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#Post#: 1200--------------------------------------------------
uSe YoUr AnGaH: 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue: Tokyo Drift
By: winterssmary Date: January 7, 2021, 4:30 pm
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#Post#: 1201--------------------------------------------------
rey [i]
By: winterssmary Date: January 7, 2021, 5:30 pm
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She didn't have time to think. There was simply too much going
on, too many decisions to be made. She had to trust her
instincts and nothing more. Logic be damned. She had to save
Ben, just as he had saved her. It didn't even fully set in that,
just moments ago, she was dead. That wouldn't actually register
with her until much later, if at all. All she knew instead was
that Ben was unconscious, having fallen on his back as she
cradled him in her arms. He looked so peaceful, as if he'd
accepted a fate, accepted his end. But she wasn't. She'd just
found him, just brought him into her life and just accepted the
connection they obviously had. He was right. They were a dyad in
the Force, two that were one. They needed one another,
incomplete without the other. Part of her had known this for a
while, since they started bridging connections with one another
while she trained on Ahch-To. She knew that, despite her anger,
her confusion, she needed that connection. She'd known that he
was a missing puzzle piece, a part of her that needed to be
restored. He would be her connection to the world again, the one
thing separating her from a life of eternal loneliness and
shallow relationships. That was why she kissed him, finally
reconciling the fact that she had feelings for him beyond a
platonic sense of duty and responsibility. She wanted him,
wanted a connection with him. If she were being completely
honest with herself, she wanted a life with him, with Ben Solo.
If Kylo Ren was truly dead and gone, she would do everything she
possibly could to keep Ben Solo safe, to hold him to the light
and walk the right path with him, hand in hand. But first, she
had to make sure he was safe, that Han and Leia's legacy carried
on and the Skywalker blood didn't cease to exist with him. He
was alive, barely breathing, but his bones were broken. She
could tell from the unnatural angles that his legs fell in, by
the ease she could push down on his ribs. He needed medical
attention. Fast. Using the Force to grant her extra strength,
she was able to haphazardly carry the man back to Luke's X-Wing,
not wasting even a second of her precious time to assess Exegol
and it's dark scenery. The planet was exploding, the ground
beneath her more difficult to navigate. But it would all be
worth it once they made it to the ship, once they were finally
safe.
It took great effort, but she managed to save the both of them,
flying them back to the rendezvous point the Resistance had set
up. She found the med bay first, not even thinking to talk to
Finn and Poe beforehand. They'd left her on Exegol either way.
They probably didn't know she was alive. Besides, if she were to
approach them, it would waste her and Ben's time. She needed to
get him hooked up to painkillers, have droids reset his bones
before things got worse. If her friends knew who she was with,
what she was doing, they'd kill him. She'd have to fight them to
save Ben and she didn't know for sure that she had the strength
for that. She was exhausted. Doctors wouldn't be willing to help
him, so she didn't even try, going straight to the droids. She
wished he could have the care that she and so many other
Resistance fighters received, car from an actual person, but it
wasn't worth the risk to his safety at this point. They
eventually got Ben to a hospital bed, his feet hanging off the
edge due to his size. Without all the Kylo Ren gear, he didn't
seem as imposing as he used to, though he was still ridiculously
large. She had to find an end table to set up at the end of the
bed, gently propping his feet up. Perhaps she shouldn't be so
gentle with him, she thought. This man was going to destroy
world after world, take over the galaxy and rule over it with an
iron fist. This man had tried to kill her friends and loved
ones. Yet, at that moment, she didn't see any of that. All she
saw was Ben Solo, son of Han and Leia, the man who had been
there for her, shared intimate moments with her, understood her
loneliness and her fear, her sense of inadequacy. She saw the
man who fought his own master in order to protect her, the man
who was abused and mistreated all his life yet still emerged
with a good heart. Eventually. She saw the man that she kissed,
the man she didn't regret trusting and the man she just risked
everything to save. He was an important piece of who she was,
helping her realize her place in the world. He was a part of the
Jedi Order, a part of the only legacy she cared to preserve.
Leia would want this. Han and Luke would want this. She wanted
this, wanted him safe and cared for, wanted Ben to have a
welcome return to the light.
He was still unconscious, the droids hooking up an IV to him so
he could receive painkillers. He would need them, that much was
certain. He needed to stay hydrated, to stay fed and this was
the easiest way. But before they could really get him settled,
the droids went through the difficult-to-watch process of
resetting his bones. She couldn't watch, stepping outside during
the process and greeting her friends. She didn't explain
everything that happened, only that Ben had saved her and that
she was protecting him in turn. Finn and Poe were not happy,
needless to say. Poe in particular already drew his blaster,
ready to end this all now before Rey stopped him, stepping in
front of the door, willing to fight him if she had to. She made
it clear that she wasn't leaving Ben's side until she knew for a
fact that he was safe, until he could defend himself, more
specifically. When he could walk and move on his own, she was
going to take him away. He'd stay with her until he was safe to
leave, though she wasn't sure where she was staying yet. They
hadn't exactly worked out the details of a world
post-First-Order regime. She couldn't think about that, even as
her friends practically assaulted her with all the questions of
logistics. It wasn't important. Ben's health was important. His
safety was important. That was where her priorities were and
that wasn't changing any time soon. She eventually just gave up
on trying to convince them that she was doing the right thing,
deciding that she probably couldn't leave Ben's hospital room
for a while. That was fine. She didn't particularly want to
leave him anyway. She'd wasted so much time fighting him that
she was content with the idea of just sitting by him, holding
his hand and assuring him that things were okay as long as he
didn't try to betray her trust. The droid were done with their
work, warning her that he would be in a lot of pain until he
recovered naturally, which shouldn't take too long as long as he
wasn't reckless, they assured her.
She walked back into the room, finding him wrapped up under
several layers of bandages, his sweater discarded so that they
could work on his ribs earlier. She'd need to find a way to wash
that, probably to sew up the hole she'd put in it with his
lightsaber earlier. She didn't know where else to get a change
of clothes for him. She'd ask once he woke up, once things
calmed down a bit. He was still unconscious, looking
ever-so-peaceful as his head rested against the pillow. She
didn't know how cold he was, citing the chill she felt herself
as she approached the bed. She pulled up the blanket on him so
that it covered him up to his shoulders, keeping one of his arms
out. She took a seat next to the bed, pulling the chair closer
to she could look at him, so she could watch him breathe. It was
so even, so serene. She thought briefly about how he'd stopped
breathing altogether on Kef Bir, when he punctured his lung. She
gritted her teeth, shaking her head at the thought. She couldn't
think about her own darkness now. She'd vanquished it, right?
She had to. If Ben could come back, so could she. She held onto
his hand with one of her own, relishing in how happy she was
that she could finally take it. Ben's hand. Her other hand
rested just above his head, fingers combing through his dark
hair. She'd wanted to touch his hair for a long time, noting how
thick and dark it was. Even when he'd just removed his helmet,
his hair wasn't matted down or odd. Instead, it was soft to the
touch, fluffy, even. She studied the features of his face for a
while, from his prominent nose to his thick lips to his long
eyelashes. She'd seen how attractive he was from the moment he
took his helmet off, but only when the act was dropped, when
Kylo Ren was out of the picture, could she truly appreciate how
beautiful he was. Ben Solo really did take after both of his
parents, looking almost picturesque, like he couldn't be real.
While on Jakku, she never would have imagined someone who looked
like him, so noble and so handsome. He looked like a character
from a story, not someone who she actually kissed, someone who
obviously cared for her. He stirred and her eyes widened, but
she didn't move her hands, remembering how he begged for her to
take his hand so long ago, how she rejected him even when it
pained her. She didn't have to do that anymore, as long as he
was truly Ben again. "Easy, easy," she cooed, stroking his hair.
