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       #Post#: 5643--------------------------------------------------
       Songwind of (No clan yet!!)
       By: Oreo Date: November 24, 2012, 3:09 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [center]Name;;
       Songwind
       Age;;
       She is 17 moons.
       Gender;;
       A she-cat!
       Orientation;;
       She is straight.
       Alliance;;
       WindClan Maybe? I would like to be the Med. Cat.
       Appearance {at least four sentences};;
       Songwind could be mistaken for a Ragdoll. She has a muscular
       build, yet she somehow maintains her feminine build. Her fur is
       think and soft, keeping her warm even on the coldest Winter
       night. She has beautiful chocolate points, her while tail being
       chocolate, and while her legs are chocolate, her paws are white.
       The fur that isn't a chocolate brown is a cream color. her eyes
       are a vibrant sapphire blue, gazing into the deepest part of
       your inner self. hidden in her paws are long, sharp claws,
       helpful as a wildcat. Her tail is long and fluffy.
       Personality {at least four sentences};;
       While most think she would be a pampered princess, she is one of
       the bravest there is, as well as a very smart feline. She is
       energetic, and willing to learn from anybody willing to teach
       her. She will go to Earth's end just to prove that she isn't a
       pampered princess. She will go from fiercely defending a friend
       to playing with the kits to let their mother rest. Overall,
       Songwind is sweet, kind, energetic, and loving on her good side.
       Her bad side will see a fierce cat hidden under that fur.
       History {at least six sentences};;
       Songwind is an ordinary cat from a look, but her History is
       twisted. You see, Songwind was abandoned by her mother, who left
       her in WindClan. Because her mother was the only queen at that
       time, Songkit had to fend for herself. After about a moon
       passed, she was not in good shape. This is when the med. Cat
       decided to step in. The Med. Cat gave her herbs and juices to
       help her get healthy again. Soon after, she became an
       apprentice, and soon after that, a warrior. However, Songwind
       wanted to be a Medicine Cat because of all the things she had
       learned as a kit. So she asked the leader if she could change
       and be the Medicine Cat apprentice.
       Role-play sample {required for your first advanced biography};;
       Songwind sighed. We seem to be low in catmint again, as well as
       yarrow. she thought. She padded out of her den, going to talk to
       the leader as a kit bounced up beside her. "Well, hello there,
       Snowkit!" she meowed, sounding as happy as she possibly could.
       "What'cha doin', Songwind?" Snowkit asked. "I'm just about to
       talk to the leader. It looks like you siblings are missing you!"
       she said, walking off as the kit bounded away to her brothers
       and sisters.
       Comments;;
       If at all possible, can I be a mod?[/center]
       #Post#: 5645--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Songwind of (No clan yet!!)
       By: pepper â™” Date: November 24, 2012, 3:14 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [spoiler] [quote author=Oreo link=topic=376.msg5643#msg5643
       date=1353791387]
       [center]Name;;
       Songwind
       Age;;
       She is 17 moons.
       Gender;;
       A she-cat!
       Orientation;;
       She is straight.
       Alliance;;
       WindClan Maybe? I would like to be the Med. Cat.
       Appearance {at least four sentences};;
       Songwind could be mistaken for a Ragdoll. She has a muscular
       build, yet she somehow maintains her feminine build. Her fur is
       think and soft, keeping her warm even on the coldest Winter
       night. She has beautiful chocolate points, her while tail being
       chocolate, and while her legs are chocolate, her paws are white.
       The fur that isn't a chocolate brown is a cream color. her eyes
       are a vibrant sapphire blue, gazing into the deepest part of
       your inner self. hidden in her paws are long, sharp claws,
       helpful as a wildcat. Her tail is long and fluffy.
       Personality {at least four sentences};;
       While most think she would be a pampered princess, she is one of
       the bravest there is, as well as a very smart feline. She is
       energetic, and willing to learn from anybody willing to teach
       her. She will go to Earth's end just to prove that she isn't a
       pampered princess. She will go from fiercely defending a friend
       to playing with the kits to let their mother rest. Overall,
       Songwind is sweet, kind, energetic, and loving on her good side.
