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DIR Return to: Funny Jokes & Impossible Riddles
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#Post#: 272--------------------------------------------------
Animal Jokes
DIR By: Admin
Date: June 14, 2013, 3:40 am
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Q: Why did the cat go to Minnesota?
A: To get a mini soda!
Submitted by: Fluffy
Q: Where do orcas hear music?
A: Orca-stras!
Submitted by: Newty Fruity
Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: To get to the udder side.
Submitted by: BID
Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
A: Fsh!
Submitted by: Ipek
Q: What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?
A: Take the words out of his mouth!
Submitted by: Alana
Q: What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?
A: A chili dog on a bun.
Submitted by: Emily
Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Submitted by: Cassie
Q: Where do mice park their boats?
A: At the hickory dickory dock.
Submitted by: emma
Q: Where did the sheep go on vacation?
A: The baaaahamas
Submitted by: kayla
Q: What do you call a thieving alligator?
A: A crookodile
Submitted by: Haha Man
Q: What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?
A: A watch dog.
Submitted by: Origami
Q: What do you call a cow that eats your grass?
A: A lawn moo-er.
Submitted by: Origami
Q: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
A: Lilly.
Submitted by: Nina
Q: How does a dog stop a video?
A: He presses the paws button.
Submitted by: gowri
Q: Why do cows go to New York?
A: To see the moosicals!
Submitted by: Carley
Q: What do you call lending money to a bison?
A: A buff-a-loan
Submitted by: ana
Q: What is the snake’s favorite subject?
A: Hiss-story
Submitted by: Jack in the box
Q: What is black ,white and red all over?
A: A sunburnt penguin!
Submitted by: Laci
Q: Why does a dog wag its tail?
A: Because there’s no one else to wag it for him.
Q: What is a cat’s favorite movie?
A: The sound of Mew-sic!
Submitted by: Baileyboo
Q: How do you make a goldfish old?
A: Take away the g!
Submitted by: huimin1998
Q: Why did the lamb cross the road?
A: To get to the baaaaarber shop!
Submitted by: Spikey
Q: How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
A: Squeaky clean!
Submitted by: Zerlinda
Q: What has four legs and goes “Oom, Oom”?
A: A cow walking backwards!
Submitted by: Brittany
Q: Where do you put barking dogs?
A: In a barking lot.
Submitted by: Ashley
Q: What do you call a pig that’s been arrested for dangerous
driving?
A: A road hog.
Q: What is a cheetahs favorite food?
A: Fast food!
Submitted by: Keisha
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to
play football. During the first half of the game, the big
animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede
scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game.
When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where
were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my
shoes!”.
Submitted by: Christopher
Q: What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?
A: Me-ow!
Submitted by: Meg
Q: What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear!
Submitted by: Shelby
Q: Why did the dog cross the road twice?
A: He was trying to fetch a boomerang!
Submitted by: Fudge
Q: What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
A: Its shadow!
Submitted by: Julia
Q: What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A: Porkchop!
Submitted by: Brittany
Q: Where does an elephant pack his luggage?
A: In his trunk!
Submitted by: Himanee
Q: There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many
were left?
A: None, because they were copycats!
Submitted by: Cris
Q: Which day do fish hate?
A: Fryday!
Submitted by: India & Ria
Q: What do you call a cow in a tornado?
A: A milkshake!
Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing, peanuts don’t talk.
Submitted by: Patrick
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No I deer!
Submitted by: Tayler
Q: Why was the cat afraid of a tree?
A: Because of the bark!
Submitted by: Rylan
Q: How are elephants and trees alike?
A: They both have trunks!
Submitted by: Pinktink
Q: What do you call an exploding monkey?
A: A baboom!
Submitted by: Sian
Q: What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?
A: Stuck!
Submitted by: Elizabeth
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer!
Submitted by: ???
Q. How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?
A. Put him in the front seat.
Submitted by: Lozza
Q: What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A: A car only has one horn.
Submitted by: Daphne
Q: What did the carrot say to the rabbit?
A: Do you want to grab a bite?
Submitted by: Shantra and Samantha
Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?
A: Time to get a new bed!
