life. The author’s voice kept the story interesting and
there were no parts in the story that were boring or had less
emotion to what Steve Jobs story is. Both of these stories were
very interesting and had a lot of detail and emotion to the
people that the stories were about.
#Post#: 45--------------------------------------------------
Re: Outside Reading Assignment #3 - Biography
DIR By: cblock09
Date: September 26, 2012, 9:32 pm
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I thought Halman's biography "17 days in november" and
McCrackens "Steve Jobs, 1955-2011:Mourning Technologys Great
Reinventor" were written very good. In Jobs Biography, after the
first few paragraphs I thought the chronology was great. After
the first few paragraphs he mentions the year "1955" which is
when he was born. Skips to when he was twenty one then starts
mentioning accomplishents and a little failures during his
lifetime. One thing I really liked about the beginning was
stating right away that he died. Most biographies dont mention
that he died right away. Leading up to when the biography really
starts were important things that happened in his life. Like
"All existed before the company got there", also "The business
of apple entered under his leadership".That shows all of jobs
accomplishments happened after most technological things he
worked with were already invented. By a writing standpoint the
small paragraphs with mid size sentances state accomplishments
in small ways and expalin different events at different times.
Basic vocab made the biography easy to read.
In Halmans biography chronology was great. It was day to day.
Started "November 4th" and ended "November 21st". A few random
days popped up in between. The way it was written confused me
because dates would always shift and spoke in 3rd and 1st person
at points. He would use the word "I" alot but when explaining it
sounds at points in 3rd person. At the end it states "He put up
his left arm to defend himself" That is written in third person.
The shift is creative but confusing. The story had basic vocab.
Not too many words were confuing. Throughout the story you can
paint a picture in your head of what happened. For example the
ending. "The blade cut the left side of his neck" " The blood
was rich with oxygen, spurted out of the wound." You can
picture the killing by only reading those short sentances in the
little statement at the end.
#Post#: 46--------------------------------------------------
Re: Outside Reading Assignment #3 - Biography
DIR By: cblock10
Date: September 26, 2012, 11:42 pm
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In the first example, "17 Days in November" , the author uses
chronology in a very basic two steps. He either talks about
Jason or Gregory's past, or about the days, counting down,
before Gregory’s death. The author would talk about what they
did, and refer to who they talked to. After that the author
would then talk about their history, how they got to the present
day and all the events that may of affected them emotionally or
mentally. As each day was closer to Gregory’s death the timeline
of their careers would also come closer to present day. In the
second example, Steve Jobs, the chronology starts at the start
of his working career and ends when he leaves his company, and
it is implied that he dies. The author creates a very structured
writing, using events and products as milestones to transition
his biography. Sample two’s writing style is more to the point,
with less description and more facts. Sample one’s writing has
parts written like sample one but also parts written almost like
a story. In these parts there is more description and
foreshadowing, for example, describing how the street would look
different when it was lit up blue.
The writing technique of using short and precise orderly facts
presented in sample one isn’t very creative. To keep the
biography interesting the author utilizes adjectives as much as
possible to describe people, objects, feelings, and events. In
Sample two the author is much more creative using the story
format I spoke of in the first paragraph. Using the detail and
alternating paragraph types while using quotations and or
dialogue keeps the biography interesting. With the biography
being seventeen pages long the author does a great job of
keeping the story and facts interesting and not boring to read.
The sentence structure of both stories is basic, nothing very
out of the ordinary, with descriptive words that keep the
readers interest. There are quotes said by both subjects of the
writings’ and by others related to the writings’.
The word choice in sample one creates a sense of pity for Jason
and Gregory. You begin to feel pity when you feel them come so
close, but not make it. When the Italian cops and coaches are
mentioned, they are painted in a negative image, the cops,
possibly racist, and the coach, very angry. The author does a
good job of giving the reader every reason to side with the
brothers and making them both seem like great people. In sample
two the word choice used helps to creating a sense of hyperbole
when giving the facts, for example Comparing Steve jobs being
fired to Walt Disney being fired. The author keeps the sense of
realism while using the word choice to show someone larger than
life, but still keeping him realistic and as a person the
audience can connect to.
