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#Post#: 3131--------------------------------------------------
[15] BEN
By: Zellaphone Date: September 29, 2022, 1:22 pm
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Ben didn't let Hux come to any more of Rey's tutoring sessions
after the first time. He could tell just how much his friend had
upset Rey, and Hux had upset him as well. In fact, lately, Hux
had been pissing him off more than ever before. Everyone seemed
set on pissing him off, in fact. After Hux had sat in on Rey's
tutoring, his teasing started to become relentless. Hux didn't
waste a single opportunity to make fun of him or make some
comment about how he clearly had a crush on Rey, and Ben feared
that he was going to say something to her, especially when he
sat right behind her in English. Luke had also been more
annoying than usual. He had been visiting him and his parents
every weekend since school started, and he always asked him
about Rey now, wanting to know how she was doing with her
tutoring, how they were getting along, and mentioning every time
just how proud he was on Ben for making an effort as if Ben
wasn't just tutoring Rey to keep him off his back. Luke just
seemed so pleased with himself, as if he had brought him and Rey
together to be the best of friends or something. Well, Luke was
sorely mistaken if he thought that, and what made matters worse
is that now, because of Luke, his own father now kept teasing
him about Rey, though he didn't even know her. It was
aggravating, and Ben feared that if his family and Hux were
already teasing him this much about Rey that the whole school
might end up doing so at some point, which would embarrass him
and Rey, he knew. She'd probably feel even more embarrassed than
him since people would be teasing her for the most hated and
pathetic kid in school liking her. He didn't want that
happening. He just wanted everyone to shut up and leave him
alone, and he felt like the only way in accomplishing that would
be to hurry up and help Rey as much as he could with her
tutoring or have her decide that she didn't want him tutoring
her anymore. If he decided to quit the tutoring himself, then
Luke would never shut up about it. However, if Rey made the
decision herself, he didn't feel as though Luke could blame him
as much. If anything, it would just prove Ben's point that Rey
would never like him. So, Ben decided to not hold back as much
on the insults anymore and try to get Rey to hate him. He would
still help her, sure, but he wasn't going to be nice about it.
Was it an asshole move? Yes, but Ben hoped he wouldn't have to
keep it up for very long. Why would Rey continue to choose to
hang around someone that was trying to make her think he didn't
like her? And why would she think that she had to be tutored by
him? Hopefully, she'd realize that some of her own friends could
help her in English. Dameron might have been an idiot, but Ben
was aware that he made good grades. Three tutoring sessions went
by in which Ben didn't hold back, mocking Rey and insulting her
when she struggled with something and making her time spent with
him just a bit more complicated. However, she kept coming back
anyway. He had been surprised when she had even returned for
tutoring the session after Hux had been there, but Ben was now
starting to wonder if the girl was just stubborn or if she
secretly liked being picked on. He highly doubted the latter,
but if it wasn't true, then she was very determined to get
better at English. On the day of Rey's sixth tutoring session,
Ben waited by the bleachers for her as he always did, smoking a
cigarette. He hoped that today was finally the day that Rey
would stop showing up, or at least just come to tell him off if
she felt the need. He was sick of all of this, and he figured
that she would be too by now, but, to his disappointment, she
was still hanging in there. Rey appeared, walking slower than
usual, not even trying to act enthusiastic or friendly anymore.
It had been like that for a few days now. She skipped any
greeting, asking him what was on the agenda for today. “I want
you to work on homework today since I’m sure you’ll need help,
Miss Poetic Language Confuses Me,” he said with a smirk, turning
to head up the bleachers to their usual spot. He figured that he
had her today. There was no way she was going to want to
continue tutoring with him after this. Since they were preparing
to start reading Shakespeare in Luke's class, Luke had them
studying poetry this week, which Ben knew Rey struggled with. “I
know the assignment was for us to pick whatever three different
types of poetry we want, but I’m going to pick the types for you
and I want you to try and write your poems now," he explained to
her, sitting down. Thankfully, Ben was already pretty critical
of others' poetry, so he figured he wouldn't have any issues
finding something wrong with Rey's. “I want you to write a
sonnet, a ballad, and a limerick, then I want you to read them
aloud to me," he instructed her, picking some of his favorite
types of poetry, as well as some he believed she'd have trouble
with the most. Maybe she could write a good limerick, though.
He'd just have to wait and see.[/center]
#Post#: 3135--------------------------------------------------
REY [16]
By: winterssmary Date: October 1, 2022, 1:06 pm
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Luckily, Ben never let Hux come back to any of their tutoring
sessions after that day. She wasn't sure that she could handle
any more of that without getting violent or just storming out.
She was holding her own with Ben, but it was getting harder and
harder to hold on. Every tutoring session was getting
progressively more aggressive and depressing. She wasn't sure
what changed, since Ben had been almost sweet to her during
moments early on in their tutoring. But after that day with Hux,
everything changed. He suddenly made it clear that he couldn't
stand her, as if her mere existence was causing him pain and
indescribable anger. He had just assured her that he didn't
think she was stupid, but was now taking every opportunity to
refute that. He was getting more and more insulting, more harsh
and mean. He was taking every insecurity that she had -- mostly
about her reading ability and tendency to be confused -- and
throwing it at her full force. It was hurting and she had gone
home and cried more than once as a result of this. She was
bullied a little bit when she was younger back in England,
specifically when she was still finding her place in the foster
system. However, it didn't compare to this. She remembered only
being mildly hurt as a child and not being afraid to go to
school. However, now, she found that she wanted to call in sick
and stay home to avoid tutoring with Ben after class. She didn't
think she could put up with it all for much longer. She worried
that might be his plan too, since he obviously hated her so
much. He wanted her to quit so that he didn't have to lose to
his uncle who forced them to work together. She was a stubborn
young woman, but her patience was wearing thin and her anxiety
was getting the better of her. That day, she was miserable all
day, dragging her feet and dreading just being there. Her
friends had noticed that something was off and Finn was extra
attentive, wanting to make sure she was alright. They all said
that they knew this would happen with Ben, but she didn't want
them to be right too. She wanted to win this, but she was losing
her will to fight. She already hated herself so much and Ben's
comments were making it all the more obvious that she was right
to feel that way. She was stupid and hopeless. Her life was over
if she couldn't put up with his bullying and make good grades in
English. How was she going to go to university? How was she
going to get back to London? How was she going to be anything
more than a disgusting, undesirable, stupid loser? That
afternoon, she dreaded every moment as she walked toward the
bleachers. The spring in her step and smile on her face were
gone. She asked what he wanted her to do today once she finally
reached him, ignoring the smoke that wafted into her face from
his cigarette. He said that she needed to do her homework, since
he was sure she would need help. Unfortunately, he wasn't wrong.
