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#Post#: 9695--------------------------------------------------
Re: Academic decolonization
DIR By: Zea_mays
Date: November 8, 2021, 2:17 pm
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WNs who complain about ethnic bias in college acceptance rates
never bring up stuff like this. 1/3 of the "white" applicants to
Harvard would have been rejected based on merit alone.
--- Quote ---
> We use public documents from the Students for Fair Admissions
v. Harvard University lawsuit to examine admissions preferences
for recruited athletes, legacies, those on the dean’s interest
list, and children of faculty and staff (ALDCs). More than 43%
of white admits are ALDC; the share for African American, Asian
American, and Hispanics is less than 16%. Our model of
admissions shows that roughly three-quarters of white ALDC
admits would have been rejected absent their ALDC status.
Removing preferences for athletes and legacies would
significantly alter the racial distribution of admitted students
away from whites.
--- End Quote ---
HTML https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/10.1086/713744
#Post#: 9744--------------------------------------------------
Re: Academic decolonization
DIR By: 90sRetroFan
Date: November 11, 2021, 9:28 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Do not fall for paleocon tricks:
HTML https://www.amren.com/commentary/2021/11/racial-separation-fred-reed/
--- Quote ---
> Many object that the study of mathematics constitutes racism,
or is a means of oppressing blacks. Why force math on blacks or,
more importantly, prevent white kids from learning them?
--- End Quote ---
I am against forcing math on anyone! But our enemies obviously
actually think math is a good thing to learn, which is why they
don't want "blacks" learning it but do want "whites" learning it
(as is evident from the very wording of their rhetorical
question). The reason why they think math is a good thing to
learn is because it can be applied to inventing new machines
that enable their users to gain a military advantage over those
who do not possess them. To put it in our enemies' way, "whites"
learning math (even voluntarily) in effect forces "blacks" to
also learn math (despite originally not wanting to) just to
avoid being militarily outclassed!
As a general rule, being the first to learn anything that can
increase the worldly power of the learner's tribe is initiated
violence, as it forces everyone else to learn the same thing and
apply it the same way just in order to defend themselves.
This is why it is an ethical duty to restrict math learning for
everyone (regardless of ethnic background). Those who want to
study advanced math for spiritual reasons should be allowed to
do so, but only inside a concentration camp (in which they will
have to stay for the rest of their lives) with no resources
available for building machines and no communication with the
outside world, so that whatever they learn will never be applied
for power. Furthermore, they should be prohibited from
reproducing.
--- Quote ---
> Forcing kids of IQ 140 or better to agonize in classes at the
level of “Mommy Beaver had two sticks and Daddy Beaver had two,
how many did they have in all” is child abuse.
--- End Quote ---
No kids (regardless of IQ test scores) should be forced to
attend any classes! But that's not what our enemies want. They
want "white" budding machinists learning as much as they can so
they can build as many machines as possible to aid "white"
domination over "non-whites".
--- Quote ---
> I don’t want my children wearing their pants below their knees
and saying “muggafugga” every second word. These practices do no
actual harm, but are extremely disagreeable to most whites.
--- End Quote ---
This sounds conciliatory (and thanks for acknowledging the
harmlessness of these practices), but now watch for the paleocon
trick:
--- Quote ---
> While I do not want to dictate the culture of blacks — it
isn’t my business — neither do I want them transgressing mine.
--- End Quote ---
The difference is that Western civilization does A LOT OF actual
harm, including to those who do not practice it:
HTML https://trueleft.createaforum.com/true-left-vs-right/western-civilization-is-a-health-hazard/
HTML https://trueleft.createaforum.com/true-left-vs-right/western-civilization-sustainable-evil/
So we have an ethical duty to transgress your culture. Western
civilization must die.
--- Quote ---
> Would not separation be the comfortable solution?
--- End Quote ---
No. Living among you, we at least have a chance of slowing you
down by demographic friction. Separate, and you will soon be
doing even more harm than you already are, and we will have even
less chance of stopping you (short of being forced to copy your
methods to defeat you and thus adding more harm still).
