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#Post#: 1315--------------------------------------------------
[25] BEN
By: Zellaphone Date: January 31, 2021, 6:59 pm
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[size=9pt]Ben awoke for the second time that morning to the
feeling of Rey stirring against him. He slowly opened his eyes,
thinking that he could honestly just sleep the day away as
mumbled out a tired good morning to her. She wished him one in
return, and he thought it felt nice to walk up with her there,
able to greet her first thing and almost effortlessly. It was
just nice to not be alone and unsure. She announced that she was
going to get them breakfast, and he didn't fight her even though
he wasn't sure if he was hungry yet, simply humming in response
and closing his eyes again. He didn't let himself fall back
asleep, but he did rest there while she was gone, unable to do
much else. If his bones weren't broken, he would have likely
started working out, but he was forced to be confined to the
hospital bed, not even able to turn on his sides or really even
sit up on his own. When Rey returned, he smelled caf, which he
was grateful for, needing the extra help to wake himself up due
to how well he had slept and the pain medicine he was on. She
set his food down, rolling his table over to him and situating
everything for him. He thanked her, truly grateful for
everything she was continuing to do for him, even if it made him
feel a bit useless. He was practically useless now. Rey nodded,
taking her seat beside him as they began to eat. He looked over
his food first, glad to see there was meat on his plate for the
morning. It was nuna bacon, and he grabbed that first, taking a
bite. Just had the soup had been, it was blander than what he
was used to, but he didn't necessarily mind it too much. It felt
more... homey, this way, he supposed. He figured that's probably
how most people would have described it. He tasted the eggs and
biscuit as well, finding everything to be satisfactory, and
discovering that he was hungrier than he had thought the more
that he ate. As for Rey, she ate her food pretty much how he had
expected her to after seeing her eat yesterday. She was somewhat
wild again, eating quickly and taking large bites of everything.
He once again found it to be adorable, as long as he didn't
think too much about how she had been starved her whole life.
Once they were finished, she collected their plates, taking them
to the cafeteria to be washed. He waited again for her, not
having much of a choice or say in the matter. He wished he could
think of a better way to talk to her. They had been nearly
silent eating their breakfast, which had been fine, but he did
want to talk to her. He wanted to get to know her better. He
wanted some of his questions answered, but he wasn't sure how to
go about any of it. He didn't want to come off as harsh in any
way or end up saying the wrong thing as he usually seemed to do.
When Rey came back, sitting back down, their silence was more
awkward. It was obvious that neither one of them knew how to
talk or behave around the other, and they'd need to fix that
soon, but how? She asked if he had slept well after a while, and
he nodded, saying that he had and that he had almost forgotten
what it was like to sleep so soundly. He left out how wonderful
it had felt to sleep with her against him and in his arms. Rey
responded by saying that she hoped that he'd sleep like that
more often now that he was safe and had people who would take
care of him. His heart swelled at that, still not knowing how to
process the fact that he as safe and cared for now after most of
his life being nothing but a waste of time and a nightmare that
he had disguised as his purpose. "Right..." he said softly, his
voice drifting off slightly. He asked her if she had slept well
too and she nodded, explaining that she often had trouble
staying warm at night, but not last night, saying that it had
been nice. His ears felt a bit warm at that, not telling her
that he had purposefully warmed himself for her. “I too thought
last night had been nice…” he admitted, thinking about how warm
she had been curled up beside him, her hands on her chest, her
head nuzzled against his shoulder. It had been so, so nice, but
yet... he was confused by it. By all of it. By everything, and
he could hardly stand it. “Rey, forgive me for being blunt, but
I need to know before I drive myself insane," he began, not
waiting any longer to get at least some answers. He deserved
them, he thought. “Where do I stand with you?” he asked. "What
am I to you?" he corrected himself. “Last night… it felt…
intimate. So much of this has felt intimate,” he explained,
gesturing around the room and to themselves, trying to make it
clear that he was referring to yesterday. “And on Exegol… you
kissed me. Why?” He furrowed his brow in confusion thinking back
on it and comparing it to how casual Rey has been every now and
again now. Did she liked him, or not? Did she love him, or not?
Was he a friend? Or just someone she was stuck with because of
the dyad? “And please don’t say we can discuss it later. I
cannot wait until later for this, because when I’m around
there’s so much that I want to do and say but I’m afraid that it
is not what you want, and I fear that I will end up chasing you
away," he confessed without really confessing anything, needing
to hear her explanation first before he said anything to her
regarding how he felt, too afraid that his heart would get
broken.[/center]
#Post#: 1316--------------------------------------------------
rey [xxvi]
By: winterssmary Date: February 2, 2021, 8:37 pm
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Rey wasn't sure if she meant for things to happen the way they
did last night. She knew that she wanted to sleep next to Ben,
wanted to hold him and be held by him. She'd wanted that for a
long time, since she let herself be vulnerable with him on
Ahch-To. It had been a long, difficult process for her to come
to terms with the fact that she did care about him. That she
wanted him. Ben made her feel like an entirely different person,
one who was worth something, worth protecting. Never in her life
had she felt worthy of someone's protection, but Ben, even when
they were enemies, had an obvious soft spot for her. They
fought, but he actively avoided killing her, even hurting her in
a lot of cases. She'd wanted him to hold her for quite some
time, which he did. On Exegol, but she didn't want to think
about that. Just once, she wanted him to hold her when their
lives weren't on the line. And she was cold last night. And
uncomfortable. Maybe a small part of her, her subconscious, made
things happen just because she knew she could get away with it.
Or maybe it was all happenstance. She didn't know and she didn't
care too much to dwell on it. All she knew was that waking up in
Ben's arms was a wonderful experience. She felt so warm, cozy.
Safe. It was unlike anything else. But she knew she couldn't
hold onto that feeling for too long for fear of giving away her
feelings. She wasn't about to do anything like that. Instead,
she left his presence to make sure they were taken care of,
bringing back a decent breakfast for the two of them and making
sure Ben at every bit of it before taking everything back to the
cafeteria. She knew the droids would appreciate her bringing it
back so they wouldn't have to walk in at a random time and try
and take things from Kylo Ren. Once she got back, though, she
realized she was at a loss for words. Where were they supposed
to go from here? She tried to make conversation, just asking to
make sure that he slept well. He had, apparently, which was
good. He hadn't slept well in a long time, but she reminded him
that he probably could now because he was safe and being cared
for. He didn't respond much to that, but that was beginning to
be normal. He didn't respond much to anything, a man f few words
now that he wasn't barking orders or making demands. Ben Solo
was calm and quiet whereas Kylo Ren was aggressive and hostile.