Submitted by: Suphasit
Q: Where does a ten ton elephant sit?
A: Anywhere it wants to!
Submitted by: Ciara
Q: What was the first animal in space?
A: The cow that jumped over the moon!
Q: What do you get when you plant a frog?
A: A cr-oak tree.
Q: What is the quietest kind of a dog?
A: A hush puppy.
Submitted by: Steve
Q: How is a dog like a telephone?
A: It has a collar I.D.
Submitted by: Kim
Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their horns don’t work.
Submitted by: Abby
There were two cows in a field. The first cow said “moo” and the
second cow said “baaaa.” The first cow asked the second cow,
“why did you say baaaa?” The second cow said, “I’m learning a
foreign language.”
Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card!
Submitted by: Colleen
Q: Why do you bring fish to a party?
A: Because it goes good with chips.
Submitted by: Tyler
Q: What would happen if pigs could fly?
A: The price of bacon would go up.
Submitted by: Casey
Q: How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?
A: Take away his shovel!
Submitted by: Colin
Q: What did the frog say when he heard “time flies when you are
having fun?”
A: Time is fun when you’re having flies!
Submitted by: Shirley
Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
A: It just gave a little wine!
Submitted by: Russ
Q: Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?
A: To hide in a bag of M&M’s.
Submitted by: Hersheykiss
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut!
Submitted by: Caitlin
Q: Where do fish keep their money?
A: In a river bank!
Submitted by: Christina
A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant
one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a
scent, the deer didn’t have a buck so they put the meal on the
duck’s bill.
Submitted by: G & C
Q: What did one cow say to the other?
A: Mooooooove over!
Submitted by: Amanda
Q: What kind of cat should you never play games with?
A: A cheetah!
Submitted by: Hogge’s
Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the shell station.
Submitted by: Shelby
Q: What is black and white and red all over?
A: A skunk with a rash.
Submitted by: STM
Q: What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?
A: Five after one.
Submitted by: Cody
Q: What do whales eat?
A: Fish and ships.
Q: What part of a fish weighs the most?
A: The scales.
Q: What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?
A: A tyrannosauraus wreck!
Q: What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?
A: The banana split!
Q: What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?
A: You can’t tuna fish.
Q: What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?
A: Anything you like, he can’t hear you.
Q: Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
A: It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
Q: How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?
A: With flood lighting.
Q: What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
A: With a cowculator.
Q: What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any
milk?
A: An udder failure.
Submitted by: Alexa-Marie
Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: Because the chicken was on vacation.
Submitted by: Alexander
Q: What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
A: As far away as possible.
Q: What did the sardine call the submarine?
A: A can of people.
Q: What fish only swims at night?
A: A starfish.
Q: Why did the elephant leave the circus?
A: He was tired of working for peanuts.
There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, “moo”
and the other one says, “That’s what I was going to say.”
Submitted by: Brody
Customer: “Do you have alligator shoes?”
Clerk: “Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?”
Submitted by: Melbahee
Q: What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?
A: A woolen jumper!
Submitted by: Tara
Q: What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?
A: Glass flippers.
Q: Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
A: Catfish
Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
A: He felt funny.
Q: How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?
A: A phew.
Q: Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?
A: He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
Q: How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
A: Plug its nose.
Q: What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?
A: A mouse on vacation.
Submitted by: Aubrey
Q: What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?
A: Sir.
Submitted by: Bholdar
Q: What’s black and white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra.
Submitted by: Chrissy
Q: What is a cow’s favorite place?
A: The mooseum.
Submitted by: Chrissy
Q: What do fish take to stay healthy?
A: Vitamin sea.
Q: What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?
A: Decalfinated!
Submitted by: Kylie
Q: What do you call a mad elephant?
A: An earthquake.
Submitted by: CRK
Q: What is a shark’s favorite sandwich?
A: Peanut butter and jellyfish.
Q: Where are sharks from?
A: Finland.
Q: What is King Arthur’s favorite fish?
A: A swordfish
Q: Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?
A: He made an illegal ewe turn.
Q: What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?
A: A coat of arms.
Q: What kind of dog always runs a fever?
A: A hot dog!
Submitted by: Catherine
Q: What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to
school?
A: Bison!