HTML https://trueleft.createaforum.com/true-left-vs-right/if-western-civilization-does-not-die-soon/
#Post#: 10192--------------------------------------------------
Re: Academic decolonization
DIR By: 90sRetroFan
Date: December 19, 2021, 8:46 pm
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HTML https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10301209/New-Zealand-academic-got-CANCELLED-condemned-plan-teach-Maori-beliefs-science-classes.html
--- Quote ---
> Fury has erupted after academics in New Zealand were
threatened with expulsion from the Royal Society for criticising
plans that would see Maori knowledge added to the school
curriculum.
>
> Current and former professors at the University of Auckland
wrote a letter to the editor of the New Zealand Listener
criticising a government working group's plans to give the same
weight to Maori mythology as they do to science in the
classroom.
>
> The letter was signed by seven professors, including Garth
Cooper, a professor of biochemistry and clinical biochemistry at
the University of Auckland.
--- End Quote ---
Did Maori mythology lead to this?
HTML https://trueleft.createaforum.com/true-left-vs-right/western-civilization-is-a-health-hazard/
No, Western science did. So, if anything, a better question
should be why Western science should continue to be taught
compulsorily at all!
--- Quote ---
> After the letter was published in July, the Royal Society of
New Zealand received complaints from five members demanding
disciplinary action against three society fellows: Professor
Cooper, philosopher Robert Nola, and psychologist Michael
Corballis. Mr Corballis died suddenly last month.
--- End Quote ---
One down, six to go! Bullets can speed up the process!
--- Quote ---
> The authors of the letter argued they were exercising their
rights under New Zealand’s Education Act, which allows academics
and students freedom to 'state controversial or unpopular
opinions' as well as 'question and test received wisdom'.
--- End Quote ---
I fully support the letter being published. I am merely saying
it is not the concern of the state to shield the authors from
consequences enacted by other private entities after the letter
is published.
--- Quote ---
> Columnist Rod Liddle, writing in today's Sunday Times, called
the reaction to the professor's letter 'madness and stupidity'.
--- End Quote ---
No, this is madness and stupidity:
HTML https://trueleft.createaforum.com/true-left-vs-false-left/progressive-yahwism/
--- Quote ---
> Commentator Toby Young argued the government working group's
plans would give Maori schoolchildren 'even greater disadvantage
if their teachers patronise them by saying there’s no need to
learn the rudiments of scientific knowledge'.
--- End Quote ---
The only reason why we do need to learn Western science for now
is to be on equal footing with our enemies who also learn
Western science (but with the aim of perpetuating it). Once our
enemies are destroyed, we should immediately cease learning
Western science, or else we become Westerners ourselves.
--- Quote ---
> Writing in the Spectator, he added: 'The moment this letter
was published all hell broke loose.
>
> 'The views of the authors, who were all professors at
Auckland, were denounced by the Royal Society, the New Zealand
Association of Scientists, and the Tertiary Education Union — as
well as their own Vice-Chancellor, Dawn Freshwater. In a
hand-wringing, cry-bullying email to all staff at the
university, she said the letter had ‘caused considerable hurt
and dismay among our staff, students and alumni’.
--- End Quote ---
The hurt caused by the letter is nothing compared to the hurt
caused by Western science itself over the last several
centuries, which itself it nothing compared to the hurt that
will be caused by Western science in the future if not stopped:
HTML https://trueleft.createaforum.com/true-left-vs-right/if-western-civilization-does-not-die-soon/
#Post#: 11403--------------------------------------------------
Re: Academic decolonization
DIR By: 90sRetroFan
Date: February 21, 2022, 11:18 pm
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The more our enemies complain, the more they make our case for
us:
HTML https://www.unz.com/freed/blackness-fatigue-enough-is-too-much/
--- Quote ---
> Consider: Math curricula are being dumbed down because blacks
do poorly at math, English grammar instruction eliminated
because blacks can’t or won’t learn it, entrance exams for the
elite and demanding high schools eliminated because blacks don’t
pass them, SATs dropped because blacks score poorly on them,
promotion exams in police departments eliminated because blacks
don’t pass them. Entrance requirements at medical school are
lowered because not enough blacks pass them, AP courses in high
school eliminated because too few blacks get into them.
--- End Quote ---
If only all this had happened before the Industrial Revolution.
How much better a place would the world be today!
