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#Post#: 49824--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: February 18, 2016, 2:21 pm
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An atheist, a vegan and a crossfitter walk into a bar...I know
because they told me so every 20 minutes :rolf:
#Post#: 49940--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Maddog STS Date: February 19, 2016, 8:30 pm
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Mayday! Mayday!
The Air traffic control tower lost communication with a small
twin engine aircraft.
A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one
of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot, who lost communication, was
on a cellular phone and yelling: “Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!””
“The pilot just had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed
his cell phone out of his pocket because he had told me before
we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory.
I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180
mph....Mayday, Mayday!!”;
The tower, immediately, put him on speaker phone and the
Controller spoke, "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide
you down after a few questions.
The first thing is not to panic, remain calm”!
The Controller asked, "How do you know you are traveling at
18,000 feet”?
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the Altimeter
dial in front of me”.
Controller, "Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know
you’re traveling at 180 mph”?
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the Airspeed dial
in front of me”.
Controller: "Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily
overcast, so how do you know you're flying upside down”?
Aircraft: "The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt
collar".
:palm:
#Post#: 53349--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: PaddyUSA Date: April 5, 2016, 4:34 pm
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[quote author=jarhead2097 link=topic=1354.msg17018#msg17018
date=1420651109]
man who masturbates at cash register soon come into money.
man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
[/quote]
Confucius say ,'He who go to bed with hard problem,wake up with
solution in hand...'
#Post#: 53351--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: April 5, 2016, 6:09 pm
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Apples and Wine
Women are like apples. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because
they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they
sometimes take the ones on the ground that aren't as good, but
easy. The ones at the top think there is something wrong with
them, when in reality they're amazing.
Now Men...men are like grapes. They have to wait for the right
woman to come along and stomp the shit out of them until they
turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
#Post#: 53368--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: richietea2007 Date: April 6, 2016, 8:15 am
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A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.Stood next to him is a
beautiful blonde with breasts like two Zeppelins in a photo
finish.
The man turns around and says i would love to suck on those bad
boys.
The woman is in horror and says "My boyfriend is in the washroom
and i'm going to tell him how vulgar you are".
He replies " i would also like to turn you upside down,fill your
love pudding up with lager and drink it through a straw".
She is shock and swears her boyfriend will kill him.
By this time the boyfriend walks back into the bar.She says
"darling,this man is disgusting".
"What did he say to you love"?
"He wants to suck on these bad boys"
"Does he now"? As he rolls up his sleeves ready to give him a
battering.
"Oh,she says,there's more he wants to turn me upside down and
fill my love pudding up with lager and drink it through a
straw".
The man quickly rolls down his sleeves and proceeds to walk
away.
"So your not going to hit him then"?
The boyfriend turns around and says "anyone who can drink that
much lager i'm not fighting ".
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