When he asked how she slept, she answered honestly, that she
slept very well. Where she usually had trouble staying warm, she
had no issues when she curled up in Ben's arms. She saw a faint
hint of color on his cheeks, but didn't think much of it. She
simply said it was nice, which he agreed to, almost hesitantly
admitting it. He spoke her name, calling her attention back to
him. His voice was soft, but his words caused her to go stiff.
He asked her to forgive him being blunt, but that he needed to
ask about something before he was driven mad. She quirked an
eyebrow, worried, but nodded, giving him permission to continue.
He asked where he stood with her, which was odd. She didn't know
how to answer him. Before she could, he rephrased, asking what
he was to her. Again, there were several ways to answer that. He
explained himself, explaining that last night and all she'd done
for him felt intimate. She froze, a little caught off-guard by
all of this. He was right. He was absolutely right and she felt
it as well. He then brought up Exegol, asking why she kissed
him. She immediately averted her gaze, suddenly feeling very,
very vulnerable. Afraid, even. She was being put on the spot,
forced to answer him about a very, very sensitive and vulnerable
topic for her. And he was still recovering. What was the right
answer here? Before she could speak, she was interrupted once
more. Ben told her not to say they could discuss it later,
adding that he needed answers now because he was afraid of
saying or doing something that would chase her away, since he
wanted to do and say things, he said. She didn't know what
things he was referring to and now she was even more afraid to
speak. Her hands hovered above the bed for a moment as she
struggled for words, her mind racing. Was she just supposed to
tell him that she had feelings for him? Now? While he was lying
on hospital bed, dependent on her for care, and trying to figure
out who he was? Was it even right for her to have feelings for
him? Was that somehow bad? Could she end up influencing him so
much that he never developed an authentic self? Surely she
didn't have that kind of power, did she? "Ben, I -," she
stammered, genuinely unable to process any of this. "It's all so
confusing," she admitted. "I don't, I -," I care about you? I
want to be with you? You make me feel safe and also you're very
attractive? She couldn't just say that. "I kissed you because I
wanted to. I'd wanted to kiss Ben Solo ever since he told me I
wasn't alone."[/center]
#Post#: 1317--------------------------------------------------
[26] BEN
By: Zellaphone Date: February 3, 2021, 9:56 pm
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[size=9pt]Neither of them really acknowledged what had happened
last night at first. Rey woke up, brought them breakfast, and
they ate in somewhat comfortable silence, but he kept feeling as
though he should say something to her. However, his thoughts
kept drifting to last night. To yesterday in general. The day
had been one giant whiplash, and now, suddenly, everything was
different. Everything was unclear, and yet... he couldn't help
but focus on what was going on between himself and Rey. A day
ago, she had seemed to hate him. She had tried to kill him,
which he had deserved, but now it was completely different. She
was making it clear that she cared about him, and she was
continuing to help get him better. It was all so strange to him.
Once breakfast was over, she took their plates away and then
returned, the silence now uncomfortable until she asked him how
he had slept. He was honest, telling her he had gotten the best
sleep he had had in a very long time. He couldn't remember the
last time he had slept like that. He couldn't even ever remember
feeling like that. He had been so warm and entirely at ease. Not
a single nightmare or voice had plagued his mind. There had been
nothing but peace and an overwhelming sense of security and
love. He wished every night could be like that for him from now
on, but he knew it couldn't be. He couldn't hold Rey every night
as he had. He couldn't run his hands through her hair or have
her touch him. She had made it clear that they'd be living in a
separate room from now on, which was fine. He was lucky enough
just to have that, but last night had only further confused him.
She didn't have to face him last night. She didn't have to touch
him or nuzzle against him... but she did. There was so much that
she was doing that made him wonder if she felt the same way for
him that he did for her. He just wasn't sure... but he'd have to
ask. He'd have to know soon, or else he was going to go mad.
He asked her how she had slept, and she explained that she
always has trouble keeping warm, but that hadn’t been the case
last night. She called it nice, and he felt just a tab bit
flustered, knowing that he had purposefully increased his body
temperature for her. He kept that to himself, however. He
admitted that last night had been nice for him as well, though
he also kept those reasons private. He wasn’t sure how she would
react if he told her that he had enjoyed holding her. That he
had felt so comfortable, safe, and cared for sleeping beside
her. Or that he had just been so relieved to know that she was
safe, breathing against his skin, her body rising and falling
with each breath, so, so warm and alive. However, perhaps she
wouldn’t react badly at all. After all, she had been the one to
initiate sleeping beside him, cuddling, and she had been the one
to kiss him on Exegol. Why? He was overwhelmed with questions.
He had been for quite some time, but especially yesterday and
today, and he wanted some answers. Just some. They didn’t have
to address everything now, but he needed to know a bit more
about where he stood with her in order to know how to proceed
with her and talk to her better. It was crucial. He said her
name, catching her attention again and warning her that what he
was about to ask was blunt, but he needed to know because he
went mad from all of the uncertainty of the world around him
now. She raised a brow, but nodded. He asked where he stood with
her only to immediately rephrase the question and ask what he
was to her. He pointed out how intimate everything yesterday
felt and how she had kissed him on Exegol. He asked why she had
done that, and Rey looked away from him. He hoped that didn't
mean that she wouldn't answer or that the kiss hadn't meant
anything truly meaningful to her. In desperation, he begged her
not to say that they could talk about it all later, needing some
sort of answer now. It might have been wrong to demand such a
thing, but he explained that if she didn't, he feared he may say
or do something that would chase her away. Rey stuttered, and he
looked at her, his eyes searching. She said that she was
confused, which he could understand, and he couldn't blame her
for that, but with everything she was doing... he hoped there
was more to it than that. He was being led to believed that
their could be something romantic between them, and he didn't
want to be led astray. He nodded, and she continued to stutter,
hesitating a moment before saying that she had kissed him
because she had wanted to, going on to say that she had wanted
to kiss him, Ben Solo, ever since he had told her that she
wasn't alone. His eyes widened slightly in surprise. "That
long?" he asked, amazed. He had no idea that that was how she
had felt. When they had touched hands after he had told her
that, that was when he had first been absolutely sure that he
was in love with her. "I-" he stammered, looking away from her
briefly, thinking back to that moment. "I had no idea," he
admitted. He should have just abandoned the First Order right
then. He should have stopped being such a fool. He should have
kissed her on the elevator of the Supremecy and left with her.
