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#Post#: 1638--------------------------------------------------
Welcome to the Murderdome
By: Durandal Date: February 19, 2014, 4:55 pm
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"Welcome to the Friday night Murderdome folks! I'm your host,
Mickey Cantor, here with my co-host Spuds McKinley. Say hi to
the viewers at home, Spuds!
"Sup b*tches!"
"We're here to give you the play by play of the most insane
adrenaline fueled competition on planet Rouger: The Murderdome!"
"Ya know Mick, I always thought it was weird they named it the
Murderdome when no actual murdering takes place in the dome.
"Right you are Spuds. At least not since that unfortunate
incident last year with those Volus strippers in the back locker
room!"
"I didn't even know the Volus had strippers!"
"Neither did I Spuds, neither did I....."
"Anyway, what we have here is good wholesome mech on mech
violence that's fun for the whole family! Two teams of three
mech pilots go in to the dome, one team comes out! But for the
squeamish, don't worry, Murderdome regulations have each pilot
encased inside their mechs in a pod that is harder to get into
than a nun's pants on Easter Sunday!"
"Interesting way to put it, Spuds! The round ends when one team
has completely disabled or destroyed the mechs of their
opponents. We take you now the the match currently in progress
pitting the current Murderdome champions, Team Wild Card, lead
by "Rocket Man" Rick Steiner, against Team Blitzkreig, headed by
Wilhelm Strauss. And things are not looking good right now for
our current champions."
The poorly named "Murderdome" was a massive arena built into an
old and used up quarry on the outskirts of New Arcadia, Tobias'
section of the city. Tobias realized the people of New Arcadia
needed some sort of excitement, and rather than have wholesale
human slaughter on the vid screens, he opted for something a bit
more sporting. The Murderdome started out with people pitting
modified Atlases against Atlases, which soon boomed into a
planet wide spectacle with pilots designing and building their
own mechs from the ground up.
The vid cameras shifted to a scene inside the dome. Three mechs
were huddled behind a large protruding rock structure as it was
being blown away, bit by bit, by three slowly approaching mechs.
"Suck on it you bratwurst loving f*cknut!" Rick shouted as his
mech popped up from the rock formation and fired dual volleys of
rockets from his mech's shoulder mounted pods. Without time to
lock on to his target, however, the projectiles missed their
mark, exploding around his opponents but otherwise causing
minimal damage.
"Sit the f*ck down, Rick. We need a plan!" Malcolm shouted
across the com channels from inside his hulking and heavily
armored mech.
"Well, I think I just wasted the last of my rockets."
"Great, way to go fearless leader. Trigger happy dumba*s" A
female voice sounded on the channel.
"What? You got a better plan Lilah?"
"Yeah, we make our way up to that ridge and knock some of those
boulders on their asses." Lilah responded.
"Alright lady and gentleman. You break for the cliff. I'll
catch their attention!" Malcom said as his mech jetted out from
the side of the formation, leveling it's colossal gattling
cannon off at the approaching team. The barrels spun up and a
sound erupted from the barrels that was akin to an angry farting
god. And Malcom began spewing a torrent of destruction at the
enemy.
"Time to go!"
'Looks like team Wildcard is on the move!'
"That they are Spuds! We'd like to take the time now to remind
those in the stands that throwing high explosives on the field
is strictly prohibited in the stadium's family section.
"Not cool brah, not cool."
"Do they actually think this stupid a*s plan is going to work?"
Wilhelm shouted on his team's channel. "Issac, Emile, cut down
that fat bastard, I got the two on the right." And with that
two mechs began focusing fire on Malcolm. Even with his absurd
one man barrage and heavy armor, it wasn't long before the knees
of his mech were blown out by enemy fire and his mech fell to
the ground disabled.
Wilhelm aimed his 120mm sniper cannon at Lilah's fleeing mech.
He snapped back the trigger, and with a monumental boom, a shell
tore through the arena and into the side of her mech. It
tumbled backwards as alarms and sirens blared in her ****pit.
"Oh and the "Ice Queen" Lilah Davion takes a big hit. I don't
think she's getting up from that one.
"She's laid out on the ground like a drunk sorority girl at an
open bar!"
"Sh*t, Rick, I'm down. I have to bail!" Lilah shouted as she
yanked the mech's ejection lever. Her pilot's pod was instantly
shot out of the chassis and skyward above the arena. But her
sacrifice gave Rick enough time to hide within the clifftop.
"Oh, things aren't looking good for the Rocket Man. It's 3 on 1
now!"
"I haven't seen a situation this hopeless since that time I did
red sand with an Asari prostitute and tried to rob a liquor
store!"
"What?"
Back in the arena things were eerily calm.
"Keep an eye out, he's up there somewhere." Wilhelm ordered
over the com. "Come out Rick! Best just to make this quick and
easy!" He blared out on his mech's external speakers.
"That's not what your mother said last night kraut for brains!"
At that moment Rick's mech appeared on a cliff side with it's
shotgun aimed at the ground. And with a few volleys from its
barrel, a massive rock slide tore down the cliff at the
unsuspecting team Blitzkreig. Boulders the size of skycars
smashed into the mechs, burying them under their tremendous
weight and instantly disabling all three.
"Oh and there goes the upset! In a fantastic move the Rocket
Man has managed to take all three of team Blitzkreig's mechs
out!
"Rick Steiner just made Wilhelm Strauss pull up his lederhosen
and sent him crying back to his mommy!"
Rick's mech slid down the cliff side and strutted up to the now
defunct mech of Wilhelm. And he began to bounce up and down
atop the mech's head.
"Looks like the Rocket Man is giving Strauss the victory
teabag!"
"Well there you have it! The still undefeated champions of the
Murderdome, Team Wild Card! We at the Murderdome would like to
remind those of you watching at home that a recent statistical
study showed that your chances of being kidnapped and sold into
slavery increases by 3500% every time you exit the walls of New
Arcadia. Stay safe out there."
"Slavery? Reminds me of the time I was chained to the bed of an
Asari dominatrix and had...."
"I don't even want to know. Well folks, its been a night to
remember, but we are out of time. I'm Mickey Cantor!"
"And I'm Spuds McKinley."
"And on behalf of all of us here at the Murderdome, good fight,
goodnight!"
(This is what happens when I watch too much Titanfall footage
and it reminds me of my days playing Mechwarrior.)
#Post#: 1639--------------------------------------------------
Re: Welcome to the Murderdome
By: NozzIvix Date: February 19, 2014, 5:51 pm
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(Oh sweet merciful Space Jesus. It's like an unholy matchup of
SMNC, Gundam, and that Hugh Jackman Movie where he wasn't
Wolverine!)
#Post#: 1640--------------------------------------------------
Re: Welcome to the Murderdome
By: Revan.Lorz Date: February 19, 2014, 9:00 pm
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(You may attract moral and upstanding citizens to your side with
this sport, BUT ANALDRUN WILL ALWAYS HAVE THE MOST MONEY)
#Post#: 1641--------------------------------------------------
Re: Welcome to the Murderdome
By: medwards10 Date: February 19, 2014, 9:10 pm
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(So I see you've been playing titanfall? Btw this is baller as
sh*t)
#Post#: 1642--------------------------------------------------
Re: Welcome to the Murderdome
By: Durandal Date: February 19, 2014, 10:37 pm
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(Na, couldn't get into the PC beta. Been watching tons of
videos though.)
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