She didn't have a witty comeback this time because she was
definitely going to need help. But it already hurt, that
insecurity being exploited immediately. It was poetry. They had
to pick out three different types of poems to write for the
class and Rey didn't know anything about the different types of
poetry. She knew what a haiku was, but that was about it. Ben
added the Miss Poetic Language Confuses Me at the end, a smirk
on his face, already relishing in the fact that he could hold
this insecurity over her. Her expression dropped and she
shrugged. "You don't have to be such a prick about it," she
said, not having the energy or the drive to insult him the way
that she wanted. He turned to the bleachers, leading her up to
their usual spot. He said that he knew the assignment was simply
to pick the different types of poetry, but that he was going to
make all the decisions for her and that she would be writing all
of her poems today. Her eyes went wide and her heart started
pounding. She was already feeling herself heat up from
nervousness, her hands getting weaker and harder to keep steady.
"What? But... but I was just going to do a haiku and some free
verse... and then wing it for the last one," she explained,
knowing that she could get the best grades on some simple poetic
structures that she knew she could learn quickly. The poems
didn't have to be good in order to meet all the rule
requirements. Ben said that she would be writing a sonnet,
ballad, and limerick. She didn't really know what those were.
She'd read them all before in class, but she didn't know what
made them different from any other poem. "I don't... I don't
even really understand the difference between those three," she
said. She had taken notes on what Mr. Skywalker said in class,
but he didn't tell them everything. "I mean, I wrote the notes
about the length and the... the rhyme scheme and the syllables,
but are they supposed to be about different things?" she asked,
wondering exactly how to tell them all apart, since the rhyme
schemes were pretty similar and most of them used iambic
pentameter. How do you even write in iambic pentameter? She knew
how to read it -- that it needed to sound like a heartbeat --
but how do you write that? Her hands were beginning to tremble
slightly as she grabbed her binder and paper and pencils from
her backpack, setting them on her lap. She ran her hands through
the ends of her hair to try and get out some of the tension, but
it was only making the shaking worse. She just put her hair up
into a messy bun to try and make the action look normal, like it
had a purpose and she wasn't just desperately fidgeting. She
didn't want to humiliate herself anymore than she already had.
Ben then said he wanted her to read all of her poems aloud to
him so he could critique them. "I don't-," she said, beginning
to stammer, looking down at her paper, unable to look at Ben
without wanting to scream. "I don't know what to write about.
I... I wasn't prepared for this," she confessed. [/center]
#Post#: 3138--------------------------------------------------
[16] BEN
By: Zellaphone Date: October 4, 2022, 7:34 pm
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Ben was trying his best to get Rey to call off their tutoring
sessions. He was tired of being teased by Hux and his own family
for his crush on Rey which he didn't even think was that obvious
at all. He knew it couldn't be obvious to his own parents who
were hardly in his life enough to know who he did and didn't
like. Luke, however, might have picked up on something... or was
just hoping that he liked Rey in hopes something would come from
it. Ben was sick of that too. He wasn't trying to be Rey's
friend or really anything to her. Since she was just going to
end up hating him and likely joining the crowd that made fun of
him and whispered about him behind his back, he wanted to just
go ahead and skip to that part instead of wasting his time
tutoring her. He needed her to be the one to call everything off
too so that Luke couldn't call him a quitter and Ben could just
prove that he wasn't the kind of person that could make his
uncle proud by teaching another person. He wasn't friendly, and
he was sick of Luke acting like he needed other friends when
everyone just hated him. Ben felt like he was getting close to
making Rey give up, but the girl was pretty damn determined. He
thought she would have stopped coming to their tutoring sessions
long ago, but no matter how mean he was to her, she still showed
up. He lit his cigarette as he waited for her at the bleachers
like usual, spotting her not long after. Silently, he cursed to
himself, wondering why the hell she was so keen on showing up
when she should know by now that he was just going to make life
harder for her. However, he did notice that she was dragging her
feet this time. She skipped a greeting today, which was progress
in his book, asking what he wanted her to do today. Smirking, he
answered that he wanted her to work on her homework since he
knew she'd need help, reminding her about what she had said
about being confused about poetic language. He had been thrilled
when Luke had announced yesterday that they'd be focusing on
poetry this week, getting them slowly prepared to read
Shakespeare. Not only did Ben actually like poetry, but he also
knew that Rey would struggle with it, meaning he could probably
make her call it quits on tutoring. Rey's expression dropped and
she shrugged, saying that he didn't have to be a prick about it.
“What? By saying what you said about yourself?” he challenged,
starting to head up the bleachers to their usual spot. He told
her that he knew Luke had just told them to pick three different
types of poetry to write, but today, he was going to pick the
types for her. He had been thinking since Luke had given them
the assignment about what types Rey might struggle with the
most. She questioned him, saying she had been planning on
writing a haiku and free verse for two of the types and then
just winging the third and Ben rolled his eyes. “You really
think you’re going to learn anything by taking the easy route?”
he asked her, genuinely curious. What was she going to do in
college when there was no easy route? He told her that he wanted
her to write a ballad, sonnet, and a limerick today and then he
wanted her to read them aloud to him. He could tell that she was
already nervous and unsure about this assignment, and she
confessed that she didn't really know the difference between
those three types of poetry. He sighed and ran a hand through
his hair. Though he was trying to make this hard on her, he
wished that she could just already know some things at least.
She added that she had taken notes in class about the length of
certain types and the rhyme scheme and syllables, but she wanted
to know if they were supposed to be about different things.
“They can be about whatever the fuck you want. It’s poetry," he
said, already frustrated though he was supposed to be
frustrating her. She grabbed some of her materials from her
backpack, and Ben could see that her hands were shaking, which
immediately made him feel guilty for what he was doing. Dammit,
she did something like this every tutoring session where she
suddenly made him regret being tough on her. He wasn't trying to
cause her to have a panic attack or anything, he was just trying
to piss her off. She ran her hands though her hair, which was an
action that he watched closer than he needed to, and then she
put it all up in a bun, making her face more visible. Oh no.
