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       #Post#: 3269--------------------------------------------------
       The violent images are starting again.
       By: Rivulet Date: November 16, 2017, 8:39 pm
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       I used to get them a lot when I was ten, and I took pleasure in
       them. They only went away gradually with therapy over the last
       few years, and all of last year they didn't come.
       Same with the images that used to come every time I closed my
       eye lids before falling asleep. The images of monsters and
       terrible things... At least those aren't back.
       But the violent images are coming back. I'll be in class I'll be
       looking all around and think "What if I killed everyone?" And
       I'll imagine them all bloodied and dead, my classmates, people
       who I've never felt any malice towards, though there also people
       I don't really care about in the first place.
       I'll think of myself as there ruler, a demigod.
       The only thing that keeps them away is the light. The light I
       force myself to believe that I am. When I think of myself I
       think of someone on the brink. Evil looks just as satisfying as
       good does. I'm half and half. I know that evil with damage my
       soul, but good will keep it just happy enough.
       And all that good influence around me, that little light. It
       makes good 51%, evil 49%. And when good outweighs evil, good
       usually wins.
       It's what keeps me sane enough to function in society.
       I can suppress these violent images. But that doesn't mean it's
       good that there coming in the first place...
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