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#Post#: 1004--------------------------------------------------
The Sergeants Dirty Secret.
DIR By: Grrzy
Date: April 12, 2014, 3:04 pm
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Critique for Grrzy? ;)
Prologue;
A small sandy she cat laid on the ground. Her breaths were
getting shallower by the moment. She wheezed in and out, her
eyes slowly closing. The she cats green eyes were fogged up, and
she narrowed them trying to see through her blurry vision. A
cat's tail was getting smaller and smaller. She looked up. She
was in a cave, carved from the stone. The cat tail must have
belonged to someone who used to be in the den and had now left
her. She turned to her side. The she cat gasped. She was lying
in a pool of blood. Her blood. She closed her eyes, taking a
last breath.
- - -
"Welcome to Starclan Southpaw." A male voice mewed, making her
eyes open. Three cats were staring at her, eyes gleaming. They
had stars in there pelts, making her know they were decreased.
She stared at the three cats. "Who are you? Why am I in
Starclan?" She wailed in fear, Southpaw looked at them. The
middle cat spoke up. He had sleek black fur, and seemed to tower
over the apprentice. "I am Nightstar. First leader and founder
of Leafclan." It was the same voice that had welcomed her.
Leafclan was her clan..Until she had died. The one to the right
spoke this time. It was a female, and much smaller then
Nightstar. She had pure white fur and sea green eyes. "I am
Seawhisper, the first medicine cat of Leafclan." The shecat
mewed, her voice soft like silk and extremely soothing. She
turned her attention to the last cat, on the left. It was a
male, with cheetah markings. He had familiar honey eyes and said
nothing...he just stared into Southpaw's eyes. He was extremely
small, and Southpaw had to crouch to reach the size of the cat.
This time Southpaw spoke. "Your Cheetahkit of Leafclan. You
would have been my brother if you survived you birthing." She
mewed. Cheetahkit, hearing his name simply nodded, then looked
up at Nightstar. The black cat spoke again. "You were murdered
Southpaw." He spoke simply. "B-But I don't remember it."
Southpaw mewed back, suppressing another wail. She only
remembered dying. The three cats looked at each other, sharing
the same look of concern, before Seawhisper spoke up. "Very well
then. We'll take you back to your birth and show you how you
died."
#Post#: 1025--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Sergeants Dirty Secret.
DIR By: Grrzy
Date: April 14, 2014, 8:15 pm
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Chapter 1:
Nightstar leaned forwards, putting his muzzle over Southernpaw's
head. Southernpaw blinked a few seconds. Everything was all
swirly and blurry, irritating her eyes. She closed them, the
throbbing pain slowly easing.
~~~
Southernpaw opened her eyes. She heard soft mewlings and looked
at the source. A sandy she-cat was close to her mother, still
mewling. Southernpaw looked up at the mother. It was a she cat
with cheetah markings and green eyes that seemed to be identical
to Southernpaw. The apprentice's eyes widened in realization.
She was back at her birth and didn't seem to be noticeable.
"Mom?" She asked, but the she cat stared right through her. A
male cat had leaped into the den. "Morningdawn! How are the
kits?" A voice spoke. Morningdawn was her mother. "Kit."
Morningdawn corrected. "One died seconds after his birth
Runningbreeze." Runningbreeze was her father. The male's eyes
widened in sadness. His steps faltered as he walked towards
Morningdawn. "What's her name?" He asked, crouching down to meet
the she kit. The kit seemed to be an exact replica of her
father...same sandy pelt...same green eyes. "That's
southernkit." Morningdawn mewed. "And the male is
Cheetahkit..the cat living in Starclan." Morningdawn finished.
//Whoop chapter cut short.
#Post#: 1077--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Sergeants Dirty Secret.
DIR By: Truth
Date: May 4, 2014, 6:14 am
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Track! Looks great so far Grrzy!
#Post#: 1084--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Sergeants Dirty Secret.
DIR By: Grrzy
Date: May 4, 2014, 12:11 pm
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Yay. Will update chapter ok tomorrow.
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