Then, she started to stammer, saying that she didn't know what
to write about since she hadn't been prepared for this. “Would
you have been any more prepared by tonight?” he questioned her,
raising a brow before sighing again. She was really starting to
freak out, huh? God, he didn't want her to cry. “Jesus, just
take a breath," he told her, straddling the bleacher. “A
limerick is supposed to be humorous, and a sonnet revolves
around a single idea or issue, got it?” he said, helping her out
a little so she wouldn't panic. “And I assume you’ve listened to
a ballad before, right? Or did you live under a rock in
London?”[/center]
#Post#: 3141--------------------------------------------------
REY [17]
By: winterssmary Date: October 5, 2022, 12:26 am
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Rey didn't believe that Ben was legitiamtely this awful. He
couldn't be, right? No, this had to be a part of some ploy to
get her to quit. Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe he was just
absolutely horrible to make friends with someone like Armitage
Hux, that would make sense. But she didn't want to believe it.
She wanted the extremely attractive and intelligent guy in her
classes to be secretly a sweetheart who she could easily see
herself with. But that wasn't the case at the moment. If he was
faking it, then he was damn good at it. And what kind of nice
person would choose to treat another human being like he had
been? He had been more insulting that she believed was fair,
been cruel and short with her. He had been less and less
helpful, since she juts found herself heartbroken and waiting
for their tutoring sessions to be over. It reminded her very
much of sitting in the kitchen of her old flat in London, Simon
standing over her and screaming, berating her, making sure she
knew just how useless and stupid and worthless she was. After so
long, you dissociate in order to endure the abuse. Words become
fuzzy and nonsensical, dissolving into gibberish. Thing begin to
lose all meaning and you are left just feeling broken and empty.
Unfortunately, however, this meant that Ben's behavior wasn't
abnormal to her. It sucked, of course, since school was supposed
to be a safe escape for her, but it was something she had
learned to cope with being mistreated. It was why, despite
desperately wanting to leave -- and even to skip school just to
avoid Ben -- she knew she was able to endure it. It was easier
than it should have been to keep coming back. She didn't even
greet Ben when she met him at the bleachers, just asking what he
wanted from her. He explained that, since she would definitely
need it, she was going to work on her homework. He then used her
own words against her, since poetic language was difficult for
her. She told him that he didn't have to be a prick about it,
but he just pointed out that she said the very same thing about
herself earlier. It wasn't what it said. It was the intend and
how he said it. "By acting like you're somehow triumphing every
time I struggle," she bit back. He lead her to their usual spot,
sitting down and point out that, despite all they had to do was
pick three types of poems to write for Mr. Skywalker, Ben would
be choosing for her and forcing her to write the poems right
now. She began to panic a bit, already thinking that he was
going too far. She told him that she had already picked two
styles: haiku and free verse. They seemed easy. Ben pointed that
out, rolling his eyes and asking if she thought she would learn
from using those. "Maybe not, but I think I could at least get a
good grade, which is the real reason I'm doing this," she said.
She just needed to get out of high school with a good grade so
she could get into some of the schools back home. She had to get
out of here. She didn't belong here. He told her to do a
limerick, a sonnet, and a ballad. She said that she knew the
different lengths and rhyme schemes, but that she didn't know
what each different type of poem really was or what they were
supposed to be about. He sighed, running a hand through his hair
and cursing at her about how it was poetry, so she could write
whatever she wanted. She clenched her teeth, noting his
frustration. What right did he have to be frustrated? She was
the one being treated like shit. "Then just say that without
being a goddamn asshole, kay?" she snapped. She reached into her
backpack, grabbing her binder and some paper and a pencil, her
hands trembling ever-so-slightly as she did so. She hoped Ben
didn't notice. She couldn't stand looking weak in front of him.
It would be his victory if she did. Simon used to revel in her
anxiety. He like to induce as much fear as possible. It made him
feel powerful. Was Ben any different? She tried to stifle the
shaking, running her hands through her hair and eventually
pulling her hand into a messy bun, just to make it look like it
had a purpose. She stammered out that she wasn't prepared for
this, that she didn't know what to do or where to start. He
asked if she would have been any more prepared tonight. She
shrugged, ignoring the way he sighed, as if everything she did
was annoying or frustrating. "Well, I had already thought
through parts of the assignment in class today, so maybe," she
explained. "Until you decided that I no longer had any autonomy
and that you are somehow in control of everything I do," she
muttered afterward. He asked her to take a breath, straddling
the bleacher. His language wasn't exactly comforting and she
knew it was because he didn't really care. He just wanted to
make her feel crazy. He wanted to make her feel overemotional
and fragile, like she was so broken and awful and she shouldn't
be. He made it sound like she was overreacting. He didn't
understand. He couldn't possibly understand. "Don't patronize
me. It's not that simple," she tried. He explained that a
limerick was supposed to be funny and that a sonnet was about
just one specific idea. She nodded. "O-okay," she said with a
little nod. He then said that she had heard a ballad before,
unless she lived under a rock in London. "Shut up," she snapped,
tired of him making comments for no reason. Why couldn't he just
explain things without having to make things unnecessarily rude
and cold. "So you expect me to write a song for my English
class?"[/center]
#Post#: 3144--------------------------------------------------
[17] BEN
By: Zellaphone Date: October 5, 2022, 7:23 pm
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Ben led Rey up to their usual spot on the bleachers after she
had arrived for her tutoring session, disappointing him with how
damn determined she was to keep receiving tutoring from him even
though he was trying to get her to stop. He explained to her
that she'd be working on homework today and that he would be
choosing what types of poems she wrote. He had figured that
would be a good way to get her to break since it would be a
challenge for her. Rey seemed nervous, explaining that she had
been planning on writing a haiku and a free verse poem for
homework and then just wing the last one, which wasn't
surprising. Of course she wanted to do all the easy ones. That
was probably what everyone else in the class was going to do as
well except for himself and maybe Hux, but he didn't think that
was at all the most efficient way for Rey to learn. He asked her
if she thought she was going to learn from taking the easy
route, and she admitted that she might not, but that she thought
she could get a good grade which was the real reason she was
doing this. “You should be doing this to learn so you won’t need
someone to hold your hand anymore," he grumbled. He told her to
write a limerick, a sonnet, and a ballad before reading them all
out loud to him, knowing she would struggle with all of them.
