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Identity
By: WiShBo! Date: November 26, 2012, 12:17 pm
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by Dr.Ketaki Patwardhan Nirkhi
Vineeta relaxed in the rocking chair in her small balcony,
appreciating the beautiful rain drizzling from the heavens. She
had always loved rains. They seemed to sense her mood. They
seemed to reflect the rhythm of her soul. They always made her
feel cozy, comfortable. The rains today stretched out till the
horizon, fading everything in view. But she knew, after the
rains, the surroundings would look even more beautiful. The
trees would look greener, flowers more colourful, skies bluer
and mud browner. As if a new energy had been pumped into the
universe, as if suddenly everything had regained its youth. She
loved the smell of wet mud. It reminded her of the rains she
used to play and get drenched in in Ratnagiri, her grandma’s
place. She had always loved rains. But she hated storms. And
exactly two years back, she had had no idea of the horrendous
storm about to come in her life.
For Vineeta, life had been all about loving her family. She was
an obedient daughter, a well-mannered daughter-in-law, a devoted
wife and a doting mother. Her whole day was occupied with
cooking for her husband and children, looking after her
mother-in-law, playing a perfect host to her husband’s guests,
keeping the house clean and instilling good values into her
children. And one fine day, Ravi, her husband of twelve years,
announced that their marriage was over. Vineeta had never ever
thought in her wildest dreams that she would have to face this
day. For her it seemed the end of her world, her entire universe
came crashing down in front her. Ravi’s colleague from office,
Anvita, whom Vineeta had once complimented for her good looks,
was the reason behind breaking of her marriage. Vineeta did not
say anything, she was speechless. Ravi had expected her to fight
with him, but she said nothing. His mother shouted at him, asked
him to at least think about their children, but Vineeta kept
mute. Ravi announced that he was leaving the house to go and
stay with Anvita. But Vineeta quietly gathered all her
belongings and children and immediately left the house. “This is
your house and without you, it has no meaning for me”, was all
she said to him that night.
Whole night, sleeping at her maternal home, Vineeta was wide
awake. She couldn’t sleep a blink. Till now, she had led life
for others. Her world had only revolved around her husband and
children. She had no identity of her own. But now that her
husband had thrown her out of his life, suddenly her life had
become meaningless. Had it not been for her children, she could
have ended her life. But now, for the sake of her children, she
had to stay strong and she had to find an identity. Next
morning, in spite of her parents’ repeated pleas to stay with
them, she moved out of their house. She knew however much they
loved her; she could not burden them with her and her children’s
responsibility at this stage. For now, till she found a place of
her own, she would keep her children here, but once she had a
decent place that she could call home, she would take her
children along.
Vineeta first went in search of a place to live, or better say,
spend nights. She was determined to work whole day, not just to
earn money, but also to keep her mind busy and free of all
troubling thoughts. She found a room with a small attached
kitchen in a working woman’s hostel. After keeping her luggage
in the room, she fished out her certificates and wiped the dust
off them. She had a B.Com degree, and she knew she did not have
much of job opportunities. Yet she was determined to do any kind
of decent
After a few days of search, Vineeta landed a job as a sales girl
in a big mall. The timings were morning 9 to evening 5. For her,
it was a good start. But she needed more. She applied for the
post of teacher in night school. In a month’s time, she got the
post of Accounts teacher for twelfth Commerce students. She took
classes from 7 till 10. In the meantime, her children had
gradually adapted to the changes in her life. Vineeta was aware
that all this was certainly taking a toll on her children’s
wellbeing, especially emotionally. At a time when they needed
both parents most, they were having none. Vineeta made it a
point to spend every moment of Sunday and any other holiday
exclusively with her children. Her five year old son Ayaan used
to throw temper tantrums, would get mad at her. ‘Why don’t you
come here daily?’ he would shout. ‘Take us with you’, he would
demand. But her ten year old daughter Aarohi understood. She was
becoming mature beyond age.
Simultaneously, she had to attend court for the proceedings of
the divorce. Ravi would always be accompanied by Anvita. But
Vineeta would always go alone. Her father wanted to accompany
her, but she never allowed him to. Ravi tried to speak to her a
couple of times. But she had nothing left to say to him. In the
court, Ravi announced that he was ready to support her, give her
whatever alimony she wanted. But she flatly refused. She did not
want his money. Her only expectation was that they should
contribute equally for their children’s education. And the
divorce was through. She never spoke to Ravi even once.
Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks and weeks turned
into months. Vineeta’s circus around her jobs, herself and her
children continued. She avoided going home the Sunday’s which
Ravi came to meet their children. One such Sunday morning, when
Ravi was visiting the kids, Vineeta sat alone in her small room,
gazing out of the window, her mind blank. And suddenly out of
the blue, words began clouding her mind, they started taking
shape of a story. Vineeta grabbed a diary and pen from her purse
and began to pen down the thoughts from her mind. She kept
writing the whole day, without feeling hungry, without feeling
thirsty. She wrote and wrote till her story came to a logical
conclusion. When she finally looked at the watch, it was 2:00
am! She smiled to herself with satisfaction. She had penned down
the story of a young girl from a poor farmer’s family who goes
on to becoming an IAS officer.
She had been an avid reader in her college days and she knew a
magazine, ‘LadiesSpecial’, a biweekly magazine, which used to
accept articles written by women and for women. Divya, her
colleague from the mall, who was well versed with computers,
helped her type the story and submit it to the ‘LadiesSpecial’
website. Again days passed, weeks passed and in her hectic
routine, Vineeta forgot all about the story. Nearly one and a
half month later, she received a royalty cheque from
‘LadiesSpecial’. Surprised, she told Divya about it. “Hey, lets
check the email from which we submitted the story”, Divya said,
excited. It was Divya’s mail id. And sure enough, there were
four mails from ‘LadiesSpecial’. First one was announcing the
acceptance of her story for their ‘short fiction’ section. Next
was declaring that her story was published and a link for the
same. The third, which had come some fifteen days after the
second, informed her that her story had garnered tremendous
response and that many readers had written to the magazine that
they had loved the story. And finally, the fourth one was
informing her about the dispatch of the cheque and a request to
become a regular contributor to the short story section. Vineeta
was ecstatic beyond words. She quickly sent them a reply that
she would keep sending a short story for every issue.
Within no time, Divya taught her the basics of using a computer.
Vineeta started sending mails from her own id. Every night,
after returning home, she would sit down to write a story. Next
evening, she would type it and store it in a CD from a nearby
cyber café. Once every fifteen days, she would send one story to
‘LadiesSpecial’. Vineeta never ran out of ideas. She was
inspired by the stories of women and happenings around her. Each
story she wrote revolved around various problems faced by women
in the modern era, and yet how they succeeded, overcoming all
obstacles. Gradually Vineeta began writing articles on various
social issues which were published by ‘LadiesSpecial’. With
time, the circulation of ‘LadiesSpecial’ increased three-fold
owing to Vineeta’s stories and articles and Vineeta became a
known name in the literary circuit.
Vineeta began writing columns in news papers. She covered
various topics from female foeticides to dowry deaths, from
sexual abuse at work to physical abuse at home. One day, a
journalist from a leading newspaper came to interview Vineeta.
She asked what her inspiration for writing these ‘women
oriented’ stories was. On that, Vineeta told her that she was
inspired by the bitter experiences from her own life, which she
soon planned to pen down in the form of a novel. When this
interview got published in the newspaper, publishing houses
began contacting Vineeta, expressing their interest in
publishing her story. Vineeta was not used to all limelight, but
she accepted and faced it with grace.
The royalties kept coming, Vineeta’s articles and stories kept
getting published, now in various magazines and newspapers. Now
Vineeta had sufficient amount saved to stay in a big, two BHK
home, albeit on rent. She rented a nice cozy flat in an
expensive locality and shifted into it with Aarohi and Ayaan.
Both kids were ecstatic. “Is this our home mommy?” Ayaan asked.
To that, she replied, “For now, it is, but soon we will have a
home we can call ours”.
Now Vineeta did not need to work as a sales girl anymore. Of
course she still stayed friends with Divya as she owed her a
lot. She also did not need to take classes, but on the request
of students, she continued taking classes two hours in the
evening. Her parents were proud of her. On women’s day, she was
crowned ‘Best woman achiever of the year’ by the city’s most
prestigious woman’s organization. Speaking at the event, Vineeta
gave the credit of her success to her parents, for having
introduced her to the literary world since she was a kid and
thus sowing the seed of literature in her tender mind, as well
as for always being there for her through thick and thin. She
also mentioned her children, who were now her strength; strength
to fight the world, strength to stand up against all odds. This
event received major coverage in all leading newspapers. Vineeta
became a celebrity of sorts. Anywhere she would go, strangers
would come and congratulate her, tell her that they were fans of
her work, ask for her autograph, want to click a snap with her.
