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#Post#: 26399--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: D1G1TAL GUNF1RE Date: April 29, 2015, 8:50 am
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[quote author=Guderian 9139 link=topic=1354.msg26374#msg26374
date=1430256013]
The Horse Ride
[s]A blonde woman[/s] Faethor decides to try [s]horseback
riding[/s] playing WOT, even though [s]s[/s][s]he[/s] he has had
no lessons, no prior experience.
[s]S[/s][s]he[/s] he mounts the [s]horse[/s] M3 Lee unassisted
and the [s]horse[/s] Lee [s]immediately[/s] reluctantly springs
into action.
It [s]gallops[/s] drives off at a slow but steady and rhythmic
pace, but [s]the blonde[/s] Faethor [s]begins[/s] [s]to[/s]
[s]slide from the saddle[/s] gets instantly spotted.
In terror, [s]s[/s][s]he[/s] he [s]grabs for the horse's mane,
but cannot get a firm grip[/s] loads premium rounds but doesn't
fire them because silvers.
[s]S[/s][s]he[/s] He tries to [s]throw[/s] [s]her arms around
the horse's neck but slides down anyway[/s] retreat.
[s]The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to it's slipping
rider[/s] but gets tracked again.
Finally, abandoning [s]her failing grip[/s] all hope, [s]the
blond[/s] Faethor attempts to [s]leap away[/s] drown his Lee
[s]from the horse and throw herself to safety, [/s]but [s]her
foot becomes entangled in the stirrup![/s] but he gets stuck on
a rock
[s]S[/s]he is now at the mercy of Frivolous's pounding
[s]hooves[/s] as he[s]r head[/s] is penetrated from behind
[s]struck against the ground[/s] over and over.
As [s]her head[/s] his ass is battered [s]against the ground[/s]
repeatedly and without mercy, [s]s[/s]he is mere moments away
from [s]unconsciousness[/s] death when to [s]her[/s] his great
fortune...
[s]Frank[/s] D1G1TAL GUNF1RE, the [s]Wal-Mart Greeter[/s]
saviour, sees [s]her[/s] his dilemma and [s]unplugs the
horse[/s] finishes off the red team in his T-34-88.
[/quote]
#Post#: 26402--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Maddog STS Date: April 29, 2015, 8:55 am
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moar ROFL!
#Post#: 26403--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: D1G1TAL GUNF1RE Date: April 29, 2015, 8:55 am
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Buckwheat and Darla were in school and the teacher asked Darla,
'How do you spell 'dumb'?"
Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb."
The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."
She responds, "Buckwheat is dumb."
"Now spell 'stupid'."
Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d."
The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."
Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."
Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and asks, "Buckwheat, spell
dictate."
Buckwheat stands up and says, otay, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."
The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in the a sentence."
"I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate
good!"
#Post#: 26407--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: faethor47 Date: April 29, 2015, 9:05 am
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Oh man...lol...I'd rather get bucked off a WalMart horse than
drive the damn Lee...lolol :headbang:
#Post#: 27399--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: May 12, 2015, 4:12 pm
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Sunday School
The teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her class
of First Graders.
After explaining the one about Honoring thy Mother and Father,
she asked,
"Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy, the oldest in his family,
answered,
"Thou shall not kill"."
-------------------------------------
Class was finished early so the teacher gave out construction
paper & crayons and asked everyone to draw something.
As she walked around admiring the artwork she saw one little
girl working diligently.
"What are you drawing?"
Lisa, too busy to look up, said, "I'm drawing God"
"But Lisa, no one knows what God really looks like"
Lisa replied, "They will in a minute."
-------------------------------------
After they posed for the school photographer, the teacher was
trying to persuade her students to buy a copy of the Class
Picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at ...when you are all
grown and say, 'There's Jenny, she's a lawyer' or,
'That's Michael, he's a fireman"
A small voice in the back of the room rang out, "And there's
teacher, she's dead"
#Post#: 32612--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: July 14, 2015, 7:42 am
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Back to the Confessional
A married Irishman told the Priest, "I almost had an affair".
The Priest asked, "What do you mean almost?"
The Irishman replied, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed around
a bit but then I stopped meself,"
The Priest grimaced, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it
in. You're not to see that woman again!
For your penance: say ten Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor
box."
The Irishman left the Confessional, said his prayers and stopped
by the poor box a moment.
The hawk-eyed Priest ran over and said, "Liam, you put No money
in that poor box!"
"Aye, did ye not say that rubbing it on top o' the box is the
same as puttin' it in??"
#Post#: 32669--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: July 14, 2015, 2:37 pm
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Back to the Confessional II
A religious young woman enters the Confessional.
"Forgive me Father for I have sinned"
The Priest replies, "Confess and be forgiven"
The young woman says, "My Fiance and I were waiting until we
were married, but last night we went mad with passion and made
love seven times"
The Priest thought about this for several moments before saying,
"Squeeze seven lemons into a tall glass and drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
"No, but it will wipe that smile off your face"
:dance:
#Post#: 32672--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Gunmetalgrey1 Date: July 14, 2015, 2:50 pm
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A set of jumper cables walks into a bar, bartender looks at him
and says "I'll serve you but you better not start anything".
:superdrunk:
#Post#: 32674--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Maddog STS Date: July 14, 2015, 3:16 pm
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Jake and Gunmetal, good ones!
Guy is walking down the street, dragging about 4 feet of string
behind him. A man headed the other way notices and calls out,
"Hey, buddy, you got a string dragging behind ya!"
The man dragging the string stops and turns to the concerned man
and says, "Well, you ever try pushing one of these?!"
I know, I know... :palm:
#Post#: 32676--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Remy1974 Date: July 14, 2015, 3:21 pm
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Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says "Hey, why the long
face?".............
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