She said that she had taken notes in class about the different
lengths and rhyming schemes of poems, but didn't really know the
difference between the types of poetry or what they could even
be about. Ben sighed and ran a hand through his hair, feeling
like Rey was almost useless sometimes. Almost. He understood
that she hadn't grown up learning the same things as him. He
told her that she could write about whatever she wanted since it
was poetry. Rey didn't like his answer, or maybe it was more the
way he had given his answer, telling him to just say what he
meant without being an asshole, cursing at him. She was getting
angry. Good. "I don't know if I'm capable," he said flatly,
hoping to piss her off more. She grabbed her things from her
backpack and Ben watched, waiting on her. As she pulled out her
binder, he couldn't help but notice the way her hand shook
slightly, suddenly making him feel guilty for how he was
treating her, which happened a lot. It was one thing when Rey
just bit and snapped back at him, but it was a whole other thing
when she seemed genuinely upset by how he treated her like she
was about to cry. She ran her hands through her hair and tied it
all up in a bun, which he watched with perhaps a bit too much
interest. She stammered as she admitted that she hadn't been
prepared for this and that she didn't know where to begin, and
he asked her if she would have been prepared anymore tonight.
She shrugged, saying that she might have been since she had
already thought through a few parts of the assignment, adding
that was until he had decided to remove her autonomy and decided
that he was in control of everything she did. Ben rolled his
eyes. "Oh, for fuck's sake," he said under his breath, thinking
Rey was being far too dramatic. “I’m just asking you to write
three simple poems. I’m not planning your whole fucking life,
swe— English,” he told her, catching and correcting himself when
he almost called her sweetheart, remembering how much she had
hated it the first time. He was trying to anger her, sure, but
he wasn't trying to get punched. He then sighed again, seeing
how much she was seemingly starting to panic over this. He asked
her to take a breath, facing her more by straddling the bench,
but Rey responded by asking him not to patronize her since it
wasn't that simple. "I'm not patronizing you," he argued, a
slight growl in his voice from how frustrating she was being. He
explained to her how each type of poem he had assigned her was
different from the next, being perhaps a bit condescending as he
assumed she had heard a ballad before, asking if she had lived
under a rock in London. That struck a nerve, it seemed, and Rey
snapped at him to shut up, causing him to blink in surprise
before quickly recovering. This was what he wanted. He wanted
her to get so fed up with him that she just left. She asked for
clarification that he expected her to write a song for English
class, acting as if that was such an outlandish request. “Songs
are just poems with different rhythms and rhymes, so yes, in a
manner of speaking," he said, reaching into his backpack to pull
out the book he had been reading for the past couple of weeks,
hoping Rey was done asking questions.[/center]
#Post#: 3147--------------------------------------------------
REY [18]
By: winterssmary Date: October 6, 2022, 5:57 am
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Rey scowled when Ben argued with her, saying that she should be
doing everything to learn -- as if he never once took the easy
way out -- so that no one would have to hold her hand any more.
She never asked for someone to hold her hand and walk her
through everything. She was just going to suffer in silence and
cry it out later on when she inevitably made a C in her English
class. Now, she was suffering in silence and crying later one
but someone was bullying her into understanding two things. She
wasn't sure which was worse. Ben didn't understand though. He
didn't understand that she just struggled and that no amount of
bullying was going to change that. He didn't understand that
challenging her on something that she didn't understand at all
was counterproductive. He didn't understand how deep her anxiety
ran and how so many of her insecurities were attached to all of
this. He didn't understand anything. He just wanted an excuse to
talk down to her and hurl insults. "I just want to get out of
here with good grades so I can go back home, Solo," she
explained. Even the easier schools to get into in the UK were
competitive compared to the wealth of schools in America. She
had to compete with way more international applicants, since
England didn't charge for public university. And how could she
get back home if she had to pay for university? How could she go
back home if she had to go to university somewhere in America?
She couldn't risk it. And she couldn't stay here forever. He
chose her poetry styles for her, all ones that she never really
read, let alone tried to write before. She was beginning to
panic at all of this, her insecurities and anger and anxiety and
frustration starting to get tangled up too much. She didn't know
what to think or how to speak or how to explain anything she was
feeling. She was just struggling. She said that the differences
between the styles confused her. She knew their lengths and
rhyme schemes and basic templates, having taken notes during
class, but she thought they were all supposed to have different
focuses and purposes. She wasn't sure what they were supposed to
be about. He sighed, making it clear that he was angry with her.
He said that she could write about whatever she wanted, since it
was just poetry. But he threw in a few unnecessary curses. She
snapped back at him, asking him to say that without being
horrible. He said that he wasn't sure he was capable. She rolled
her eyes. "How disappointing... but not surprising. No wonder
your only friend is a sociopath," she muttered. She grabbed her
things from her backpack, her anger and fear that Ben might lash
out more intensely mingling with the anxiety she already felt
about this bullshit assignment. Her hands shook lightly as she
pulled out her materials. She tried to mitigate the trembling,
running her hands through her hair and putting it up in a bun,
just to give them purpose. She stammered out that she was
unprepared for this and didn't know where to begin. Ben asked if
she would have been prepared tonight after work. She explained
that she would have been more prepared, since she already
started thinking through the assignment and was prepared for
something easier. She pointed out that he had become really
controlling, not allowing her any choices anymore and stripping
her of that freedom. He rolled his eyes and cursed, as if she
was being absurd by being upset by this. He said that he was
asking her to write simple poems, not planning her life. He
almost called her sweetheart again, which hit her in a really
weird place. Simon called her sweetheart. Simon gaslit her every
time she was upset. Simon controlled a lot of her actions, but
not all and he used that as an excuse to say that everything was
fine. Why did Ben and Simon have so much in common? And, more
than that, why was Rey so willing to put up with it? "You're
asking me to do something you know I can't do and being horrible
when I try to resist. It's like you're trying to get me to fail
this stupid class," she argued. He sighed, telling her to take a
breath, cursing, sounding more annoyed that she was panicking
than genuinely concerned. She asked him not to patronize her. It
was bad enough that he was forcing her into anxiety-inducing
situations. He didn't need to layer on the condescending It's
okay, honeybun attitude that she had heard was common in
America. He insisted that he wasn't patronizing her, which she
thought was total bullshit. She didn't know if he was just that
stupid and didn't hear his own tone or if he was trying to
further push her. But she knew, at this point, that he was
beyond an explanation. Her mind wasn't in the right place to
explain herself clearly, even if he wanted to listen, which she
knew he wouldn't. The growl in his voice only made her more
anxious. She'd heard that growl before. He hit his friend. What
would stop him from hitting her? "You don't understand. Can you
just stop for a second?" she asked, her hands shaking more
fiercely, Rey refusing to look at him for fear of further
infuriating him. Looking Simon in the eye often triggered his
violent patterns. Looking down was much safer. He tried to
explain the difference between all of the poems, since limericks
were jokes and sonnets were centered around a single idea. He
added that ballads were like the songs, asking if she had heard
one or if she lived under a rock in London. She was tired of him
constantly making comments, even when she asked him to stop and
he knew he was bothering her. There was no need for that. Why
did he constantly feel the need to throw something nasty and
unkind to everything he said. Even when he was helping, he was
being awful. She snapped at him, telling him to shut up. She
asked for clarification that she would be writing a song for an
English class. He said that he did, in a manner of speaking,
since songs and poems were one in the same. She didn't believe
that was true. "I'll try," she said with a sigh and shrug. She
got to work on her papers, thinking over what she might be able
to write about. Her single idea was easy. It was the thing that
was on her mind the most: home. That coupled with the rhyme
scheme meant that she didn't struggle too terrible to get the
fourteen lines necessary for a sonnet. Rhyming things was
tricky, but she wrote it, at least. Next was the ballad. A song?
