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#Post#: 128--------------------------------------------------
pineblaze deputy of shadowclan wip DO NOT TAKE POSTITION.
By: moony Date: October 16, 2012, 6:56 am
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Name: pineblaze
Gender:tom
Alliance: ShadowClan
Rank: deputy
Appearance (at least four sentences): a white and black tabby
and green eyes and has a white circle around his left eye. He
has a torn up ear, a scratch on his tail, and on his paw he
also has a paw print on his forehead, a sign for loyalty. He
looks a lot like smudge, but he's not a kittypet.
Personality (at least four sentences): kind,nice,caring,
fierce,brave, and smart. when around she cats he gets all
lovey dove and he's all ways wanted a mate.He is a great story
teller he dose great details and long long stories too.
History (at least six sentences): when he was a kit he had a
mean dad and a mean mom his mom was a orange tabby with green
eyes, the other was a brown tabby with orange eyes. everyday he
was yell, they were exiled and were never seen again. but
sometimes he hears his parents calling him, he ignores them,
his mom darklights has stolen many kits such as honeykit,
silverkit, pinekit, harekit, and blackkit.His last mate
Rednight, died of a fox attack, pineblaze doesn’t like to
talk about her.
Comments (optional): hi
#Post#: 131--------------------------------------------------
Re: pineblaze deputy of shadowclan
By: Silverhawk1 Date: October 16, 2012, 2:42 pm
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Hey Moony! There's a few things you can do to fix your bio:
-The first letter in each sentence must be capitalized.
-In all Clan names, the C in Clan needs to be capitalized.
-In your appearance, you need to write at least four sentences.
-Your sentences are quite choppy. Try lengthening them or
combining some.
-In the gender section, you said Pineblaze is a tom, but it says
"her" in the appearance. Your cat can't be two genders.
Bump your app when you're done!
#Post#: 153--------------------------------------------------
Re: pineblaze deputy of shadowclan
By: moony Date: October 19, 2012, 3:16 pm
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bump[quote author=moony link=topic=47.msg128#msg128
date=1350388602]
Name: pineblaze
Gender:tom
Alliance: ShadowClan
Rank: deputy
Appearance (at least four sentences): a brown and black tabby, .
his eyes are green, and has a white circle around his left eye.
He has a torn up ear, a scratch on his tail, and on his paw.
he also has a paw print on his forehead, a sign for loyalty
Personality (at least four sentences): kind,nice,caring,
fierce,brave, and smart.
History (at least six sentences): when he was a kit he had a
mean dad and a mean mom his mom was a orange tabby with green
eyes, the other was a brown tabby with orange eyes. everyday he
was yelled at they really got on his brother and sister's
nerves. one day while he was eating his mom and dad tried to
kill the leader, he warned the clan the whole clan fought them
off. they were exiled and were never seen again. but sometimes
he hears his parents calling him, he ignores them.
Comments (optional): hi
[/quote]
#Post#: 225--------------------------------------------------
Re: pineblaze deputy of shadowclan
By: hawkfire Date: October 20, 2012, 9:19 pm
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Your bio is coming along great so far, although you can still
fix a couple things.
--After every colon [:], there needs to be a space and a capital
letter for the first word.
--Your sentences are still short.
--Your personality needs to be longer.
--There are some spacing errors.
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