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#Post#: 1635--------------------------------------------------
Re: Day by day…
By: Kerry Date: May 31, 2025, 6:28 pm
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[quote author=Pat link=topic=42.msg1632#msg1632 date=1748708161]
I think that may be true of many people but as Christians God is
with us in our grief and will support us and strengthen us if we
ask.
I often thin of grief as a glass of water which over time will
naturally evaporate unless it is kept topped up and many people
do seem to top up their grief instead of letting it go.
My husband of 53 years died last September and although i was
sad and grieved I didn't fall apart because I knew the God would
hold me up and help me to have courage to move into a new phase
of my life.
I no longer grieve but I still remember the good times Ray and I
had over our 53 years together and I have let go of the sadness
and thank god for those years.
[/quote]You remind me of two things some people do to help
others get over their grief. Good for you could do it on your
own.
One thing they do is having a "celebration" of the life after
someone dies. People sit around and tell all the wonderful
things they can remember about the departed. Remembering the
good times makes us grateful for knowing that person, and I
think God likes us to be grateful whenever we can.
The second custom practiced by some is to allow only so much
days or months to go by for someone to be sunk in grief. After
that, if the person is not recovering, people go visit the
griever. It would not your departed husband happy to see you
continue grieving. He would want to see you become happy, not
grieving over him.
#Post#: 1636--------------------------------------------------
Re: Day by day…
By: Kerry Date: May 31, 2025, 6:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Helen link=topic=42.msg1634#msg1634
date=1748719304]
Pat said - I often think of grief as a glass of water which over
time will naturally evaporate unless it is kept topped up and
many people do seem to top up their grief instead of letting it
go.
That is an excellent thought Pat . I’ve never heard it used
before.
That answers a question I’ve had about my granddaughter .
You may remember our eldest grand daughter’s husband died
suddenly when he was 32.
It is five years later. She wrote a book about grief ( which is
actually being used as a text book at the Grief Counselling
Centre.)
I did wonder why all these years later she still grieves (
even though she’s married again )
Now I know why! She was obviously ‘topping up’ her water
glass !
Her new husband must be a saint ( he was also a good friend of
Kurtis , who died )
Our grand daughter still had a room of her house full of
Kurtis’ things ( two bikes , guitars , clothes etc that she
keeps closed as she doesn’t want to deal with it. )
Plus she’s kept Kurtis’ iPhone charged so that she can still
hear his voice and his messages etc
I’m guessing now that I see your post , these things all ‘top
up’ the lingering grief…and on purpose . Maybe she’d feel
guilty if she got on with her life and forgot him …so she keeps
the ‘stone in her shoe ‘ so he’s not totally forgotten by either
of them.
xx
[/quote]
Thanks for those examples of delayed answers to prayer.
I can't say I know anything about how your granddaughter might
get over her grief; but I think sometimes the grieving person is
grappling with regret about something -- and I mean something
she feels she failed in. If there were problems which she feels
now she should have tried harder to fix, she may be feeling
guilty. If we offend, a cloud of regret and guilt can hang over
us until we set things right. If the other person dies, that
cloud still hangs over us but there is nothing we can do.
But perhaps there is something that can be done. When we have
things we really wish we would have told a departed one, write
it all in a letter. Then ask an angel to come get it, and then
burn it. As the letter burns here, there's nothing left here;
but if the angel took the message, it's over there. Some people
think this is a sin, trying to talk with the dead; so they
shouldn't do it, I guess -- but I see it as okay since you're
not trying to get the dead to speak with you.
Off topic a bit, I am reminded of how Jehoram got a letter from
Elijah (2 Chronicles 21) after Elijah was carried up into
Heaven. Now that was a miracle!
#Post#: 1637--------------------------------------------------
Re: Day by day…
By: Pat Date: June 1, 2025, 6:52 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Helen link=topic=42.msg1634#msg1634
date=1748719304]
Pat said - I often think of grief as a glass of water which over
time will naturally evaporate unless it is kept topped up and
many people do seem to top up their grief instead of letting it
go.
That is an excellent thought Pat . I’ve never heard it used
before.
That answers a question I’ve had about my granddaughter .
You may remember our eldest grand daughter’s husband died
suddenly when he was 32.
It is five years later. She wrote a book about grief ( which is
actually being used as a text book at the Grief Counselling
Centre.)