"You're safe now, Ben. Everything's alright," she said
preemptively, not knowing how he'd react. "Stay calm and don't
move around too much. The medical droids just set your ribs and
your legs," she warned him. [/center]
#Post#: 1205--------------------------------------------------
[1] BEN
By: Zellaphone Date: January 9, 2021, 3:29 am
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Ben felt heavy but warm as he started to come to, not yet fully
aware of what had happened or what was going on. He twitched his
fingers, finding that he wasn’t able to do the same with his
toes. His legs hurt. His sides hurt. All of him hurt, but he
couldn't completely understand why. He slowly opened his eyes,
not knowing what he was going to see. He blinked, immediately
having to squint as he felt blinded by the light that invaded
his sight. It was so bright. Where was he? He was going to move
his hand to shade his eyes from the light, but someone was
holding it. He could feel their hand, so warm, so gentle. He
hadn't been touched in such a way in over a decade, and part of
him wondered if it was even real. Who was it? He gave the hand a
squeeze, confirming that it was, indeed, real, and wanting to
cling to that comfort that it brought him and that affection,
feeling safe in its grasp. He could also feel another hand in
his hair, carefully running through his black waves, making him
feel as though he was cared for. It was like a dream. One that
he didn't wish to wake from, feeling at peace for the first
time. He continued to struggle to see correctly, his eyes trying
to adjust and focus as he looked down at his hand and the hand
that held it. He then looked at the person, able to see their
shape and some of their features, but everything was blurred. It
was a woman, small and slender, her brown hair styled up in what
appeared to be a bun. In his haze, he couldn’t recognize the
figure right away, but then it came to him.
Mom.
It all came rushing back to him — Pasaana, Kef Bir, Exegol — the
whole day. His mother's death, his turn back to the light,
confronting Palpatine, Rey dying — all of it. He remembered his
sacrifice, hugging Rey to him, making the decision to give up
everything for her. He didn't need to live, but she did. The
galaxy didn't need him, but it needed her. She deserved to have
a long-lasting life filled with wonders she had never known. She
deserved to be free. He remembered healing her, feeling his own
life fading as he gave it all to her. He remembered her gasping
back to life, touching him, smiling at him, kissing him. It had
all been so wonderful — everything he could have ever wanted and
more. At that moment, finally, everything felt right. Then it
had all faded. He had died. He was dead. That explained
everything. It explained why he felt so warm, so at ease, and so
loved by the person who was touching him who had to be his
mother. He was finally going to see her again after all of these
years. He was finally going to get to say that he was sorry and
tell her how much he loved her and that he had never stopped. It
had taken him so, so long, but knowing that she was there and
that he was with her confirmed that he had finally done
something right.
Eager to be with his mother again, he stirred, trying to sit up,
but he could barely raise himself an inch before searing pain
shot through his sides. He sucked in a breath, collapsing back
onto the bed. Why did he still hurt so bad? It didn't make any
sense. Not if he was one with the Force. His vision became more
clear as his head hit the pillow, a quiet groan escaping him. He
then heard a voice, but it was not his mother's. It was quiet,
sweet, gentle, and familiar. It was Rey. She uttered for him to
be easy, her hand moving through his hair. He tensed, wondering
what was going on and what was happening. How was he with Rey?
He had given his life for her. He shouldn't be alive. He
couldn't be. However, he told him that he was safe, calling him
Ben. His name had never sounded so beautiful on anyone else's
lips. It never sounded as right as it did on hers. It made him
want to cling to her and pour his heart out to her. She didn't
understand what kind of power she had over him, and what she had
done for him. She told him that everything was alright, and when
she said it, he felt as though he couldn't deny it, but he was
so confused. Maybe he was dreaming, but that didn't make sense
either. He was supposed to be dead. Why was she here with him?
Why was she being so gentle and so kind? Why did she kiss him?
Why was she holding his hand and stroking his hair and touching
him as though every mistake he had ever made was forgiven? As
much as he wanted that, he couldn't believe it. This had to be a
dream before he faded out of existence for good. He looked at
her, his eyes wide, still unable to believe what was happening,
but she looked so real. She looked so soft, which he now knew
that she was, and so beautiful. She felt real. She told him to
stay calm and not to move around too much, explaining that
medical droids had set his broken bones. That explained the
pain, as well as the IV he was hooked up to, but it explained
nothing else. He knitted his brow in confusion, trying to make
sense of everything. If this was real, then he had resurrected
Rey, but in order for him to have done so successfully, he would
have had to give up all of his own lifeforce, meaning he had to
be dead, which... he wasn't. It wasn't like he was unhappy about
that either, he found. He was relieved that he was alive, even
if it meant not being able to see his mother because Rey was
here, the person he felt like he belonged with and would follow
anywhere no matter what. He just wished that he felt like she
was being kind to him because she wanted to rather than out of
obligation. He wasn't certain if that was true, but that was
what made the most sense to him. He had spent the last day doing
nothing but pushing her, manipulating her, and using her only to
finally realize he had been on the wrong side, helping her at
the last possible moment. She must be doing all of this to thank
him for that, but he didn't feel like that was necessary. He
should be thanking her.
His eyes moved back to their hands, his head pounding with all
of the questions he had and all of the uncertainty he felt. All
he wanted now was to hold her to him and thank her and apologize
to her and tell her that he loved her so bad he couldn't think
straight, but he couldn't. He knew that would be crossing a
line. He felt like holding onto her hand was already too far,
but he had grabbed her hand not realizing it was hers, and now
he was afraid to move it. He met Rey's eyes again, remembering
what it had been like to be so close to them, drowning in them
as she smiled at him, seeming so happy after he had brought her
back. He knew he needed to say something now, but he didn't know
what to say first or where to begin. He was so nervous, and he
was sure that she could sense it. "The Resistance..." he began,
feeling more comfortable talking about something other than
themselves. If he said just one wrong thing, which he had the
tendency to do, he feared that she would leave, and he wanted to
hold onto her just a little longer. He wanted it to really sink
in that this was real. "Did they win?" he asked, hoping that
they had. His mother had worked so, so hard to end this war and
had put her life into the Republic and the Resistance. "Do they
know that I am here?" he added, assuming that they didn't.
Surely he'd be dead if they knew. Maybe they knew and were going
to have him stand trial first before killing him. He didn't
know. "Does any of the First Order remain?" he also asked,
hoping that they were all gone, that all of Snoke and
Palpatine's forces were gone for good, and that all of their
work was destroyed. "And Exegol..." he went on, thinking back to
all of the clones. "Was it destroyed?"[/center]
#Post#: 1213--------------------------------------------------
rey [ii]
By: winterssmary Date: January 11, 2021, 10:18 pm
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He still hadn't been cleaned up. The droids could only help so
much, she supposed. She was going to have to help him get clean.
She already came to the conclusion that she would have to be the
one to clean his clothes, to find him more clothes. He'd been
stripped of his shirt when he was lowered back to the bed, his
sweater now sitting on the small table next to the bed. She'd
decided to sew up the hole in it later and to find him other
things to wear in the meantime. She was going to have to get
some of the dirt and blood off of him, the stuff that the droids
couldn't get anyway. They managed to clean around most of the
major wounds and the areas they needed to work on in order to
heal him. Everything else was fair game. He was still covered in
dirt. Scratches and bruises littered his pale skin, particularly
along his arms and abdomen, but with several on his face as
well. Still, despite all the abrasions, she thought that there
was a softness to his face that she admired. He seemed so
peaceful and serene as he lay there, as if, for the first time
in his life, he had no concerns, no fears in the world. She
wondered what he was thinking about, if he might have been
dreaming as he lay perfectly still. She figured he had to,
right? Hopefully, it was a pleasant dream. The outside world was
anything but at the moment, more hectic and chaotic than
anything else. Sure, there was triumph. She was thrilled that
the First Order had been defeated, that her grandfather was
destroyed and Exegol was gone for good. But, in truth, it left
the remainder of the galaxy in a bit of a frenzy. What were they
supposed to do now? They didn't exactly have a government there
that they could install immediately. They didn't have a plan.
Everyone was celebrating but, realistically, they didn't know
anything. Rey had never seen a regime change in her life and she
was hopeful, convinced that everyone would find a way to make
things work. But without Leia to guide them, it was going to be
a long and tedious journey. As long as they had each other, they
would make it through. Though part of her worried if she did
have her friends anymore or if they'd force her to choose
between them and Ben, the other half of the dyad.
Ben's hand tightened around her own. He stirred, gently at
first, than shooting up at all once. Rey rested a hand on his
shoulder, trying to gently guide him back down onto the
mattress, urging him to take it easy. She understood why he was
in such a rush to sit up. He wasn't exactly in the best
headspace. He was likely very confused, afraid. He didn't know
where he was. He groaned quietly and her expression looked more
strained, pained. He went tense after a moment, her hand running
through his hair gently. It was so, so soft, even when he was
dirty after the battle they'd just returned from. "Be careful.
Don't strain yourself," she instructed softly. His eyes were
wide as they scanned over her form. She tried not to let herself
feel too odd under his gaze, knowing that he was just confused.
She didn't think he was going to even attempt to make a stupid
move, even if Ben was the king of stupid moves. He was injured.