She couldn't write a song. But... folk songs were told like
narratives. She heard a few of them in TV shows. She could try
that, at the very least. So she wrote the story of a mean little
boy who chased away all of his friends with his insults and
horrible attitude. This was the other thing on her mind most
often: the schoolmate who made her feel insecure and worthless
and stupid at every chance that he got and who would inevitably
be alone because of it. The only company he had, after all, was
more cruel that even him. Misery loves company, she supposed.
Lastly was the limerick, a joke. That was easy. Ben was a joke.
He was her joke for this poem, at the very least. She finished
after a few minutes, not feeling proud of anything but her
limerick. Maybe this would teach Ben a lesson about being such a
prick for so reason. "Okay. I'm done. Which one should I read
first?" she asked. She waited until Ben asked her to read her
sonnet first. That was the poem about home, she remembered. The
one that made her the most sad to right and the one she was most
insecure about, since the subject matter was rather personal to
her. On top of that, it was personal in a way that no one would
understand here.
"Through the clouds break the day
Sunlight faded and pale
The sky always soft grey
Raindrops lining the trail
River Thames flows gently
Upon it sets the bridge
Flowers don colors intently
Beauty hard to abridge
London haunts me at night
Beckons my quick return
For since that dark long flight
For home my heart does yearn
And I cannot be strong
Here where I don't belong."
She stuttered and stammered occasionally as she read her poem,
so nervous and insecure. Her voice shook with exhaustion, having
been completely emotionally drained from the day. She spent the
whole day in fear and anticipation only to be met with cruelty
and aggression right off the bat. She was used to feeling like
she fought a war just existing in her own home, but it was too
tiring to be fighting a similar war on school grounds.
Especially with someone who was assigned to help her. She
supposed it wasn't too different from her situation with Simon,
who was also tasked with helping her when the orphanage put her
out during her childhood. Those who were supposed to help her
were always the ones who ended up mistreating and hurting her,
she understood. No one would ever really help her. It was an
exhausting thought and a tiresome existence. She was being more
and more drained by the second and spending nearly a half an
hour shaking and trying to fight back tears as you wrote poetry
that you hated only made it much worse. She had a shift at FAO
Schwarz after all of this. How was she supposed to put on her
fake smile and make it through the night? How was she supposed
to show her face at school tomorrow? She sighed heavily when she
finished her poem, hugging herself, rubbing some coverage over
her arms. She wished she had a blanket so that she could hide
from Ben. Hide from everyone. Not even Finn's comforting voice
or Poe's jokes or Rose's aggressive empowerment would be enough
to put a smile on her face right now. She was tired. She was
scared. And she was ashamed that she hadn't just walked away
when she had the chance. "I know it's shit, okay? Can you please
spare me the insults? I don't have the energy," she requested
flatly. [/center]
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[18] BEN
By: Zellaphone Date: October 10, 2022, 10:09 pm
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Ben was getting more and more frustrated with Rey as time went
on. She didn't seem to want to be challenged at all, saying that
she just wanted to get out of Theed Academy with good grades so
she could go back to London. She was also upset with him
choosing the types of poetry for her to write for her
assignment, seeming to start to panic as she told him she wasn't
even sure what the poems were supposed to be about. He told her
that they could be about anything since it was poetry, adding a
curse in there that she clearly wasn't happy with. She snapped
at him, telling him to just say what he needed to without being
an asshole, to which he sarcastically responded that he wasn't
sure he could do. She rolled her eyes, saying that was
disappointing, but not surprising, adding that it was no wonder
his only friend was a sociopath. Ben's gaze narrowed at that,
growing a bit angry. She didn't know him, so it was pretty
fucking mean for her to just assume that he only had one friend.
Was it true? Sort of, but Ben also had Jannah and Phasma... sort
of. “He’s not my only friend," Ben argued, referring to Hux.
“And at least I don’t have friends only out of sympathy," he
snapped back. If Rey was going to say hurtful things, then so
was he, and he doubted it was a secret to Rey that she had only
become friends with Porter, Dameron, and Tico so quickly because
they had felt bad for her. Rey began to get her things out of
her backpack, and Ben noticed the way her hands trembled before
she ran them through her hair, pulling it up in a messy bun that
helped him see her stupid, perfect face. She stammered that she
hadn't been prepared for this assignment and didn't know where
to start, and he asked her if she would have been any more
prepared tonight. She argued that she would have since she had
already thought about some of what she might do for the
assignment, but then accused him of removing her autonomy and
controlling everything she did. He rolled his eyes, thinking
that was an overly dramatic way to describe what was going on.
He told her that he was just asking her to write three poems,
adding that he wasn't planning her whole life. He almost called
her sweetheart, but caught himself, calling her English instead
since he remembered how much she had seemed to hate him calling
her sweetheart before. However, the damage was already done and
Rey was still upset, claiming that he was telling her to do
something he knew she couldn't do and being horrible to her when
she tried to resist. She said it was like he was trying to get
her to fail this English class, which was ridiculous. He could
see why she would think that, but he was trying to help her.