       Her bad side will see a fierce cat hidden under that fur.
       History {at least six sentences};;
       Songwind is an ordinary cat from a look, but her History is
       twisted. You see, Songwind was abandoned by her mother, who left
       her in WindClan. Because her mother was the only queen at that
       time, Songkit had to fend for herself. After about a moon
       passed, she was not in good shape. This is when the med. Cat
       decided to step in. The Med. Cat gave her herbs and juices to
       help her get healthy again. Soon after, she became an
       apprentice, and soon after that, a warrior. However, Songwind
       wanted to be a Medicine Cat because of all the things she had
       learned as a kit. So she asked the leader if she could change
       and be the Medicine Cat apprentice.
       Role-play sample {required for your first advanced biography};;
       Songwind sighed. We seem to be low in catmint again, as well as
       yarrow. she thought. She padded out of her den, going to talk to
       the leader as a kit bounced up beside her. "Well, hello there,
       Snowkit!" she meowed, sounding as happy as she possibly could.
       "What'cha doin', Songwind?" Snowkit asked. "I'm just about to
       talk to the leader. It looks like you siblings are missing you!"
       she said, walking off as the kit bounded away to her brothers
       and sisters.
       Comments;;
       If at all possible, can I be a mod?[/center]
       [/quote][/spoiler]
       [font=andale mono]Hi, Oreo!
       You're bios looking good but there are a few problems;
       - You have some misspellings.
       - You have a few grammatical errors in there.
       - You seem to start a lot of sentences with "she"
       - WindClan already has a medicine cat
       - Your role-play sample should be longer
       - We are not currently accepting staff
       Fix these and you're good to go! [/font]
       #Post#: 5663--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Songwind of (No clan yet!!)
       By: Oreo Date: November 24, 2012, 3:32 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [center]Name;;
       Songwind
       Age;;
       She is 17 moons.
       Gender;;
       A she-cat!
       Orientation;;
       She is straight.
       Alliance;;
       WindClan Maybe? I would like to be the Med. Cat apprentice?
       Appearance {at least four sentences};;
       Songwind could be mistaken for a Ragdoll. She has a muscular
       build, yet she somehow maintains her feminine build. Her fur is
       think and soft, keeping her warm even on the coldest leaf-bare
       night. This cat has beautiful chocolate points, her while tail
       being chocolate, and while her legs are chocolate, her paws are
       white. The fur that isn't a chocolate brown is a cream color.
       Her eyes are a vibrant sapphire blue, gazing into the deepest
       part of your inner self. Hidden in her paws are long, sharp
       claws, helpful as a wildcat. Her tail is long and fluffy.
       Personality {at least four sentences};;
       While most think she would be a pampered princess, she is one of
       the bravest there is, as well as a very smart feline. This
       feline is energetic, and willing to learn from anybody that is
       willing to teach her. This defying she-cat will go to Earth's
       end just to prove that she isn't a pampered princess. She will
       go from fiercely defending a friend to playing with the kits so
       their mother can rest. Overall, Songwind is sweet, kind,
       energetic, and loving on her good side. However, her bad side
       will show a fierce cat hidden under that fur.
       History {at least six sentences};;
       Songwind is an ordinary cat from a look, but her history is
       twisted. You see, Songwind was abandoned by her mother, who left
       her in WindClan. Because her mother was the only queen at that
       time, Songkit had to fend for herself. When about a moon passed,
       she was not in good shape. This is when the med. Cat decided to
       step in. The Med. Cat gave her herbs and juices to help her get
       healthy again. Soon after, she became an apprentice, patient and
       willing to learn. After her training and patience, she became a
       warrior However, Songwind wanted to be a Medicine Cat, because
       of all the things she had learned as a kit. So she decided to
       ask the leader if she could change and be the Medicine Cat
       apprentice.
