DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
World of Warriors RPG
HTML https://worldofwarriorsrpg.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Character Archives
*****************************************************
#Post#: 385--------------------------------------------------
Sacredfire's Bio! Deputy of RiverClan!
By: Minenintedolp Date: October 27, 2012, 10:38 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Name:Sacredfire
Gender:She-cat
Alliance: RiverClan
Rank:Deputy
Appearance (at least four sentences): A huge dark golden
She-cat with dark, mysterious blue eyes. She has large brown
paws for swimming. She has strong Golden legs for Running or
Fighting. And she has a powerful Dark golden tail for jumping.
Personality (at least four sentences):She is kind, Careing, And
thoughtful. But She can be grumpy, and mean. So when she is in a
bad mood don't go by her at all. but if you do, get ready for a
face full of claws!
History (at least six sentences):Sacredfire's mom and dad were
kittypet loners. One night a dark, evil group of cats saw
them.The family try to run, but the clan got to them. The Clan
showed there fangs, bloody red from the fights that there had.
Than in a crack of thunder and the yell of cats the clan
attacked. Cats yelled, fur was all over the place, Blood pools
made from the cats who lost their lifes. And in the pile of dead
bodys Sacredfire's dad was dead, his neck had a pool of blood
around it. Her mom ran with all her might! She jump accres the
rageing river, her fur geting damp and huge.She kept runing to
see a island, it was dark from the strom that rage on. The mom
knew she had to go and leave, her heart broke in two after she
left her kit their.
Comments (optional): I well love some comments about how to make
it batter!
#Post#: 395--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sacredfire's Bio! Deputy of ThunderClan
By: xCreep79 Date: October 27, 2012, 12:42 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[center]Hi there, Creep here.
There's a few problems with this bio. First of all, deputy of
Thunderclan is already taken.
Deputies of Riverclan and Shadowclan still are open, though.
Secondly, your 'appearance' doesn't have enough sentences.
Thirdly, you have a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes.
Bump this when you're done fixing it up. [/center]
#Post#: 420--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sacredfire's Bio! Deputy of RiverClan!
By: Minenintedolp Date: October 27, 2012, 2:57 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
BUMP! BUMP! Bump it up!
#Post#: 446--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sacredfire's Bio! Deputy of RiverClan!
By: hawkfire Date: October 28, 2012, 9:20 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[sup]It's hawky.
There's still some things you can do to improve your bio.
--Your appearance doesn't have enough sentences.
--You have a couple spelling mistakes.
--There needs to be a space in between the first word and the
colon.
--There are some capitalization mistakes.
--You're putting in unnecessary exclamation points.
--Your sentences are very choppy. Try lengthening them or
combining some.
Bump this when your done![/sup]
#Post#: 453--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sacredfire's Bio! Deputy of RiverClan!
By: Minenintedolp Date: October 28, 2012, 9:59 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Ok...): Got any tips?
#Post#: 471--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sacredfire's Bio! Deputy of RiverClan!
By: Minenintedolp Date: October 28, 2012, 12:16 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Bump!
#Post#: 481--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sacredfire's Bio! Deputy of RiverClan!
By: hawkfire Date: October 28, 2012, 2:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[sup]Your sentences are still choppy and there are some spelling
mistakes in there. There are also some capitalization errors and
in the history, the tense changed at the end.
Bump when you're done.[/sup]
#Post#: 534--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sacredfire's Bio! Deputy of RiverClan!
By: Minenintedolp Date: October 28, 2012, 10:14 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I am going to lock this. I just don't have the time or muse to
do it so yea. If you have any tips PM me!
#Post#: 622--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sacredfire's Bio! Deputy of RiverClan!
By: Minenintedolp Date: October 29, 2012, 3:32 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Bump. I hope this is good! If not, Help me!
#Post#: 749--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sacredfire's Bio! Deputy of RiverClan!
By: Minenintedolp Date: October 30, 2012, 9:05 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Bump! I hope this is good enough! If not i need help. This is my
first bio ever!
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page