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#Post#: 16694--------------------------------------------------
Dial-a-Joke
DIR By: Guderian 9139
Date: January 2, 2015, 5:22 pm
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So we had a guy working for us named Wally. Worked for my
family 49 years.
He passed away suddenly (God rest his soul) and about a year
later I discovered comic Gold buried deep in his filing cabinet.
I shall share:
Hot & Cold Sex
"Any questions for me?" the Doctor asked
"In fact, I do..." the old man replied " after my wife and I
have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly; and then I have sex with
her the second time and I'm usually hot and sweaty"
After a thorough examination, the doctor visited the wife in the
waiting room and said, "Everything appears to be fine with Jack
but I am a little concerned. He mentioned that when he has sex,
he is cold and chilly; and then the second time he becomes hot
and sweaty. Do you have any idea why?"
"Oh that crazy old coot" she replied.
"That's because the first time is usually in January and the
second is in August"
:grin:
#Post#: 16774--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
DIR By: Guderian 9139
Date: January 4, 2015, 3:34 pm
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Okay, that went over like a lead balloon, but as my dear old
Grandad said "no sense bein' Irish if ya can't be thick"
one more try:
A tap on the shoulder
A passenger in a taxi leaned forward and asked the driver a
question. The driver seemed not to hear, so the passenger
tapped him on the shoulder.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus,
bounced over the curb and stopped inches from a glass
storefront.
All was silent for a few seconds and then the shaking driver
said "are you OK? I'm so sorry but you scared the daylights out
of me..."
The shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said "I didn't
realize a mere tap on the shoulder could startle someone so
badly"
The driver replied " No, no it's entirely my fault. Today is my
very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for
the past 25 years..."
#Post#: 16783--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
DIR By: AntacidObject66
Date: January 4, 2015, 7:07 pm
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OMG!! I totally missed this thread the other day! LMFAO!!!
Especially at the first joke!!
Keep 'em coming...this Irish woman loves a good laugh! :girl:
#Post#: 16813--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
DIR By: Guderian 9139
Date: January 5, 2015, 8:52 am
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Thanks AO ! :grin:
okay
Biology Class - final exam
The last question on the test was "Name Seven advantages of
Mother's Milk" worth 35 points for all seven or none at all
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven
advantages.
He wrote:
1. It is perfect formula for a child
2. It provides immunity from several diseases
3. It is always the right temperature
4. It is inexpensive
5. It bonds the child to mother and vice versa
6. It is always available
And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just
before the bell rang he feverishly wrote:
7. it comes in two cute containers
He got an A
:smileplain:
#Post#: 16882--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
DIR By: Guderian 9139
Date: January 5, 2015, 7:08 pm
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okay I'm in New York and still at work so the rest of you
should suffer as well:
Confucius Say
Confucius Say Man who run in front of car get Tired
Confucius Say Man who eat many prunes get good run for money
Wife who put Husband in doghouse soon find in Cathouse
Man who fight Wife all day get no piece at Night
It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it
Man who live in glass house should get changed in basement
Baseball wrong! Man with 4 balls not walking
Excruse prease... I go Nowww !
#Post#: 17010--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
DIR By: Guderian 9139
Date: January 7, 2015, 10:24 am
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Just got off the phone with a friend in Chicago
He said that since early this morning the snow is nearly waist
high and Still Falling!
The temperature is near zero and the north wind increasing.
His wife has nothing to do but look through the kitchen window
all day.
He says if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
#Post#: 17013--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
DIR By: IceMaiden74
Date: January 7, 2015, 10:43 am
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LOVE THESE!!
Keep them coming Guderian!
#Post#: 17014--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
DIR By: bigboldc
Date: January 7, 2015, 10:54 am
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--- Quote from: Guderian 9139 link ---
>
> okay I'm in New York and still at work so the rest of you
should suffer as well:
>
> Confucius Say
>
>
> Confucius Say Man who run in front of car get Tired
>
> Confucius Say Man who eat many prunes get good run for money
>
> Wife who put Husband in doghouse soon find in Cathouse
>
> Man who fight Wife all day get no piece at Night
>
> It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it
>
> Man who live in glass house should get changed in basement
>
> Baseball wrong! Man with 4 balls not walking
>
>
> Excruse prease... I go Nowww !
>
>
>
>
>
--- End Quote ---
Man run behind car get exhausted.
Man standing on toilet is high on pot.
Man drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
Virgin like balloon, one prick all gone.
#Post#: 17018--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
DIR By: jarhead2097
Date: January 7, 2015, 11:18 am
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man who masturbates at cash register soon come into money.
man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
#Post#: 17025--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dial-a-Joke
DIR By: warsteiner89
Date: January 7, 2015, 11:47 am
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So....a bar walks into Warsteiner and ....oops....wrong joke...
ok....so brad drives up to a river.....and...
oh crap... ill stop....
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