And, after all he'd done for her on Exegol, she was confident
that he didn't want to do anything to hurt her. After he begged
her to stay with him after killing Snoke, she felt pretty
certain that he wasn't going to try and run from her either, but
she couldn't be too sure, she supposed. She tried to tell him to
stay calm, explaining that his bones had been set properly by
the medical droids and he couldn't move too much. Before she
explained anything, before they discussed anything, he needed to
know that he was safe, that he was healing. That was a priority.
Once she could quell some of that initial fear and panic he most
definitely felt from waking up in an unfamiliar place, then she
could start to work through everything else. They just had to
deal with one thing at a time, not letting themselves become
overwhelmed. She was thinking all of this of his benefit as well
as her own. He knitted his brow, obviously confused, but she
didn't know how to answer him. She needed specific questions.
And even then, she couldn't guarantee any answers. She was still
fairly confused herself.
His eyes wandered again, from her actual face down to their
intertwined hands. She felt her cheeks heat up a bit. He must
not have known that she'd held his hand, which is why he
tightened his grip so readily. He thought she was someone else,
which was a bit discouraging. She almost loosened her grip on
him just a little bit, a little worried that she'd crossed a
line. He seemed happy when she kissed him, but maybe she crossed
a line then too. Maybe he wasn't actually feeling anything
toward her and she'd been misreading his signals somehow. She
sense a panic and nervousness growing in him as he met her gaze
once more and while it was concerning to her, it wasn't
unexpected. She tried once more to make sure he stayed calm,
running her hands through his hair at a slow, continuous pace.
"Everything's alright. You're safe," she said quietly. He
finally started to speak, asking about the Resistance and
whether or not they won. She nodded. "We before we fled Exegol.
Or, they fled Exegol," she explained simply. Truthfully, she
didn't understand everything, nor did she take the time to ask
Finn and Poe about it, more focused on other things. He asked if
they knew his was here. Once again, she nodded. "But you don't
need to worry about them. I can handle it," she assured him. If
it weren't for her, he'd be dead by now. But she was going to
make sure that never happened. He asked about the First Order
and she shrugged. "I'm not sure. I'm sure there will always be
holdouts and loyalists, just like the Empire had," she said, but
she couldn't give him a better answer. She wished she could,
just to ease his mind a little bit. He asked lastly about
Exegol. "Destroyed. It and everyone on it is gone for good," she
said, thinking about all the terrifying Sith Eternal cultists
who had cheered for her, urging her to strike down her
grandfather and take her place as Empress. She shuddered a bit
at that thought. "You need to slow down, Ben. Don't worry about
all of that. How are you feeling? Are you in pain?" she asked.
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[2] BEN
By: Zellaphone Date: January 12, 2021, 2:02 pm
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Against all odds, he woke up. Slowly, at first, coming to and
moving his fingers, having difficulty moving much else. He felt
heavy, tired, and sore. None of those feelings were unusual to
him, though he couldn't remember the last time he had felt this
sore. After the destruction of Starkiller Base came close, but
he had been on the brink of death at that point. What was
happening to him now? He started to open his eyes, gradually
blinking, even his eyelids feeling like they were being weighed
down. He was met with a light he almost found to be blinding,
making him what to keep his eyes shut and never open them again,
but he wanted to know where he was and what was happening. He
was having trouble remembering. A part of him thought he should
be awaking to a dimly lit room filled with blacks and greys and
nothing much at all, but another part of him knew that wasn't
right, that he shouldn't be anywhere like that ever again.H
continued to blink, becoming more and more aware of his
surroundings, feeling something sticking into his arm and
something else holding his hand. Well, someone holding his hand.
They felt warm, and their touch was gentle, soft, safe. He
almost wondered for a moment if it was real, thinking this was
like a dream he had once had, giving the hand a squeeze to test
and see if it was really there. It was. The world around him was
still a bit of a blur, but he could make out a figure beside
him, one of a woman. She looked familiar to him, and from the
way she was touching him, even running her other hand through
his hair in a way that made his chest feel tight, he knew that
he had to know her. He felt that he did, and his first thought
was that it was his mother.
With that thought, everything started to come back to him,
especially the last few hours, all of it leading up to him
rushing to Exegol. He remembered repairing an Imperial
TIE-Fighter, following Rey's tracking signals and getting lost
until he got back on track again. He remembered reaching the
dark planet of the Sith, having no plans whatsoever, but knowing
that he needed to get to Rey. He needed to reach her however he
could and let her know that he was finally there for her and
would never leave her side. He remembered effortlessly taking
down the Knights of Ren, men he once considered to be comrades,
as well as members of the Sith Eternal. He remembered feeling
Rey near, seeing her, his hand brushing over hers as she handed
him his grandfather's lightsaber, trusting him. Then, he had
been by her side, right where he belonged, facing Palpatine. He
remembered having some of his lifeforce taken from him, being
thrown into a ravine. That explained the pain he was in now. He
remembered, as much as he wanted to forget, climbing desperately
up the side of the gorge with broken bones, feeling Rey's life
start to leave her, and when he had finally reached the top...
it was gone. She was gone. He had rushed to her, tripping and
stumbling, in the worst pain he had ever been in. He had held
her, feeling nothing but an aching emptiness and a sense of loss
so sharp and terrible it was like a vise around his gut. He had
just found her... really found her after wasting his whole life.
She had been the one person who could have shown him the way
forward, helped him be himself again, and she had been gone,
just like Luke, his father, and his mother. He remembered making
the choice to fix it and finally do the right thing, willing to
give up everything he had left in order to do so. Continuing to
hold her, he had poured his very life into her, feeling it leave
him, and then, he felt her hand finally taking his. Felt her.
She had looked up at him, smiled, said his name that sounded so
beautiful on her lips, and then she had kissed him, freeing him
from any pain he had felt. It had been wonderful. Without a
doubt, the best moment of his life. But then, as they touched
one another, smiling, which had felt both so foreign to him as
well as so natural, everything began to fade. He recalled
feeling a tremendous amount of exhaustion and knowing what it
meant as everything faded to black. He had died. He had died so
that she could live, and everything finally felt clear to him.
He was dead, and he was with his mother again.
Desperate to be with her again and to speak with her, he lifted
himself up, a blanket falling from around him, and in return,
was met with a wave of pain. He wondered how that could be,
sucking in a breath, the hand that had been in his hair now on
his shoulder. He wondered how he could be in pain if he was
supposed to be dead, and he fell back onto the mattress, letting
out a quiet groan as his sides throbbed, but his vision became
clearer. A voice spoke to him then, but it wasn't the voice of
his mother. It was Rey. He tensed, becoming more confused, and
her hand returned to his hair, gently running through it. He
decided it was one of his favorite feelings, but he didn't
understand why she was doing it, or why she was ever here,
wherever they were. She told him to be careful and not to strain
himself, being so caring towards him and so gentle in a way that
he couldn't wrap his head around. Every time he saw her she
managed to surprise him in some way. He stared at her, his eyes
wide in shock and confusion at seeing her when he was certain
that he was supposed to be dead. Was this a dream? Were they
both dead? She asked him to be calm and not move around,
explaining that medical droids had just set his ribs and his
legs. So this wasn't a dream, nor was he dead, but nothing was
adding up still. He furrowed his brow as he tried to make sense
of everything. He believed Rey. He believed her when she said
that he was safe and that everything was alright. He felt safe,
and he didn't even feel disappointment in not seeing or being
with his mother. He was happy to know that he was alive, but he
just couldn't see how that could be, not when he had given his
life for Rey.
He looked down at their hands, her's still holding his own as he
held onto hers. When he had grabbed it, he didn't know it was
hers, but he didn't want to let go of it. He had waited so, so
long for this, and if she was willing to finally take his hand,
he wasn't going to fight her. However, he may ask questions
about it later, wishing to know her intentions. His head was
swimming with so many questions, and the more he thought about
each one the more nervous he felt about all of this. Was Rey
going to stay with him. Did she even really want to be with him?
Was this and the kiss just all some way of hers to say thank you
to him? Did she feel obliged to be doing all of this for him?
The questions were endless, and he met her eyes again, his head
beginning to ache from his thoughts and his emotions. Her hand
continued to softly run through his hair, and he wanted to do
nothing more than to reach out to her and pull her to him and
kiss her until he couldn't breathe anymore. He had never loved
someone so much in his life, and he had been aware of his
feelings for so long they had been driving him mad, but he
feared that if he acted on any of his instincts or said
anything, she'd leave him for good. She told him once more that
everything was alright, assuring him that he was safe, and he
knew he had to say something. But what? He did his best to
gather his thoughts, pushing aside any questions he had about
them for now, wishing to hold onto her for as long as he could.
