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#Post#: 18085--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: mrzip98 Date: January 21, 2015, 10:09 pm
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Q: Why does a bride wear white to her wedding?
A: Because the dishwasher needs to match the rest of the
appliances.
#Post#: 18101--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Maddog STS Date: January 22, 2015, 8:01 am
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Zip, if I tell the wife that one, she'll make me wear white
:acccord:
#Post#: 18226--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: January 23, 2015, 12:55 pm
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Inner Peace
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we
could all use a little more calmness in our lives.
By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too
can find inner peace.
Dr. Phil proclaimed "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish
all the things you have started and never finished"
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and
hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning,
I finished off some Cabernet, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a box of
Oreos, the remaining oxycodone from my surgery 3 years ago, some
Doritos and some chocolates from Christmas. You have no idea
how freaking good I feel right now.
Pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner
peace.
#Post#: 18401--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Maddog STS Date: January 26, 2015, 9:26 am
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The Male Cycle
When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend
with big tits.
When I was 18, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was
no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest
for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all
the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl
with stability.
After college, when I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she
was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited
about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a
girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up
with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling
on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable
as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very
energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with
some real ambition.
When I was 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet
planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so
ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, so I am looking for a girl with big
tits.
:palm:
#Post#: 18758--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Maddog STS Date: January 29, 2015, 8:19 am
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Stuttering Cat - as explained by a grade 4 student ...
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.
"Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who
stuttered."
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could
become,
asked the girl to describe the incident.
'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before
we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'
'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.
'It sure was,' said the little girl. 'My kitty raised her back,
went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, Ffffff!," but before she could say
'Fuck!', the Rottweiler ate her!
The teacher had to leave the room... :palm:
#Post#: 18850--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Maddog STS Date: January 29, 2015, 3:01 pm
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New Teacher
On the first day of school, the new first grade teacher, Miss
Prussy, told her students their first assignment was to learn
and remember her name. She told her students that a good way to
remember it is it sounds like 'Pussycat', add the 'r' sound
after the 'p' sound, and drop the 'cat' from the end.
The very next day, at the beginning of class, she asked little
Johnny, "Do you remember my name, and how to pronounce it
correctly?" He screwed up his face, thought hard for a good 15
seconds, and suddenly brightened.
"Why, yes Mam, it's Miss Crunt!"
:acccord:
:palm:
#Post#: 18976--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Maddog STS Date: January 31, 2015, 10:38 am
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TRAVEL PLANS FOR 2015
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots.
Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with
someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you
there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you
have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks
to my children, friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm
not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try
not to visit there too often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to
stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm
getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets
the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I
need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country
I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and
damp there.
:acccord:
#Post#: 19500--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Sosabowski Date: February 4, 2015, 1:46 pm
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After a lengthy trial, Dave was sentenced to 12 years in a
category 'A' prison for his crimes.
He was processed, given his uniform and bedding and herded to
his cell to spend his first night behind bars.
He was pushed into his cell and that's where he met his cell
mate Big Phil.
Now Dave had heard of Big Phil from one of the screws and it
turns out that he was the dirtiest, most violent and vile man
you would ever have the misfortune to meet. He was inside for
rape, murder, fraud, grievous assault and rape. He likes rape.
Dave took a big gulp and introduced himself.
'You wanna play mommies and daddies?' came the reply.
'Er, no thank you Philip'. Dave was sure that Big Phil would
absolutely destroy him in that particular game.
'I said you wanna play mommies and daddies?' came Big Phil's
more forceful enquiry, 'You can be the mommy'.
'...I can be the mommy? Are you sure?'.
'Oh yes I don't mind' said Big Phil sincerely.
Now at an impasse, Dave weighed up his options. He didn't fancy
either scenario but surely playing 'Father' in this game would
be far more beneficial to his long term prospects of being able
to sit down comfortably. 'OK, I'll play, Phil'
Big Phil looked visibly pleased with this outcome was smiling
from ear to ear as he pulled down his trousers.
'Right, Daddy' he chirped 'Suck mommies cock'
#Post#: 20577--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: February 16, 2015, 3:41 pm
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How to make her feel like a Woman
On a transatlantic flight, an old 747 is tossed about by a
severe storm. A loud crack on the right wing has everyone's
eyes fixed on a few shards of aluminium where a jet engine was
housed a moment before. The plane dips noticeably but then
levels out. Flashes of lightning and odd vibrations are too
much for an attractive middle-aged woman in First Class.
She unbuckles her belt and stands up screaming "Alright if this
is my last moment alive, I want it to be memorable...is there
ANYONE on this plane that can make me feel like a Woman?!?"
For a moment there's silence...all have forgotten their own
peril. An Italian man pushes the curtain back from the rear of
the plane. He is handsome, tall, well built, with brown hair
and piercing eyes. He walks up the aisle slowly, staring at the
the woman intently as he unbuttons his shirt. His torso ripples
with muscles as he pulls off the shirt. The woman gasps as he
faces her, inches from her lips. Without blinking an eye he
smoothly says...
" 'Here - iron this and-a get me something to eat "
#Post#: 24291--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: IceMaiden74 Date: April 3, 2015, 8:02 am
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What happened Guderian?
You stopped posting!
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