Why couldn't he have just chosen her right away? "There were so
many times where-" He stopped himself. He chouldn't change the
past. What was done was done. His mistakes have been made. "It
doesn't matter now," he said looking back to her. She had wanted
to kiss him. Not just out of gratitude... At least, that's what
it sounded like. She had wanted to kiss him. And maybe... maybe
she would kiss him again. He hoped so. He hoped so more than
anything else at the moment. He was desperate to taste her
again, to feel her again and drown in her. "May I... kiss you
now?" he asked quietly, glancing at her lips, her eyes, her
nose, her cheeks, wanting to touch her again.[/center]
#Post#: 1318--------------------------------------------------
rey [xxvii]
By: winterssmary Date: February 3, 2021, 11:02 pm
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Casually, they talked about how they slept, the two of them
obvious dancing around the topic of what actually happened last
night. They took a giant step forward in their relationship.
They cuddled, which felt so oddly natural despite it being the
last thing she thought she might do. Still, she didn't want to
bring it up. Not yet. She didn't need to be forced to think
through her feelings, to sort through the hatred she was
supposed to feel for Kylo Ren and reconcile it with the growing
longing she felt for Ben Solo, whom she'd wanted for over a
cycle now. She kept trying to distract herself, not wanting to
worry about it. She couldn't trouble herself more, not now. She
needed time. She needed to process everything beyond just her
feelings. She needed things that Ben, apparently, wasn't willing
to give her. Shortly after she mentioned that she stayed warm
last night -- implying that it was because of him -- he changed
the subject, slightly. He wanted to talk about last night. He
wanted to know where they stood, what he meant to her. She
didn't mean to avert her gaze, but she couldn't look at him, not
while her cheeks were so tinted with red and her body was so
stuff and her heart was racing. He was already calling her out
on this, expecting answers. What sort of answers did he want?
Did he want her to feel something for him? Did he feel something
for her? Or was this all misplaced? Maybe he wanted to know so
that he could put a stop to her lightly progressing things.
Maybe he wanted to know so that he could make it hurt a little
bit more when he told her how uncomfortable she made him. She
didn't know what he was trying to do and, frankly, she didn't
know exactly what to say. She was so confused, not fully
understanding her own feelings. But she did know one thing: she
kissed him because she wanted to. And she had for a while.
Despite stammering and struggling for words, she ended up saying
things, explaining that she was confused, but that she kissed
him because she wanted to. It was her decision and she didn't
regret it in the slightest. He nodded when she said she was
confused, but she watched as his eyes widened when she explained
herself. Sorta. He questioned her, wondering if she was telling
the truth that she'd wanted to kiss him since they touched hands
for the first time. Slowly, hesitantly, obvious fear in her
eyes, she nodded. There was no use in lying to him now. "You
made me feel safe," she said quietly. "Valuable," she added
hesitantly. He admitted that he had no idea, seeming to think
things over for a few moments. That was fair. Rey had a lot to
think over, a lot to worry about, she supposed. She probably
just crossed a horrible line and there was no turning back now.
She had to go through with it. Part of her felt good for putting
the truth out there, but that little bit of relief wasn't nearly
enough to outweigh her growing panic as she watched him,
searching for a reaction. She didn't admit that she had romantic
feelings for him, but thought that saying she wanted to kiss him
was enough to make it obvious. But, after spending time with
Finn and Poe, she knew how dense men could be. And this was the
son of Han Solo she was dealing with. He started to say
something more, something about so many times, before changing
his mind, claiming that it didn't matter now. She felt so, so
vulnerable, so scared and unsure. The opposite of how she felt
in his arms. Why couldn't he hold her again? He looked up at her
and she went stiff once more, watching him before he asked,
quietly, if he could kiss her now. Her eyes went wide and, after
just a brief moment, she nodded quickly. "Only if you want
to."[/center]
#Post#: 1319--------------------------------------------------
[27] BEN
By: Zellaphone Date: February 4, 2021, 10:27 pm
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[size=9pt]Ben thought that Rey might bring up what had happened
last night, but she never did. They ate in silence and they sat
in silence until they talked about how they had slept. But even
still, they completely avoided bringing up how they had cuddled
with one another. He had woken up with her hands still on his
chest, her face still nuzzled against his shoulder, and he had
woken up with his face and hand in her hair before he had moved
his hand back to her waist. It had been incredibly... intimate,
to say the least, and he couldn't make sense of it. She had
initiated that. Why? Why had she crawled into bed with him,
faced him, and touched him throughout the night. That couldn't
be normal for her, could it? Then why would she have chosen to
do such a thing with him? Why did she care so much about him?
Why did she kiss him? All of it was leading him to believe that
she might feel the same way from him as he did for her, but
there was no way for him to be certain. There was also quite a
bit that made him believe that he was reading everything wrong
and that she didn't feel the same. Nothing was adding up, and he
desperately wanted answers before he got the wrong idea and
ended up with his heart broken... again. He could bear just
being friends with her, but to be led into thinking that she
could possibly love him and then find out that he was wrong
would unquestionably hurt. So, he finally confronted her, trying
not to be too forceful or rude about it. He just wanted some
answers, and he felt as though he deserved them. He asked her
where he stood with her, only to change the question to what he
was to her. He explained how a lot of what had happened
yesterday and last night had felt intimate, asking specifically
as to why she had kissed him on Exegol. She looked away from him
as he furrowed his brow, thinking back to the kiss and how she
had looked at him, taking in her blush now. There had to be
something there between them. There had to be. He added that he
couldn't wait until later, needing an answer now before he did
or said something to embarrass himself and scare her. He
couldn't just continue being with her in this way and keeping
his feelings to himself.
She stammered, clearly nervous, and caught off-guard. He felt
awful for that, but he wasn't going to change his mind. He
wanted to hear what she'd have to say. She ended up saying that
she was confused, and he nodded. It wasn't surprising that she
felt that way. He was confused as well. They had spent most of
their time together as enemies... and yet... he still wanted to
be with her more than anything else. She then said that she had
kissed him because she had wanted to, admitting that she had
wanted to kiss Ben Solo ever since he had told her that she
wasn't alone. Now that was surprising for him to hear, and his
eyes widened. That had been around when he had realized that he
loved her. Right when they had touched hands. Still watching
her, he questioned her about that, asking if she had really
wanted to kiss him for that long. She nodded, and he felt like
the galaxy's biggest fool. He could have had this, had her so
much sooner if he had just listened. If he had just followed his
heart instead of his clouded mind and everything that had been
engrained into it. She told him that he had made her feel safe.
Valuable, even, and he was relieved to hear it. He had said
those words to comfort her, but he had also said them because he
meant them. "You are valuable," he insisted softly before saying
that he had no idea that she had felt that way for so long. He
thought more about how stupid he had been, how he had been
missing out all of this time when he could have been feeling
safe and cared for and entirely at ease. He could have been with
Rey this whole time. She would have wanted him here, but he had
thought that power was more important. How stupid. He began to
confess that there had been so many times when he had thought
about kissing her, but he stopped himself, saying that it didn't
matter now. What mattered now is that he knew that she hadn't
just kissed him out of gratitude for what he had done for her.