He asked about the Resistance first, wondering if they had won,
already knowing that Palpatine had fallen thanks to Rey even
though he had barely gotten a chance to celebrate it. She
nodded, telling him that they had won before everyone had fled
Exegol. That was a relief to hear, and he relaxed further before
asking if they knew that he was here. She nodded again but
assured him that he didn't need to worry and that she could
handle it. His lips twitched upwards very briefly, still getting
used to feeling as though he could emote at all after hiding
behind so many masks for so long. He knew that she could handle
anything. He asked about the First Order wanting to know if his-
if Kylo Ren's or Palpatine's or whoever's men were gone. She
shrugged, saying that she wasn't sure, assuming there would
always be loyalists lingering out in the galaxy as there had
been for the Empire. He nodded, her words bringing no comfort,
but they weren't a surprise either. He'd never be rid of the
First Order, but at least, for now, they were gone, and he
planned on keeping it that way if he could do anything about it.
Lastly, he asked about Exegol, wanting to know at least if that
evil place had been destroyed for good. If not, he'd go and do
it himself. He didn't care how. However, she told him that it
was gone, destroyed, just as he had hoped, and that everyone on
it was gone forever as well. He closed his eyes briefly, letting
out a breath of relief, further at ease knowing that everything
he had seen in there, especially the bodies of Snoke, were never
to be seen again. "Good," he whispered as his freedom started to
very, very slowly sink in. Snoke was gone. Palpatine was gone.
The First Order was gone. Kylo Ren was gone.
Rey then told him to slow down, calling him Ben, his name,
again, and he wanted to take every chance he could to have her
repeat it. It sounded so right when she said it. Everything felt
right with her, and he knew that was because it was. He wasn't
more sure of anything. She told him not to worry about the war,
asking him how he felt and if he was in pain. She asked as if
she truly cared, and he so eagerly wished to believe that she
did, but he couldn't risk it. He'd be in danger if he assumed
anything, he knew. "I will manage," he told her, the pain not as
bad now that he was settled again, and he knew the IV was bound
to be helping as well. "You don't need to worry about me," he
assured her, wanting her to know that she didn't need to feel
obliged to check on him or take care of him in any way. She owed
him nothing. He owed her everything. His eyes continued to scan
over her, taking note of the dried blood still on her head as
well as her arms and clothes. He had noticed that he was still
dirty as well, though he wasn’t as concerned about that. "But
you..." he began quietly, wanting to squeeze her hand again but
refraining. "Are you alright?" he asked, unable to keep himself
from thinking about how she had been dead. Dead in his arms,
heavy and lifeless and cold. She didn't feel cold anymore, but
no matter how hard he tried, the sense of it all continued to
evade him. If he wasn't dead, then how could she be alive? "Are
you..." His voice drifted off for a moment, uncertain if he
should even ask his question, afraid that she'd disappear if he
did or she'd laugh if this was all real. "Are you really here
with me?" he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper as
he looked into her eyes once more, his own starting to feel a
bit moist, overwhelmed with all that had happened and the
possibilities of what could be now, afraid that he could be
dreaming in some way. This was all too good to be true.[/center]
#Post#: 1219--------------------------------------------------
rey [iii]
By: winterssmary Date: January 13, 2021, 4:31 am
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What was she doing? Realistically, if she had a moment to think
things through logically, she knew this was ridiculous. Just
hours ago she had tried to kill this man. And she still thought
he deserved it. He was leading the galaxy toward destruction,
leading an army against her friends and loved ones, working to
Palpatine's master plan to enslave the galaxy in eternal
darkness, the reign of the Sith returning. She should hate him.
But she never could. Even at her most vulnerable, her most
angry, she never hated him. She wanted to hate him. Part of her
believed that she was capable of hating Kylo Ren. He killed Han
Solo. He took Luke Skywalker from the galaxy. But the truth of
the matter was that, from the moment she found a way to invade
his mind all that time ago on Starkiller Base, she'd been able
to peak behind the mask. It wasn't until later, once they
started having those awkward connections through the Force bond,
that she knew for certain that she was looking at Ben Solo. She
was communicating with him, confiding in him. Hell, she trusted
him. Dealing with both of these identities created a situation
she had a difficult time reconciling. In fact, she didn't think
she'd ever be able to make sense of all of it. But she knew,
without a doubt, that Kylo Ren wasn't the man lying down in
front of her, the man who's hand she so readily took, the man
who's hair she was currently running her fingers through. Kylo
Ren never looked so soft, so peaceful. Angelic, almost. Kylo Ren
would have never turned on Palpatine so quickly. He wouldn't
have defended Rey from the Knights of Ren, wouldn't have stood
against her grandfather and certainly wouldn't have fought like
hell to bring her back from the brink of death. No, not the
brink. From death itself. She was dead. She would have stayed
dead if not for him. That was Ben Solo. And, in realizing that
fully, she suddenly felt better about all that she was doing,
about not leaving his side and being here to comfort him when he
woke up. He needed her, just like she needed him on Exegol.
He tightened his grip on her hand, sitting up quickly, but the
pain must have gotten to him. She guided him back down onto the
thin mattress, not wanting him to further hurt himself. He
needed to stay down, to rest as much as possible. The Force and
all the medicine he had was going to help him heal quicker than
she used to on Jakku, which was relief. But it was still going
to take some time. He'd probably be sore, have a hard time
walking and moving around, for weeks or longer. But she wasn't
sure. She was leaving it to the droids to give her that
information, since none of the doctors or nurses were willing to
help Kylo Ren recover, even after he'd saved her life. She spoke
softly to him, assuming it was what he needed. Besides, she was
working toward forgiving him. She felt she owed him some
forgiveness after he resurrected her. That's not something you
just shrug off. He was very confused. It was evident on his
face, which was sad to see. She couldn't give him all the
answers he wanted. She couldn't explain what was going on
herself half the time. She just needed him to understand, first
and foremost, that there was nothing to be concerned with. He
was safe. Everyone was safe. Well, everyone but Palpatine and
his followers, but that wasn't important. They could suffer, for
all she cared. He was so tense after a moment, just staring,
eyes raking over her form, as if he couldn't believe any of it.
She was confused by that, but didn't need to add to his obvious
confusion. Did he not think he was successful in healing her?
When prompted, Rey nodded, explaining that the Resistance had
finally won this awful war, that they had defeated Palpatine,
that they knew Ben was here -- but she was protecting him, which
caused the ghost of a smile to form on his lips -- and that she
didn't know much about the remaining First Order troops. She
added that Exegol was gone, that everyone on it was gone and
dead. He let out a breath at that, obviously most relieved at
that bit of news. She understood that. Exegol was traumatic, but
she imagined it must have been more so for Ben, remembering all
the Snoke clones that were there. She didn't know much about
their relationship, but she knew that Ben was terrified of the
man, so she assumed it was nothing healthy.
She, once again, spoke up, gently telling him to slow down. He
sorta attacked her with an onslaught of questions from the
moment he opened his eyes, which made sense. He didn't know what
was happening or where he was. Of course he was going to ask
questions. She only wished she could be of more help to him. She
told him to disregard the war, which seemed a little impossible,
given that it had consumed their lives recently. But he had to
try. Worrying about those sorts of things were a waste of time,
particularly because the two of them weren't involved in
political affairs. Rey kept choosing not to be, focusing on
being a Jedi instead. Ben, on the other hand, would never be
welcomed into the leadership fold for the Resistance, if he even
wanted something like that. She asked about him, how he felt and
whether or not he was in pain. He said that he would manage. She
shook her head. "You need to speak up if you're hurting. I can
get the droids to give you more medication. You're not even
close to your limit for painkillers," she explained, about to
call one of the droids over or maybe look for the dial on his IV
to give him a higher dosage. If he didn't have to be in pain, he
shouldn't be. He tried to assure her that she didn't need to
worry about him, which was simply untrue. She frequently worried
about him, even when she was angry with him, she worried. It was
why she offered so readily to help him after they touched hands.
She saw that she had a future with him, that they were
permanently intertwined by the Force, destinies joint. At the
time, she thought Snoke conjured the image to get her there.