Submitted by: Garrett
Q: What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.
A: A cow on a skateboard.
Submitted by: Tyler
Q: Why don’t bears wear shoes?
A: What’s the use, they’d still have bear feet!
Submitted by: Brie
Q: What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?
A: A shampoodle!
Submitted by: giononvan
Q: What does a calf become after it’s 1 year old?
A: 2 years old.
Submitted by: Melbahee
Cow: “Mooooove over!”
Sheep: “Naaaaaaa.”
Q: How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
A: There are footprints in the butter.
Submitted by: Patrick
Q: Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?
A: Because his feet stink!
Submitted by: Ollie
Q: What’s a dog’s favorite food for breakfast?
A: Pooched eggs.
Submitted by: Samuel
Q: What do you give a pig with a rash?
A: Oinkment.
Submitted by: Devon
Q: What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?
A: Use a pen.
Submitted by: Ally
Q: What’s black and white, black and white, black and white and
green?
A: Three skunks fighting over a pickle!
Submitted by: Vanessa
First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy!
Submitted by: Brooke
Q: What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?
A: A computer mouse.
Submitted by: Kim
Q: What do you call a dog with a Rolex?
A: A watch dog.
Submitted by: Kim
Q: What pine has the longest needles?
A: A porcupine.
Submitted by: Jeffrey
Q: What’s worse than a centipede with athlete’s foot?
A: A porcupine with split ends!
Submitted by: Courtney & Jhamal
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: The chicken wasn’t around yet.
Q: What kind of cars do cats drive?
A: Catillacs!
Submitted by: Slammergirl
Q: What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?
A: A buck.
Submitted by: Oliver
Q: What’s a frog’s favorite drink?
A: Croak-a-cola.
Submitted by: Mike
Q: What’s an alligator’s favorite drink?
A: Gator-Ade.
Submitted by: Mike
Q: What do you call snake with no clothes on?
A: Snaked.
Submitted by: Alex
Q: What did the dog say to the flea?
A: Stop bugging me!
Submitted by: Tim & Cathy
Q: Where do cows go on Saturday night?
A: To the mooooooovies.
Submitted by: Shoes
Q: What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
A: A try and try and try-ceratops!
Q: What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?
A: A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
Q: What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a
cat?
A: A kitten.
Submitted by: Macaulay
Q: Who makes dinosaur clothes?
A: A dino-sewer.
Q: What did the snail say when he got on the turtle’s shell?
A: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Submitted by: Chris
Q: Where do sheep get their hair cut?
A: At the baa-baa shop.
Submitted by: Marissa
Q: Why can’t hippos ride bicycles?
A: Bike helmets don’t fit hippos!
Q: What’s a puppy’s favorite kind of pizza?
A: Pupperoni.
Submitted by: Jennie
Q: What’s black and white and red all over?
A: A sunburnt zebra.
Submitted by: Kayla
Q: What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?
A: The police had to comb the area.
Q: What do camels use to hide themselves?
A: Camelflauge!
Submitted by: Alyssa
Q: What do you call a messy hippo?
A: A hippopota-mess!
Submitted by: Dipti & Divya
Q: What do you call a cow that twitches?
A: Beef jerky
Submitted by: ashley
Q: What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A: Is that you mommy?
Submitted by: mahip
Q: What is a lion’s favorite state?
A: Maine
Submitted by: ashlee
Q: Where do horses live?
A: In the neigh-borhood.
Submitted by: maggie
Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Because they don’t fit on a ironing board!
Submitted by: nethmi
Q: What is a cat’s favorite breakfast?
A: Mice krispies
Q: What is a frog’s favorite year?
A: Leap Year
Submitted by: Emma
Q: What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?
A: A Dogwood!
Submitted by: Hannah
Q: What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A: A swordfish!
Submitted by: Robert
Q: What is a horse’s favorite sport?
A: Stable tennis!
Submitted by: rizem
Q: Why do pandas like old movies?
A: Because they are black and white.
Submitted by: Elisabeth
Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?
A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!
Submitted by: August Q.
Q: What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?
A: A dino-sore!
Submitted by: Elizabeth
Q: What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?
A: Squash!
Submitted by: Emily
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