       Role-play sample {required for your first advanced biography};;
       Songwind sighed. We seem to be low in catmint again, as well as
       yarrow. she thought. She padded out of her den, planning on
       collecting more catmint and yarrow to stock up for the
       leaf-bare. As she padded out of the den, a warrior met her
       outside. “Hello, Snowfur.” She greeted. “Hello, Songwind. I
       don’t mean to bother you, but what does a juniper berry look
       like?” she worried warrior asked. “Now why would you need to
       know that?” Songwind asked, curious. “No reason, it’s just
       there’s a bush I’ve never seen before, and I think it might have
       juniper berries on it, and you said you couldn’t find any.” The
       warrior rambled. “Could you show me this bush? I have to collect
       other herbs anyways.” Songwind said, following the warrior into
       the trees.
       Comments;;
       Thank you for looking at my bio![/center]
       bump!
       #Post#: 5672--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Songwind of (No clan yet!!)
       By: pepper â™” Date: November 24, 2012, 7:54 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=Oreo link=topic=376.msg5663#msg5663
       date=1353792771]
       [center]Name;;
       Songwind
       Age;;
       She is 17 moons.
       Gender;;
       A she-cat!
       Orientation;;
       She is straight.
       Alliance;;
       WindClan Maybe? I would like to be the Med. Cat apprentice?
       Appearance {at least four sentences};;
       Songwind could be mistaken for a Ragdoll. She has a muscular
       build, yet she somehow maintains her feminine build. Her fur is
       think and soft, keeping her warm even on the coldest leaf-bare
       night. This cat has beautiful chocolate points, her while tail
       being chocolate, and while her legs are chocolate, her paws are
       white. The fur that isn't a chocolate brown is a cream color.
       Her eyes are a vibrant sapphire blue, gazing into the deepest
       part of your inner self. Hidden in her paws are long, sharp
       claws, helpful as a wildcat. Her tail is long and fluffy.
       Personality {at least four sentences};;
       While most think she would be a pampered princess, she is one of
       the bravest there is, as well as a very smart feline. This
       feline is energetic, and willing to learn from anybody that is
       willing to teach her. This defying she-cat will go to Earth's
       end just to prove that she isn't a pampered princess. She will
       go from fiercely defending a friend to playing with the kits so
       their mother can rest. Overall, Songwind is sweet, kind,
       energetic, and loving on her good side. However, her bad side
       will show a fierce cat hidden under that fur.
       History {at least six sentences};;
       Songwind is an ordinary cat from a look, but her history is
       twisted. You see, Songwind was abandoned by her mother, who left
       her in WindClan. Because her mother was the only queen at that
       time, Songkit had to fend for herself. When about a moon passed,
       she was not in good shape. This is when the med. Cat decided to
       step in. The Med. Cat gave her herbs and juices to help her get
       healthy again. Soon after, she became an apprentice, patient and
       willing to learn. After her training and patience, she became a
       warrior However, Songwind wanted to be a Medicine Cat, because
       of all the things she had learned as a kit. So she decided to
       ask the leader if she could change and be the Medicine Cat
       apprentice.
       Role-play sample {required for your first advanced biography};;
       Songwind sighed. We seem to be low in catmint again, as well as
       yarrow. she thought. She padded out of her den, planning on
       collecting more catmint and yarrow to stock up for the
       leaf-bare. As she padded out of the den, a warrior met her
       outside. “Hello, Snowfur.” She greeted. “Hello, Songwind. I
       don’t mean to bother you, but what does a juniper berry look
       like?” she worried warrior asked. “Now why would you need to
       know that?” Songwind asked, curious. “No reason, it’s just
       there’s a bush I’ve never seen before, and I think it might have
       juniper berries on it, and you said you couldn’t find any.” The
       warrior rambled. “Could you show me this bush? I have to collect
       other herbs anyways.” Songwind said, following the warrior into
       the trees.
       Comments;;
       Thank you for looking at my bio![/center]
       bump!
       [/quote]
       [font=trebuchet ms]Better, but you still have a few problems.