But, after learning that she and Ben were a dyad in the Force,
she was starting to believe that it might have been real. Maybe
that was why she was so certain that she was doing the right
thing. "You saved my life. The least I can do is make sure
you're comfortable," she said, obviously avoiding the depth of
the truth of it all. He asked about her next, if she was
alright. She tilted her head, but nodded. "I'm fine. Thanks to
you," she said with a soft smile. She was a little sore from all
the fighting she'd done, but she was overall fine. No real pain
that she noticed. Though she hadn't exactly taken inventory of
anything, more focused on him at the moment. He spoke up again,
his voice trailing off. She couldn't help but bring herself in a
little closer to him, leaning against the bed and holding his
hand with both of her own, stopping the movement in his hair. He
asked if she was really here with him. Did he think he was
dreaming or something? She nodded. "Of course," she said. "I
always told you I'd help you when you turned back to the light,
Ben," she said, giving his hand a light squeeze with both of her
own. "And I finally took your hand. Ben's hand, just like I
said," she added. She felt like she should kiss him again, but
refrained. [/center]
#Post#: 1221--------------------------------------------------
[3] BEN
By: Zellaphone Date: January 13, 2021, 7:21 pm
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In a moment of confusion while coming to, he clung to Rey's
hand, thinking briefly that she was his mother. He thought that
he was dead. He should be dead. He had come to terms with his
fate when he decided to give Rey his life essence, and yet, he
certainly didn't feel dead. He felt sore, his whole body aching
in one way or another, pain shooting through him when he tried
to sit up only to be urged back down onto the mattress beneath
him. Despite the pain he was in, however, it didn't compare to
the pain he had felt on Exegol. Not just from breaking bones,
but from losing Rey, who was here now, wherever he was, speaking
to him so softly and touching him so gently. It was honestly
very jarring, his confusion as his surrounding became more clear
distracting him from the soreness in his sides and legs. His
eyes widened as he stared at her, wondering how he was even with
her when he was supposed to be dead, and always caught off-guard
by her beauty. She looked ethereal to him. Something far too
beautiful and too precious and soft and kind to ever look in his
direction. However, she was here, somehow, holding his hand just
as he had always wanted, running her other hand so tenderly
through his hair. It had to all be a dream. It wasn't so
different from the ones he had had before, though they usually
turned into nightmares. She told him to be careful, promising
that he was safe, and while he certainly felt safe, he couldn't
bring himself to believe it. He had never been safe. Not truly.
She explained to him that medical droids had just set his ribs
and legs, explaining the bandages on his chest as well as the
IV. He was in a Resistance medical bay, which was somewhere he
never imagined he would be. But even though he knew where he
was, somewhat, it didn't quell his confusion, feeling as though
he had a question about anything and everything. Nothing made
complete sense. It didn't make sense that he was alive after
giving his life for Rey, nor did it make sense that he was alive
at a Resistance base. He also couldn't understand why Rey was
being so kind to him, which was something she did frequently.
Yes, he wasn't who he used to be and he had helped her, but that
didn't change the things he had done to her as Kylo Ren.
He was tense as he lied there, afraid to make any wrong
movements or say the wrong things as he had so many times
before. He stared at their hands, reveling in how he was able to
actually touch and feel her after wanting to again for so, so
long. He then looked back to her, his head swimming as she
continued to stroke his hair, which was something he never
thought would feel so pleasant. No one had touched him like this
in years, and the fact that it was Rey made him want to cling
desperately to her and pour his heart out to her, the agony he
felt from simply wanting to be with her far greater than any
physical pain he felt. She assured him again of his safety,
clearly seeing how confused he was and likely sensing his
nervousness. He forced himself to speak, but all that came out
were questions, needing some answers to try and make sense of
what was happening. He asked about the Resistance, wishing to
know if they had won and that all of his mother's, as well as
his father's and Rey's and even Luke's work had paid off. It
had, to his relief, Rey explaining that they had won being
fleeing from Exegol. He asked if the Resistance knew of his
presence, assuming that they did. He wasn't entirely sure how
she had managed to get him into the medical bay, but he was
certain that she didn't so so unnoticed. She confirmed his
suspicions but promised that he didn't need to worry about them,
saying she could handle them, which almost made him smile.
Almost. He owed her his life again, it seemed. He then asked
about the First Order, hoping that they were gone, destroyed,
dead. It made him nauseous to even think about them now, the
people who had served him. It made him sick to think about
anything he had done for most of his life. It had all been such
a waste. So wrong. Rey shrugged, being honest with him when she
said that she was sure that there would always loyalists to the
First Order, just as there had been to the Empire and the Sith.
He knew her words were true, and they brought him no comfort as
they might have mere hours ago. Finally, he inquired about
Exegol, knowing that that horrible place would now haunt him for
an eternity. Palpatine was gone, he knew, thanks to Rey, but his
mind lingered on everything else he had seen there, especially
the clones of Snoke. She told him that the planet was destroyed,
as well as everything on it, and he felt a wave of relief at
that, knowing that everything he saw there would never have to
be seen by another soul again. Palpatine was dead, as well as
Snoke... and Kylo Ren. He was free, but it wasn't all that easy
for that to sink in.
Gently, Rey urged him to slow down, using his name for the
second time since he had woken up, and he felt guilty for
bombarding her with so many questions right away. He felt even
worse that he had dozens more, but he knew better than to ask
most. He feared that if he asked her anything pertaining to them
that she may leave. She told him to not worry about the war
right now, which felt nearly impossible, most of his life having
been dedicated to this war in some way. Up until about what he
guessed was an hour or so ago, he had been the Supreme Leader.
She asked if he was in any pain, and he couldn't wrap his head
around that, believing she was only behaving in this way because
she felt like she owed him for what he had done on Exegol. She
didn't understand that she owed him nothing. She didn't
understand that if this was all real and he truly was alive,
he'd have to spend the rest of his life trying to repay her for
all that she has done. He'd do it, though. Gladly. He told her
that he'd manage, though he did ache. However, it was in no way
unbearable. She shook her head, telling him that he needed to
speak up if he was hurting like someone would a child. He felt
like a child in many ways though, uncertain of anything and
vulnerable, wanting to cling to any bit of affection he was
being shown. She offered to get the medical droids to give him
more medication, saying he wasn't close to his limit for
painkillers. That was good to know, but he didn't want it. Even
though he was in pain, it wasn't what he was concerned about at
the moment, and he knew that whatever he felt, he deserved. "I'm
fine," he assured her, hoping that he didn't sound gruff in any
way, adding that she didn't need to worry about him. She didn't,
and he didn't want her feeling as though she had to. She
mentioned that he had saved her, saying the least she could do
was make sure he was comfortable.
There it is.
His suspicions were correct. She felt indebted to him now,
explaining why she was here, touching him so tenderly and
speaking to him so kindly and gently, treating him as if she
cared for him as he cared for her. "I'm comfortable..." he tried
to assure her, and it wasn't necessarily a lie. Despite his
aches and pains, he felt more comfortable than he had in a very,
very long time. He was away from the First Order, from Kylo Ren,
away from everything that had tormented and tortured him for so
long. There were no voices in his head other than his own, no
being internally tugged one way or the other. Everything was
still, quiet, and unnatural to him, which was good. He just
wished that his head didn't hurt so bad from all of his
questions, and he wished that his heart didn't ache to be closer
to Rey than he already was. He scanned her face as well as the
rest of her, taking note of the dried blood on her forehead. She
needed bacta spray, and she had clearly gotten no treatment for
herself. He himself could use a couple of bacta patches, but he
also had yet to be cleaned off. Quietly, he asked her if she was
alright, that being his main concern, his feelings for her the
only thing he was certain of anymore. She tilted her head, but
nodded, saying that she was, thanks to him, smiling at him so
beautifully. He furrowed his brow again, unable to fully believe
any of it, shaking his head slightly. Not that long ago, she had
been dead in his arms, cold and expressionless. How could she be
here now, smiling and so full of life and light again if he were
still alive? It couldn't be. It wasn't possible, and it was
much, much more than he deserved. He spoke up again, but he
hesitated, his voice trailing off. She moved closer to him in
response, his heartbeat quickening as she now held his hand in
both of hers, initiating more contact with him. His mind was
screaming again, longing to reach out and touch her and pull her
against him and never let go. This couldn't be real. It couldn't
be. It was too good to be true. He finished his question, his
voice barely above a whisper as he asked her if she was really
here with him, wanting to squeeze her hand in case she started
to disappear, but he refrained.