However, he was also trying to be awful to her at the same time
so that she'd put an end to all of this, but she didn't need to
know that. “You can do it if you just try," he told her, getting
tired of her excuses. “I’m trying to challenge you while you
just want to get a C and fly off to London so you can get kicked
out of a school there," he said, feeling like he had her pegged.
He was done with her whining about how she couldn't do anything
when he believed that she really just didn't want to but
wouldn't do anything about it. He sighed after a moment, asking
her to take a breath since she was clearly panicking about all
of this. But when he did that, she just accused him of
patronizing her. God, there was really just no winning with this
girl, was there? She was too stubborn to just stop all of this,
and yet she clearly hated him. He tried insisting that he wasn't
patronizing her, getting fed up with all of this. She told him
that he apparently didn't understand, asking him to just stop
for a second. What the fuck was he even doing right now? All he
had done was tell her to breathe since she was freaking out.
“Stop what? Helping you? I would love to," he assured her, but
he helped her anyway, briefly explaining what a sonnet,
limerick, and a ballad were, getting a little short with her as
he described a ballad since he was upset. She told him to shut
up, which surprised him, causing him to blink before he regained
his composure. As infuriating as this all was, making her angry
probably would get her to end their tutoring sessions. That was
the whole idea anyway. She asked for clarification on whether or
not he was asking her to write a song for an English assignment,
and he told her that he was, sort of. Ballads began as folk
songs and were still used as songs today. She told him that
she'd try to write the poems, which was enough for him. He
reached into his backpack, pulling out the book he had been
reading the past couple of weeks. He turned to the page he had
left off on and read as Rey worked, glancing over at her a few
times to see her in deep concentration. Honestly, she looked
very endearing when she was really focused on something, but,
then again, he thought she always looked a bit endearing... even
when she was angry. He liked that little crease between her brow
that appeared whenever she furrowed it. After a few minutes, she
announced that she was done, asking him which poem she should
read aloud first. He put his book to the side, marking the page
he stopped on. He was curious to hear what Rey had written and
to see just how bad it was. "Start with the sonnet," he
instructed her. She obeyed, and he listened as she stammered her
way through her sonnet, telling the story of a homesick girl who
missed the rainy streets of London and felt out of place in her
new home. To tell the truth, listening to Rey be so upfront
about how much she missed her old home in her poem made Ben feel
a bit heartbroken for her. Clearly, returning back to London was
her main goal in life, though she had just arrived here in
America. He bet that she felt alone here, which was something he
could relate to. However, she was very likable and already had
friends, whereas he had been here his whole life and felt as
though he had no one. Rey sighed when she was finished reading
her poem, hugging herself and rubbing at her arms before
claiming that she knew her poem was shit. She asked him to spare
his insults, saying that she didn't have the energy. His
expression faultered for a split second, feeling guilty that she
was so sure that he'd hate what she had written, though he
couldn't blame her for thinking that one bit. "It's not bad," he
told her, crossing his arms. Really, he didn't think the sonnet
was that bad at all. In fact, he thought it was pretty good,
especially for a beginner. She had put her heart into the
sonnet, it seemed, writing about something she really cared
about and that affected her. Poetry was best when it was someone
pouring their heart out, he thought. After all, poetry was
something he used for self-expression. "Read your ballad," he
instructed her, waiting expectantly. [/center]
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REY [19]
By: winterssmary Date: October 11, 2022, 6:54 pm
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Rey's lip trembled a bit at Ben's comment, completely caught
off-guard by that hurtful-but-accurate statement. She knew that
people only hung out with her because they took pity on her. It
had always been that way. Simon only adopted her because she
felt sorry for her: an orphan all alone without a caretaker. Had
he gone to America without adopting her, she would have been
tossed aside by the system; maybe even ending up homeless. Her
friends in London only spent time with her out of obligation,
often because they played football together. Zach, her
ex-boyfriend, even told her that he dated her because he felt
bad for her, that he would have never chosen to be with her if
it weren't so sad to watch her continue to be single and lonely
and ugly. It hurt horribly when Ben pointed out that it was
happening again in America. Finn and Poe and Rose only allowed
her to tag along with them because she had no one else. She
leeched off of the kindness of others. It was how she survived.
But she couldn't let him win. She was as stubborn as he was
mean. "I guess it's still better than only banding together
because you chase away everyone else," she growled. She put her
hair up in a bun, her hands shaking the whole time. His
attitude, her pain, and the anxiety she felt about the situation
was putting her in an awful and uncomfortable position. She felt
like her heart might explode and that her brain might
disintegrate from the heat in her head. She pointed out that she
was more prepared when she actually had her own ideas instead of
being controlled by him and forced into a situation she wasn't
comfortable with. She pointed out that he was being really awful
to her because she couldn't do it. He insisted that she could if
she just tried, as if she hadn't been trying to years. He
insisted that he was challenging her so that she couldn't just
get a C and then get kicked out of school in London when she
went back home. He had no idea what he was talking about. He had
no idea who she was or what she had been through. He didn't know
that she was deprived of resources and proper education until
she was much older and that she missed key milestones because of
it. He had no idea that, no matter how hard she tried, things
just didn't make sense to her. She missed the fundamentals. How
was she supposed to move onto the advanced things? And, more
than that, he implied that she could potentially fail school.
She had never failed anything in her life, even in English where
she struggled. He seemed to think that, without him, she was
incapable of doing anything right and destined to fail. It
reminded her so much of how Simon spoke to her. "I can do well
without having your bullshit hurled at me right before I have to
go work a shift dealing with screaming tourist children and
their entitled parents," she spat, already stressed out and
wondering how she was going to be able to make it through a
shift at FAO Schwarz. She might have to call out just to go cry
at home. She was panicked obviously, her breathing more labored
and her hands shaking more extremely. Ben downplayed her panic,
obviously not understanding her anxiety. Or just not caring. He
could see that she was freaking out, on the verge of an attack.