I did wonder why all these years later she still grieves (
even though she’s married again )
Now I know why! She was obviously ‘topping up’ her water
glass !
Her new husband must be a saint ( he was also a good friend of
Kurtis , who died )
Our grand daughter still had a room of her house full of
Kurtis’ things ( two bikes , guitars , clothes etc that she
keeps closed as she doesn’t want to deal with it. )
Plus she’s kept Kurtis’ iPhone charged so that she can still
hear his voice and his messages etc
I’m guessing now that I see your post , these things all ‘top
up’ the lingering grief…and on purpose . Maybe she’d feel
guilty if she got on with her life and forgot him …so she keeps
the ‘stone in her shoe ‘ so he’s not totally forgotten by either
of them.
xx
[/quote]
Absolutely Helen, we need to let go of the grief we feel when
we lose somebody we love. All the things your grandaughter is
keeping hold of is just keeping that grief topped up. To keep
holding on to grief is damaging to ourselves and other
relationships. With God's help we can let go.
The morning after Ray died I sat with my bible in prayer and
asked God for a word.
I didn't just open the bible and pick a verse it was there
already in my daily devotional notes; where God was finally
leading the people to cross the Jordan into the promised land.
Leading them into a new place, giving them strength and courage
to move into the future.
#Post#: 1638--------------------------------------------------
Re: Day by day…
By: Pat Date: June 1, 2025, 6:57 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Kerry link=topic=42.msg1636#msg1636
date=1748735480]
Thanks for those examples of delayed answers to prayer.
I can't say I know anything about how your granddaughter might
get over her grief; but I think sometimes the grieving person is
grappling with regret about something -- and I mean something
she feels she failed in. If there were problems which she feels
now she should have tried harder to fix, she may be feeling
guilty. If we offend, a cloud of regret and guilt can hang over
us until we set things right. If the other person dies, that
cloud still hangs over us but there is nothing we can do.
But perhaps there is something that can be done. When we have
things we really wish we would have told a departed one, write
it all in a letter. Then ask an angel to come get it, and then
burn it. As the letter burns here, there's nothing left here;
but if the angel took the message, it's over there. Some people
think this is a sin, trying to talk with the dead; so they
shouldn't do it, I guess -- but I see it as okay since you're
not trying to get the dead to speak with you.
Off topic a bit, I am reminded of how Jehoram got a letter from
Elijah (2 Chronicles 21) after Elijah was carried up into
Heaven. Now that was a miracle!
[/quote]
When we lose somebody we love there are bound to be regrets and
even as you say feelings of guilt. I have experienced those
things since Ray died but I know to let them go. I know I loved
him and that he loved me but there are things I wish I had done
differently but regrets are pointless and keep us from moving
on.
A pastor friend whose wife had died a couple of years ago told
me not to dwell on the regrets but to remember the good times.
It is good advice.
#Post#: 1641--------------------------------------------------
Re: Day by day…
By: Kerry Date: June 1, 2025, 8:02 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Pat link=topic=42.msg1638#msg1638 date=1748779029]
When we lose somebody we love there are bound to be regrets and
even as you say feelings of guilt. I have experienced those
things since Ray died but I know to let them go. I know I loved
him and that he loved me but there are things I wish I had done
differently but regrets are pointless and keep us from moving
on.
A pastor friend whose wife had died a couple of years ago told
me not to dwell on the regrets but to remember the good times.
It is good advice.
[/quote]That pastor sounds like a sensible fellow. Some pastors
tend to be intellectual but lack emotional savvy.
#Post#: 1644--------------------------------------------------
Re: Day by day…
By: Helen Date: June 1, 2025, 10:19 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Kerry link=topic=42.msg1636#msg1636
date=1748735480]
Thanks for those examples of delayed answers to prayer.
I can't say I know anything about how your granddaughter might
get over her grief; but I think sometimes the grieving person is
grappling with regret about something -- and I mean something
she feels she failed in. If there were problems which she feels
now she should have tried harder to fix, she may be feeling
guilty. If we offend, a cloud of regret and guilt can hang over
us until we set things right. If the other person dies, that
cloud still hangs over us but there is nothing we can do.
