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#Post#: 24292--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Corbantis Date: April 3, 2015, 8:04 am
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[quote author=IceMaiden74 link=topic=1354.msg24291#msg24291
date=1428066172]
What happened Guderian?
You stopped posting!
[/quote]
Re-read it. The punchline is at the bottom. :hiding:
:hitself:
#Post#: 24650--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: April 6, 2015, 3:04 pm
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North Bay Trucker
As a North Bay trucker pulls up to a stop light, A blond in the
car behind him jumps out and runs up to his cab.
"Excuse me Sir, my name is Heather and I wanted to warn you that
you are losing your load!"
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the road.
A couple miles later he reaches a stop sign. Sure enough the
blond is still behind him and says,
"Excuse me Sir, my name is Heather and you are losing some of
your load!"
Muttering to himself, he jams it into first gear and pulls away
again.
A few miles beyond he reaches a truckstop and pulls in.
The blond pulls in next to him and says, "Excuse me Sir, my name
is Heather and you are still leaking out your load!"
The trucker glares down at her and says,
"Excuse ME, my name is Mike and it's wintertime here in
Canada...I drive a Salt Truck!"
:bash:
#Post#: 24672--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Nahwasntme Date: April 6, 2015, 4:12 pm
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The teacher asks the class to give her a sentence with the word
" beautiful" in it.
Johnny is straight up but the teacher does her best to ignore
him. She asks Amanda, Amanda says, me Mammy bought me a new
dress and it was beautiful, very good says teacher. It goes on
for a while until Johnny is the only one left. With a sigh she
asks johnny to give her a sentence.
He says, we were having tea deh udder nite when me sister says,
Ma and Da, I have sumtin to tell yez. What's that pet? Ask me
Ma.
Me sister says, I'm pregnant.
Me da says, Jesus Christ!!, that's beautiful, just fucking
beautiful. .
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his
soul to Santa.
#Post#: 26367--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: April 28, 2015, 3:21 pm
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Here & Beyond
A cowboy moseys up to the Pearly Gates; spitting out his chew
before reaching the desk.
St. Peter looks up from his lists and says "Oh, hello Dan. I
have to ask you...have you done anything of particular merit?"
"Well, now... I reckon I can think of one thing" the cowboy
offered.
"On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a
gang of bikers threatening a young woman all by herself.
I told them to leave her alone but they wouldn't listen and kept
it up.
So, I approached the biggest, most heavily tattooed varmint
there and kicked 'im in the balls and ripped out his earring.
Then I turned to the rest and said 'Clear out or I'll beat the
hell outta all of you !'"
Saint Peter was impressed, "When did This happen?"
"Oh just a couple minutes ago..."
:harm:
#Post#: 26371--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: AhBuaya Date: April 28, 2015, 3:46 pm
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[quote author=Guderian 9139 link=topic=1354.msg26367#msg26367
date=1430252502]
Here & Beyond
[s]A[/s] Triumph Cowboy [s]moseys[/s] trundles up to the
[s]Pearly Gates[/s] Maintenance Depot; spitting out his chew
before reaching the [s]desk[/s] service bay.
[s]St. Peter[/s] The Sergent looks up from his lists and says
"Oh, hello [s]Dan[/s] Chris. I have to ask you...have you done
anything [s]of particular merit[/s] stupid?"
"Well, now... I reckon I can think of one thing" [s]the[/s]
Cowboy offered.
"On a trip to [s]the[/s] [s]Black Hills out in South Dakota[/s]
Himmelsdorf , I came upon a gang of [s]bikers[/s] tankers
threatening [s]a[/s] [s]young woman[/s] MissTaken all by
herself.
I told them to leave her alone but they wouldn't listen and kept
it up.
So, I approached the biggest, most heavily [s]tattooed[/s]
cammoed [s]varmint[/s] Maus there and [s]kicked 'im in the balls
[/s] shot him in the tracks and [s]ripped out his earring[/s]
set him on fire.
Then I turned to the rest and said 'Clear out or I'll
[s]beat[/s] shoot the hell outta all of you !'"
[s]Saint Peter[/s] The Sarge was impressed, "When did This
happen?"
"Oh just a couple minutes ago..."
:harm:
[/quote]
There! With a few suitable modifications, I put it into
context.
#Post#: 26372--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: oxidative stres Date: April 28, 2015, 3:49 pm
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[quote author=AhBuaya link=topic=1354.msg26371#msg26371
date=1430253983]
[quote author=Guderian 9139 link=topic=1354.msg26367#msg26367
date=1430252502]
Here & Beyond
[s]A[/s] Triumph Cowboy [s]moseys[/s]
[[s]color=red]trundles[/color][/s] drives his Honda Ridgeline up
to the [s]Pearly Gates[/s] Maintenance Depot; spitting out his
chew before reaching the [s]desk[/s] service bay.
[s]St. Peter[/s] The Sergent looks up from his lists and says
"Oh, hello [s]Dan[/s] Chris. I have to ask you...have you done
anything [s]of particular merit[/s] stupid?"
"Well, now... I reckon I can think of one thing" [s]the[/s]
Cowboy offered.
"On a trip to the [s]Black Hills out in South Dakota[/s]
Himmelsdorf , I came upon a gang of [s]bikers[/s] tankers
threatening a [s]young woman[/s] MissTaken all by herself.
I told them to leave her alone but they wouldn't listen and kept
it up.
So, I approached the biggest, most heavily [s]tattooed[/s]
cammoed [s]varmint[/s] Maus there and [s]kicked 'im in the balls
[/s] shot him in the tracks and [s]ripped out his earring[/s]
set him on fire.
Then I turned to the rest and said 'Clear out or I'll
[s]beat[/s] shoot the hell outta all of you !'"
Saint Peter was impressed, "When did This happen?"
"Oh just a couple minutes ago..."
:harm:
[/quote]
There! With a few suitable modifications, I put it into
context.
[/quote]
One more edit! :troll:
#Post#: 26373--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Maddog STS Date: April 28, 2015, 4:19 pm
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rofl! :dance:
#Post#: 26374--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: April 28, 2015, 4:20 pm
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The Horse Ride
A blonde woman decides to try horseback riding, even though she
has had no lessons, no prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately
springs into action.
It gallops off at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde
begins to slide from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot get a firm
grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck but slides
down anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to it's slipping
rider.
Finally, abandoning her failing grip, the blond attempts to leap
away from the horse and throw herself to safety, but her foot
becomes entangled in the stirrup!
She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her
head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments
away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune...
Frank, the Wal-Mart Greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the
horse.
#Post#: 26397--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: D1G1TAL GUNF1RE Date: April 29, 2015, 8:27 am
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A Canadian, an American and a China man are stranded on a
deserted island. The Canadian tells the others that he will be
in charge of food. American volunteers to be in charge of water
and the Chinese man says he will be in charge of supplies. They
split up to do their jobs and decide to meet up later. When the
Canadian and the American return, there is no sign of the
Chinese man. Days pass by, but they still can't find their
friend. One day as they are walking along a path, the Chinese
man jumps from the bushes and yells "SUPPLIES!"
#Post#: 26398--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: April 29, 2015, 8:48 am
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I daresay it appears royalties are due my account. I shall ring
up my solicitor posthaste !
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