He wasn't stupid. Maybe he wanted her to panic. He told her to
calm down, patronizing her. When she pointed that out, he tried
arguing with her again. Her brain couldn't handle it and, if her
hair hadn't been pulled up, she was sure she would have pulled
wads of it would with just how tense her muscles were. She could
feel the urge to claw at her hands, an old habit that she picked
up during her years at the orphanage growing up. She tried to
explain that he didn't understand, asking him to just stop
talking for a second. She needed to regroup and think. But he
was angry and wouldn't back down, saying he would love to stop
helping her. "Fuck off, Solo," she snarled. Her head going into
her hands, nails digging into her scalp for a moment. Her hair
was thick enough that Ben could see it. To him, she was merely
pouting. But she needed to get some of the tension out somehow.
He gave a brief explanation -- which was the only thing she
asked for that set this whole thing off -- and she said that she
would try to handle it. She began writing her poetry, really
struggling for a while, concentrating really hard and struggling
considerably with the rhymes. She didn't have many ideas. But
she tried. She just wanted to get this done and leave so that
she could hide under her blanket and cry until she had to get
dinner ready for Simon. She finished, asking Ben which one to
read first. He asked that she read her sonnet, so she did. She
stumbled her way through it, stuttering occasionally like she
had done during their Shakespearean reading. She didn't struggle
with the words, but just with reading aloud while so tired and
nervous. Once she was done, she said that she knew it was bad,
asking him to keep his insults to a minimum, knowing that she
didn't have the energy or the drive to deal with them. All he
said was that it wasn't bad. She blinked, wondering if there was
a hidden meaning to that. She watched him for a moment, looking
for the smirk before the catch, before he added for an
illiterate imbecile or something along those lines. But he
didn't add anything else, simply crossing his arms. "Thanks,"
she said hesitantly, scared that he would immediately start
going in with insults, with hurting her somehow. She continued
hugging herself, rubbing her arms, wishing she had a blanket or
a large jacket to hide under. She wasn't cold. She just wanted
to hold. He asked that she read her ballad. She nodded, looking
down at the paper, a little nervous about this one, since it was
about Ben. But he pissed her off, so he should have saw it
coming.
"Playground was lively and was bright
Children loved to smile and to play
But one boy was harsh and arrogant
From him they all kept away
He was cold and mean and angry
Friends all cried when he would come to stay
For the boy he loved to hurt all of them
From him they all kept away
One by one they all left him abandoned
And the boy would grow used to their way
All alone he'd find himself years later
Because from him they all kept away,"
She read, trying to capture the rhythm that was in her head when
she initially wrote the piece. Honestly, she had a tougher time
with this one that any of the others, knowing that developing a
melody of some sort was way beyond her area of expertise. She
was a painter and a building designer. She was a physicist and a
chemist. She was not a musician. She wasn't a poet. She was
terrible at all of these things. And now she was wondering
whether or not writing a poem slamming Ben was a good idea,
wondering if he'd raise a hand to her like he did Hux. [/center]
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[19] BEN
By: Zellaphone Date: October 12, 2022, 11:02 pm
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Ben was tired of arguing with Rey about everything, even if it
was probably helping to get rid of her. She made a comment about
Hux being his only friend and that Hux was a sociopath, to which
Ben responded that Hux wasn't his only friend and that he hadn't
gained his friends only out of sympathy. That clearly affected
Rey as he had intended from the way her lips trembled. If she
was going to say hurtful things to him, he would say hurtful
things to her. She didn't give up though, growling that her
situation was better than him only gaining friends because he
chased everyone else away. She had no fucking clue what she was
talking about. Hardly anyone at the school had a fucking clue
what they were talking about when they spoke about him, but he
noticed that she didn't argue against only making friends out of
sympathy. “Maybe I prefer it that way," was all that he said in
response, not wanting to go into all his social anxieties and
lack of communication skills and how he was bullied for a
majority of his life. She pulled her hair up in a bun,
stammering out a comment about how she hadn't been prepared to
do this poetry assignment. He asked her if she would have been
any more prepared tonight, and she told him that she would have
since she had thought a little bit about the types of poems she
had wanted to write, but now he was, apparently, stripping her
of her freedom of choice. He argued that he was asking her to
write three simple poems, not planning her whole life out for
her, but that didn't seem to matter. She said that he was asking
her to do things he knew she couldn't do, and was acting as
though he was trying to get her to fail English. Was she
serious? Did she really think he was trying to get her to fail
when he had, despite trying to get her to call all of this off,
had still been helping her? He told her that she could do these
things if she just tried harder, adding that he was trying to
challenge her while she just wanted to scrape by so that she
could go back to London and likely get kicked out of school
there. How did she expect to make it through college or
university by not understanding anything? She said that she
could do well without him hurling his supposed bullshit at her
before she had to go to work dealing with screaming children and
their entitled parents. “Then why the fuck are you still here if
you can do so well that Luke suggested you get tutoring on your
first day?” he spat at her, challenging her before he noticed
just how heavy she was breathing and how her hands trembled.
Fuck, she was really starting to panic, wasn't she? He wasn't
trying to get her to have a panic attack, he just wanted her to
leave. He asked her to breathe, but that, apparently, hadn't
been the right response, and Rey accused him of patronizing her.
She told him that he didn't understand, asking if he could just
stop for a second. He asked if he was supposed to stop helping
her, assuring her that he would love to, to which she told him
to fuck off, snarling like an animal. "You first, Plutt," he
snapped back, refusing to back down. She put her face in her
hands and Ben let out a sigh, giving them both a moment to calm
down before he started explaining what each type of poetry he
asked her to do was. She seemed to compose herself a bit, saying
that she would try before she got to work, giving him some time
to read a little of his book. This session was starting to
stress him out and infuriate the hell out of him. Why didn't Rey
just leave if she hated him so much? Didn't she know it would do
her well to just not associate with him anymore? He glanced up
at her a few times while she worked, taking note of the crease
between her brow that appeared when she concentrated on
something. As maddening as it was to deal with her, he still
couldn't deny that she was gorgeous. When she announced that she
was finished, he asked her to read her sonnet first, listening
as she stammered and stumbled her way through her own poem,
telling the story of a homesick girl who longed for London and
felt as though she didn't belong in her new home. Honestly, the
poem made Ben feel more guilty than ever before. Even though he
hated that he had ever been asked to tutor her and was upset
with her at the moment, he didn't hate Rey. He wanted to, but he
didn't, especially in a moment like this where he could
understand what it was like to feel out of place. She let him
know that she believed her poem was shit, asking him to spare
her his insults, but he simply assured her that her poem wasn't
bad, and it wasn't. Not to him, anyway. She had been honest and
vulnerable in her poem, and he liked that. She blinked and he
crossed his arms, deciding to save any other comments he had
until she was done reading everything. She looked surprised that
he hadn't torn into her, and she thanked him, continuing to hug
herself. He asked her to read her ballad next, and listened
carefully as she... told a very different story. In her ballad,
she told the story of a boy who chased everyone away because of
how harsh and cold he was. In the ballad, the kids slowly ran
off one by one because of the boy's behavior until he was
abandoned and left all alone. And in his older years, he
continued to be alone and had grown used to it. Ben frowned, his
gaze narrowing ever so slightly as he stared at Rey. He had the
strong, unshakable feeling that Rey was referring to him in the
poem, and if that was true... Ben couldn't deny to himself that
he was hurt by it, along with angered. If he was right in his
assumption, Rey had no right to mock him about things she didn't
understand. He didn't chase people away. Or, at least, he hadn't
meant to. Not at first. He might have been right about Rey, it
was starting to seem. Perhaps she was bound to be just another
bully to him. He didn't comment on the ballad, wanting to see if
her limerick possibly alluded to him as well, and if it did, he
would call her out on it. "Read your limerick," he said flatly,
waiting.[/center]
#Post#: 3159--------------------------------------------------
REY [20]
By: winterssmary Date: October 13, 2022, 4:22 am
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Ben seemed to think that Rey was a hopeless idiot without him.