       - Your sentences are rather choppy
       - WindClan already has it's two medicine cat apprentices
       - You still have some grammatical errors in there.
       Bump when you're done![/font]
       #Post#: 5677--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Songwind of (No clan yet!!)
       By: Oreo Date: November 24, 2012, 8:25 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [font=georgia][center]Name;;
       Songwind
       Age;;
       She is 17 moons.
       Gender;;
       A she-cat!
       Orientation;;
       She is straight.
       Alliance;;
       It doesn’t matter the Clan, just an MCA.
       Appearance {at least four sentences};;
       Songwind could easily be mistaken for a Ragdoll. She has a
       muscular build, yet she somehow maintains her feminine build.
       Her fur is think and soft, keeping her warm even on the coldest
       leaf-bare night. This cat has beautiful chocolate points, and
       her while tail is a chocolate brown, and while her legs are
       chocolate, and her paws are white. The fur that isn't a
       chocolate brown is a warm, soft cream color. Her eyes are a
       vibrant sapphire blue, gazing into the deepest part of your
       inner self. Hidden in her paws are long, sharp claws, helpful as
       a wildcat. Her tail is long and fluffy.
       Personality {at least four sentences};;
       While most think she would be a pampered princess, she is one of
       the bravest there is. Songwind is very lucky as she is a very
       smart feline. This feline is energetic, and willing to learn
       from anybody that is willing to teach her. This defying she-cat
       will go to Earth's end just to prove that she isn't a pampered
       princess. She will go from fiercely defending a friend to
       playing with the kits so their mother can rest. Overall,
       Songwind is sweet, kind, energetic, and loving on her good side.
       However, her bad side will show a fierce cat hidden under that
       luxurious fur.
       History {at least six sentences};;
       Songwind is an ordinary cat at a glance, but her history is
       twisted. You see, Songwind was abandoned by her mother, who left
       her in WindClan. Because her mother was the only queen at that
       time, Songkit had to fend for herself. When about a moon passed,
       she was not in good shape, as she was skinny and sick.  This is
       when the Medicine Cat decided to step in. The Medicine Cat gave
       her herbs and juices to help her become healthy again. Soon
       after she was well again, she became an apprentice, patient and
       willing to learn. After her training and patience, she became a
       warrior.  However, Songwind wanted to be a Medicine Cat, because
       of all the things she had learned as a kit. So she decided to
       ask the leader if she could change her status and become the
       Medicine Cat apprentice.
       Role-play sample {required for your first advanced biography};;
       Songwind sighed. We seem to be low on catmint again, as well as
       yarrow. she thought. She padded out of her den, planning on
       collecting more catmint and yarrow to stock up for the
       leaf-bare. As she padded out of the den, a warrior met her
       outside. “Hello, Snowfur.” She greeted. “Hello, Songwind. I
       don’t mean to bother you, but what does a juniper berry look
       like?” she worried warrior asked. “Now why would you need to
       know that?” Songwind asked, curious. “No reason, it’s just
       there’s a bush I’ve never seen before, and I think it might have
       juniper berries on it, and you said you couldn’t find any.” The
       warrior rambled. “Could you show me this bush? I have to collect
       other herbs anyways.” Songwind said, following the warrior into
       the trees.
       bump
       I think I may be getting confused on what you mean as
       grammatical errors. I have more than one bio on WCRPG that has
       been accepted.... but BUMPPP[/center][/font]
       #Post#: 5680--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Songwind of (No clan yet!!)
       By: pepper â™” Date: November 24, 2012, 9:40 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=Oreo link=topic=376.msg5677#msg5677
       date=1353810332]
       [font=georgia][center]Name;;
       Songwind
       Age;;
       She is 17 moons.
       Gender;;
       A she-cat!
       Orientation;;
       She is straight.
       Alliance;;
       It doesn’t matter the Clan, just an MCA.
       Appearance {at least four sentences};;
       Songwind could easily be mistaken for a Ragdoll. She has a
       muscular build, yet she somehow maintains her feminine build.