--- Quote ---
> Dangerously, the government forbids white parents to have
schools teaching what they regard as desirable material at what
they regard as acceptable academic levels while requiring what
they regard as civilized behavior.
--- End Quote ---
This was allowed for centuries, and look what happened as a
result:
HTML https://trueleft.createaforum.com/colonial-era/canada-residential-schools/
--- Quote ---
> White parents are forced to see their children subjected to
what they regard as obscene, semiliterate, violent, stupid, a
culture dominated by what seems to them, (and would to any First
World country) the opposite of cultivation.
--- End Quote ---
Why should we trust the judgement of First World countries?
HTML https://i.pinimg.com/originals/da/ef/8a/daef8a5c732a1a746497e255e0622698.jpg
--- Quote ---
> When parents whose daughter wants to go into electronic
engineering see her forced into pseudo math taught by teachers
who couldn’t recognize a partial derivative if it spoke to them
in tongues, when she ought to be in AP calculus, they are not
happy.
--- End Quote ---
Calculus was never supposed to have been invented. We lived
simple lives for millennia without calculus. Just a few
centuries on from the invention of calculus, the whole world has
been transformed beyond recognition into a machine dump.
--- Quote ---
> blacks have provided the throw-weight for the promulgation of
peasantry.
--- End Quote ---
"Peasantry" is not a negative term.
#Post#: 12379--------------------------------------------------
Re: Academic decolonization
DIR By: rp
Date: March 30, 2022, 9:31 pm
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HTML https://twitter.com/KelleyAshbyPaul/status/1509213285840740356?s=20&t=yKTjsNfyxSFNg0MpYGnNoA
--- Quote ---
> Chinese third graders are learning multi-variable calculus.
Our third graders are being taught that “men can have babies.”
This will not end well.
>
--- End Quote ---
Which is more dangerous? More importantly, which one strengthens
Western Civilization the most.
#Post#: 12442--------------------------------------------------
Re: Academic decolonization
DIR By: 90sRetroFan
Date: April 1, 2022, 11:20 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Our enemies accurately remind us who is to blame (not the US and
not National Socialist Germany!) for compulsory schooling in
general and machinism-focused curricula in particular:
HTML https://www.theoccidentalobserver.net/2022/04/01/why-hire-from-harvard-will-harvard-be-to-the-2020s-what-general-motors-was-to-the-1980s/
--- Quote ---
> As long ago as 150 years ago, European countries, packed
together in a hostile national security environment (think
Hungary not far from Germany or the Austro-Hungarian Empire
smack up against France, Prussia, and not far from the borders
of the Russian Empire) realized that technological advance was
necessary in order that they not be leap-frogged — perhaps
fatally — by one of their all-too-nearby adversaries in terms of
armament capacity and quality. About 3 seconds later, each
realized that they needed a pipeline from grades K through 12 to
produce students with sufficient background in mathematics and
the sciences such that they could progress rapidly through
first-class engineering programs. The result was a K-through
university mathematics and science pipeline unrivalled by
anything ever seen, to this day, in the fat and happy United
States, whose main interest was in producing potential aspiring
clerks in John Hancock’s counting house. (Although the USSR’s
launch of Sputnik in 1957 led to what has turned out to be a
temporary emphasis on science and technology education in the
U.S.) This has produced some anomalous results, including the
outstanding performance in mathematics competitions of the top
math school in the tiny country of Rumania. The result that,
notwithstanding a number of commercially inventive product
roll-outs from places like the Edison labs, the U.S. had, until
after World War II, very little “big league” scientific
establishment compared to, say, Germany or Russia or even the
rest of Europe. The geniuses and well-trained minds that did
the most difficult science that allowed the US to leapfrog the
rest of the world during and after World War II were, in the
main, imported from Europe and had been trained in Europe, due
in part to Hitler’s driving out a number of his best scientists
on religious or ethnic grounds.
--- End Quote ---
While we want to eventually abolish compulsory K through 12
schooling altogether, in the time before that can be done,
anything that makes the curricula less machinism-focused is
welcome.