None of this was just for gratitude. She cared for him. She
wanted him. And he cared for her and wanted her as well. So, so
badly.
Quietly, still somewhat hesitant and unsure of himself, he asked
if he may kiss her, wanting to taste her again and to feel her
and that closeness again. Her eyes went wide, but thankfully,
she nodded, saying that he could only if he wanted to. Nearly
holding his breath, almost in disbelief that this was actually
happening, he nodded again, slowly reaching out to her, brushing
some of her hair out of her face before cupping her cheek. He
stroked it once with his thumb, feeling how soft she was, able
to take his time with her this time, neither one of their lives
on the line. Gently, he urged her closer, his other hand sliding
up her arm and stopping on the side of her shoulder. He was
really going to do this. He was going to kiss Rey. "I've wanted
this for a long time now, Rey," he assured her, his voice barely
above a whisper due to how close they now were, his eyes
searching hers as he leaned in, looking for any sign of panic or
regret. He didn't find any. So with that, he finally closed the
gap between them, closing his eyes and gently pressing his lips
to hers, kissing her carefully and slowly. She tasted just how
he remembered, minus the blood and dirt. She tasted so sweet,
and he couldn’t help but want more, wondering if she’d taste any
different if he deepened the kiss. He wanted to know. He wanted
to know everything about her because he so, so desperately loved
her to the point where it drove him crazy, but he refrained, for
now, his hand slipping somewhat behind her neck to keep her
close, but still trying not to make her feel trapped in any way.
He just couldn't believe this was happening. He was kissing her.
The woman that he loved, and she wanted it. Wanted him. It was
almost too overwhelming, still incredibly hard to believe, and
he could feel his eyes growing misty underneath his eyelids, his
chest tightening from emotion. She wanted him.[/center]
#Post#: 1320--------------------------------------------------
rey [xxviii]
By: winterssmary Date: February 5, 2021, 8:52 pm
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Rey wasn't expecting Ben to bring up anything they'd done the
night before. Of course, while she didn't necessarily want to
talk about it and assess everything right then and there, she
didn't regret anything that she did. She wouldn't pretend to.
She slept well, not because she was tired, not because she was
finally not worried about the war. It was because she was with
Ben. She was right where she was supposed to be for the first
time in her whole life. Never in her life had she ever felt like
she was home, until then. She knew that they needed to talk
about everything, to get things out in the open and figure out
what they were. But that didn't mean that it would be a fun
talk, she thought. It was scary and confusing and forced her to
think about a lot of unpleasant things. She had to think about
how life was without him, think about how lonely and empty she
felt as she watched her friends enjoy their friendships, their
relationships, while she was completely isolated. She had to
think about her own conflict, how it mirrored Ben's in a lot of
ways and how they needed each other. More than anything, though,
she had to think about who he was. She knew she had feelings for
him. She'd known that for a very long time. However, she knew it
was stupid because she didn't really know Ben. She knew Kylo
Ren, but she didn't fall for Kylo. She fell for Ben. How can
that be? He must have known it was stupid. It was why he was
talking to her about it, why he felt like he needed to know more
about her feelings. He couldn't make sense of it either, could
he? He must have thought her very foolish. She panicked a bit at
the question, stammering and stiffening, grateful that he was
patient enough not to scream at her for an answer. Though he was
being rather forceful about them not putting off this
conversation, as she'd been trying to do. But she couldn't fault
him for that she supposed. Even if she didn't want to do this,
he was entitled to answers.
When she finally spoke, she just said she was confused. Which
was true. Her feelings were so tangled and messy that she
couldn't make sense of anything whatsoever. She knew that she
cared about Ben, that she wanted him, but she didn't know why or
how or whether or not she should go through with it. She had
managed to separate Ben from Kylo Ren, but didn't understand how
she could manage that either. She just had a lot bouncing around
in her brain. She said that she wanted to kiss him, which was
true, adding that she had for a while, since they first touched
hands. He seemed genuinely surprised at that, questioning it and
earning a nod from her, explaining that he made her feel safe
and valuable. He insisted that she was valuable, his voice soft,
which brought out a smile from her. She didn't know what she did
to deserve that kindness from him, how he could ever see her as
valuable when she spent her whole life desperate to prove her
worth and earn her keep. "So are you," she said softly. He began
to confess something, saying there were so many times -- but he
apparently changed his mind. She let it go, not wiling to pester
him about it. Whatever he was going to say was irrelevant, as
he'd find a way to get his point across. He said that none of it
mattered now, which wasn't what she was expecting. In truth, she
was a little curious as to what he was going to say now. But,
she was taking his word for it, letting it drop. Then, almost
painfully quietly, he asked if he could kiss her, which caught
her by surprise completely. But she nodded slowly, giving him
permission, but only if he wanted to. She was scared. Really
scared. And, frankly, she wasn't sure why. It wasn't like she
hadn't kissed Ben before. But this time it felt different. They
both knew what was happening. They were going to be paying
attention to one another. It felt more intimate, softer. And now
he knew that she felt something for him. And she knew that he
felt something for her. For the time being, at least. She was
scared, nearly shaking when he touched her face, brushing some
hair from her face and stroking her cheek with his thumb. He was
being so soft, a tender and subtle caress. She let out a ragged
breath, skin tingling at the sensation of his other hand sliding
from her arm to her shoulder, urging her closer to him. He
whispered to her, saying that he'd wanted this for so long. She
let out a shaky breath, a hint of a smile on her face as she
locked eyes with him.
Despite being nervous, scared, she felt mostly anticipation. She
stared into his eyes for a second, the dark void of his brown
irises threatening to swallow her whole. She was about to close
the gap himself, just ready to taste him once more, but he went
ahead and made the move, his lips gently pressing against her
own. So, so gently, in fact, that she felt the heat behind her
eyes as the tears started to build within them. She didn't think
she'd ever been touched so gently in all her life, like she was
important enough to handle with care. She closed her eyes,
feeling the tears wet her eyelashes, but not fall from her eyes.
After a moment, she felt Ben's hand creep up her spine, resting
on the back of her neck to hold her closer to him. It was odd,
restrictive, but she found that she didn't mind it. Not when it
was Ben, anyway. She, very slowly, still scared to touch him,
wrapped her arms around his neck, just to hold onto him again.