But perhaps there is something that can be done. When we have
things we really wish we would have told a departed one, write
it all in a letter. Then ask an angel to come get it, and then
burn it. As the letter burns here, there's nothing left here;
but if the angel took the message, it's over there. Some people
think this is a sin, trying to talk with the dead; so they
shouldn't do it, I guess -- but I see it as okay since you're
not trying to get the dead to speak with you.
Off topic a bit, I am reminded of how Jehoram got a letter from
Elijah (2 Chronicles 21) after Elijah was carried up into
Heaven. Now that was a miracle!
[/quote]
I believe that you have it the nail on the head re guilt .
Kurtis’ parents were horrible to her, and it was a none of
contention between them. ( He always told her that they didn’t
mean the horrid things that they said ..and sided with them ) it
caused many nasty words to be spoken , and loud arguments. Which
she probably now regrets.
I’m not sure I ever knew that Elijah’s letter arrived after he’d
gone! If I’d ever know it, then I’d forgotten it.
I’m going to post a pretty remarkable true story in a different
thread , as it’s long.
#Post#: 1645--------------------------------------------------
Re: Day by day…
By: Helen Date: June 1, 2025, 10:59 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[member=7]Pat[/member] and [member=14]Kerry[/member] …good posts
:)
I’ve changed my mind and I’m going to post here and not start a
new place as it fits.
I’d call it a “believe it or not”
We know the man and wife mentioned very well , which makes it
easier to believe. He was what we used to call - a very godly
man . Which sadly is not a phrase used much any more.
Bare bones …. Stan’s wife Jan had cancer and died. *She’d been
gone a year. Sadly their 2 adult children backslid and fell
right away.
Stan had a big electronics business , he lost his remote
control which he needed , as he had made his house so that
worship played in every room. Being very IT , he knew that he
could use a phone as a remote ( I didn’t know that ) So he got
Jana’s iPhone from the bedside table …it had been a year yet the
phone battery was not dead ! First miracle .
He opened it to fiddle to make it into a remote control that
he needed , but was totally shocked to see a message written
from Jan to her best friend - wishing her a happy birthday , and
saying sorry that she wasn’t around anymore to celebrate with
her this year. But that all was well.
This message was sent a couple of months AFTER Jan had died!
After the first shock , Stan quickly called Jan’s best
friend , who burst into tears and confirmed that she’d heard
from Jan on her birthday but told no one.
We all say that we believe in Miracles , but, when they
actually happen….they shock us..
Stan was shaking , but called his kids, who came right over
..long story short , they looked at the message and date on the
phone and repented of their backsliding!
Stan wanted the worship / remote for his house as he had
invited three men, two elder’s from a church and the pastor from
Atlanta to his house ( Baptists) to talk at their request about
how the Holy Spirit moves in our life . [member=7]Pat[/member] ,
in USA Baptist’s are quite anti- Holy Ghost or supernatural .
Stan shared the phone message from Jan with them and all but
one believed and asked if they could come regularly to Stan and
learn more about the moving of the Spirit in our lives today.
Wow! What a miracle , it was all so amazing.
✝️
My best friend also died of cancer a couple of years ago. I
was hoping to get a text message from her this last birthday ,
but no….im sure her daughter cleared her phone and gave it to
one of her children , so nothing from Mary ! ;) :)
Obviously it’s easier to believe when you know the life of
the people involved …but I thought I’d share it anyway x
#Post#: 1661--------------------------------------------------
Re: Day by day…
By: Kerry Date: June 2, 2025, 7:35 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Helen link=topic=42.msg1645#msg1645
date=1748793566]
[member=7]Pat[/member] and [member=14]Kerry[/member] …good posts
:)
I’ve changed my mind and I’m going to post here and not start a
new place as it fits.
I’d call it a “believe it or not”
We know the man and wife mentioned very well , which makes it
easier to believe. He was what we used to call - a very godly
man . Which sadly is not a phrase used much any more.
Bare bones …. Stan’s wife Jan had cancer and died. *She’d been
gone a year. Sadly their 2 adult children backslid and fell
right away.
Stan had a big electronics business , he lost his remote
control which he needed , as he had made his house so that
worship played in every room. Being very IT , he knew that he
could use a phone as a remote ( I didn’t know that ) So he got
Jana’s iPhone from the bedside table …it had been a year yet the
phone battery was not dead ! First miracle .
