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#Post#: 17041--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: FhYikGwAlOU Date: January 7, 2015, 1:41 pm
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actually.....I heard through the grapevine that the new Waterboy
was Faethor.....?!?!?!
#Post#: 17043--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: ta2dflip Date: January 7, 2015, 1:55 pm
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[img height=1080
width=702]
HTML http://i57.tinypic.com/k0rinn.jpg[/img]
#Post#: 17063--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: January 7, 2015, 6:04 pm
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Italian Tomato Garden
An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant
his annual tomato garden, but the ground was too hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The
old man wrote him a letter to describe his predicament:
My Dear Vincent,
I am feeling sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant
my tomatoes this year. I'm just getting too old to dig up the
earth.
I know if you were here, you would be happy to help me like in
the old days.
Love,
Papa
A few days later a letter came in the mail:
Dear Pop,
Please don't dig up the garden. That's where the bodies are
buried.
Love,
Vinnie
4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents & local police arrived and
dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.
They apologized to the old man and left.
The next day a letter arrived:
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I can do
under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie
#Post#: 17113--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: FhYikGwAlOU Date: January 8, 2015, 10:25 am
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Guy crash lands his plane near a small island and barely makes
it to shore. A dog comes over and licks his face until he
regains consciousness. Once he is up and about he notices the
island is populated by sheep and the dog.
Time goes by and horniness finally gets the better of him and he
decides since he is alone and no one will ever know so he is
gonna have sex with one of the sheep. He walks over to the flock
and grabs a ewe and just as he is about to commence the dog
rushes over and bites him on the ass - dog runs away and all of
the sheep run away.
Next day he doesn't see the dog around, so he sneaks over to the
flock and grabs another ewe when the dog comes outta nowhere and
bites him on the butt again - dog runs away and so does the
flock.
Frustrated, sitting on the beach the next day, he sees another
plane crash land where his did. Soon, a beautiful woman washes
up on the shore. He rushes down to her, followed by the dog, and
does CPR and gets her back to consciousness.
She is overcome with gratitude and says "Oh my God, Thank you
for saving my life, I will do anything, anything you want me
too!" He looks at the beautiful woman and says "Fantastic! Hold
this dog while I go have sex with one of these sheep!"
#Post#: 17128--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: SgtEhrenfried Date: January 8, 2015, 12:30 pm
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Woman goes to the doctor and tells him that her husband won't
make love to her anymore. The doctor gives her a bottle of pills
and tells her to put one pill in his morning coffee and she'll
get what she wants.
The next morning the woman puts a pill in her husbands coffee.
That night they make love all night long.
The woman gets up the next day thinking that was great, so she
puts two pills in her husbands coffee.
They make love all that night and into the next day.
The woman thinks,"that was even even better" so she puts the
whole bottle in her husbands coffee.
The following day the doctor finds the woman's son out by the
road.
The doctor asks the boy, "How's your mother?"
The boy says, "My momma's dead."
"Your momma's DEAD?"
"Yup. Momma's dead, my sister's pregnant, my asshole hurts, and
Daddy's in the backyard calling HERE KITTY KITTY!!"
#Post#: 17131--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: SgtEhrenfried Date: January 8, 2015, 12:37 pm
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A man looks out his back window and notices a gorilla in the
tree in his backyard. He calls the local zoo and they tell him
that someone is on the way to catch the gorilla.
A short time later a van pulls up in front of the house. The man
walks out as the zookeeper is unloading his equipment. He gets:
a ladder, a baseball bat, a large dog, some rope and a shotgun.
The man asks the zookeeper, what's all this for. The zoo keeper
replies, " Here's the plan. I'm going to climb up into the tree
with the ladder. I'll use the baseball bat to knock the gorilla
to the ground. When the gorilla falls the dog will run over and
bite is balls off. While it's in this stunned state we'll use
the rope to tie him up and take him back to the zoo."
"So what's the shotgun for then," the man asks.
"On the off chance that the gorilla knocks me out of the
tree....Shoot the damn dog!"
#Post#: 17171--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: January 9, 2015, 8:35 am
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:bigsmile: good one sarge !
#Post#: 17398--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: January 12, 2015, 5:42 pm
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A wise Italian father
or - Why Italian fathers pass their guns down through the family
An old Italian gentleman was dying.
He calls his son to his bedside.
"Giuseppe, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to have my chrome
plated .38 so you can always remember me."
"But Pop, I really don't like guns...howabout you leave me your
Rolex instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna run da business, you
gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home an' a
couple bambinos.
Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna
bed with another man...Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa at you
watch and say 'times up'"?
#Post#: 17601--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: January 14, 2015, 3:55 pm
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Tell me this won't happen to us
Two elderly women were out and about in a large sedan; both
could barely see over the dashboard.
They cruised right through a red light.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself I must be
losing my mind...I thought we went through a red light
They came to another intersection and again they passed right
through a red light
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and
they went right on through.
So, she turned to her friend and said" Mildred, did you know we
went through three red lights? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, crap, am I driving?"
#Post#: 17602--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
By: Guderian 9139 Date: January 14, 2015, 4:32 pm
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Tell me this won't happen to us Part II
A senior citizen was driving down the freeway when suddenly his
cell phone rang.
He fumbled with it for a moment and finally got the thing on.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him.
"Marty, be careful! I just heard on the news there's a car
going the wrong way on Interstate 40!"
"Heck" said Marty, "It's not just one, there must be a hundred
of them!"
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