She didn't want this to end, didn't want to let go. Even if they
should. They had to breathe sometime. One of her hands tangled
in his hair after a moment. After a bit, she finally pulled
away, not because she wanted to, but because she needed to catch
her breath. She still held onto him, resting her forehead
against his and panting as she caught her breath. She glanced
up, searching his eyes for anything that might make the pit in
her stomach go away. She was still so, so scared. She needed
reassurance. She needed to feel protected and cared for and,
daresay, maybe even loved in that moment. It was such a moment
of weakness, of vulnerability. She wasn't used to it and it
terrified her. But everything felt so oddly calm, so beautiful
and serene, as if all the stars aligned and everything about
this galaxy they lived in was suddenly beautiful, tranquil. All
was right with the world and it was all because they were
together, they had kissed. It was all because she and Ben wanted
each other, needed each other. And they were, at least for the
moment, by each other's side, as they were supposed to be.
"Ben," she whispered, a small laugh escaping her and a smile on
her lips.[/center]
#Post#: 1321--------------------------------------------------
[28] BEN
By: Zellaphone Date: February 6, 2021, 6:21 pm
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Ben needed answers, and so he demanded them. He didn't mean to
be forceful or to put Rey under any sort of pressure, but it
didn't feel right to keep dancing around everything. She had
kissed him on Exegol. Out of everything intimate that had been
going on, he couldn't ignore that. He loved her, and all of this
was just confusing him and he didn't know what to say or how to
behave. He didn't know what she wanted, and he needed to before
he burst. She told him he was confused, which he understood. He
was confused too. A day ago they had been considered enemies,
now she was careing for him, cuddling with him, calling him Ben
so easily and seemingly trusting him so readily. She said that
she had wanted to kiss him since he had told her that she wasn't
alone. Since they had touched hands, and he had no idea that she
had felt that way. He had no clue that that moment had meant
that much to her, but it made him glad. Relieved, even, that
that moment had been so special to her as well. He questioned
her about it, but she nodded, confirming that she had really
felt that way. She told him that he had made her feel safe and
valuable, and he was still surprised. He had made her feel that
way? More relief. That was how she had made him feel too, and no
one, no one had ever made him truly feel that way. No one but
her. He assured her quietly that she was valuable. She always
had been. Rey smiled, saying that he was valuable as well, which
made his lips slowly curve upwards somewhat in response. No one
had ever told him he was valuable. Not in a way that truly
meant anything. Snoke thought he was valuable just because he
saw his power and saw him as something he could use. Luke saw
him as valuable because he could carry out his family’s legacy.
As for his parents… well… he wasn’t sure if he had ever felt of
great value to them. Not after being left for so long. He began
to confess to Rey that there had been so many times where he had
wanted to kiss her. Where he almost had, but he stopped himself.
He definitely would have kissed her when they touched hands if
he had known that that is what she had wanted, or if they hadn’t
been interrupted. He would have kissed her on the Supremacy's
elevator too, but he doubted that would have gone over well. He
told her that what he was going to say didn’t matter now. What
if’s didn’t matter because they weren’t what happened. He
couldn’t change the past no matter how much he wanted to, but…
he could decide the future. Rey having made it clear to him now
that she wanted this, he asked her hesitantly if he could kiss
her. He was a bundle of nerves. Her eyes widened, and he
wondered for a moment if he somehow had ended up crossing a line
anyway, but then, she nodded. She gave him permission, but only
if he wanted to. He did. He definitely did. He was scared to
death that he would mess something up, but he wanted to kiss
her… and she wanted it too. Because she felt something for him
somehow. He would question it later, but for now, he had enough
answers to move forward. He reached out slowly, lightly brushing
some of her hair out of her face, his heart beating quickly. He
kept his eyes locked on her, stroking her cheek with his thumb
as he cupped her face, searching for any hesitation. If Rey
ended up deciding that she didn’t want this at the last second,
he didn’t want to miss it. She let out a shaky breath, and it
was hard to believe that a simple touch from him could have such
an effect on someone. His other hand slid up her arm and to her
shoulder, needing her to come closer to him. He promised her
that he did want this, and had wanted it for some time. It was a
moment of total vulnerability for him, and it could only
increase from here on out, but he didn’t feel uncomfortable. He
never really felt uncomfortable being vulnerable with Rey. He
knew he was safe with her.
Ben watched as a ghost of a smile appeared on Rey’s face before
they stared into each other’s eyes. This was happening. He was
finally going to kiss her after what had been almost an entire
cycle of longing to. And it was what they both wanted. He closed
his eyes, eager to taste her again and to really be able to
savor it all. Everything had happened so quickly the first time,
but they were both safe now, able to take their time. His lips
gently met hers, kissing her slowly, her lips tasting incredibly
sweet without any of the dirt or blood from last time. He wanted
more. The hand on her face gradually slid slightly to the back
of her neck, wanting her closer and to never, ever leave. He
wouldn’t be able to bear it if she left. Then, he felt her arms
wrap around his neck, holding him to her. He grazed her jaw
softly with his thumb in response, feeling a tightness in his
chest as he continued to slowly and carefully kiss her, wanting
to completely drown in her. He couldn’t believe this was
happening. He couldn’t believe that he was kissing her again as
they held one another, both of them making it clear that they
had feelings for one another. It was more than he could have
ever asked for. More than he thought he deserved, but he loved
it. He loved her. One of her hands tangled in his hair and he
reciprocated by sliding his hand further into her own. However,
it was long after that that she pulled away, and he leaned
forward momentarily, eyes still closed, nor wishing to part even
though he was nearly out of breath as well. She placed her
forehead against his, keeping close, which he appreciated so
greatly, gently and continuously threading his hand through her
hair a bit as he opened his eyes, meeting her’s. When he looked
at her, there were tears in her eyes, and he was certain he was
no better off. He had never experienced anything like that
before. It was like everything finally made sense. It felt like
he had finally found his true purpose. This is where he was
meant to be, and this is who he was meant to be with. Nothing
else mattered. He gazed into her eyes, taking in the brown and
flecks of green. She whispered his name, and his hand on her
shoulder moved more to her back, a smile taking over his face as
she laughed. He let out a small laugh as well, feeling happier
than he had possibly ever felt. His heart was so full.
Everything felt so right, and he wanted nothing more than to
dive right back in and kiss her again, but first… he had to tell
her. He had to tell her that he loved her. It was only right. He
felt like that words were about to spill out of his mouth at any
second anyway, and it was only fair to Rey that she knew before
they did anything else. Still smiling, he caressed her face,
brushing his thumb over the freckles that gathered on her cheek.
“Rey…” he whispered, his expression softening. He was afraid,
and yet, still smiling. He was about to become completely
vulnerable. He was about to hand his heart over to Rey and let
her decide what to do with it, and yet… he felt as though
everything was going to be okay, despite his fear. “I love you,”
he told her softly, his thumb touching her bottom lip, briefly
feeling how soft it was, entirely enamored but her. “Before
anything else happens, I need you to know that,” he explained,
feeling like a giant weight was being removed from his
shoulders, and yet, he couldn’t breathe any easier. He was still
afraid. “I love you more than anything,” he confessed to her.
