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#Post#: 64179--------------------------------------------------
OFFtoberfest Event - Tank Tall Tales Comedy Hour
By: Corbantis Date: October 10, 2016, 2:16 pm
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OFFers! Your mission is to come up with the most funniest tall
tank tale (in story form, not as a song or poetry) and post in
this thread. One submission per person though. Deadline is 11:59
PM on 10/31. Winner to be determined by the BoD. Good Luck, and
make us laugh!!!!
#Post#: 64202--------------------------------------------------
Re: OFFtoberfest Event - Tank Tall Tales Comedy Hour
By: AskingOregon7 Date: October 10, 2016, 8:56 pm
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On a warm summers eve
In a tank bound for Karelia
I met up with the rambler
I was just trying to sleep
But he just kept a blabbin'
Out the hatch at the darkness
Frustration overtook me
But he continued to speak
He said"Son, I've made a life
outta talking to people's faces.
Not caring what the words were
or who the audience was.
So if you don't mind me saying,
I can see you can't mute me.
And for a test of your patience
I'll give you some advice
So I settled in for a blabfest
And he cleared his throat with laughter
Slid his pants off with one hand
As I screamed in fright
And I wished he'd be quiet
But his pie hole was gaping wide open
And he said" If your going to play the game boy,
you better learn to play it right."
You've gotta know where to pen them
Know when to track them
Know when to drive away
And know when to cap
You never count your silver
While your sitting in the lobby
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the tankin's done
'Cause every tanker knows
The secret to survivin'
Is knowing when to YOLO away
And knowin' when to camp
'Cause every tanks a winner
And every tanks a loser
And the best you can hope for
Is a death from above.
And then he finished all his blabbin'
Turned back to the viewport
Slowly put his pants on
And closed his dirty pie hole
And some where on Erlenberg
The rambler, he got Deathstarred
But in his final words
I found a mastery badge I could keep.
You know the rest and thanks for your consideration.
#Post#: 64209--------------------------------------------------
Re: OFFtoberfest Event - Tank Tall Tales Comedy Hour
By: AhBuaya Date: October 11, 2016, 6:55 am
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faethor's face not mentioned... -1 :troll:
#Post#: 64210--------------------------------------------------
Re: OFFtoberfest Event - Tank Tall Tales Comedy Hour
By: AaaaaaandImDone Date: October 11, 2016, 7:28 am
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Someone's got a crush on me....someone's got a crush on
me.....how sweet!
#Post#: 64218--------------------------------------------------
Re: OFFtoberfest Event - Tank Tall Tales Comedy Hour
By: AskingOregon7 Date: October 11, 2016, 10:35 am
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You're so vain. Why would this song be about you?
#Post#: 64219--------------------------------------------------
Re: OFFtoberfest Event - Tank Tall Tales Comedy Hour
By: AaaaaaandImDone Date: October 11, 2016, 10:54 am
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[quote author=AaaaaaandImDone link=topic=4012.msg64210#msg64210
date=1476188933]
Someone's got a crush on me....someone's got a crush on
me.....how sweet!
[/quote]
#Post#: 64327--------------------------------------------------
Re: OFFtoberfest Event - Tank Tall Tales Comedy Hour
By: guest548 Date: October 13, 2016, 2:19 pm
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Turns out I do have a fun tale that I will share...
Once upon a time I was on maneuvers in the W. German country
side, outside of Kolsheim. I was a driver at the time and quite
comfortable in the drivers compartment of our M1 Abraham's when
my TC said "get me up there on that hill". The location he
indicated was about 500 yards up the side of a moderate incline.
These were winter drills so there was about 18" of snow on the
ground, not usually an obstacle for the magnificent M1 so I
turned the vehicle up the incline and up the hill I went. We
were travelling along the hill sideways, slowly traversing to
the requested location when all of a sudden we hit an ice patch
beneath the snow, and the tank began to slide sideways. At first
the slide felt manageable so I tried to correct, but after about
5 seconds, gravity decided to take over and I had the horrible
feeling that my 63 ton vehicle was getting away from me. I got
onto the comms and uttered the famous words "oh shit...y'all
better hold on" to the crew. Sadly it was at this point that I
made a dreadful discovery...