People started inviting her for book launches, as a judge for
various literary competitions, for sharing her experiences
during cultural fests.
Vineeta gradually completed her novel which was based on her
life, titled ‘Parineeta – being a woman’. It got published by
one of the best publishing houses. And within no time, it became
a national best seller. Till now, only people from and around
her city knew her. But after the success of her novel, she began
receiving loads and loads of mails from people all over the
country. Women who had faced similar problems in life wrote to
her appreciating the stance she had taken without breaking down.
She was soon hired by a leading newspaper as an expert advisor
for a column discussing problems faced by women. Peoples’
behavior and attitude towards her too had changed suddenly.
So-called relatives who had cut off all ties with her when her
husband disowned her, now suddenly remembered her presence. They
started calling her and visiting her like long lost friends.
Life is like travelling on a steep mountain road. We face
difficult situations like the tricky curves and steep ups and
downs daily, yet we stay on the road. But sometimes,
unexpectedly, life throws us out of track, off the road, down
towards the valley. And then just as we are anticipating our
fall into the valley, life offers a parachute that not only
saves us from the fall into the valley, but takes us to an even
higher position than the road before.
Vineeta was satisfied. Her parents and children, the only people
that mattered, were happy, and hence she was happy. Ravi had
called her up once or twice to congratulate on her success, but
she had never answered his call. He had left many messages, but
she had returned none. And today morning, Ravi came to see her.
“Children are not home”, Vineeta said without looking at him.
“I know, I have come to see you. I know I have hurt you a lot
Vineeta. I did not even think twice before leaving you. I never
appreciated what all you did for me and my family. I always took
you for granted. I never gave you the status you deserved. I am
your biggest culprit. I have come here today to ask you to
forgive me. I am so sorry for everything.”
“You have not said a word from the day I told you about…please,
shout at me, but break your silence. I can never forgive myself
if you don’t forgive me. Please come back into my life. Life has
taught me a lesson the hard way. Anvita never looked after my
mother, nor had she look after the house. She was only
interested in her career. When she realized what it meant to be
in a marriage, she retraced her steps. We are no longer
together. She wanted to have all the fun and shoulder no
responsibilities. I was the biggest fool, who had it all, a
loving wife like you, two beautiful children, yet I threw it all
away. Please, please forgive me. Please come back” and he began
to cry like a baby.
Vineeta did not say anything for a long while. Had this happened
a year and a half back, she would have shouted at him, vented
all her pent up anger. But today, she felt detached. She felt
nothing for him, neither sorry, nor angry. He seemed to have
come from a life she had left behind long long back. She finally
spoke.
“I have already forgiven you Ravi. I don’t have any feelings
left for you, neither bad, nor good. You threw me out of your
life at a time when I was completely dependent on you, when you
were my earth and my life was only about revolving around you
like the moon. I needed you then. But now, I have come far away.
So far, that now there is no gravitational force left that can
make me revolve around you. In a way, I am thankful to you. Had
it not been for you, I wouldn’t have been what I am today. But
again, there were two possibilities that could have happened. I
could have gone the downhill course, maybe committed suicide.
But my parents and children helped me survive that worst phase
of life. And now I have turned over a new leaf in life. So I
forgive you with all my heart. But I cannot come back to you,
ever. Wish you all the best in life.”
As she now sat watching the rain, Vineeta felt at peace. She had
always loved rains. They seemed to sense her mood. They seemed
to reflect the rhythm of her soul. They always made her feel
cozy, comfortable. The rains today stretched out till the
horizon, fading everything in view. But she knew, after the
rains, the surroundings would look even more beautiful. The
trees would look greener, flowers more colourful, skies bluer
and mud browner. As if a new energy had been pumped into the
universe, as if suddenly everything had regained its youth. She
loved the smell of wet mud. It reminded her of the rains she
used to play and get drenched in in Ratnagiri, her grandma’s
place. She had always loved rains. Her life had also had its
fair share of rains, and its unfair share of storm. But
everything had been back to being even more beautiful after the
storm had subsided. Two years back, she was a nobody, just like
everyone else, but today she had an identity, an identity of her
own.
(c) Dr.Ketaki Patwardhan Nirkhi
On WiShBo!:
HTML http://www.wishbo.net/2012/08/identity.html
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