Rey nodded, and he could feel moisture building within his eyes
as she assured him that she was really there. She reminded him
that she had always told him that she'd help him once he turned
to the light, calling him Ben again and giving his hand a
squeeze. He let out a shaky breath, his lip trembling, unable to
help it, feeling like he was being drowned in his emotions. He
loved her. He loved her so, so much, and he desperately wanted
to tell her. He wanted to tell her that he had been in love with
her for so long and that he had never, ever wanted to hurt her
and that he didn't deserve this. She continued, saying that she
had finally taken his hand. Ben's hand, just as she had said
that she would. His chest felt tight, and his heart ached beyond
belief. She didn't understand the gravity of her own words, that
much he knew. She didn't know that she was giving him everything
he had ever wanted and that she was all that he desired. "Rey,"
he breathed out, finally, finally squeezing her hand back,
feeling like he was allowed this. He glanced at her lips,
wanting to kiss her, to let that speak for him instead of having
to actually use any words, afraid of what he might say. However,
he couldn't. He knew better, just as he had every other time he
had wanted to kiss her... save for when she had kissed him,
which was something else he didn't understand. "That's all I've
wanted," he confessed to her, unable to hold everything back.
"But you don't owe me anything," he added, looking her back in
the eye, needing her to understand that. "You saved me, and I
owe so so many apologies and yet you still-" He cut himself off,
preventing himself from getting too worked up or going too far
and saying anything that he'd regret. His head hurt so bad. This
was all too much. He looked away from her for a moment, briefly
puffing his cheeks out in frustration at himself. He didn't know
how to talk to her right now, and it was incredibly awkward and
upsetting. "I'm having trouble making sense of everything right
now," he admitted to her, knowing that any moment that could
have possibly been was gone now thanks to him, but that was
alright. Everything was too much of a risk at the moment. His
feelings his thoughts... he couldn't act on them until he had
more clarity. "I need rest. And a shower," he stated, looking to
her once more. "You should go be with your friends. I'm sure
they're worried about you," he suggested, though his actions
betrayed him, his hand quickly squeezing hers again, not wishing
for her to leave in fear that she'd never return, even if it
meant that he opened himself up more to her and became more
vulnerable.[/center]
#Post#: 1223--------------------------------------------------
rey [iv]
By: winterssmary Date: January 14, 2021, 12:17 am
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Ben was concerned, confused. Understandably so, Rey thought.
There was no way he was taking all of this calmly. How could he?
It would be just as odd if she were to have woken up in a First
Order med bay, Ben standing over her and healing her after she
switched sides during a war. He didn't know where he was at
first. He probably still expected to be on Exegol when he woke
up, not behind enemy lines. He was asking a lot of questions,
but she couldn't fault him for it. He needed answers, anything
to ease his mind. However, Rey couldn't give him everything he
wanted, she knew. She could only answer a few things at a time.
Giving him too much information might overwhelm him further. The
most important thing was for him to know that he was safe, that
he could relax. That he could breathe again. She made sure to
tell him that more than once, holding his hand as he tried to
calm down. Or maybe he wasn't trying to calm down. It was hard
to tell. But he was definitely tense. She asked about him,
wanting to make sure he wasn't suffering at all. If she could
alleviate any of his pain, she would. And she knew she was
capable. All it would take was a quick chat with a medical droid
to get him more medicine and she was tempted to do that
regardless. Ben said that he would manage, but that wasn't good
enough for her. She told him to speak up, that he had plenty of
leeway when it came to medicine that could put him out of his
pain. He insisted that he was fine, though his voice wasn't
exactly calm or gentle or even grateful. She didn't expect
anything less. Even after turning back to the light, after Ben
finally took over his body and Kylo Ren was expelled, he wasn't
going to be friendly, was he? Or was he just being stubborn? She
didn't know, but she could be just as stubborn. "Suit yourself,"
she said with a shrug. "If you change your mind or things get
any worse, let me know and we can fix it," she said
nonchalantly. Making it seem like she cared too much obviously
wasn't working. She didn't know if he didn't like it or just
didn't believe her. He better believe that she cared. She kissed
him. You don't just do that. At least, she didn't. She'd never
kissed anyone in her life until then. It meant a lot to her. He
meant a lot to her. He'd better start seeing that otherwise she
was going to be upset.
He told her that she didn't need to concern herself with him,
which was a load of garbage and he should have known that. She'd
always cared about him. And she thought he knew that. He'd been
hinting at understand their connection, of knowing that she
wanted to take his hand for a long time now. Why was it so
shocking that she didn't want him to be in pain? Or was any of
that true? Was he just being cocky and faking it while he
taunted her from the other side of their Force bond? She
supposed that wouldn't be out of character. He was a Solo, after
all. Weren't they all frustratingly arrogant? That's what Leia
always told her. But Ben wasn't his father. He was barely Ben at
this point, not that Rey fully knew who Ben was. She knew of it,
knew what little information Leia would divulge and what she
could learn through their interactions. She knew she cared for
Ben, that she wanted him in her life. She knew that Ben made her
feel like she wasn't just half a person with no purpose and no
sense of belonging. Ben made her feel complete, like the
hollowness inside her was fading. Ben made her feel like she
wasn't alone. He was compassionate toward her when she needed
him to be. He was loyal, willing to betray his own master for
her. He turned against his own Knights of Ren to protect her. He
brought her back from the dead. That was Ben. And that was who
she'd worry about no matter what, who she worried out tirelessly
while they were separated for the last cycle after he ascended
the throne of the First Order. She explained that he saved her
life, that it was only reasonable that she make sure he's
comfortable. He seemed unhappy with that response. Was
everything about this conversation going to make him unhappy?
Was she just so terrible at talking to people? Or did she
severely misunderstand the nature of their relationship. Maybe
kissing him, despite his smile after the act, was a big mistake.
Maybe he didn't want her in the way that she wanted him. Maybe
she should let go of his hand, but she didn't. She couldn't
bring herself to. Not yet, anyway. Unconvincingly, he said that
he was comfortable. "Well, if there's anything I can do to make
you more comfortable, don't be afraid to say something," she
said.
He asked her if she was alright, voice quiet, and she assured
him that she was. Thanks to him, she was perfectly healthy.
Alive. She was still a little more, more fatigued than anything,
but in good shape. She wasn't injured. She wasn't in pain aside
from the general aches you get from exhaustion, which she'd long
been used to after growing up on Jakku. She smiled at him and he
shook his head, another action that confused her. Was she doing
something wrong? He spoke up again, but didn't finish his
sentence. She beckoned for him to continue, leaning in a little
closer and taking his hand in both of her own. Eventually, he
asked if all if this was real, if she was really here with him.
She was concerned by that, but nodded regardless. She might have
thought she was dreaming too if she'd been through what he had.
She saw a slight redness to his eyes, a glassiness forming over
them. Was he tearing up? She reminded him that she'd be there to
help him when he turned to the light. She promised him that in
the elevator in the way to meet Snoke and she stood by that. She
squeezed his hand and his breath became more irregular. Was he
getting emotional over this? She didn't mean to upset him. She
added that she finally took his hand, Ben's hand, just like
she'd always wanted to. He breathed out her name, giving her
hand a light squeeze. She smiled softly at that. She liked it
when he said her name. Not girl or scavenger or nothing, but
Rey, her name. He said that this was all he wanted and she
nodded, knowing that it had to at least partly be true. Of
course, she knew he wanted power, that he craved approval from
his dark masters. But she knew that, all this time, deep down,
all he wanted was to not feel so lonely anymore. They had that
in common and had from the beginning. He added that she didn't
owe him anything and she nodded. She knew that. Trust me, she
knew that. He'd put her through far too much pain for her to owe
him anything at the moment. He said that she saved him and that
he owed a lot of apologies before cutting himself off. She
shushed him gently, shaking her head. "You absolutely do owe a
lot of apologies, but we can worry about that later," she said.