He was being so cruel and abusive to her, but was convincing her
that she was nothing without him. He seemed to think that she
would fail miserably in London when she inevitably moved back
unless she did everything he said without question and kept him
around. It reminded her so much of Simon, who berated and
screamed at her while also convincing her that she was useless
and that he was her only asset and ally in the world. She tried
to explain that she would be fine if he wasn't just hurling
things at her in an attempt to make her stumble and fail. She
even pointed out that she had a really stressful job to go to
right after all of this, hoping that he might be able to
understand why she was so stressed and anxious. But he didn't
care. He didn't care about anything other than his own agenda,
whatever that might be. He asked why she was still here with him
and why Luke coaxed her into tutoring literally on her first
day. Clearly, they were both convinced that she was hopeless. A
lost cause. Perhaps she was. But now she couldn't let Ben win.
She was in too deep and she would give this cruel man the
satisfaction of beating her. "I thought that he knew what he was
doing and was suggesting someone with some semblance of decency
and kindness and I was hoping to make a friend. Now I'm just
sticking around so you lose thirty minutes of your life twice a
week," she spat. Her breathing was more labored and her hands
were shaking so badly she was worried she wouldn't be able to
write. She couldn't look at Ben anymore, doing what she could to
fight back tears and screams and the urge to punch his stupid,
handsome face. Why did he have to be so mean and so pretty. He
began to patronize her, asking her not to panic as if it was the
easiest thing in the world. He didn't know about her anxiety,
but he wasn't a fool. Shouldn't he have figured it out by now?
Why did he have to act like she was overreacting? As if
invalidating her wouldn't make everything so much worse? She
asked that he stop talking, saying that he didn't understand
what she was going through and that she needed a moment. But he
didn't like that. He argued with everything she said, not
backing down, constantly going back at her, only further and
further winding her up. He said he would love to stop tutoring
her, but refusing to just hold back and let her breathe. She
screamed at him to fuck off, calling him by his last name. He
returned the order, but added the little Plutt onto the end of
it that sent Rey into a rage. She couldn't help the redness in
her eyes at that, though she tried her hardest to fight it back.
She growled at him like an animal, every muscle in her body
going tense as she glared at him, a glare that she could feel
was deadly. Everything hurt and she shook violently at the name
he called her, hating that she was now associated by name with
that monster who hit her, who treated her like garbage, who
kidnapped her from her home just so have a housekeeper that he
could smack around when he felt like it. "Don't ever fucking
call me that again, you cunt. That's not my name and if you use
it on me again I will shove you off these bleachers and beat you
to a bloody fucking pulp," she screamed, not caring if anyone
heard, her face bright red as her vision blurred from rage. She
wanted to punch him. She should have punched him. She was
actually amazed that he'd made it this far without her giving
him a black eye or something. She put her face in her hands
after a moment, needing some time to calm down, to be able to
look up and speak without crying. Eventually, she did, letting
Ben explain the types of poetry to her as she agreed to write
them. She took her time with it, her hands still shaking as she
tried to write, her ideas not there. She wrote her poems, not
happy with any of them, but just wanting to move on and go to
her room. She'd already decided that she couldn't go in to work
today, not after all of this. She needed some candy and a fuzzy
blanket and some time to cry. Ben asked that she read her sonnet
first and she did so, stammering and stuttering as she described
the cloudy skies of London, the river that used to cut through
the city, that streets and flowers and botanical gardens. She
missed her home so very dearly and hated that she had gotten
stuck here. She told Ben that she knew the poem was bad, but
asked that he keep his insults to a minimum, not wanting to deal
with anymore. She had reached her limit. Ben told her that it
wasn't bad, which surprised her greatly. She thanked him, not
fully believing him, but accepting it for the time being. He
asked that she read the ballad next and she did so, a little
more nervous about this one. It was about Ben, of course, but
hopefully he wouldn't get too nasty about it. Or hit her. He
frowned at her, his eyes narrowing a bit. She winced at that,
worried that the screaming or the slapping would come next, but
it didn't. He didn't even make a comment, instead just telling
her to read her limerick. She raised her brows a bit. "Alright.
But just remember, you asked for it. Demanded it, rather," she
pointed out.
"I once met a man who's called Ben
He usually acts like he's ten
He's mean and he's cruel
But thinks that it's cool
And that's why he can't make a friend,"
she read, looking up from her paper at him, arms still wrapped
around herself in a hug from her panic before. She wasn't happy
with Ben. She had the right to make fun of him, especially since
he had spent so much time mocking and picking apart her
insecurities. He called her by a name that she abhorred. He
frequently pointed out how hopeless and stupid she was,
constantly trying to make her feel like she was a total failure
with absolutely no prospects for the future. So why did she feel
a little bad about writing poems about how lonely he was? After
all, it was his own fault. If he weren't so mean to people who
tried being nice to him, maybe he would have more than just Hux
by his side. It was fine to make fun of someone for their awful
choices and bad attitude. If they caused harm to people, like he
had done to her, she was owed a limerick or two, right?
[/center]
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