“But you don’t have to say anything in return,” he quickly
assured her. This was him revealing himself to her. Opening up
to her. Giving himself to her. She didn’t have to reciprocate.
Not now. Not ever, if she didn’t want to. “This… whatever it is…
knowing that I’m at least something to you… it’s enough for me,”
he promised her stroking his jawline as his other hand cupped
the other side of her face.[/center]
#Post#: 1323--------------------------------------------------
rey [xxix]
By: winterssmary Date: February 6, 2021, 10:08 pm
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Ben had asked to kiss her. Frankly, the fact that he asked for
permission at all was a blessing, she thought. It was a sign of
maturity. It was sweet, innocent. She respected it greatly and
the act itself meant that he respected her. He cared enough
about what she wanted and her autonomy to make the effort to
speak to her about things. He wanted to make sure she was happy
with whatever he did, which she didn't have the patience for on
Exegol. During that moment, she panicked, so relieved that she
was alive and scared that she was going to lose him before she
pressed her lips to his. Now, they had all the time in the
world. They had the time to process what was happening, to think
and feel everything that was going on. She had to worry about so
much, to work through so many feelings and thoughts and ideas.
She didn't know who Ben was, but she knew that she couldn't live
without him. Which was terrifying. She knew that the smart
decision would be to run away and never come back, to hide
herself away from him and dedicate her life to the people who
never slaughtered a whole village to serve an evil dictator. But
she couldn't. Her heart wouldn't let her. Ben was a part of her,
whether she could make sense of it or not. She felt safe around
him, whether it was logical or not. They were meant to be
involved with one another in some capacity. Their souls and
destinies were intertwined. She nodded, giving him the
permission he was asking for and he assured her that he did want
this. She was nervous, her breath hitching in her throat with
just the simple touch he placed on her cheek. He was being so
soft, so tender with her. It was a beautiful moment, one that
almost hurt. She'd spent her whole life never knowing a touch
like this, never know how it felt to be cherished. His other
hand was on her shoulder, pulling her closer to him and she
complied, wanting to close the space between them as well. She
was tempted to take control herself as they gazed at one
another, but it was clear that Ben was just looking for signs of
hesitation or regret, since he closed that space quickly.
He pressed his lips to her own, slowly, gently, at such an
agonizing pace, but she leaned into it, relaxing into it,
needing it. She let her eyes drift closed after a second, after
realizing that, yes, this was all real. This was actually
happening and she was perfectly happy with it. Ben chose to kiss
her, asking her if she wanted it. He was actually on the right
side, finally having joined her. This was where she belonged,
where they belonged. It felt like the universe was finally
coming into proper alignment, that everything had finally fallen
into place and all of the answers were right there in front of
her. The hand that was one his face started to drift across her
cheek, finally slipping to the back of her neck and holding her
closer. While it was an odd, restrictive feeling, she found that
she didn't mind. She should trust him in such a vulnerable
position, but she slept next to him the night before, so she
supposed it wasn't a problem. In fact, she found that she didn't
think he was quite close enough, wrapping her arms around his
neck to hold him tighter. One hand slipped into his hair after a
moment, gently stroking through his locks as he mirrored the
actions in her own tresses. Tears formed in her eyes, wetting
his eyelashes. She pulled away eventually, needing a moment to
breathe, whether she wanted it or not. She rested her forehead
against his, each of them breathing heavily for a moment. His
hand stayed in her hair, which felt really nice. She saw that he
also had tears in his eyes and she whispered his name, letting
out a quiet, breathy laugh. The hand on her shoulder drifted
down to her back, holding her a little closer as a bright -- the
brightest she'd ever seen in her life, in fact -- smile overtook
his features. For a moment, she was breathless once more as she
gazed at him, the way his dark eyes squinted as every muscle in
his face tightened with the grin on his face, his perfect teeth
shining. He was stunning. His smile was perfection and her own
smile brightened at the sight. She touched his face gently,
letting her thumb trace over the line from the corner of his
mouth to his cheekbone, trying to memorize that smile. He
caressed her face in return, thumb running over her skin as he
whispered her name. His expression softened, though his smile
remained. After a moment, he said the words. I love you. Her
eyes went wide, her freezing once more. Her lips parted and his
thumb brushed against her bottom lip. He loved her? How? Why?
Rey didn't quite understand what love was. How did Ben know? He
had to be kidding. She gazed up at him once more, scared. He
explained that, before anything else happened, he needed her to
know. What else did he think was going to happen? He didn't
think that they were gonna.... did he? Sex was out of the
question as far as she was concerned. Was this moving too fast?
It seemed to fast. She sucked in a breath. He said that she
loved her more than anything, which was even more concerning. He
was serious. He wasn't kidding. It was both comforting, a warmth
radiating through her, and absolutely terrifying, since she was
unsure of her own feelings. She'd never lie to him about
something like this either and wasn't going to tell him anything
until she knew for sure. He then, luckily, added that he wasn't
expecting her to say anything back, which caused her to visibly
relax a bit. He said that, whatever they had, just knowing that
he was something to her, was enough for him. She pulled herself
closer to him, pressing her lips to his once more, humming into
the kiss. She stroked his face tenderly at the contact, wishing
he weren't bed-ridden and hurt so that she could get closer to
him, hold onto him tighter without worrying about hurting him in
some way. She couldn't tell him that she loved him, since she
didn't know that it was true. But she could tell him how he
felt, show him that she was on her way to loving him the way he
wanted her to. "I don't want to tell you anything before I'm
ready, but I can tell you that I care about you and that I want
to pursue something with you. I want you in my life and I want
to keep kissing you," she admitted. "I want to be yours, but
only if you'll have me. I don't understand it, but I don't care.
I don't want to feel like half a person anymore," she whispered.
"Please, I wish I could give you more."[/center]
#Post#: 1324--------------------------------------------------
[29] BEN
By: Zellaphone Date: February 7, 2021, 12:31 pm
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Though he was a bit hesitant and unsure, Ben asked if he could
kiss her, his eyes scanning Rey's face, hoping that she would
say yes. He desperately wanted to taste her again, to feel her,
to hold her and feel that closeness to her that he had never
felt with anyone else. She was clearly surprised by his
question, but slowly, she nodded, saying that he could if he
wanted to. He did. He very much wanted to. He nodded, reaching
out to brush some of her hair aside, preparing himself while his
heart pounded in his chest. He cupped her cheek, stroking it
with his thumb and watching as she let out a ragged breath. He
was fascinated that she had such a reaction from the touch,
wanting to see more of her reactions and learn more about her.