She noticed how his cheeks puffed out a bit when he looked away,
which looked familiar to her, though she couldn't quite place
it. He explained that he was having trouble making sense of
things. She nodded. "Of course. It's a lot to take in. I'll
answer any questions you have if I can, but I think what you
need most is time and rest," she said. He said that he needed
rest and a shower. She nodded once more. He suggested she go and
be with Finn and Poe, that they probably missed her. She shook
her head at that. "I can't do that," she began. "I spoke with
them while the droids were setting your ribs and, let's just
say, I don't feel comfortable leaving you unguarded," she said
hesitantly. "Besides, someone's got to take care of you." She
tried to smile, to make the whole thing seem casual. The fact of
the matter was, she wasn't taking no for an answer. She didn't
want to lose him and she knew she would, without a doubt, if she
were to leave his side at the moment. "Let me help you get
cleaned up," she suggested. [/center]
#Post#: 1225--------------------------------------------------
[4] BEN
By: Zellaphone Date: January 14, 2021, 2:28 am
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Ben was certain that everyone felt a wave of confusion after
being unconscious for a while, but his case was different. When
he woke up, he expected to be dead. It was what he had excepted
after saving Rey, after kissing her and feeling the happiest he
had ever felt in his life, thinking that he would have never
been able to have that kind of closure with her. It was
definitely what he had expected when he mistook Rey for his
mother after waking up, but seeing her and feeling the pain his
whole body was in made him realize that he was certainly not
dead, which made his confusion and uncertainty of everything
around him only grow. She did her best to convince him that
everything was alright and that he was safe, holding his hand
and touching his hair. He believed her, though it was difficult
to let it all fully sink in. Never in his life had he felt like
everything was okay, nor had he ever felt completely safe, so it
was especially hard to believe now after so much had just
happened, much of which he was uncertain of. He also knew that
there had to be an army of people outside who wanted him dead,
and rightfully so. He asked her questions, trying to bridge some
of the gaps in his mind and receive more closure. She answered
each one the best she could, telling him that the Resistance had
won the war, though she was sure the First Order would never be
entirely gone, and that Exegol was destroyed. It wasn't a
perfect ending to the war, he thought, but he supposed it was as
good as it could get. As much as he wanted the First Order to be
completely eradicated, they themselves had been born from the
Empire, proving that they could never be truly rid of such evil,
unfortunately. However, she asked him not to worry about the war
right now, asking about his pain levels instead, which confused
him further, knowing that even though they had kissed, there was
nothing really established between them besides a history of him
being cruel to her. He told her he could manage his pain, but
she wasn't having it, telling him that she could always get him
more medicine to help him alleviate his pain, being so kind to
him, something he was not very used to when it came to anyone.
He insisted he was fine, being as stubborn as ever only due to
the fact that he wasn't sure where her kindness was coming from.
He knew she was naturally kindhearted but was she being kind to
him out of wanting or obligation? She shrugged, acting
nonchalant about the whole situation now, which he assumed was
how she actually felt. She told him that if he changed his mind
or if things got worse to let her know and she'd fix it. He
furrowed his brow in confusion, finding her casual attitude to
be even more confusing, but she had done this before. She had
acted as though she had cared before leaving him behind. The
kiss just made it so much more confusing.
He assured her that she didn't need to worry about him, just in
case if she did, knowing that she didn't need to feel obliged to
care for him after everything she had already done for him.
Although, he hoped that she did care. He truly, hopelessly did.
He had spent so long trying to test and see if she truly cared,
and almost a whole cycle had gone by where he had been convinced
that she never did, only for him to heal him on Kef Bir. She
didn’t have to do that. Realistically, she shouldn’t have seen
as how she didn’t know who he was going to be the next time he
saw her. She didn’t know that when she had impaled him with his
own lightsaber, she had been killing Kylo Ren, and she didn’t
know that when she had healed the wound, she had been bringing
back Ben Solo. She had told him then that she had wanted to take
his hand. Ben’s hand and he couldn’t deny them that she had
cared about him, but to what degree? He did not know. She had
kissed him, yes, and it had been single-handedly the greatest
moment of his life despite him thinking that he knew his death
would come next. However, he was also aware that a kiss could
have more than one meaning. While he wished that it meant that
she felt as strongly for him as he did for her, he couldn’t be
certain until he asked, and until he did, it seemed like they’d
both be walking on eggshells around each other, not really sure
how to behave. It was incredibly frustrating, and yet he felt
like he couldn't ask her anything about them yet or else he'd
scare her away. She told him that he had saved her life, which
was also something he doubted, thinking that this was all too
good to be true to be real. She added that because of that, it
was the least she could do to make sure he was comfortable,
making him think that his suspicions were correct. Her caring
for him now was her way of thanking him, of expressing her
gratitude, and her kissing him had probably been the for the
same reasons. He tried not to let it break his heart, knowing
that Rey didn't have to return his affections in order for him
to be happy. They were born to be together. He knew that much,
but he also knew there was more than one way to be together, and
he didn’t care if it wasn’t in the way he wished for them to be.
He just knew that as long as he was beside her, everything would
be alright, even if it was difficult for a while due to his
strong feelings for her. He tried to convince her that he was
comfortable, but his tone fell flat, wishing she didn't feel as
though she owed him anything. She said that if there was
anything she could do to make him more comfortable, he should
speak up and not be afraid to ask. Slowly, he nodded. "Thank
you..." he said quietly, wishing for her to know that, no matter
what her true intentions were, he was grateful for what she was
doing.
Silently, he took a moment to look over her, dried blood and
dirt still covering her skin and clothes like it had when he had
held her on Exegol. He could remember how heavy she felt in his
arms, her body completely limp. He recalled her expressionless
face, all brightness that was usually there entirely gone. She
had been so cold, just like everything around him felt without
her there. He remembered feeling so terrified, so incredibly and
utterly alone. Then he remembered feeling her hand against his
own, much like how her hand was now, and he remembered opening
his eyes to see her staring back at him, lifting herself up and
saying his name, his true name, in a way that sounded so
beautiful to him. She had smiled, color in her face and in his
world again. She had looked so happy to be there, to be there
with him, and he remembered feeling so blissfully happy as she
touched him and then kissed him, but he also remembered the
sadness he had felt as well, thinking that would be the last
time he'd ever see her. Softly, he asked her if she was alright,
and she said that she was, but it didn't make sense. This
couldn't be real. It had to be one way or the other. Either she
had to be alive and he had to be dead, or he had to be alive and
she had to be dead. There was no way that he could have this.
There was no way that life was allowing him to be this happy and
to possibly have a life with her. He shook his head, still so
confused. He started another question, but he trailed off,
afraid to even let the question leave his lips. What if this
wasn't real? What if she was truly gone? What if he had been too
late to actually save her and she was just a dream or a memory?
She leaned closer to him, ceasing her movement in his hair and
holding his hand in both of hers now. His chest tightened, her
hands feeling so warm, her eyes searching and beautiful. The
question left him, asking her if she was really here with him.
She did not vanish, to his relief. Instead, she nodded, telling
him that this was real. His eyes began to water, wondering what
he had done to deserve it. What had he done to deserve to live
in a world with her still in it? She reminded him of the promise
she had made to him on the elevator of the Supremacy, saying
that she'd help him once he turned back to the light, calling
him Ben again. His lip trembled, and an irregular breath escaped
him as she squeezed his hand. She added that she had taken his
hand, just as he had asked of her so many times, taking Ben's
hand. Unable to resist, he squeezed her hand back, breathing out
her name as if it were a prayer, and maybe it was, in a way. She
didn't know just how much her words met to him. She had no idea
just how much he loved her. He told her that this was all he had
ever wanted, and it was true. While he thought that he had
wanted power and glory, he had always been certain that he
wanted her beside him. Nothing made sense without her there. He
didn't make sense without her, but he insisted that she didn't
owe him anything, needing her to be careful with his heart,
feeling as though it were about to burst from his chest. They
had barely said anything to each other, and already it felt like
too much, and yet, not nearly enough. He added that she had
saved him, and that he owed so many apologies, cutting himself
off before he could finish saying and yet you still show me so
much kindness and asking why.
Gently, she shushed him, shaking her head and assuring him that
he did owe a lot of apologies, which he was strangely relieved
to hear her say. He wouldn't have believed her had she said that
she had forgiven him for all that he's done, but she said they
could worry about all of that later, which confused him again.
Why was she being so nonchalant about all of this? Why was she
being so loving towards him? He unknowingly puffed his cheeks
out briefly, looking at the ceiling for a moment, frustrated
with himself and all the questions he had but refused to ask. He
told her that he was having trouble making sense of things,
explaining himself, and she nodded, being completely
understanding and offering to answer any questions that he had,
but saying that she believed he needed time and rest more than
anything. He agreed, saying that he needed rest and a shower. He
felt disgusting, and he knew he needed bacta patches in order to
heal faster. He looked to her again, his eyes always drawn in
her direction whenever she was near. Thinking, he told her that
she should go be with her friends. It was wrong of him to be
selfish with her, as much as he wanted to be. He explained that
they were likely worried about her, and he didn't want her to
feel as though she needed to linger around him as he cleaned
himself and rested. That would probably be very uncomfortable
for them both, and things were awkward enough as they were. He
somewhat mindlessly squeezed her hand again, however, truly not
wishing for her to leave. She shook her head, insisting that she
could go to her friends. He raised a brow, but she explained,
saying that she had spoken to them while the medical droids had
been setting his ribs, and she didn't feel comfortable leaving
him unguarded. He thought that was ridiculous. There was no
doubt in his mind that everyone beyond the door to the room they
were in wanted him dead, but that didn't mean that he'd let them
kill him. He could still use the Force even with his body the
way it was. She added that someone needed to take care of him, a
ghost of a smile on her lips. He slowly opened his mouth to
argue, but then she suggested that she help him get cleaned up,
which did make him panic just a bit. His pride aside, he was
uncertain of how he'd behave if she touched him more than she
already had, and he was sure that he likely needed some thorough
cleaning after the day that they'd had. "That's not necessary,"
he told her, starting to raise himself up again, not know where
the button was to raise the bed itself, but thinking that he
could manage this time and prove to her that he didn't need any
help. "Even in this state I can still protect myself and clean
myse-" He stopped talking as he raised himself up on his free
arm, pain shooting through him once again, gritting his teeth
and clenching his fist as he let out a quiet sound of pain,
unknowingly squeezing Rey's hand again with his other hand.