He opened it to fiddle to make it into a remote control that
he needed , but was totally shocked to see a message written
from Jan to her best friend - wishing her a happy birthday , and
saying sorry that she wasn’t around anymore to celebrate with
her this year. But that all was well.
This message was sent a couple of months AFTER Jan had died!
After the first shock , Stan quickly called Jan’s best
friend , who burst into tears and confirmed that she’d heard
from Jan on her birthday but told no one.
We all say that we believe in Miracles , but, when they
actually happen….they shock us..
Stan was shaking , but called his kids, who came right over
..long story short , they looked at the message and date on the
phone and repented of their backsliding!
Stan wanted the worship / remote for his house as he had
invited three men, two elder’s from a church and the pastor from
Atlanta to his house ( Baptists) to talk at their request about
how the Holy Spirit moves in our life . [member=7]Pat[/member] ,
in USA Baptist’s are quite anti- Holy Ghost or supernatural .
Stan shared the phone message from Jan with them and all but
one believed and asked if they could come regularly to Stan and
learn more about the moving of the Spirit in our lives today.
Wow! What a miracle , it was all so amazing.
✝️
My best friend also died of cancer a couple of years ago. I
was hoping to get a text message from her this last birthday ,
but no….im sure her daughter cleared her phone and gave it to
one of her children , so nothing from Mary ! ;) :)
Obviously it’s easier to believe when you know the life of
the people involved …but I thought I’d share it anyway x
[/quote]A wonderful story. Thanks for sharing that.
#Post#: 1719--------------------------------------------------
Re: Day by day…
By: Helen Date: June 7, 2025, 11:09 am
---------------------------------------------------------
‘Where is God, my Creator, who gives songs in the night' (Job
35:10)
“Do you have sleepless nights, tossing on the hot pillow, and
watching for the first glint of dawn? Ask the Divine Spirit to
enable you to fix your thoughts on God your Maker, and believe
that He can fill those lonely, dreary hours with song.
Is yours the night of bereavement? Is it not often at such a
time that God draws near, and assures the mourner that the Lord
has need of the departed loved one, and called “the eager,
earnest spirit to stand in the bright throng of the invisible,
liberated, radiant, active, intent on some high mission”; and as
the thought enters, is there not the beginning of a song?
Is yours the night of discouragement and fancied or actual
failure? No one understands you, your friends reproach; but your
Maker draws nigh, and gives you a song—a song of hope, the song
which is harmonious with the strong, deep music of His
providence. Be ready to sing the songs that your Maker gives.”
—Selected—
#Post#: 1761--------------------------------------------------
Re: Day by day…
By: Helen Date: June 10, 2025, 10:39 am
---------------------------------------------------------
In one thousand trials it is not five hundred of them that work
for the believer’s good, but nine hundred and ninety-nine of
them, and one beside.
—George Mueller
“GOD MEANT IT UNTO GOOD” (Gen. 50:20).
“God meant it unto good”—O blest assurance,
Falling like sunshine all across life’s way,
Touching with Heaven’s gold earth’s darkest storm clouds,
Bringing fresh peace and comfort day by day.
’Twas not by chance the hands of faithless brethren
Sold Joseph captive to a foreign land;
Nor was it chance which, after years of suffering,
Brought him before the monarch’s throne to stand.
One Eye all-seeing saw the need of thousands,
And planned to meet it through that one lone soul;
And through the weary days of prison bondage
Was working towards the great and glorious goal.
As yet the end was hidden from the captive,
The iron entered even to his soul;
His eye could scan the present path of sorrow,
Not yet his gaze might rest upon the whole.
Faith failed not through those long, dark days of waiting,
His trust in God was recompensed at last,
The moment came when God led forth his servant
To succour many, all his sufferings past.
“It was not you but God, that sent me hither,”
Witnessed triumphant faith in after days;
“God meant it unto good,” no “second causes”
Mingled their discord with his song of praise.
“God means it unto good” for thee, beloved,
The God of Joseph is the same today;
His love permits afflictions strange and bitter,
His hand is guiding through the unknown way.
Thy Lord, who sees the end from the beginning,
Hath purposes for thee of love untold.
Then place thy hand in His and follow fearless,
Till thou the riches of His grace behold.
There, when thou standest in the Home of Glory,
And all life’s path ties open to thy gaze,
Thine eyes shall see the hand which now thou trustest,
And magnify His love through endless days.
—Freda Hanbury Allen-
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