She was so soft, and he was able to really take everything in
this time. It wasn't like the first time where everything was
unexpected and rushed. He had tried to memorize every detail of
her face, really savor their kiss, but he had been dying, he
thought. This time was different. Sliding his other hand up her
arm and resting it on the side of her shoulder, urging her
closer, he assured her that he had wanted this for a long time,
becoming more vulnerable to her by admitting such a thing. He
didn't care, though. He felt safe with her, no matter how
vulnerable he became. He has never used him before. She has
never turned his weaknesses against him, and now, unlike the
last time, they had both made it clear that this was something
that they truly wanted. It meant the world to him knowing that
Rey truly wanted to kiss him because she actually cared about
him. She felt something for him. He gazed into her eyes, looking
for any signs of regret.
When he found none, he finally closed the distance between them,
pressing his lips carefully to hers, testing the waters. He
closed his eyes, kissing her slowly, reveling in her sweet taste
and the softness of her lips. They were like velvet against his
own. He needed her closer. He needed this to last. Gradually, he
slid his hand from her cheek to partially on the back of her
neck, wanting to keep her near, but also not wanting her to feel
restricted in any way. Thankfully, she didn't seem to have a
problem with it, her arms wrapping around his neck, pulling them
even closer to one another. He felt his chest tighten, the
sensation spreading through his throat as he grazed her jaw
lightly. He had never been held like this. He had never felt
like this before. So wanted by someone. He felt moisture build
behind his eyelids, but he didn't falter, wanting to cling to
this moment for as long as he could. It was beautiful. Rey was
so soft, so gentle, so caring, and absolutely wonderful in every
way. She was perfect to him, and to know that he was something
special to her was almost unbelievable. One of her hands slipped
into his hair, which made him feel safe enough to do the same,
mirroring her actions and gently stroking through her hair,
loving how her own hand felt in his. However, as much as he
wanted it to, it couldn't last forever. Rey pulled away, and his
lips followed hers for a brief moment, longing to be connected
to her again even if he ran out of breath. Kissing her made him
feel so whole, like everything in his life was finally correct
and that the stars were all aligned. She rested his forehead
against his, thankfully staying close to him. He felt like he
needed that, opening his eyes and taking her in again, noticing
the tears in her own eyes. He couldn't believe that he had such
an effect on her. He couldn't understand it, but he didn't want
to question it right now in fear that everything would crumble
apart. He kept his hand in her hair, continuing to stroke
through it. She whispered his name, letting out a short,
breathless laugh. It was absolutely beautiful. The hand on her
shoulder slid to her back as a bright smile effortlessly took
over his face, laughing as well. She looked so happy... because
of him. He didn't think he was capable of bringing anyone such
joy, nor had he thought he was capable of such joy himself, but
every time he and Rey kissed... it was just perfect. Nothing
felt more right. It was all he wished to do now. She touched his
face, still being so careful with him as if he was someone who
deserved to be treated with respect and care, something he
hadn't experienced in a very, very long time. His expression
softened, but he was unable to rid himself of his smile even if
he tried. He caressed her face, brushing his thumb over her
cheek as he whispered her name. There was only one thing he felt
like he could say now. It terrified him, but he had to say it.
He had to let Rey know how much she meant to him. How much all
of this meant to him, and he needed to tell her before anything
else happened. She needed to know before they moved in and
decided how to handle all of these feelings between them. It
wouldn't be fair to keep it from her, so, he said it. He told
her that he loved her, a weight being lifted from him, but the
fear or her reaction remaining. Her eyes widened, so he
continued. He had to. He touched her lips as they parted, saying
that he needed her to know that before anything else happened.
He just didn't want to keep kissing her and touching her and
holding her without her knowing where he stood and what his own
feelings were. She sucked in a breath, but he repeated that he
loved her, more than anything, meaning every word. Quickly,
however, he added that she didn't need to say anything in
return. That wasn't what this was about. This was about her
understanding how strongly he felt so that she knew what kind of
effect this all had on him. It was only fair for the both of
him. She thankfully relaxed at that, and he assured her that
simply knowing that he was something to her was enough. At least
he knew more of what he could say and how he could behave around
her.
Rey moved closer to him, as he stroked her jawline with one hand
and cupped her face with the other. He watched as she closed the
distance between them again, kissing him and humming against his
lips, the vibrations feeling as though they were making his
whole body quake. He closed his eyes again, continuing to touch
and stroke at her face. She stroked his face as well, and he
relaxed again her, thinking that this was a good reaction to his
confession. She wasn't running away. She wasn't rejecting him.
This was good. More than he deserved, he was sure. When she
pulled away, he blinked slowly, staring at her with practically
lidded eyes, enamored by her, so hopelessly in love with her,
and now she knew, and she still seemed to want him. She said
that she didn't want to tell him anything before she was ready,
and he nodded, content with that. This was still good. She
wasn't saying that she could never love him. She was just saying
that she couldn't tell him that yet, which was fine. Maybe she
could someday somehow. She told him that she did care for him
and that she did want to pursue something with him. He let out a
quiet breath at that, his lips curving upwards into a soft smile
again. She did want to be with him. She wanted a relationship
with him. He didn't deserve it. There was no way that he did,
but he would take it, even if it was selfish because he wanted
it too. He wanted it more than anything. She added that she
wanted to keep kissing him as well and he chuckled slightly, his
eyes feeling a bit misty once again. This was all he had wanted
for about an entire cycle, and now it was all actually
happening. This was real. She said that she wanted to be his, if
he'd have her, and his breath hitched in his throat, a hand
sliding back into her hair, holding the back of her head,
glancing at her lips. He wanted her. He wanted her so, so badly,
and she wanted him to have her. She confessed that she didn't
understand it, and he didn't either, but she didn't care. She
didn't want to feel like half a person anymore, and he knew
exactly what she meant. He felt it too. She pleaded with him
then, saying that she wished she could give him more, but he
shook his head, outlining his lips with a finger, lightly
dragging it down to her chin and tracing her jawline again,
trying to memorize the shape of her. "You have given me more
than enough," he told her softly, lightly brushing his lips over
hers, knowing that he could now. This was okay. This was
everything. "I want to be your as well," he whispered. Never had
he ever been so comfortable with surrendering himself to
someone, nor had it ever felt so right or so safe. "I want to
spend every moment I can by your side. I’ve grown tired of being
alone and without you. All of that power that I sought out… I
never wanted it. I just wanted you, Rey,” he admitted, looking
her in the eye. He has been such a fool. He had denied them both
of this for too long. “I never want you to experience loneliness
or feel as though you have no value ever again. I’ll devote my
whole life to you, if you’ll allow me," he promised, stroking
her hair again. He would do anything for her. “I’ll take
whatever it is you are willing to give me, and I definitely wish
to keep kissing you as well,” he told her quietly, staring at
her lips again, wanting to be completely consumed by her and
drown in her.[/center]
#Post#: 1326--------------------------------------------------
rey [xxx]
By: winterssmary Date: February 7, 2021, 3:38 pm
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Rey was so nervous, but so excited. She was both terrified of
what was to come and anxious to kiss Ben already. She'd done it
before. She knew what it felt like, knew how he tasted. But the
circumstances had been incredibly different. What was once
desperate, rushed, something that she decided on impulse,
emotions so high she couldn't think and process how she felt,
was now slow, deliberate, and allowed for her to truly feel
every little emotion that came over her. She was able to feel
the sinking in her stomach, the tightness in her throat as he
touched her. She was able to sense how her skin tingled, longing
to be against his. She was able to process the warmth that
overcame her when she was pulled closer to him, the sensation of
his breath on her skin before he finally pressed his lips to her
own. She let the serenity wash over her entirely, here eyes
drifting shut as they held onto one another, tears burning
behind her eyelids. She'd wanted this for so long, under these
circumstances. She wanted Ben back and, now, she had him. She'd
surrender completely to him if they kept this up for too long,
she worried. He held her by the back of the neck and she wrapped
her arms around him, each of them stroking the others hair as
they slowly, gently, kissed, tasting one another. After a few
moments, she was starting to have trouble breathing, pulling
away just so she could pant for a moment. She noticed how his
lips chased her own for a moment, understanding the need to kiss
once more. She rested her forehead against his, wanting to
remain close to him, letting her eyes open once more. She and
Ben both had tears in their eyes, which might have seemed
ridiculous from the outside. But, to them this act was sacred.