#Post#: 13234--------------------------------------------------
Re: Academic decolonization
DIR By: 90sRetroFan
Date: May 6, 2022, 9:11 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
HTML https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10748375/Taxpayers-cash-Arts-Council-England-spent-decolonising-museums.html
--- Quote ---
> First it was statues, then it was street names and books by
white authors. Now left-wing radicals have cricket and knitting
in their woke sights as they aim to decolonise Britain — and
they've used millions in taxpayers' money to do it.
--- End Quote ---
My objection to cricket is that it, like so many other Western
sports:
HTML https://trueleft.createaforum.com/human-evolution/misinformation-about-racial-origins/msg7335/#msg7335
HTML https://trueleft.createaforum.com/news/olympics/msg7795/#msg7795
is played on a grass lawn:
HTML https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Alex-Kountouris/publication/258337412/figure/fig4/AS:668504936157190@1536395405911/A-A-cricket-pitch-early-in-a-match-with-visible-grass-blades-and-roots-still-seen-B-A.jpg
I in theory would not mind cricket played on empty ground,
though of course I would still prefer former victims of Western
colonialism to elevate pre-colonial sports over cricket (and
other Western sports introduced during colonization) in national
prestige.
Knitting is ancient, and I have no problem with it. I merely
aesthetically despise post-Renaissance Western knitting styles:
HTML https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_knitting
--- Quote ---
> Many elaborate designs were developed, such as the cable
stitch
--- End Quote ---
HTML https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a1/Knitcable.jpg/600px-Knitcable.jpg
--- Quote ---
> Fair Isle techniques were used to create elaborate colourful
patterns
--- End Quote ---
HTML https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/d7/Prince_of_Wales%2C_painting_by_Lander.jpg/457px-Prince_of_Wales%2C_painting_by_Lander.jpg
--- Quote ---
> The city of Nottingham, particularly the district known as
Lace Market, was a major producer of machine-knitted lace.
--- End Quote ---
HTML https://trueleft.createaforum.com/true-left-vs-right/western-civilization-is-ugly-48/msg6283/?topicseen#msg6283
Back to first link:
--- Quote ---
> Last year the Royal Botanic Gardens at Kew even announced its
intention to 'decolonise' plants as it acknowledged its own
'exploitative and racist legacies'.
>
> Its director, Richard Deverell, said: 'We are at a fork-in-
the-road moment.'
>
> It suggested the outpouring of feeling around the world at the
death of George Floyd meant that long-standing injustices had to
be faced up to.
>
> 'Parts of Kew's history are shamefully drawn from a legacy
that has deep roots in colonialism and racism,' he said.
> ...
> 'We were beacons of discovery and science, but also beacons of
privilege and exploitation.'
--- End Quote ---
This makes it sound like we should feel happy that the discovery
itself happened, but sad that it came at the cost of the
exploitation, and that the alternate universe we should prefer
is one with the discovery but without the exploitation. No, the
discovery should never have happened. It was Western
civilization which, via its disregard for exploitation, made
happen what should never have happened. We resent no only the
exploitation, but also the discovery itself. How could we not,
considering that we are living through its side-effects every
day?
HTML https://trueleft.createaforum.com/true-left-vs-right/western-civilization-is-a-health-hazard/
And we are already the lucky ones compared to most?
HTML https://trueleft.createaforum.com/true-left-vs-right/western-civilization-sustainable-evil/
Plus we have to worry about where it is leading next?
HTML https://trueleft.createaforum.com/true-left-vs-right/if-western-civilization-does-not-die-soon/
Back to first link:
--- Quote ---
> One of Deverell's plans was to change display boards and
descriptions so that, for example, any mention of sugar and
rubber plants would reflect their links to slavery and
colonialism.
>
> He also wanted to stop plants being described as having been
'discovered' at certain times because they were known to
indigenous communities long before Western botanists and
explorers came across them.
--- End Quote ---
#Post#: 13287--------------------------------------------------
Re: Academic decolonization
DIR By: 90sRetroFan
Date: May 11, 2022, 8:34 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Why did something so obvious take so long?
HTML https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2022/05/07/decolonise-ears-mozarts-works-may-instrument-empire-students/
--- Quote ---
> Cambridge music students are being instructed to “decolonise
the ear” and consider the classical canon as “an imperial
phenomenon”.
>
> The works of composers such as Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and
Giuseppe Verdi are being taught in relation to topics including
European imperialism and Orientalism, as the music faculty
pursues work on “curricular decolonisation”.