       Her fur is think and soft, keeping her warm even on the coldest
       leaf-bare night. This cat has beautiful chocolate points, and
       her while tail is a chocolate brown, and while her legs are
       chocolate, and her paws are white. The fur that isn't a
       chocolate brown is a warm, soft cream color. Her eyes are a
       vibrant sapphire blue, gazing into the deepest part of your
       inner self. Hidden in her paws are long, sharp claws, helpful as
       a wildcat. Her tail is long and fluffy.
       Personality {at least four sentences};;
       While most think she would be a pampered princess, she is one of
       the bravest there is. Songwind is very lucky as she is a very
       smart feline. This feline is energetic, and willing to learn
       from anybody that is willing to teach her. This defying she-cat
       will go to Earth's end just to prove that she isn't a pampered
       princess. She will go from fiercely defending a friend to
       playing with the kits so their mother can rest. Overall,
       Songwind is sweet, kind, energetic, and loving on her good side.
       However, her bad side will show a fierce cat hidden under that
       luxurious fur.
       History {at least six sentences};;
       Songwind is an ordinary cat at a glance, but her history is
       twisted. You see, Songwind was abandoned by her mother, who left
       her in WindClan. Because her mother was the only queen at that
       time, Songkit had to fend for herself. When about a moon passed,
       she was not in good shape, as she was skinny and sick.  This is
       when the Medicine Cat decided to step in. The Medicine Cat gave
       her herbs and juices to help her become healthy again. Soon
       after she was well again, she became an apprentice, patient and
       willing to learn. After her training and patience, she became a
       warrior.  However, Songwind wanted to be a Medicine Cat, because
       of all the things she had learned as a kit. So she decided to
       ask the leader if she could change her status and become the
       Medicine Cat apprentice.
       Role-play sample {required for your first advanced biography};;
       Songwind sighed. We seem to be low on catmint again, as well as
       yarrow. she thought. She padded out of her den, planning on
       collecting more catmint and yarrow to stock up for the
       leaf-bare. As she padded out of the den, a warrior met her
       outside. “Hello, Snowfur.” She greeted. “Hello, Songwind. I
       don’t mean to bother you, but what does a juniper berry look
       like?” she worried warrior asked. “Now why would you need to
       know that?” Songwind asked, curious. “No reason, it’s just
       there’s a bush I’ve never seen before, and I think it might have
       juniper berries on it, and you said you couldn’t find any.” The
       warrior rambled. “Could you show me this bush? I have to collect
       other herbs anyways.” Songwind said, following the warrior into
       the trees.
       bump
       I think I may be getting confused on what you mean as
       grammatical errors. I have more than one bio on WCRPG that has
       been accepted.... but BUMPPP[/center][/font]
       [/quote]
       [font=trebuchet ms]Better, but there's still some problems.
       - A few sentences are choppy
       - You have some grammatical errors in there [ While most think
       she would be a pampered princess, she is one of the bravest
       there is. ] there's one.
       You could be a SkyClan mca or a BloodClan mca if/when you're
       accepted.
       Bump when you're done. :3 [/font]
       #Post#: 5682--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Songwind of (No clan yet!!)
       By: Oreo Date: November 24, 2012, 9:53 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Name;;
       Songwind
       Age;;
       She is 17 moons.
       Gender;;
       A she-cat!
       Orientation;;
       She is straight.
       Alliance;;
       It doesn’t matter the Clan, just an MCA.
       Appearance {at least four sentences};;
       Songwind could easily be mistaken for a Ragdoll. She has a
       muscular build, yet she somehow maintains her feminine build.
       Her fur is think and soft, keeping her warm even on the coldest
       leaf-bare night. This cat has beautiful chocolate points, and
       while her tail is a chocolate brown, and her legs are a warm
       chocolate, her paws are white. The fur that isn't a chocolate
       brown is a soft cream color. Her eyes are a vibrant sapphire
       blue, gazing into the deepest part of your inner self. Hidden in
       her paws are long, sharp claws, helpful as a wildcat. Her tail
       is long and fluffy.
