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#Post#: 163--------------------------------------------------
Angelicstar of RiverClan(?)
By: Silvy Date: October 28, 2012, 6:59 am
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[center][font=times new roman]Name;;
Angelicstar
Age;;
Twenty nine moons
Gender;;
Female
Orientation;;
Straight
Alliance;;
RiverClan Leader?
Appearance {at least four sentences};;
Angelicstar is an attractive white she-cat with the most calmest
of green eyes. Her tail is fluffy and doesn't drag in the mud,
unlike some cat's tails do. Most likely ears are always perked
up with interest, as she takes interest in everything. Her paws
are small and daint, with nice sharp claws at the end of them.
Her fur is always tamed, and hardly ever gets into tangles, not
if she can help it, and when she can't help it, she does
something about it. Clean it! If you look closely, you can see
black specks in her long fur, and some grey specks. In her ears,
it isn't black like most cat's, but pink, which is a little
strange. Following her ears is a pink, button nose that is
always clean and never runs with snot.
Personality {at least four sentences};;
Angelicstar is the sort of cat that everyone wants to meet.
She's the ideal angel, with her good manners and with how caring
she is. To be honest with you though, she can be too much of a
goody two shoes. Always following the rules strictly, never
causing trouble at gatherings, well at least not if she can help
it. Definitely not one of the "upper class" cats, she wouldn't
allow herself to be. Treating you with respect is what she does
best, especially to the elders.
History {at least six sentences};;
Angelicstar, when she was Angelicpaw, was r*ped. The dear
she-cat had two sons, Owlkit and Snakekit, but they both died of
greencough a moon later. When she became a warrior, she broke
her ankle, keeping her in the medicine cat den for a while. Poor
mite had been so bored all of the time, and had to build herself
up each day, back to her warrior duties. Finally when she did
become a warrior, two moons later, the deputy died and she was
promoted. Then her leader died, and she became Angelicstar, the
great.
Role-play sample {required for your first advanced biography};;
Angelicstar smirked as she looked into the river. Well, she
could just about see a foolish carp swimming in front of her.
Dinner! Her paw dived into the water, and out with her paw came
the carp. Slowly, her eyes studied it, picking it up in her
jaws, and carried it away to the Clan. Then she dropped it in
the fresh-kill pile, and then sat up with pride. Everyone said
she was one of the best fishers in RiverClan, and she knew she
was. She gave a purr of delight, waiting for someone to claim
the carp. It had taken patience to catch it.
Comments;;
None.[/font][/center]
#Post#: 205--------------------------------------------------
Re: Angelicstar of RiverClan(?)
By: pepper ♔ Date: October 28, 2012, 8:53 am
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This bio's looking great, but a few problems. :)
-- There's a few choppy sentences in there. Can you fix them,
please? :)
-- You seem to start a lot of sentences with "She" Can you
please fix them?
-- And can you maybe add a bit more detail to her appearance?
Thanks! <3
#Post#: 223--------------------------------------------------
Re: Angelicstar of RiverClan(?)
By: Silvy Date: October 28, 2012, 9:21 am
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[font=times new roman]Bump, I've edited it <33[/font]
#Post#: 227--------------------------------------------------
Re: Angelicstar of RiverClan(?)
By: pepper ♔ Date: October 28, 2012, 9:24 am
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[quote author=Silvy link=topic=32.msg163#msg163 date=1351425559]
[center][font=times new roman]Name;;
Angelicstar
Age;;
Twenty nine moons
Gender;;
Female
Orientation;;
Straight
Alliance;;
RiverClan Leader?
Appearance {at least four sentences};;
Angelicstar is an attractive white she-cat with the most calmest
of green eyes. Her tail is fluffy and doesn't drag in the mud,
unlike some cat's tails do. Most likely ears are always perked
up with interest, as she takes interest in everything. Her paws
are small and daint, with nice sharp claws at the end of them.
Her fur is always tamed, and hardly ever gets into tangles, not
if she can help it, and when she can't help it, she does
something about it. Clean it! If you look closely, you can see
black specks in her long fur, and some grey specks. In her ears,
it isn't black like most cat's, but pink, which is a little
strange. Following her ears is a pink, button nose that is
always clean and never runs with snot.
Personality {at least four sentences};;
Angelicstar is the sort of cat that everyone wants to meet.
She's the ideal angel, with her good manners and with how caring
she is. To be honest with you though, she can be too much of a
goody two shoes. Always following the rules strictly, never
causing trouble at gatherings, well at least not if she can help
it. Definitely not one of the "upper class" cats, she wouldn't
allow herself to be. Treating you with respect is what she does
best, especially to the elders.
History {at least six sentences};;
Angelicstar, when she was Angelicpaw, was r*ped. The dear
she-cat had two sons, Owlkit and Snakekit, but they both died of
greencough a moon later. When she became a warrior, she broke
her ankle, keeping her in the medicine cat den for a while. Poor
mite had been so bored all of the time, and had to build herself
up each day, back to her warrior duties. Finally when she did
become a warrior, two moons later, the deputy died and she was
promoted. Then her leader died, and she became Angelicstar, the
great.
Role-play sample {required for your first advanced biography};;
Angelicstar smirked as she looked into the river. Well, she
could just about see a foolish carp swimming in front of her.
Dinner! Her paw dived into the water, and out with her paw came
the carp. Slowly, her eyes studied it, picking it up in her
jaws, and carried it away to the Clan. Then she dropped it in
the fresh-kill pile, and then sat up with pride. Everyone said
she was one of the best fishers in RiverClan, and she knew she
was. She gave a purr of delight, waiting for someone to claim
the carp. It had taken patience to catch it.
Comments;;
None.[/font][/center]
[/quote]
Accepted!
Let's wait, if you don't mind, for Lookie to finish hers, so meh
and Raven can decide who we like best. >:3
Thanks!
#Post#: 232--------------------------------------------------
Re: Angelicstar of RiverClan(?)
By: Silvy Date: October 28, 2012, 9:28 am
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[font=times new roman]Okay![/font]
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