The voice of both biographies are very different but help their
stories. Sample 1 switches between a very sad and solemn tone,
to happy, excited or another emotion depending on the events of
the individual paragraph. This helps create more pathos in the
death of Gregory, while allowing the story to stay interesting
and different as the focus of the paragraphs change. In sample
two the tone stays very upbeat and almost humorous. Whenever the
biography speaks of Steve Jobs or what he was doing the tone is
happy, almost excited. But when the story talks about “Apple
sans Jobs was failing on an epic scale”(page 3, Sample 2) the
voice seems to lean towards the author laughing at the efforts
or, actions and results, of the old company. The author uses
modern words, that seem almost casual in context to achieve this
for example, “…epic…”(pg.3, S2), “…sacked Walt Disney…”(pg.3,
S2). Both overall use the voice to their advantage to maximize
the emotional connection between the reader and the story.
#Post#: 47--------------------------------------------------
Re: Outside Reading Assignment #3 - Biography
DIR By: cblock13
Date: September 27, 2012, 4:34 pm
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In both biographies, the authors both use the sense tense of
structure. While one author told the story in chronological
order of evens, the other just simply told you about the person
and their journey through their special occupation. Although
both were written really well, the 17 days in November seemed
more interesting to read. In that particular biography, the
imagery made it seem u were present when it took place. “They
rode side by side in the blue Lexus, filling up the seats,
physically close but worlds apart.” The text makes you feel as
if you are there sitting with them. Another example of excellent
imagery is the quote; “The brothers grew up in the long narrow
room on the top floor of a row house in Haarlem, with a slanted
ceiling and a view down into the street. Their hometown was near
the water, west of Amsterdam.” The sense of the room is
powerful. Although the concept of it was sad with the killing of
Gregory’s brother, the language and structure was emasculate.
The second example seems to just state facts instead of telling
a story to keep the reader interested. As interesting Apple may
be, the reader wants to stay interested in the story of the
person. They don’t want to hear just about their occupation.
From reading the second example, a reader could tell the
attitude the author had at the time. “During his first months
back at Apple, Jobs dumped board members, cut staff, slashed
costs, killed dozens of products and accepted a $150 million
lifeline from perennial bête noire Microsoft.” The author had a
bit of an aggressive attitude in sentence due to the way he
wrote about Jobs. Instead of encouraging Jobs, he spoke of him
as a negative person who is bad for his job.
#Post#: 48--------------------------------------------------
Re: Outside Reading Assignment #3 - Biography
DIR By: cblock05
Date: September 27, 2012, 6:30 pm
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In the biography 17 Days in November it starts off describing
this close connection between the two brothers. As if nothing
can come between them. "Never before had he done a tattoo
expressing such a close bond between people who were still
alive." It seemed as if nothing could break the bond between the
brothers as the other seems to portray. "They rode side by side
in the blue Lexus, filling up the seats, physically close but
worlds apart" I personally like how the author worded this
sentence. You find out the brothers got into an arguement and
when they were in the car together they were close but at the
same time, really far away. The bond that they once had was
fading and you deffinitly got that vibe from that sentence. The
author then quoted a major league scout "Trouble followed this
family." talking about the Eddy Halmans alcohol use and public
attacks. Also when Gregory was assaulted in a nightclub and when
he met up with one of his assaulters and broke his jaw. The
major league scout said after "There must be some kind of tragic
temper gene." The author used a lot of imagery to describe the
situation. For example, "Sixteen days before ambulance lights
made their street glow blue" and "Jason felt greeted with
rejection." In the other biography “Steve Jobs, 1955–2011:
Mourning Technology's Great Reinventor.” It starts off some what
negative towards Steve Jobs saying "wasn't a computer scientist.
He had no training as a hardware engineer or industrial designer
but then the biography begins to compliment Jobs saying "he
reinvented entire industries." So when I began to read this
biography I thought it was going to be a negative biography
about Jobs but it ended up praising him for his hard work. Thge
biography as a hole talked about Jobs's success with Apple,
competition along the way and his difficulty with handling a
corperation as big as Apple. It contained a lot of facts along
with much praise. It wasn't really as detailed or mysterious as
the other one. The biography quoted Jim Carlton as he bashed
Job's saying "[T]he odds aren't good that he can do more than
slow the fall, perhaps giving Apple a few more years before it
is either gobbled up by a bigger company or finally runs out of
customers," Which I personally like because when you think of
Steve Jobs you think of succesful and you don't think of
possible failiures he went through or back lash he got from
those in the industry. So I thought it was interesting that the
author included Carltons quote.
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