       Personality {at least four sentences};;
       While most think she would be a pampered princess, she is one of
       the most caring cats you will ever meet.  Songwind is very lucky
       as she was blessed with being a very smart feline. This feline
       is energetic, and willing to learn from anybody that is willing
       to teach her. This defying she-cat will go to Earth's end just
       to prove that she isn't a pampered princess. She will go from
       fiercely defending a friend to playing with the kits so their
       mother can rest. Overall, Songwind is sweet, kind, energetic,
       and loving on her good side. However, her bad side will show a
       fierce cat hidden under that luxurious fur.
       History {at least six sentences};;
       Songwind is an ordinary cat at a glance, but her history is
       twisted. You see, Songwind was abandoned by her mother, who left
       her in WindClan. Because her mother was the only queen at that
       time, Songkit had to fend for herself. When about a moon passed,
       she was not in good shape, as she was skinny and sick.  This is
       when the Medicine Cat decided to step in, and help her get
       better. The Medicine Cat gave her herbs and juices to help her
       become healthy again. Soon after she was well again, she became
       an apprentice, patient and willing to learn. After her training
       and patience, she became a warrior.  However, Songwind wanted to
       be a Medicine Cat, because of all the things she had learned as
       a kit. So she decided to ask the leader if she could change her
       status and become the Medicine Cat apprentice.
       Role-play sample {required for your first advanced biography};;
       Songwind sighed. We seem to be low on catmint again, as well as
       yarrow, she thought. She padded out of her den, planning on
       collecting more catmint and yarrow to stock up for the
       leaf-bare. As she padded out of the den, a warrior met her
       outside. “Hello, Snowfur.” She greeted. “Hello, Songwind. I
       don’t mean to bother you, but what does a juniper berry look
       like?” she worried warrior asked. “Now why would you need to
       know that?” Songwind asked, curious. “No reason, it’s just
       there’s a bush I’ve never seen before, and I think it might have
       juniper berries on it, and you said you couldn’t find any.” The
       warrior rambled. “Could you show me this bush? I have to collect
       other herbs anyways.” Songwind said, following the warrior into
       the trees.
       Comments;;
       Thank you for being so patient!
       I think I caught them all! BUMP
       #Post#: 5687--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Songwind of (No clan yet!!)
       By: pepper â™” Date: November 25, 2012, 7:09 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=Oreo link=topic=376.msg5682#msg5682
       date=1353815621]
       Name;;
       Songwind
       Age;;
       She is 17 moons.
       Gender;;
       A she-cat!
       Orientation;;
       She is straight.
       Alliance;;
       It doesn’t matter the Clan, just an MCA.
       Appearance {at least four sentences};;
       Songwind could easily be mistaken for a Ragdoll. She has a
       muscular build, yet she somehow maintains her feminine build.
       Her fur is think and soft, keeping her warm even on the coldest
       leaf-bare night. This cat has beautiful chocolate points, and
       while her tail is a chocolate brown, and her legs are a warm
       chocolate, her paws are white. The fur that isn't a chocolate
       brown is a soft cream color. Her eyes are a vibrant sapphire
       blue, gazing into the deepest part of your inner self. Hidden in
       her paws are long, sharp claws, helpful as a wildcat. Her tail
       is long and fluffy.
       Personality {at least four sentences};;
       While most think she would be a pampered princess, she is one of
       the most caring cats you will ever meet.  Songwind is very lucky
       as she was blessed with being a very smart feline. This feline
       is energetic, and willing to learn from anybody that is willing
       to teach her. This defying she-cat will go to Earth's end just
       to prove that she isn't a pampered princess. She will go from
       fiercely defending a friend to playing with the kits so their
       mother can rest. Overall, Songwind is sweet, kind, energetic,
       and loving on her good side. However, her bad side will show a
       fierce cat hidden under that luxurious fur.