Despite him never saying as much, she could sense that he was on
the same page as her. They both lived lonely lives until finding
each other and they needed one another, whether it made sense to
them or not. They were linked body and soul, forever. She
grinned, whispering his name and letting out a breathless laugh.
He did the same, but his smile was much brighter, fuller. She'd
never seen him look so happy and she never wanted that to go
away. She carefully stroked his face, fingers tracing the lines
that his smile formed from the corner of his mouth to the height
of his cheekbones. He was so beautiful. His expression softened
at that, hands running over her own face gently, saying her name
as he did so. Then, after a moment, he told her he loved her,
which caught her by surprise. She knew that she cared about him,
that she didn't want to live her life without him, but love? How
could someone love her? Like that? How? Her lips parted
slightly, eyes going wide as he carefully brushed his thumb over
her lip. She sucked in a breath and he further explained that he
just wanted her to know where he stood before they did anything
else. She wasn't sure what else he wanted to do, what he thought
was going to happen between the two of them, but he needed to
get his feelings out there. She understood where he was coming
from, even if it was a bit overwhelming at the moment. Quickly,
he added that he didn't need to hear her say it in return, which
caused her to relax once more. She wanted to feel that way some
time, but couldn't say it now. Not without lying, which she
wasn't about to do. Not to him. Not about that.
She moved closer to him, wanting to be closer, wishing she could
crawl back into his bed and be held by him until she fell asleep
again. She wished he weren't injured so he could hold her in
more positions, so they could cuddle differently and she could
touch him how she pleased without worrying about causing him
injury. But, for now, she was just going to settle with doting
on him and find their own, odd ways of touching each other. As
long as she was to stay with him and by his side -- as long as
they could keep kissing -- she'd be content. She kissed him
again, humming as her lips touched his, hungrier this time than
she was when he kissed her. They continued to touch and stroke
one another's faces before she pulled away once more, wanting to
actually respond to him saying that he loved her before
continuing to try and swallow his face whole. He blinked slowly,
his gaze lazily, almost as if he were entranced. She explained
that she didn't want to tell him anything before she was ready,
that she wasn't going to lie to him. She knew it must have stung
and she felt awful that she wasn't able to give him what he
wanted from her. But he nodded, seemingly okay with that. She
added that she wanted him, that she wanted a relationship with
him, which was true. She wanted their futures to be together,
just like she saw when they first touched hands. It was the
thing she wanted most in the world, even her parents no longer
being what she desired the most. She'd give up the family she
always wanted if it meant she could feel this completion, what
she felt when she and Ben finally realized they were two halves
of the same coin. They belonged together and, while her purpose
was often foggy and confusing for her, she knew that she'd be
fine as long as they were with each other. He let out a quiet
breath, that beautiful smile coming back. She saw his eyes
starting to gloss over once more as she explained that she
wanted to be with him, but only if he would have her. She wanted
to be his. He held the back of her neck once more and she smiled
up at him, her own eyes starting to burn once more, letting out
another blissful laugh. She explained that she didn't understand
it, but that she didn't care. She wanted to feel whole again,
she wanted to keep kissing him to make sure that feeling never
left her. But she then begged him to listen, saying that she
wished she could give him more. She just wasn't ready. She was
so overwhelmed. He lightly traced her lips, causing her to let
out another shaky breath before he softly said that she'd given
him more than enough. His lips brushed over her own and she
almost gripped his hair to hold him there. Almost. But she let
him speak. She needed reassurance that she hadn't hurt him, that
everything was okay even if she couldn't tell him that she loved
him. She didn't. Or did she? He whispered that he wanted to be
hers and she smiled, a tear finally escaping her eye and rolling
down her cheek. He said he wanted to be with her always, that he
was tired of being alone, and that he never wanted the power
that he sought out. He just wanted her. She let out a quiet
whimper at that, tears flowing freely. They weren't sad. Not
completely, anyway. Thinking of all they'd been through hurt her
tremendously. Knowing that she could have ended it by giving
into her feelings sooner hurt as well. But more than that, she
was just happy that it was all finally over, that this was out
in the open. She'd never understand why he loved her so deeply,
why he did so much just to try and be with her, but she needed
it now. She needed him. They made eye contact as he said that he
never wanted her to feel lonely again, that he'd devote his
whole life to her if she'd allow it. Her whole body wracked with
a single sob before she crawled into his bed, wanting to hold
him again, but instead just tucking herself into his arms,
burying her face against his neck as she cried. She felt so
vulnerable, yet so loved and cherished. She wanted to hold onto
that forever. As much as she wanted to kiss him, she wanted his
arms around her more at the moment. "Please hold me," she
whispered, kissing his neck. He added that he wanted to kiss her
again after a moment and she smiled weakly at him, holding his
face in both of her hands and pulling him down until their lips
met once more. [/center]
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