Krif, it all hurt, but he was determined to push through. He had
never let pain stop him before, and he was sure that he could
somehow work through it now.[/center]
#Post#: 1227--------------------------------------------------
rey [v]
By: winterssmary Date: January 14, 2021, 5:09 am
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Rey truly did feel sympathetic toward him. He'd been through so
much in the past twenty-four hours and it was unfair to expect
him to just deal with it all and move on. In the span of a day,
he had lost his mother, been murdered by someone he cared for --
something she would regret for the rest of her life -- had his
life saved by the same person who sought to end it, changed
sides in a war he'd been fighting for years, fought off all his
old comrades, faced the most vile creature ever to walk the
galaxy, been kissed by someone who was his enemy, and saved her
life. Then he passed out and was carried over enemy lines to be
saved by a bunch of droids. Realistically speaking, she'd be
worried if he wasn't confused, a little overwhelmed. He had a
lot on his mind. There was a lot to process. Both of them had a
lot to try and work through, but she was more focused on Ben and
making sure he maintained his sanity as he recovered from his
injuries. Making sure he wasn't in pain was the next step, she
thought. She assured him that he was safe, answered all his
logistical questions. Now she just needed to make sure he wasn't
physically hurting so he could focus on everything else, put his
energy into understanding and recovery. That was important. They
could handle other details once he was free to leave the med
bay. Where were they supposed to go after that though? She
didn't think too much of it. If they had to, she was fine with
just staying with him on the Falcon for a while. Han would have
wanted his son there if he didn't have anywhere else to do,
right? Ben was rejecting painkillers though, insisting that he
was fine, even with Rey telling him that he could have more if
he was the least bit uncomfortable. He was rather gruff and
short with her, which was to be expected. She didn't know why
she expected anything different of him. Just because Kylo Ren
was gone doesn't mean that he had an entire personality change
in just a matter of hours. He was still grumpy and negative,
still difficult to deal with. Perhaps she'd idealized Ben Solo a
bit too much in all of her daydreaming about him. He didn't seem
comfortable with her or happy that she was so willing to help
him, which was a bit upsetting. She kissed the man and he seemed
to think that she wasn't being genuine. Did he truly not learn
anything about her from all the time they spent in each other's
minds? Did the conversations they had, the pain they shared, the
times they fought alongside one another not mean what she
thought they meant? Or were they both just too tired to react
properly. She was, truly, exhausted, ready to clean up and go to
sleep for the night. Maybe after grabbing a bite to eat. She
couldn't remember the last time she had a meal. She told him
that she would help if he needed to be more comfortable and he
thanked her, rather awkwardly. She nodded.
He looked her over, which was an uncomfortable thing to
experience. She knew he likely didn't mean much by it, but he
tended to be rather intense when he stared. She'd noticed it for
quite some time, since he took a lot of opportunities to study
her, even from the moment they met when he kidnapped her on
Takodana. He asked if she was alright, which caught her
off-guard. She wasn't expecting compassion from him at the
moment. Perhaps she was selling him short. She nodded, assuring
him that she was fine, only because of him. She was dead. That
still hadn't truly hit her yet. But she was actually dead, her
spirit leaving her body. She was about to become one with the
Force, to join Luke and Leia in their never-ending peace long
before she was ready to leave this life. But Ben had brought her
back. She didn't understand how he did it, but he did. She was
safe and healthy and only mildly sore because of him. He shook
his head, which confused her. What was he saying no to? Had she
said something wrong? He began another question, but didn't
finish it. To beckon him to continue, she moved closer to him,
elbows resting on the bed so that her face was closer his head,
so she could hear him better. The hand in his hair stopped its
movements before joining her other hand, holding his. He asked
if this was real, if she was really here with him. She tried not
to think too much of it, since he was likely in a sort of daze
after all he'd been through. She explained, smiling, that she
was. She was going to keep her word and help him when he decided
to come back to the light. It was bound to be a process, but she
was up for the challenge. If it meant she could have him in her
life, she'd do it, no matter what it took. She'd been without
him for too long and didn't want to go through that again. She
added that she finally took his hand, something he'd asked her
to do repeatedly. No, begged her to do. While Rey was still
confused about her own feelings, there was no denying that Ben
genuinely cared for her. Or, at least, cared to keep her around.
It might have been completely selfish, but she didn't know that
she cared anymore. Every relationship she had in her life was
transactional. If Ben was another one, the so be it. He quietly
breathed out her name, his breathing becoming a bit more
irregular as she swore tears formed in his eyes. She was truly
taken aback by the sudden display of emotion, but she did not
pull away. She couldn't. He said this was all he ever wanted,
adding that she saved him. She didn't know that was true. Well,
technically she did save him on Kef Bir, but only because she
mortally wounded him to begin with. He explained that he owed a
lot of apologies, not finishing his sentence.
She shushed him, her voice still gentle, even as she assured him
that he did owe all of those apologies. He would never be able
to get away with everything he did to her and everyone she
loved. He hurt people. He killed people. And yet, despite all
she knew, she knew there was much more that he'd done that she'd
never know about. When you're corrupted and powerful, you can
end worlds. She did, however, say that he could worry about that
later. His top priority at the moment should be recovery, not
dealing with his own guilt. That was a topic for another time,
but definitely something they had to address. He wasn't getting
away with all the things that should haunt him. His cheeks
puffed out briefly before he said that he was having a hard time
processing everything. She nodded, understanding completely.
They were both have a hard time processing things, but Rey was
good about ignoring her own feelings to deal with someone else
in the moment. She could cry about how overwhelmed she was in
the shower or something. Not in front of Ben. Not again. She
said he needed rest and he agreed, adding that he needed a
shower. They could both use some cleaning up, she thought, but
Ben more so than her. Ben needed more of everything at the
moment than she did. He met her gaze, telling her that she
should be with her friends, that they were probably worried. She
felt his hand tighten on her own, which made the ghost of a
smile appear on her lips. She shook her head, explaining that
she'd already talked to Finn and Poe and that she needed to stay
with him in order to protect him. She knew he was capable of
protecting himself, even while weak and injured. But that was
the problem. If Ben didn't defend himself, she'd lose him, which
she couldn't handle. If Ben did defend himself, she'd lose Finn
and Poe, which she also couldn't handle. She needed to stay with
him for logical reasons. On top of the fact that she just wanted
to. She added that someone needed to care for him. His mouth
opened, but she cut him off, offering to help him clean himself
off. He insisted that it wasn't necessary, which made her quirk
a brow? Does this idiot really think - But it was too late, he
was already trying to lift himself up. He tried to argue that he
could still protect and clean himself, but he was immediately
cut off, his own pain obviously getting the better of him. "Ben
-," she called out, his hand clenching into a fist and squeezing
her own very tightly. "Get down," she ordered, taking her other
hand off of his and more forcefully guiding him back onto the
mattress. In this state especially, she could easily contain
him. "How stupid are you?" she asked, more irritated than
anything. "Stay down. What did I say about moving around too
much?" she scolded. "You broke several ribs and both of your
legs, you nerf-herder," she said. "If you think for one second
that you can actually get out of bed on your own and bathe
yourself in this shape you're a complete lunatic," she said,
letting out a sigh and calming down. She wasn't his mother. She
didn't need to scold him like it. But damn if he wasn't being an
idiot. "You're in no shape to move and you don't need to cause
yourself more pain. It'll only make your recovery longer and
neither of us want that," she said calmly. "Let me help you,"
she ordered, still a gentle tone to her voice, but with a
determination underneath it that he better have caught. She was
more stubborn than him. At least, she hoped she was. Otherwise
this was going to be awful. "And once you're nice and clean,
I'll get the droids to give you more pain medication to
compensate for your pride literally hurting you," she said.
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