       History {at least six sentences};;
       Songwind is an ordinary cat at a glance, but her history is
       twisted. You see, Songwind was abandoned by her mother, who left
       her in WindClan. Because her mother was the only queen at that
       time, Songkit had to fend for herself. When about a moon passed,
       she was not in good shape, as she was skinny and sick.  This is
       when the Medicine Cat decided to step in, and help her get
       better. The Medicine Cat gave her herbs and juices to help her
       become healthy again. Soon after she was well again, she became
       an apprentice, patient and willing to learn. After her training
       and patience, she became a warrior.  However, Songwind wanted to
       be a Medicine Cat, because of all the things she had learned as
       a kit. So she decided to ask the leader if she could change her
       status and become the Medicine Cat apprentice.
       Role-play sample {required for your first advanced biography};;
       Songwind sighed. We seem to be low on catmint again, as well as
       yarrow, she thought. She padded out of her den, planning on
       collecting more catmint and yarrow to stock up for the
       leaf-bare. As she padded out of the den, a warrior met her
       outside. “Hello, Snowfur.” She greeted. “Hello, Songwind. I
       don’t mean to bother you, but what does a juniper berry look
       like?” she worried warrior asked. “Now why would you need to
       know that?” Songwind asked, curious. “No reason, it’s just
       there’s a bush I’ve never seen before, and I think it might have
       juniper berries on it, and you said you couldn’t find any.” The
       warrior rambled. “Could you show me this bush? I have to collect
       other herbs anyways.” Songwind said, following the warrior into
       the trees.
       Comments;;
       Thank you for being so patient!
       I think I caught them all! BUMP
       [/quote]
       [font=trebuchet ms]Much much better!  :3
       But.....
       - You still have like, 2 choppy sentences
       - I notice in personality you kind of repeat the word 'feline'
       - You didn't specify if you wanted to be BloodClan or SkyClan
       - Her history doesn't make sense for the Clans available.
       Almost there! Bump when you're done! :3 [/font]
       #Post#: 5701--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Songwind of (No clan yet!!)
       By: Oreo Date: November 25, 2012, 11:59 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Name;;
       Songwind
       Age;;
       She is 17 moons.
       Gender;;
       A she-cat!
       Orientation;;
       She is straight.
       Alliance;;Skyclan
       Appearance {at least four sentences};;
       Songwind could easily be mistaken for a Ragdoll by her
       appearance. She has a muscular build, yet she somehow maintains
       her feminine build. Her fur is think and soft, keeping her warm
       even on the coldest leaf-bare night. This cat has beautiful
       chocolate points, and while her tail is a chocolate brown, and
       her legs are a warm chocolate, her paws are white. The fur that
       isn't a chocolate brown is a soft, sweet cream color. Her eyes
       are a vibrant sapphire blue, gazing into the deepest part of
       your inner self. Hidden in her paws are long, sharp claws,
       helpful as a wildcat. Her tail is long and fluffy, matching the
       rest of her fur.
       Personality {at least four sentences};;
       While most think she would be a pampered princess, she is one of
       the most caring cats you will ever meet.  Songwind is very lucky
       as she was blessed with being a very smart cat. This feline is
       energetic, and willing to learn from anybody that is willing to
       teach her. This defying she-cat will go to Earth's end just to
       prove that she isn't a pampered princess. She will go from
       fiercely defending a friend to playing with the kits so their
       mother can rest. Overall, Songwind is sweet, kind, energetic,
       and loving on her good side. However, her bad side will show a
       fierce cat hidden under that luxurious fur.
       History {at least six sentences};;
       Songwind doesn’t have much of an exciting history. It starts out
       with her being a kit, just as everyone’s history would start.
       She was left alone as a kit, but another queen took her in. She
       eventually became an apprentice, however, she was a Medicine Cat
       apprentice. After much training, she became the Medicine Cat,
       and a smart one too! Today, she is still thriving as a Medicine
       Cat, and is happy doing it.