>
> Undergraduates studying for the course, titled Decolonising
the Ear, are taught to consider listening to sound in a
“postcolonial” way, while a “music, power, empire” module
explores how the classical repertoire is a middle-class and
imperial phenomenon.
> ...
> According to a course guide for Decolonising the Ear,
undergraduates will examine topics including how musical
repertoires could be “complicit… in projects of Empire and
neoliberal systems of power”.
>
> Students also learn how “Empire… affected our understanding of
what constitutes ‘music’” and how “genres like opera seem
particularly susceptible to racialised representations”.
>
> The imperial leitmotif appears in a Western music history
course dedicated to studies of “music, power, empire”, which
urges students to consider the classical canon as an “imperial
phenomenon”.
> ...
> A 2021-22 undergraduate handbook stated that students learn
how 19th-century “concepts of middle-class musical value
resulted in the creation of a canon of European masterworks”.
>
> The course overview added that this canon was played, enjoyed
and patronised by a “musical establishment that was leveraged in
the service of patriarchy, class aspiration, and imperial
expansion”.
> ...
> The University of Cambridge’s approach followed a reappraisal
of music across institutions in the wake of the Black Lives
Matter protests, with the Royal College of Music pledging to
examine instruments made from “colonialism” materials and to
make its classical curriculum more diverse.
>
> A professor at the University of Oxford also suggested that
musical notation is “colonialist”, amidst internal discussion
over the question of the curriculum’s “complicity in white
supremacy”.
--- End Quote ---
Our enemies are also discussing this:
HTML https://www.amren.com/news/2022/05/decolonise-your-ears-as-mozarts-works-may-be-an-instrument-of-empire-students-told/
--- Quote ---
> "the Royal College of Music pledging to examine instruments
made from “colonialism” materials".
> Piano keys, for example, are made with ebony and ivory. Are
they going to smash up all pianos?
--- End Quote ---
--- Quote ---
> Used to be made - nowadays they are mostly made of wood and
plastic, not wood and ivory... I remember practicing on a 1905
Bluthner baby grand with ivory keys... An absolute delight!
--- End Quote ---
Comments like these just prove the point of the article!
#Post#: 13689--------------------------------------------------
Re: Academic decolonization
DIR By: 90sRetroFan
Date: May 27, 2022, 9:24 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Our enemies find another "non-white" Eurocentrist to write for
them:
HTML https://www.amren.com/features/2022/05/my-life-as-a-black-teacher-in-black-schools-is-hell/
--- Quote ---
> I’m writing to give you a bit of insight into the life of a
black teacher who does not subscribe to the victim mentality
that is rampant within the black community. My life as a black
teacher in black schools is hell. Because I believe in personal
responsibility and accountability, I’m not a “sistah.” According
to other black people, I’m a coon, sellout, Uncle Tom, etc. I no
longer care.
--- End Quote ---
It is possible to both believe in accountability and subscribe
to victim mentality. If you know you have been victimized, it is
your duty to do everything in your power to hold your oppressor
accountable. And to fail in this duty makes yourself accountable
for your victimization also.
--- Quote ---
> I told her, “The students won’t do their work. I give them
class time and even offer to stay after school for extra help.
I’ve also offered extensions. They don’t do anything.” She
replied, “I understand you’re struggling as a new teacher. You
haven’t realized yet that these students come from difficult
homes. You can’t expect them to do homework. In fact, when I was
a teacher, I never gave homework. We did everything in class.
You have to meet our ‘babies’ where they are.”
--- End Quote ---
In a world which cared about not initiating violence, class
would not be compulsory either. But students are absolutely
justified in not doing homework that they do not want to do.
This has nothing to do with difficult homes - bringing this in
is False Leftism. True Leftism would expect no students to do
any homework they do not want to do. Why should they?
--- Quote ---
> I asked: “I get that their lives might be difficult, but why
are we allowing them to use this as a crutch? Won’t this
continue the cycle? Aren’t we crippling them by coddling them?
Shouldn’t we prepare them so they can get out of their current
situations? How are we getting them ‘college and career ready’
if we tell them they don’t have to do homework, or any work for
that matter, because they’ve had a hard life?”
