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#Post#: 8--------------------------------------------------
Abusive Relationships
DIR By: Admin
Date: June 11, 2013, 11:01 pm
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[center]Abusive Relationships
How to know if you're in one, and what to do if you are.
Also what to do if a close friend is in an abusive relationship.
[/center]
Ask yourself these questions:
- Does your boyfriend/girlfriend ever tell you they can't live
without you?
- Do you feel like they blame you for all of their problems?
- Has your partner ever hit or broken anything in front of you
in order to intimidate you?
- Has your partner ever threatened to hurt themselves or other
people if you were to ever break up?
- Does your partner ever act jealous, say jealous things or
forbid you from speaking to certain people?
- Does your partner ever use phrases such as "If you love me,
you would..." to get you to do sexual things with them?
- When you express your opinion, do you feel like you're
belittled or humiliated about it?
- Does your partner often make you choose between them and your
friends or family?
- Are you constantly being checked up on, asked where you are,
what you're doing and who you're with?
- Does your partner ever threaten to break up with you, or
accuse you of planning to leave them?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, there's a chance
you're in an abusive relationship. 1 in 11 teens have admitted
to being hit in the past year by a boyfriend/girlfriend. You're
not alone in this, and the sooner you recognize that you're in
an abusive relationship, the sooner you can get out and protect
yourself.
Denial: A lot of teens will deny they're in an abusive
relationship. They're either afraid to admit it out of fear that
their partner will hurt them if they tell someone what's going
on, or try to hurt them if they leave. Or they'll deny it out of
shame, which is more often in the relationship when the female
is the abusive partner.
Recognize: Recognizing that you're being abused is the first
step in getting yourself out of the relationship. Realizing that
you're not in a healthy situation is the first step. You can't
better your situation if you don't realize it needs bettering.
Talk about it: Whether you talk to a friend, a close family
member, or someone in your school or in the community that you
can trust, you need to talk to someone. Make sure you're safe.
No matter what, safety is the most important issue at hand. You
need to talk to someone who can help you get out of the
situation. Consider seeing this person your safe place.
Get out: No matter what, you need to get yourself out of that
situation. An abusive relationship doesn't get better. That side
of a person doesn't change. If they've hit you once, chances are
they'll hit you again, harder. If they emotionally abuse you,
the names will get worse and more hurtful. If they sexually
abuse you, it'll go from touching your inappropriately when you
don't want it, to full blown rape. Abusive relationships only
get worse. So much emphasis needs put on this, because a lot of
people don't understand and they'll say "Oh, they'll change.
They love me. It'll get better, just give them time." Unless
your partner agrees to seek professional help of some sort
(Anger management, counseling), the only thing you're giving
them time for is to hurt you again and again.
After you're out: After the relationship ends is probably one of
the hardest time periods. Your now ex-partner might beg for you
to come back, claiming they'll change for you, and that what you
have is real. The best thing for you to do is ignore them. Don't
take their calls. Don't answer their texts. When they come to
the door, have someone tell them you're not home. Avoid them at
all costs. Going back to them is only setting yourself up for
more pain, more abuse.
Starting again: This is another hard step for people. Beginning
a new relationship. You don't know who to trust, you've got
walls built up 10 miles high in all directions. You're not
letting anyone in. Walls up is okay, as long as you have the
intention to bring them down eventually. Not everyone wants to
hurt you, although you may feel that way. Do you have to be
careful about who to trust? Absolutely. Should you stop trusting
everyone in general? Absolutely not. You'll stumble upon someone
good in due time. Don't rush things, but let things happen as
they should. After being in an abusive relationship, you begin
to know the signs of someone who's abusive and you begin to know
the people you should stay away from. It does get easier,
although it doesn't seem that way to begin with. You just have
to have patience.
What if you have a friend in an abusive relationship?
Be their support system. Be their safe place. Be the person they
can talk to about things, the person who's going to help them
through this tough time and who's going to pick them up when
they fall. You can be someone's rock when they need you. Always
have a ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. You can be the
difference between that one time their boyfriend/girlfriend
shoved them and they left, and that one time their
boyfriend/girlfriend hit them so hard they had to go to the
emergency room. You can be the one to stop it before it becomes
incredibly dangerous to your friend.
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