       Role-play sample {required for your first advanced biography};;
       Songwind sighed. We seem to be low on catmint again, as well as
       yarrow, she thought. She padded out of her den, planning on
       collecting more catmint and yarrow to stock up for the
       leaf-bare. As she padded out of the den, a warrior met her
       outside. “Hello, Snowfur.” She greeted. “Hello, Songwind. I
       don’t mean to bother you, but what does a juniper berry look
       like?” she worried warrior asked. “Now why would you need to
       know that?” Songwind asked, curious. “No reason, it’s just
       there’s a bush I’ve never seen before, and I think it might have
       juniper berries on it, and you said you couldn’t find any.” The
       warrior rambled. “Could you show me this bush? I have to collect
       other herbs anyways.” Songwind said, following the warrior into
       the trees.
       Comments;;
       Thank you for being so patient!
       I think I caught them all! BUMP
       I really, really appreciate you being so patient!
       #Post#: 5739--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Songwind of (No clan yet!!)
       By: pepper â™” Date: November 26, 2012, 5:39 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=Oreo link=topic=376.msg5701#msg5701
       date=1353866382]
       Name;;
       Songwind
       Age;;
       She is 17 moons.
       Gender;;
       A she-cat!
       Orientation;;
       She is straight.
       Alliance;;Skyclan
       Appearance {at least four sentences};;
       Songwind could easily be mistaken for a Ragdoll by her
       appearance. She has a muscular build, yet she somehow maintains
       her feminine build. Her fur is think and soft, keeping her warm
       even on the coldest leaf-bare night. This cat has beautiful
       chocolate points, and while her tail is a chocolate brown, and
       her legs are a warm chocolate, her paws are white. The fur that
       isn't a chocolate brown is a soft, sweet cream color. Her eyes
       are a vibrant sapphire blue, gazing into the deepest part of
       your inner self. Hidden in her paws are long, sharp claws,
       helpful as a wildcat. Her tail is long and fluffy, matching the
       rest of her fur.
       Personality {at least four sentences};;
       While most think she would be a pampered princess, she is one of
       the most caring cats you will ever meet.  Songwind is very lucky
       as she was blessed with being a very smart cat. This feline is
       energetic, and willing to learn from anybody that is willing to
       teach her. This defying she-cat will go to Earth's end just to
       prove that she isn't a pampered princess. She will go from
       fiercely defending a friend to playing with the kits so their
       mother can rest. Overall, Songwind is sweet, kind, energetic,
       and loving on her good side. However, her bad side will show a
       fierce cat hidden under that luxurious fur.
       History {at least six sentences};;
       Songwind doesn’t have much of an exciting history. It starts out
       with her being a kit, just as everyone’s history would start.
       She was left alone as a kit, but another queen took her in. She
       eventually became an apprentice, however, she was a Medicine Cat
       apprentice. After much training, she became the Medicine Cat,
       and a smart one too! Today, she is still thriving as a Medicine
       Cat, and is happy doing it.
       Role-play sample {required for your first advanced biography};;
       Songwind sighed. We seem to be low on catmint again, as well as
       yarrow, she thought. She padded out of her den, planning on
       collecting more catmint and yarrow to stock up for the
       leaf-bare. As she padded out of the den, a warrior met her
       outside. “Hello, Snowfur.” She greeted. “Hello, Songwind. I
       don’t mean to bother you, but what does a juniper berry look
       like?” she worried warrior asked. “Now why would you need to
       know that?” Songwind asked, curious. “No reason, it’s just
       there’s a bush I’ve never seen before, and I think it might have
       juniper berries on it, and you said you couldn’t find any.” The
       warrior rambled. “Could you show me this bush? I have to collect
       other herbs anyways.” Songwind said, following the warrior into
       the trees.
       Comments;;
       Thank you for being so patient!
       I think I caught them all! BUMP
       I really, really appreciate you being so patient!
       [/quote]
       [font=trebuchet ms]Alrighty, you have some little mistakes but
       you're good to go. :3 [ think = thick ] Nice job! <3
       Moving~[/font]
       *****************************************************