The hill that we were traversing was really the top section of a
plateau on a rather large mountainous spur. Another 5 or 10
seconds passed with us sliding slowly before the incline began
to steepen and gravity took full control of our now uncontrolled
descent. Before I knew it, the tank was careening down this hill
with absolutely no hope of stopping so I did what could only be
done after years of training, I used my cat like reflexes to
point the vehicle straight up the mountain, tucked my head
between my legs to kiss my ass goodbye, and got on the intercom
to tell my crew that we "we're going for a ride". No sooner did
I get the tank pointed straight up the hill, the tank lurched
backwards, forcing me forward into the drivers hatch, where all
I could see was the beautiful German sky from my drivers hatch.
The only thing visible were the tops of the many trees around me
and the blue clear sky. Turns out the hill instantly became a
cliff and down we went at what seemed like light speed towards
certain death. A few seconds passed and the tank began to level
out. I breathed a sigh of relief thinking to myself. "wow...that
was fun", only to feel the tank lurch again, this time with more
force and again slamming me into the hatch where again, the sky
came into view once more...the second cliff, was far steeper as
it turns out and much higher, began to fling us towards the
bottom of the aforementioned mountainous spur.
After what seemed like an eternity of screams from the turret
and more than one puddle (I blame the commander) dripping down
into my drivers hatch, the tank finally came to rest at the
bottom of the mountain. As I looked up from whence we came, all
I could see was what can only be described as the newest W.
German ski trail, exactly one tank wide, and covered side to
side with a dense covering of evergreens. In hindsight, I'm
pretty sure it was the trees that saved our bacon and kept us
from flipping end over end to our deaths but at the time it was
a pretty surreal image.
Needless to say, we were all pretty shaken and so we dismounted
the vehicle to inspect the damage. It was at this point in my
military career that I reinforced the belief that I was truly
invincible and my tank indestructible. The only damage we had
sustained was a couple of bent grills off the exhaust port in
the back of the tank (which I was able to quickly straighten
with a pair of vice-grips), and we had broken our whoopy
light...the light used for road marching to indicate our
presence to the surrounding traffic when we were tooling around
the German highway system. Not so much as a dent or ding could
be found over the rest of the vehicle. As I began to survey our
position, I learned that we were completely surrounded by German
forest so when we mounted, I got in and began the slow process
of decimating acre after acre of forest as we pushed down tree
after tree in a general Easterly direction until we were able to
find a road and get back to a reasonable position.
At the time, this was a terrifying experience, but now when I
think about it all I can do is smile to the Gods and chuckle a
little.. :bigsmile:
#Post#: 64328--------------------------------------------------
Re: OFFtoberfest Event - Tank Tall Tales Comedy Hour
By: AhBuaya Date: October 13, 2016, 2:38 pm
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Ok, you win the "Lumberjack" contest!
#Post#: 64330--------------------------------------------------
Re: OFFtoberfest Event - Tank Tall Tales Comedy Hour
By: MickeysGrenade Date: October 13, 2016, 4:15 pm
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Ok, so there's my Matty, balls deep in this T-29...
#Post#: 64337--------------------------------------------------
Re: OFFtoberfest Event - Tank Tall Tales Comedy Hour
By: guest32 Date: October 14, 2016, 12:13 am
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This happened way back in the beta days when you could bring in
tier 1 with tier 10. There i was on west field in my jagdtiger
kicking some ass and bouncing shots then I'm getting shot from
behind i look back and its a lol tractor shooting me in the
tailpipe he sets me on fire my auto fire extinguisher puts it
out then the little shit sets me on fire again and kills me.
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