--- End Quote ---
Again, even students with easy lives have no reason to do any
homework they do not want to do. No, it is you who are
continuing the cycle of Western civilization by getting them
'college and career ready' by overriding their own original
wishes. No, what you call "coddling" them is simply not
initiating violence against them. Anyone who believes that
absence of initiated violence causes "crippling" should not be a
teacher. Yes, perhaps not being 'college and career ready' puts
them at a competitive disadvantage compared to those who are,
but being competitively disadvantaged is not the same thing as
being "crippled". This is what a good teacher should be teaching
students: there should never have been such a competition going
on in the first place (and indeed there was not prior to Western
incursion), and we should be trying to end the competition ASAP!
HTML https://trueleft.createaforum.com/colonial-era/national-socialism-is-revolutionary-not-reactionary/msg10981/#msg10981
--- Quote ---
> True Leftism still believes in superiority and inferiority;
the difference is that we believe the superior can be (and in
reality are more often than not) defeated by the inferior in
worldly competition (the colonial era being one example). In
other words, True Leftism is divergence of the moral hierarchy
from the natural hierarchy.
>
> Socialism is then the attempt, given awareness of the above,
to set things up in practice so as to help the superior (but
less competitive) defeat the inferior (but more competitive).
--- End Quote ---
Back to enemy article:
--- Quote ---
> That day, I had an epiphany: How is this the white man’s
fault? You are literally telling me to teach my students to
underachieve.
--- End Quote ---
It is the "white" man's fault because he was the one who spread
Western civilization (including compulsory schooling) and hence
Western standards of achievement during the colonial era. Your
students as you describe them are underachieving only by Western
standards. We should be killing Western civilization to suit
your students, not crushing your students' spirits to suit
Western standards.
--- Quote ---
> How is this going to help them? They’re going to be stupid,
entitled victims . . . but will no doubt blame the white man and
systemic racism for their failures.
--- End Quote ---
How would them blaming the "white" man be incorrect? Was it not
the "white" man who introduced compulsory schooling all over the
world where previously such a thing never existed?
--- Quote ---
> I resigned and took the job at my current school district. It
was the only job I could find. It’s very hard to get into the
better school districts. There are more white students at my
current school, and having more diversity has been something of
a saving grace
--- End Quote ---
**** you.
--- Quote ---
> The children aren’t completely stupid. They can figure out
that there are no consequences for bad behavior.
--- End Quote ---
Indeed. But what if I told you bad behaviour is adding more and
more machines into the world? Yet Western civilization not only
does not punish machinists, it positively rewards them! We
should be thankful that at least some children (e.g. the
students you complain about) have no interest in becoming
machinists despite the rewards that await machinists! These
children are the ones we should be adjusting civilization to
meet! Instead you want to adjust them against their will until
they become Westerners.
--- Quote ---
> Standards are going away in favor of feelings.
--- End Quote ---
What is the problem? Finally some people are able to feel that
Western civilization is evil. And your response is to say that
such people do not meet Western standards? Should we not instead
see if we can use these feelings to establish a different set of
standards?
--- Quote ---
> most of these Title I schools don’t support no-nonsense black
teachers who promote accountability. They don’t support black
teachers who refuse to perpetuate the myth of black
victimization in a “systemically racist” society. They don’t
support black teachers who encourage black students to shake off
this slave mentality.
--- End Quote ---
Who is the slave: the one who still remembers that compulsory
schooling is initiated violence, or the one who has forgotten
this?
Did "blacks" introduce compulsory schooling into the world? Yet
they are subjected to it. How then are "blacks" not victimized
in a systemically racist society?
As for promoting accountability, no one born from the beginning
of the colonial era onwards who disagrees that WESTERN
CIVILIZATION MUST DIE can claim seriously to care about
promoting accountability.
#Post#: 13697--------------------------------------------------
Re: Academic decolonization
DIR By: SirGalahad
Date: May 28, 2022, 10:33 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I still maintain that compulsory schooling is one of the most
traumatic experiences of early childhood for people like me, who
didn't want to go to school and just wanted to stay home. When I
first started going to school I remember basically crying all
morning in the playground, and I did that pretty much on a
regular basis for a while until I slowly accepted that this was
how it was going to be now
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